| The Grammar Doctor
For the purposes of this assignment, remember the following writing tools: Syntax: the arrangement or patterns of words within sentences. Diction: the words you choose to use. Figurative language: metaphors, similes, allusions, and other devices that seem to suggest that one thing is like another. Images: word pictures. Imagery: related word pictures. Often when we write about an object, we combine descriptive detail that allows the reader to see what it really is with more subjective description that tries to tell the reader what the author "sees" in the object. "Real" or objective description presents concrete details that are included for no other reason than they are there. Think of a police detective describing a crime scene or a doctor examining a patient’s injury. Subjective description is far more subtle. Details are provided more for what they might suggest. The writer is far more selective, taking only those details that will help establish a level of meaning that goes farther than the concrete. Consider these two pictures from grade eleven writers: Woman at the elevator (1) She is African-American, and she is wearing a gray dress and high heeled shoes. She is carrying a large bundle. The hallway is crowded. She talks to no-one. She is short, a bit overweight, and fatigued. A wide brimmed hat covers the upper part of her face. Long hair covers most of what the hat doesn’t. We are on the twelfth floor. Woman at the elevator (2) Dark woman, standing alone while the tall
crowd parts around you, there are questions I want to ask you. Why so gray?
Why so burdened? Did you pick up any of those stress lines in your hands
today? Your hat and your hair cover you, conceal you. I see that both of
the elevators buttons are lit. Are you leaving some sad scene behind you,
or forcing yourself to some fear? Lady, I don’t think I’ll watch any longer,
not wanting to know if you will rise or fall.
The first piece is entirely objective. The details are simply details. The writer of the second piece, however, is being much more selective, and in fact, the writer’s feelings or mood are very important. Because of that feeling or mood, the fact that the woman’s hands are wrinkled is added, but no mention of the shoes appears. The first writer merely states facts. The second writer uses four questions, three of them consecutively. The first writer merely observes the woman, almost as a scientist would observe a specimen. The second uses the pronouns "I" and "you", linking the observer to the observed on a more personal level. We get no hint of the observer as a person in the first selection. In the second, we seem to learn as much or more about the watcher as we do about the person watched. To try your hand at a descriptive piece,
click here.
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