Jack Schitt
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't
know Jack Schitt." Now you'll have all the background information, and
from this point on, you will be able to handle the situation.
First, do not mistake Jack Schitt for his look alike cousin, Tony
Shinolla, or people will say, "You don't know Schitt from Shinolla."
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the
fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced six children:
1. Holie Schitt
2. & 3. The twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt
4. Fulla Schitt
5. Giva Schitt
6. Bull Schitt
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced. Noe Schitt married
Andy Scherlock. Since her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep
her previous name. So from that point on she was known as Noe Schitt-Scherlock.
Against his parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high
school dropout. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly
son, Chick N. Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout
childhood and consequently married the Happens Brothers in a dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are:
1. Dawg Schitt
2. Byrd Schitt
3. Horse Schitt
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently
returned with a new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Well, that about wraps it up.
Now, when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can tell them they are wrong.
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