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Dear Mummy Today I was Turned Into A Newt
Dear Mr. Merlin,
Your dear sir are a bastard of the highest order. You are such a friggin idiot.
I can't believe that you passed magic class you waste of a pointy cap and a blue robe.
Woe is me what shall I do? Will I save the world and be remembered as a good wizard or should I just suck hard and mess up the lives of all the mortals around me.
I don't know what to do please advise me in this matter Merlin. I hear that you suck.
Gandalf
Dear Mr. Gandalf,
What in the world is this letter about?
Here I am deep in thought about a new spell only to have my concentration ruined when I received your letter.
I feel that you should by all means look into some serious mental help.
Besides How can you say that I suck when YOU were the one killed by the Balrog of Moria, You PANSY.
Merlin
Dear Merlin,
This is in response to your last letter, I feel that you should know that I am Immortal. Whoops!! Sorry that word was to big for you.
I can't be killed. If you didn't notice I am Gandalf the white, a god.
Anyway I feel that it is important to inform you that all of us other mages feel that you hanging out with humans is so juvenile.
You probably have the plaque by now, you human lover. So go on and play with your little love slave Arthur. God you are a waste of a cap.
Gandalf
Dear Gandalf,
I was wondering if you have any extra of that pipe weed that you have been smoking because it sure has gotten to your head. I'm am shocked at this last letter of yours
who are these other mages? The wizard of ID? The wizard of Oz? Orko? Come on, I hang out with humans because at least they're not hobbits or dwarves.
Besides the whole immortality thing is overrated anyway. All mages worth their weight in salt can make themselves immortal, but you have to make it a big deal by
declaring yourself Gandalf the White instead of Gandalf the Grey. Man you are such a jack ass.
Merlin
Merlin,
I must say aren't you funny. I am flabbergasted at the fact that you haven't killed your self yet and saved the rest of the world from having to deal with you. Now I know you are special in that you live backwards and had to ride the "different' bus to school as a kid
but that still does not give you the right to suck so hard at being a wizard. Lets take a look at each other, or should I give your brain a rest to absorb these words?
Gandalf
Was at the battle of five armies
Defeated Sauron and the Nazgul
Defeated Smaug, the Dragon, the scourge of Lake Town
I am Immortal and a god
I have the fastest horse in the world
I live in the Elven Realm
Merlin
I smell
I let my buddy sleep with his half sister and allowed the bastard child to remain alive
My best friend is a wet tart in a lake who hands out swords to any old dolt
I let the same bastard child kill my buddy when he grew up. I feel that wasn't a good idea on my part
I live backwards and am not immortal
I rode the "special" bus to school
I like to sniff bike seats
I like to spend my free time turning little boys into squirrels, ants, fish, birds, and other assorted animals because "I'm pleased with things"
As you can plainly see Merlin you suck royally and the only recourse you have is to pay everyone an "I suck" tax and then off yourself.
Thank you
Gandalf
Dear Sirs,
I have been watching this little tirade long enough. Both of you suck when compared to me. What is with this dissapearing at times when your fellow companions need you the most?
Don't tell me it is because your are such good mages and that you wanted to teach them to fend for themselves. It is because both of you are cowards plain and simple. I never abandon Prince Adam, AKA He-Man, or any one else
on my team, but you two chumps love to dissapear when ever the going gets rough. Man oh man!
You two Suck!
Orko
Orko,
Shut the hell up and go away you pathetic excuse for a life form. If there were ever a case for self assisted suicide you'd be it. Go play on some train tracks, or have you not mastered time travel yet?
We hope You Die real soon
Merlin & Gandalf
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