Scooby Doo Found
PUCKWATANY, NH-After years of asking 'Scooby Doo where are you?"

Scooby Doo has been found. According to Fred (last name with held) and his Life mate known only as 'Shaggy,' while on old man Peterson's haunted farm they heard noises coming from upstairs. Upon investigation they discovered Scooby Doo having his way with Velma (last name with held). When asked for comment about

seeing his long lost friend, Fred replied with "I wasn't so surprised to see the dog f*cking as I was to see the f*cking dog."

After learning the whereabouts of Scooby it was also determined that the haunted part of old man Peterson's farm was in fact Benny DeLane his farm hand who was using a pair of gym socks and hairspray to make all the ghosts on the farm. When asked about this stunning development Shaggy had this to say"Like Zoiks Scoob it was Benny all along."

MTV Announces New Line Up
NEW YORK, NY- MTV announced it's new fall line up this week. In a press conference MTV execs have decided to go with,in their words, an 'All crappy show and Spring Break format, cutting music all together.' This has been deemed yet another attempt to alienate and drive off loyal MTV viewers.

In another MTV related story they plan to air "The Real Real World: Bronx" premier this week. Seven kids picked to share a One bedroom efficiency in the Bronx, unfurnished, and they have to pay their own rent, put them selves through school, and in the case of at least two of the kids, support their own drug habit. This version of the real world is now billed as 'Reality Based Television.' IN addition to this there will be the option after every week to vote a member out of the house and make them live with the world renown Bronx Sewer People.

Man Angry That 'Scary Movie' Is Not Scary
FISHTOWN, ME- Ronny Shervitz is greatly angered at the fact that the move entitled "Scary Movie" is not scary. He was reported to have gone to the Viking Twin Theatre to view the film and left halfway through screaming obscenities about how 'Hollywood went and done it again.'

We here at Brain Spew were able to get hold of Ronny to ask him about why he was so upset. "Well I went to the move this time, expecting you know...a scary movie and I got a comedy. Hollywood done lied to me again. What with This and Fear and Cape Fear I just will no longer trust movie titles. GAHH!! Not one fearsome cape in that movie and Marky Mark is just not scary no matter what. Hollywood lied to me and I don't know if they will ever regain my trust."

We here at Brain Spew would like to add that we hope that this Crackpot never breeds.

Gilligan Voted To Other Side Of Island ISLAND IN SOUTHPACIFIC- After the poll this weekend it was confirmed that everyone's favorite 'Little Buddy' was voted to the other side of the island. Gilligan is the second of the tribe of castaways to have been voted to the other side. The first being the Professor after his inability to create useful practical items became

apparent.

When asked about the reasoning to vote Gilligan to the other side, the Tribe Spokesman, The Skipper, had this to say "I understand he is my little buddy and all, but one can only mess up so many times when our lives are on the line and still have it be funny. Besides it will allow us to have that hunt 'Ralph and Piggy' night we have been wanting."

Another vote is planned for next week and the Tribal in the lead is Mrs.. Howell. It is felt that the 'Old Bat' doesn't do her share of Island chores. The next show airs on some broadcast channel during the week probably during prime time.

One Millionth Registration by asdf@asdf.com
HOGSPIT, AR-This week marks the one millionth e-mail registration by the person known only as asdf@asdf.com. When tried to reach for comment all that was received was a mailer daemon failure of delivery notice.

From what we can gather from our crack team of experts, asdf@asdf.com is a very active person. Registering electronically at many sites every hour. Though for the most part asdf@asdf.com frequents pornographic sites. Shirley, from accounting, pretty much sums up what we here at Brain Spew feel about asdf@asdf.com- "Wow!!! that is one horny guy."

As for what he/she has Won...well nothing other that distinction and awe at the amount of porn this person looks at.

Captain James T. Kirk Declared Biggest Star Trek Pimp
BROWNWATER, FL- On Wednesday, in Bilbo's Hole (a local comic and gaming store), it was announced that Captain Kirk is the biggest Star Trek Pimp. Competitors against him included Commander William Ryker and Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

Criteon for the contest was based on how many times they are seen 'macking with the chicks' and 2 extra points per alien they were able 'lay'. Frank Tarvas, owner, had this to say " This is one of the lame contests the gamers banter around every week. I am so tired of this. Last week it was Scooby Doo vs. the X-Files...at least they spend money."

UPDATE!! Since Wednesday, Kirk has been disqualified by the fact that he is no longer able to keep 'Pimpin' since his death and so Commander William Ryker was named 'All-Time' Star Trek Pimp.

prettygrl76 Cited For Use Of TOO Many Emoticons
VILLIAGETOWN, CA- This week frequent Yahoo.com chat room user prettygrl76 was warned for using the :) emoticon to frequently. Sources say "It was disturbing, to say the least. Every other word had a :) after it and sometimes there would just be complete rows of :) over and over again."

Brainspew was able to reach MnTyPyTHnRLZ, a chatter in the room when this occured, for comment "I was comletely in shock. i never thought that many happy faces were possible..in fact I have developed allergies to happy faces now and I'll never be the same..EVER."

Yahoo plans on updating they're terms of use and will be offering online therapy to any one still suffering from the after effects of prettygrl76's 'emoticon rampage.'

Parker Brothers Recalls "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?" Board Game
PHLAT, GA- The board game of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" is being recalled by Parker Brothers after multiple, serious head injuries were reported. Apparently the box contained a brick which was used to strike the player in the head to make them 'feel like they were a REAL contestant'.

Skip Williams, lead game designer, when asked why a brick? responded "Well come on! Have you ever seen the show. I swear all those contestants rode the 'short bus' to school. If defy you to find a better way to quickly lower someone's thinking capacity to that of the contestants." Parker Brothers, since then, has released a new and improved version with a bottle Jack Daniel's inside. "We really want to give the players a feel for the television show"

When asked about the recall of the other game "Who Wants To Marry A Guy Who Wishes He Was A millionaire?" because the included Vietnamese women kept dying, Parker Brothers replied with "No Comment."

Middle Cushion Of Backseat Declared "No Fly Zone" By Dad
MIDWEST, USA- While enroute to Disneyland John Samkins declared the middle cushion of the backseat a "No Fly Zone" after Sally, daughter- age 5, and Gary, son- age 7, began to get restless. John was quoted as saying "Yup, It was after the fourth 'No we're no there yet' that the trouble started." Apparently Gary started to encroach on the middle cushion while Sally had her legs there. After a lengthy pushing contest where the prize was the middle cushion, Sally ended up squealing "DAD!! Gary is not staying on his side of the car."

John tried all the threats- "Don't make me come back there", "Don't make me turn this Car around", and "You two BEHAVE!!" Until he finally had to declare the middle cushion a 'No Fly Zone.' We will have to see how long it will last.