BryonS7: niggage
Blazesuperiority
: aye sup foo'
BryonS7: just feelin zombified
BryonS7
: j00?
Blazesuperiority
: ok- napped alllll day thank god
BryonS7: you suck
BryonS7
: i am so tired lol
BryonS7
: and have a test tmro but to tired to study :O
Blazesuperiority
: tisk tsik, which class
BryonS7: math
BryonS7
: and i think there is econ test coming soon
Blazesuperiority
: ouch
Blazesuperiority: i scratched my mom's rental car yesterday
BryonS7: how?
Blazesuperiority
: i hit the 'clearance' pole in the del taco drive thru
BryonS7: ?
Blazesuperiority
: u know there's a pole when u drive in and ti's like "clearance 9 ft" or whatever
BryonS7: yeah
BryonS7
: how the hell did you hit that?
BryonS7
: you mean like the side hit it?
Blazesuperiority
: ya like i was actually trying to back out of the drive thru cuz it was taking too long and i side-swipped it
BryonS7: : \
Blazesuperiority
: shit happens, my first time too
BryonS7: you don't have a licence yet do you?
Blazesuperiority
: nope
BryonS7: why haven't you got it yet?
Blazesuperiority
: seriously, i'm just lazy. like i need to make time to read the book over and just make the appointment
BryonS7: do it
BryonS7
: what do you mean make time :-P
BryonS7: you got plenty of time
Blazesuperiority
: ::rolls over::
BryonS7: I'm gettin sick ug
Blazesuperiority
: i was like last wed.thurs so i just popped handfuls of vitamins and now bien
BryonS7: i haven't been getting enough sleep
BryonS7
: i should have taken today off
Blazesuperiority
: what did u tdo today-
BryonS7: worked
BryonS7
: then went to AA
Blazesuperiority
: making a dmv appointment, booyah go productivity
BryonS7: yay
Blazesuperiority
: how's the assessment for cod
BryonS7: easy peazy i guess
BryonS7
: it isnt like you can't get in if you flunk
BryonS7
: it is just placement
Blazesuperiority
: oui
Blazesuperiority: i'm worried about the math
Blazesuperiority: lol
BryonS7: hah
Blazesuperiority
: cuz i'll flunk the algebra part
BryonS7: that's ok
Blazesuperiority
: "cannot advance"
BryonS7: they have everything from addition to multivariate calculus
Blazesuperiority
: oh my
BryonS7: i type to fast lol
BryonS7
: i was telling a story and someone told me hang on they were to far behind lol
Blazesuperiority
: excellent
Blazesuperiority: roflign
Blazesuperiority: matt had to borrow my japanese phrase book today, cuz he's hosting
BryonS7: lmao
BryonS7
: where did you get it?
Blazesuperiority
: boarders
BryonS7: i want one
Blazesuperiority
: phrase book or jap
BryonS7: phrase book i have the japanese girl
Blazesuperiority
: they have a a slang dictionary
BryonS7: cool
BryonS7
: i was looking in borders didnt see the book at least i don't think
Blazesuperiority
: ya cuz i went to barns and nobles and i didn't like their selection. but boards has a butt load
BryonS7: why are you getting japanese books anyway lol?
Blazesuperiority
: cuz i
BryonS7: ?
Blazesuperiority
: i infatuated with japanese culture
BryonS7: do you like the girls?
Blazesuperiority
: kinda, i like the "white-wash" ones
BryonS7: a lot of em are pale
Blazesuperiority
: no i mean, like they don't act azn lol
BryonS7: oh
BryonS7
: fuck those
BryonS7
: i hate those lol :-P
Blazesuperiority: lol
Blazesuperiority: the fob's can get kinda annoying
BryonS7: fuck naw
BryonS7
: when have you ever even met a FOB
BryonS7
: lol
Blazesuperiority
: there's one ghurl i met on myspace who i fancy, she lives in lq
Blazesuperiority: jen's cousin
BryonS7: awesome possum
Blazesuperiority
: "burp" indeed
Blazesuperiority: except she has a bf in the army. sad face for me
BryonS7: so
BryonS7
: he is away in the army
Blazesuperiority
: true
Blazesuperiority: o-0
Blazesuperiority: how's t3h mom
BryonS7: g3wd
BryonS7
: I just got your email
BryonS7
: and as far as alexiz and drew if ya haven't done anything yet
BryonS7
: I think this might go over well
BryonS7
: "I am sorry"
BryonS7
: "it is very difficult for me show emotions, but I will try to work on it at least with you"
BryonS7
: but this is only going to work if it is sincere
BryonS7
: and that my friend is up to you
Blazesuperiority
: ur right of course yet again. i'm having rochelle fell them out for me, she's working on alexiz right now. cuz i dunno where they stand.
BryonS7: don't use pawns
BryonS7
: back alleying shit isn't as effective as manning up and just saying look I am sorry
BryonS7
: I messed up, but you know what i want to right my wrongs
Blazesuperiority
: and what if i mess up again-
BryonS7: that is part of being human
Blazesuperiority
: ya-
BryonS7: you can mess up a million fucking tiems
BryonS7
: times**
BryonS7
: as long as you are trying
Blazesuperiority
: hum
BryonS7: Denver
BryonS7
: do you think you can try to begin to feel empathy?
Blazesuperiority
: to an extent i believe
BryonS7: because you are not apathetic
BryonS7
: if you were apathetic you wouldn't give a fuck about yourself
BryonS7
: Initially it may be hard
BryonS7
: but i think if you work at it you can learn to care
BryonS7
: at least for those you truly need to care for
Blazesuperiority
: ya like i feel apathy on and off, just like a mood swing but it's not a dominante feeling
Blazesuperiority: it is so hard yet to be empathetic to others-
BryonS7: when it comes you'll have to learn to fight it
BryonS7
: that is why you need to start small man
Blazesuperiority
: like i cannot understand other peoples feelings or i refuse to let myself
BryonS7: empathy comes from a good family life normally
BryonS7
: but you didnt get that
BryonS7
: it doesnt mean you can't be empathetic
BryonS7
: you just have to try
Blazesuperiority
: i can say i can 'relate' but to say can express empathy is like a deeper form-
BryonS7: well I mean empathy means many things
BryonS7
: like drew gets disheartened often by some of your comments, or foul moods
BryonS7
: when you are around your true friends
BryonS7
: you should find a bit of happiness man
BryonS7
: because realize this denver, true friends are hard to come by, and few people have them
Blazesuperiority
: lol funny how it seems to be the opposite
BryonS7: you should be happy as a pig in shit just to have the privelage of having some
BryonS7
: many people only have 1 or 2 if that
Blazesuperiority
: it's like when i am around true friends i let my guard down and i'm not putting on a show
BryonS7: Friends are the most important thing in life denver, the very most important thing
Blazesuperiority
: the happiness is a facade
BryonS7: happiness is an attitude denver
BryonS7
: you need to find true happiness
Blazesuperiority
: and then i feel if i am good friends with someone i don't need to constantly show them i care
BryonS7: it doesnt always come to you
Blazesuperiority
: it's like been established that i care and i'm not trying to prove myself constantly
BryonS7: see that is not necesarily true
BryonS7
: see and that is what we need to work on
BryonS7
: this is how i like to refer to it
Blazesuperiority
: apperently so
BryonS7: in a true friendship there is no score card
BryonS7
: there is no establishing anything
BryonS7
: a true friendship you are entirely selfless
BryonS7
: I think this is something that you probably have to work on more than anything
BryonS7
: that sometimes others' needs come first
Blazesuperiority
: which = be fake inorder to please ?
BryonS7: no denver
BryonS7
: if you think you are acting
BryonS7
: you are not being selfless
BryonS7
: do you understand the concept of selflessness?
Blazesuperiority
: i define it as " giving up what comforts you to help another"
BryonS7: try looking at it like this, finding comfort in helping others
BryonS7
: see giving up what comforts you is selfish
BryonS7
: you are still thinking about yourself
Blazesuperiority
: lol ah. ok then how does one not think about themselves
BryonS7: think about the happiness or the good that will come to someone else from it
BryonS7
: think about the rewards of what you are doing
BryonS7
: Do you believe in karma?
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: see i find that interesting because karma is so much about selflessness
Blazesuperiority
: i don't think so
Blazesuperiority: in the bible is says what you give out you get back 3-fold. give out kindess and you get it back, give out negitivity and you get it back
BryonS7: that is why i like karma
BryonS7
: it has nothing to do with the bible
BryonS7
: it is asian
BryonS7
: haha
Blazesuperiority
: kawaii
BryonS7: but even that bible comment
BryonS7
: if you are doing a good deed hoping to reap a reward
BryonS7
: you will only be met with others hoping to get something from you
BryonS7
: you are giving out greed
BryonS7
: and selfishness
BryonS7
: and that is what you will be met with
Blazesuperiority
: but i don't want a reward, does that make sense
Blazesuperiority: i don't except anything from friends-
BryonS7: I believe, the hardest thing on earth to be is humble
Blazesuperiority
: let me look that up cuz i guess i don't know what that means
Blazesuperiority: hm
BryonS7: damn denver
BryonS7
: It seems like you might have lost drew :-(
Blazesuperiority: i thought so as of last tuesday
Blazesuperiority: the minute he said "i think you should get a ride from someone else tomorrow" . cuz i would assume even if he was disgruntled with me he still would've given me a ride cuz he's 'sefless" but when he said that i was like "oh..."
Blazesuperiority: what's pathedic is that i still dunno what it was that pushed him and alexiz over the edge.
BryonS7: well I can tell you
BryonS7
: it was frustration
Blazesuperiority
: i think it was when i told andrew that i didn't know how to handle alexiz situation with her sister
BryonS7: no denver, it was the whole run
BryonS7
: because they've felt they've put so much energy into you
BryonS7
: and nothing has come out of it
Blazesuperiority
: and they wanted me to be like them?
BryonS7: no
BryonS7
: they just hoped that their efforts were helping
Blazesuperiority
: to change me-
BryonS7: but after so long it seemed like you were still in a rut
Blazesuperiority
: what kinda upsets me i guess if i figure right, is they never liked me and we're trying to "change" me
BryonS7: no
BryonS7
: they cared for you, they thought you wanted to change, and they thought that they could help
Blazesuperiority
: i did change initally-
BryonS7: if you changed denver it would be permanent
BryonS7
: you acted different
BryonS7
: but you did not change
BryonS7
: changing is so hard for people denver
Blazesuperiority
: i thought i had achieved it
BryonS7: but you are lucky you are trying now rather than as an adult set in your ways
Blazesuperiority
: :/
BryonS7: at least i think you are trying
BryonS7
: I think you want to
Blazesuperiority
: bryon what if i don't change and i end up just fucking up every relationship i hold
BryonS7: then you will be very miserable
Blazesuperiority
: urgh
BryonS7: but know this now Denver, People can change
BryonS7
: so first i have to ask you Denver, in your heart deep down, honest as you can be, do you want to change?
Blazesuperiority
: change to what though-
Blazesuperiority: like i dunno what to do
BryonS7: do you want to be like drew?
Blazesuperiority
: i use to-
BryonS7: and what changed that?
Blazesuperiority
: i dunno, seriously last spring i would mimic him
Blazesuperiority: and now i'm liek blah
BryonS7: lol, life can be like homework though denver, copying rarely illustrates understanding
Blazesuperiority
: lol
Blazesuperiority: but i figured if i followed example enough i could mold into it
BryonS7: Lol i hope you have some time tongiht denver
BryonS7
: cause we are going to have a very deep intelectual conversation
Blazesuperiority
: "wee"
BryonS7: I am going to get more chai, and another redbull lol
Blazesuperiority
: ::eye's row of diet pills:
Blazesuperiority signed off at 10:36:24 PM.
Blazesuperiority signed on at 10:38:35 PM.
Blazesuperiority: aol ::shakes fist::
BryonS7: haha
BryonS7
: still prepping beverages
BryonS7
: lol
Blazesuperiority
: lol
BryonS7: nearing completeion
Blazesuperiority
: ::tries to crack neck but cries::
BryonS7: /return
BryonS7
: ok
Blazesuperiority
: m'ow
BryonS7: so denver do you understand what i meant earlier
BryonS7
: copying shows little to no understanding
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: ok redbull down
BryonS7
: damn my tummy is full of liquids
Blazesuperiority
: oui
BryonS7: ok
BryonS7
: so basically where we were was, you were mimicing drew
BryonS7
: but in your mind you were saying i am doing this because drew is doing this rather than "why is drew doing this?"
Blazesuperiority
: kinda. it was like "wow drew is so polite and profession. i want to be too"
BryonS7: In my eyes, the most important question a person can ask is why
Blazesuperiority
: which i never do-
BryonS7: why is the question most deeply rooted in understanding
BryonS7
: what explains the surface
BryonS7
: how explains the mechanics
BryonS7
: but why, when you can ask why, that is when you are seeking understanding
Blazesuperiority
: k
BryonS7: so it isnt to late
BryonS7
: what does your brain concieve as a response when you ask why drew did what he did, and does what he does
Blazesuperiority
: why is out the window. from observation i gather people highly respect him for his attitude.
BryonS7: so here is where i believe the first problem with your mind programming comes in
BryonS7
: I will revert to uncle mike's saying here
Blazesuperiority
: oh my
BryonS7: there are 3 types of people "those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened"
BryonS7
: I think you are wondering what, and not watching and asking why
Blazesuperiority
: i find myself on the later 2
BryonS7: yep
BryonS7
: those 3 ranks of people are pretty much steps you can take
BryonS7
: once you stop wondering, and start understanding you can observe
BryonS7
: and grow from your observations
BryonS7
: then, with enough understanding, that is when you can make things happen
Blazesuperiority
: k-
BryonS7: So here is step one you need to start asking why
BryonS7
: that sound easy enough?
Blazesuperiority
: not at all
BryonS7: oh bull shit lol, I know you are a curious person
Blazesuperiority
: ya for reaction
BryonS7: one more question on the list I know you'll enjoy having
BryonS7
: why don't you think you can ask why?
Blazesuperiority
: cuz i dont' care
BryonS7: you already ask what and how
BryonS7
: so you don't care to understand the world around you?
Blazesuperiority
: i want to go from A to E with out the B C D
BryonS7: well there is no such thing denver
BryonS7
: life works in systems and sequences, and that is mere laziness that wishes to skip about
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: let's break it down real quick
BryonS7
: are you happy with life right now?
BryonS7
: yes or no
Blazesuperiority
: it's fluctuates. no
BryonS7: overall you would say no then?
Blazesuperiority
: yuhp
BryonS7: Do you want to be happy in life?
Blazesuperiority
: not sure
Blazesuperiority: i bounce between happy or contempt
BryonS7: so between joy and hate?
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: have you ever felt satisfied?
Blazesuperiority
: i don't believe i have
BryonS7: then I don't believe you've expirienced true happiness
Blazesuperiority
: like on an overall
Blazesuperiority: no i dont' think so either
BryonS7: satisfaction I believe is a big part in feeling content with life
BryonS7
: it fills your soul
BryonS7
: and that results in exuberance
BryonS7
: do you feel pleasure from anything?
Blazesuperiority
: nothing that lasts
Blazesuperiority: it's like getting fixes
BryonS7: so it sounds to me you are terribly unsatisfied with life, you possess a great void inside you, and you've yet to expirience true unhindered happiness
Blazesuperiority
: probably
BryonS7: well that isnt a probably denver, you need to be honest, you need to be real
BryonS7
: You always go on about how much you hate facades, how much you hate bullshit
BryonS7
: well you need to start being real with yourself
Blazesuperiority
: lol
BryonS7: everything starts with yourself
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: I'm serious
BryonS7
: you aren't taking yourself seriously
BryonS7
: if you don't no one else will nor should they
Blazesuperiority
: i dunno what myself is
BryonS7: anything you expect people to give to you you need to give to yourself
Blazesuperiority
: like being real to myself, what does that mean.
Blazesuperiority: i just tell myself to try to do this or that
BryonS7: well
Blazesuperiority
: try to feel one thing or another but it doesn't stay
BryonS7: instead of trying
BryonS7
: how about wanting
Blazesuperiority
: i think i stay with trying cuz nothing makes me want anymore
Blazesuperiority: i don't have a buring desire for things
Blazesuperiority: i knew i use to
BryonS7: that is a horrible thing
Blazesuperiority
: i use to get so excited over things and had to get/achieve it, wanted it. but now i dunno
Blazesuperiority: i think it came with my acceptance of failure
BryonS7: you aren't a failure
BryonS7
: you havent even fucking begun yet
Blazesuperiority
: and yet i think i've lost it all
BryonS7: you are 18 years old man
BryonS7
: you've had nothing to lose
BryonS7
: you have to have it all before you can lose it all denver
Blazesuperiority
: is it just me then that thinks that
Blazesuperiority: it's not some lil stage
BryonS7: at the age you are at denver everyone starts feeling anxieties
BryonS7
: because the crib is being taken away
BryonS7
: high school is over
BryonS7
: and you have to start riding with out training wheels
BryonS7
: see I don't think you've failed anything
BryonS7
: I think you've been scared to start
BryonS7
: like i said, everytime you fail you learn
BryonS7
: and from what you've been telling me you've got a lot to learn
Blazesuperiority
: i'm at the point of why bother. if i fail then i learn i did something wrong and it will just repeat
BryonS7: no offense
BryonS7
: but that is an immature lazy outlook
BryonS7
: here is the bottom line to life
BryonS7
: If you don't give a fuck, no one will give it for you
BryonS7
: If you wonder why drew and alexiz got so upset, it is because they've tried so hard to get you to care and you don't. And this is the last time age wise you'll see people that will do that, care about you even if you don't care about yourself
BryonS7
: because there are many people out there just like you are right now
BryonS7
: and we all meet them, after we deal with a few we say fuck it, i have to pick my battles, if they're not willing to fight they'll be in no battles of my life
Blazesuperiority
: uhhuh
BryonS7: So Denver, the main question is
BryonS7
: Do you want to change?
BryonS7
: cause if you don't then nothing will change you
Blazesuperiority
: true
BryonS7: so back to what is a "myself"
BryonS7
: it is a lot of things
BryonS7
: it is your beliefs, your values, your strengths your weaknesses, your thoughts, your antics, but most of all knowing all of them that you posess
BryonS7
: Life moves faster every year we are alive, if you sit around feeling sorry for yourself for no real reason no one is going to wait up
BryonS7
: Drew is one of the most kind hearted selfless people i know, but he isnt gonna fuck his life over so he can provide company to someone standing still
Blazesuperiority
: and i never expected him to
BryonS7: then you shouldn't be suprised at where things are now, nor should you be wondering what did it
BryonS7
: you already know what caused all of this
Blazesuperiority
: i need to know what i shouldn't say to people anymore, which is why i'm wondering what did this
BryonS7: it isnt about talking denver
Blazesuperiority
: should i not say peoples problems is complaining
BryonS7: you are so missing the picture denver
BryonS7
: you need to zoom out
Blazesuperiority
: -
BryonS7: you are seeing a lamp post in a painting of a city block
BryonS7
: quite frankly your attitude is outright frustrating
Blazesuperiority
: how so-
BryonS7: you are disheartened when people give up on you but you refuse to get out of this standstill position
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: Here's the deal, the most powerful thing known to most of mankind is the human mind
BryonS7
: if you want something bad enough you will ascertain it
BryonS7
: you need to realize the power you hold in your head
Blazesuperiority
: to get that wanting for why-
BryonS7: yes
BryonS7
: the want to understand
BryonS7
: curiosity leads to exploration and then you will be acting without realizing it
BryonS7
: the human mind is merely an overlycomplex computer
BryonS7
: it is programable
BryonS7
: if you do not program it to do anything it will not do anything
BryonS7
: but if you program it well
BryonS7
: it will do much of what you desire unconsciously
Blazesuperiority
: where does the programing start-
Blazesuperiority: influence-
BryonS7: partially enviroment
BryonS7
: partially people
BryonS7
: and mainly yourself
Blazesuperiority
: dah
Blazesuperiority: i dunno i guess i need to figure a way to jump-start myself
BryonS7: yes you do
Blazesuperiority
: since thats what everythings coming down to
BryonS7: because inertia works in a psycological sense as well
Blazesuperiority
: oh
BryonS7: you've worked your mind into a standstill
BryonS7
: and as a result you are quite fearful and pesimistic
Blazesuperiority
: very-
BryonS7: your mind merely recieves and processes everything you take in
BryonS7
: the processing leads to your perception and the way it processes is the way you program it
BryonS7
: if you want to be happy, you say i want to be happy, how can i be happy
BryonS7
: one of the keys to being happy is to find the good in things
BryonS7
: it is a universal constant that for every positive there is a negative
BryonS7
: and you can see either or both
BryonS7
: but where you focus is part of your programming
BryonS7
: think of things out of your perspective
BryonS7
: take on 3rd person
BryonS7
: cover multiple angles
BryonS7
: if you can learn to do this you will always find good and bad, positive and negative in everything
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: for evey positive person like andrew there is some negative self loathing cunt who hates the world
Blazesuperiority
: ie: me lol
BryonS7: somewhat
BryonS7
: more cristened than you though
BryonS7
: older
BryonS7
: and deeper hatred
Blazesuperiority
: hum
BryonS7: initially what i was trying to steer you toward was the fact that the only way you can truly be something is to understand it
Blazesuperiority
: k
BryonS7: the only way you can be yourself is to understand yourself
BryonS7
: you presently have a lot of free time denver maybe some soul mapping is in order
BryonS7
: start at the very begining
BryonS7
: what are you
Blazesuperiority
: i wouldn't know how to though
BryonS7: break it down first to the chemistry
Blazesuperiority
: "fat..."
BryonS7: no carbon oxygen hydrogen nitrogen
BryonS7
: your whole body is comprised of these and other elements
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: think of how the intricacies work
BryonS7
: how the body works as a system
BryonS7
: so even at this point you are a complex system at least a very bad ass shell if nothing more
BryonS7
: but then think of the command center of the system
BryonS7
: think of the things you do and why
BryonS7
: think of the things you don't do and why
BryonS7
: think of the things you wish to change and when you will likely realize you have no truthful answer as to why you have not began working on changing them
BryonS7
: if you reach a deadlock you'll likely make an excuse but likely in that excuse will contain the step you need to take
BryonS7
: "i don't know what to do" then ask what
BryonS7
: don't know how ask how
Blazesuperiority
: but i fell like that all the time
BryonS7: what is for wonderers, how is for watchers and why is for people of action
BryonS7
: for every question you have in your mind denver there is an answer
Blazesuperiority
: so i feel like a watcher
Blazesuperiority: but i should be all 3-
BryonS7: when you are truly complete you will practice all 3 steps
BryonS7
: no one is born knowing what how and why
BryonS7
: for everything you must first learn what
BryonS7
: then how
BryonS7
: then ask why
BryonS7
: why is often the hardes question to answer
BryonS7
: but see denver even you've completed a cycle of what how and why
Blazesuperiority
: -
BryonS7: let's take a simple example i bet you've not even noticed in your life
BryonS7
: at some point a few years ago you asked, what is extasy
BryonS7
: then you asked how extasy works
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: so you had learned up to the mechanics
BryonS7
: finally you tried it
BryonS7
: and in your mind in your inner being you had a great sense of why one would take it
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: do you see what your mind did
BryonS7
: it asked why
BryonS7
: and the only way to answer why thouroughly was to act
Blazesuperiority
: and then to convert this to dealing with other peoples emotions takes...?
BryonS7: well you have to do the same thing
BryonS7
: first what is a person
BryonS7
: then how does a person work
BryonS7
: and finally why do they do what they do
BryonS7
: very few people probably understand how people work
Blazesuperiority
: so it's safe to assume it's lot of guess and check
BryonS7: queuery and answer
BryonS7
: so first what is a person
Blazesuperiority
: with bias or not-
BryonS7: what can be a very broad answer
BryonS7
: bias is a narrowing factor and nothing more
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: the full answer is needed
Blazesuperiority
: hm
BryonS7: remember you are seeking answers in 3rd person
Blazesuperiority
: k
BryonS7: with what you are trying to define in every way you can
BryonS7
: covering all avenues
BryonS7
: see people are made of chemicals yes, but I believe they have souls, and minds and these are beyond chemical means of explination
Blazesuperiority
: k
BryonS7: humans are the most complex things i believe you could try to disect on this earth
BryonS7
: but there are so many concepts and such that you can start with
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: try to do what how and why on friendship
Blazesuperiority
: like what concepts build friendship-
BryonS7: no
BryonS7
: what is friendship
Blazesuperiority
: shit
Blazesuperiority: how to i come to terms to answer that
Blazesuperiority: to try and just list broad definitions of it. cuz i think my interpretation is so far warped
BryonS7: no
BryonS7
: just give a definition of what friendship is
BryonS7
: in your eyes
BryonS7
: if that doesnt sound like a universal definition try to remove bias
BryonS7
: and arrive at a definition which would likely not offend well, your friends
Blazesuperiority
: lol
BryonS7: I can think of a one word definition for friendship
BryonS7
: but i want to see you first
BryonS7
: give a definition of what friendship is
Blazesuperiority
: dependency
Blazesuperiority: but is should be something like "love"
Blazesuperiority: right
BryonS7: symbios
BryonS7
: is what i think most adequetely defines true friendship
BryonS7
: symbioses**'
Blazesuperiority
: thatmakes sense
Blazesuperiority: and i think thats why you become friends with people cuz they're not you
BryonS7: lol i become friends w/ people cuz they talk to me and can't get enough :-P jk
Blazesuperiority
: lol well for you it's true
BryonS7: so lets put friendship in a bit of a definition and let's try to make it more positive because remember too you need to try to find positivity in things cause it isnt gonna find you
BryonS7
: so friendship is a mutually beneficial bond
BryonS7
: dependency has such a negative persona to it
BryonS7
: don't you think?
Blazesuperiority
: it's like neutral for me. but i gather from other's i's negitive.
BryonS7: it is not neutral
BryonS7
: it is mutually benefitial if it is neutral than odds are you aren't a good friend
BryonS7
: and i don't mean that to sound mean
Blazesuperiority
: shit
Blazesuperiority: no it's not mean
Blazesuperiority: it's honest
BryonS7: but just to state something that will jostle your lil tinker
BryonS7
: :-P
BryonS7: I am glad you saw that as honest denver that means you are atleast seeing eye to eye with me
BryonS7
: this is a very good thing haha
BryonS7
: so denver i think we've already had a giant step of progress here
BryonS7
: you've just learned that you did not know what friendship is
Blazesuperiority
: oh my
BryonS7: now how could anyone expect you to be a good friend not knowing what friendship is?
Blazesuperiority
: lol- true
BryonS7: lol
BryonS7
: So Denver I think we just opened your eyes
BryonS7
: just a bit
Blazesuperiority
: k
BryonS7: wouldnt you agree?
Blazesuperiority
: well i see it as a step back-
BryonS7: I see it more as a realization you missed a step
Blazesuperiority
: ya^^
BryonS7: which is why it was so frustrating, you couldnt make it up the stairs cause you missed the first step lol
BryonS7
: so now we get to our second question
BryonS7
: how does a friendship work?
BryonS7
: this we could go on for ages about
BryonS7
: but let's get a few more core methods or general elements down
BryonS7
: first the absolute most important thing that supports the bond is trust
BryonS7
: but what else what do you think establishes by the new definition of friendship you've learned the bond?
Blazesuperiority
: lol that it's mutual"
Blazesuperiority: i dunno
BryonS7: think
BryonS7
: I never said this was gonna be easy lol
BryonS7
: I think you're the first person i've actually sat down with like this, and instructed on somewhat of how i view the world
Blazesuperiority
: lol is that good?
BryonS7: i could probably spend years giving you the full extent of my cognitive process
BryonS7
: but this will give you the foundation to function independently
Blazesuperiority
: i hope so
BryonS7: well let's ask this haha, would you say i have a decent understanding of my world?
Blazesuperiority
: yes
BryonS7: then pay attention :-P
Blazesuperiority: k
BryonS7: cause i am giving you your fucking floaties for swimming
BryonS7
: lol
Blazesuperiority
: thnx-
BryonS7: now brainstorm a bit from what you've seen faj and alexiz exert toward you of elements that are present in forming the bond of friendship
Blazesuperiority
: they try to figure me out: asking quesitons relative to how i feel
Blazesuperiority: given up time-
BryonS7: hey nigg
BryonS7
: i said be positive
BryonS7
: they devote time
BryonS7
: not give it up
Blazesuperiority
: argh
BryonS7: **slap**
BryonS7
: so there, you have identified compassion, concern and devotion
Blazesuperiority
: and those have to be present to have a friendship-
BryonS7: try not to look at it as a necesity
Blazesuperiority
: or what a frienship should be founded on
BryonS7: look at it as the way things are
BryonS7
: nothing is mandatory, merely it is the form it presently resides in
Blazesuperiority
: k
BryonS7: so these elements are present because these are exerted to form comfort
BryonS7
: and trust
Blazesuperiority
: ok
BryonS7: and they are fueled by curiosity
BryonS7
: which is the fuel for humanity
BryonS7
: interest, devotion, compassion, concern, intrigue, trust, and finally growth
BryonS7
: can you think of more
Blazesuperiority
: not really since i lack the above
BryonS7: you may have lacked it, but it has been given to you
BryonS7
: you've thrown your gifts in the closet it is time to look at them
BryonS7
: you've taken it all in Denver, now you need to try hard and work on opening up the fathom's of your mind where you've placed these observations, or gifts if you will
BryonS7
: recall your mimicing of andrew
BryonS7
: the things you did
Blazesuperiority
: k
BryonS7: this was how you percieved a good friend to be
Blazesuperiority
: ok
BryonS7: mimicking drew was your way of breaking down the mechanics but it eventually lost momentum because you had yet to learn what friendship was
Blazesuperiority
: i suppose
BryonS7: so please try to think of one more thing, even if it is similar to things mentioned already that you found yourself doing when you were trying to act like faj
Blazesuperiority
: communicating
BryonS7: excelent one
BryonS7
: very excelent
Blazesuperiority
: i was able to let things out and not bottle it up
BryonS7: ah you see now a benefit
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: and now you've begun to nudge the big question
BryonS7
: Why
Blazesuperiority
: so where does the why question
BryonS7: Why do people form friendships?
Blazesuperiority
: for the reasons you listed above-
BryonS7: no
BryonS7
: those are elements of a friendship
Blazesuperiority
: k hum
BryonS7: those are the mechanics, those are actions we take to form a friendship
BryonS7
: you have identified one reason of why
BryonS7
: to release stress
BryonS7
: give me some more
Blazesuperiority
: means of confidentiality
BryonS7: no that would fall more into trust
BryonS7
: think of emotions
BryonS7
: try to think of what was in drew and alexiz's minds when they were hearing you out
Blazesuperiority
: i'm lost
BryonS7: Lol
BryonS7
: the why is a bitch isnt it
Blazesuperiority
: yess'em
BryonS7: see denver here is where emotions are
BryonS7
: so let's think of why
BryonS7
: to release stress
BryonS7
: to help out a fellow human being
BryonS7
: to have a body of support
BryonS7
: to feel fullfillment in your heart
BryonS7
: but you want to know the core of it
BryonS7
: the core of why in friendship?
Blazesuperiority
: to love-
BryonS7: no
BryonS7
: Because life is far to fucking difficult to deal with alone
BryonS7
: that is why you are scared Denver, because deep down inside you knew you were pretty much alone
BryonS7
: because you weren't on the same page as everyone else
Blazesuperiority
: true
BryonS7: you tried to read ahead
BryonS7
: but that only makes everything more confusing
Blazesuperiority
: apperently so
BryonS7: So Denver, do you feel now, like you've got a little bit of knowledge about one tiny sliver of yourself?
BryonS7
: It isn't your fault you didn't have this knowledge
BryonS7
: there are many people who do not understand empathy in this world
BryonS7
: some make it much further than others'
BryonS7
: some become much more hardened than others
BryonS7
: but numbed hardened people with apathetic hearts can never amount to anything near the strength of the bonds of empathetic hearts
BryonS7
: Do you understand what i am saying?
Blazesuperiority
: no they can't
Blazesuperiority: i'm on the verge
BryonS7: so denver I ask you this, do you think now you have at least a spinal cord of undertanding of the concept of friendship
BryonS7
: you've already shown me you do know how to be a friend denver
BryonS7
: it was in the email you sent me
BryonS7
: "I wish there was something i could do"
BryonS7
: you said that to me about the situation i was in
BryonS7
: you probably didnt even think twice about it
BryonS7
: and that is what happens for most of the stuff
BryonS7
: it is instinctual
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: that was selfless
BryonS7
: that was compassion
Blazesuperiority
: it was something i wanted
BryonS7: it was concern
BryonS7
: it was you acting as a friend with out even realizing it
BryonS7
: and that is the programming i am speaking of
BryonS7
: you only have to program your mind once
BryonS7
: and it will then act that way on its own
BryonS7
: the beauty is whenever you see fit you can reprogram, or upgrade to exapnd the programming
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: so for now you have an understanding of a simple definition of friendship
BryonS7
: all the way to the why
BryonS7
: because it is to hard to go it alone
BryonS7
: we need our allies in this battle in life
BryonS7
: and to keep allies there are exchanges that need to be made
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: and actions we need to take
BryonS7
: Right now you may have to think about doing these actions
Blazesuperiority
: yes
BryonS7: but you need to make your mind understand
BryonS7
: you are doing it for mutual benefit
BryonS7
: what you are putting in you will get out
BryonS7
: perhaps you'll get more perhaps less
BryonS7
: but if you keep giving you'll keep getting
BryonS7
: and once you've got a truly good mind and heart
BryonS7
: you will not keep score
BryonS7
: you will not say "I gave all this and only got this"
BryonS7
: you will merely say "I gave what i could"
BryonS7
: and if you have a true friend they will give back what they can
BryonS7
: so now Denver, do you understand it was not what put Alexiz and Faj over the edge, it was why they went over the edge
Blazesuperiority
: more so
BryonS7: I think if you are to salvage it, and it may be too late
BryonS7
: you will have to explain to them that you did not understand friendship
BryonS7
: but now you do, and now you are ready to reciprocate
BryonS7
: now you are capable of being a good friend
BryonS7
: a true friend
BryonS7
: now you understand why sometimes you just have to listen
BryonS7
: because that is all they need
BryonS7
: someone to hear what they have to say
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: I think you have learned a lot so far in this conversation Denver
Blazesuperiority
: i don't think i would assure them either
BryonS7: well
BryonS7
: right now they consider you quite apathetic
BryonS7
: I would have to say the least you owe them is a heartfelt apology
BryonS7
: tapping your heart is going to be a new expirience for you
BryonS7
: so I'd recomend doing it in writing
Blazesuperiority
: very so
BryonS7: but I hope this conversation has shown you a basic path to follow to exerting emotions and understanding why you are exerting them
Blazesuperiority
: oh it has, so benifical it approach furture relationships
Blazesuperiority: to*
BryonS7: and you know what, if you exert the wrong emotions at times, then you failed, but it is the failure i mentioned to you in the email, the type that leads to knowledge
BryonS7
: friendships take matinence
BryonS7
: and i think right now you have too that are about to be torn down
BryonS7
: but i think if you can prove to them
BryonS7
: that you are ready to move
BryonS7
: that you realize you are in square one but now you know how to move out of it and now you are willing to move out of it
BryonS7
: they may come around
BryonS7
: because denver there is nothing they wanted to see more than for you to change for the better, and that was because they percieved from you that that is what you wanted
BryonS7
: to change for the better
BryonS7
: well now you have your building blocks
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: now you can start to grow up instead of growing old
Blazesuperiority
: make my aim to
BryonS7: So Denver, I think right now you have a golden oppurtunity
BryonS7
: you have 2 excelent friends
BryonS7
: and they are almost gone
BryonS7
: you have a challenge
BryonS7
: it is time you stop being afraid, and rise to the challenge
Blazesuperiority
: and that's jsut where im at
BryonS7: yep
BryonS7
: but i think mentally you've gotten up
BryonS7
: and it may be difficult but i think you're ready to face a challenge
BryonS7
: but once you face this challenge, whether you fail or not you will walk away with a bit of pride in one thing
BryonS7
: you know you tried
BryonS7
: and hopefully you give it your all and you try your best
Blazesuperiority
: i hope so
BryonS7: no more hoping denver
BryonS7
: it is time to say i will
BryonS7
: because I want to
BryonS7
: I know you want Drew and Alexiz as friends I can't think of many people who wouldn't
BryonS7
: so there you have it denver
BryonS7
: You have your want
BryonS7
: you want Faj and Alexiz to be your friend
BryonS7
: you have your what
BryonS7
: you have your how
BryonS7
: and you have your why in friendship
BryonS7
: and i think you need to sit down
BryonS7
: and think of everything you think they should mean to you, do mean to you, and will mean to you in your life
BryonS7
: you need to prove to them you want them in your life
BryonS7
: and more importantly you need to prove that you want to, and are worthy to be a part of theirs'
Blazesuperiority
: friendship is a lot of work-
BryonS7: right now it is because you are standing still, and yes i agree it is a lot of work
BryonS7
: but when you both work at it
BryonS7
: you get a greater good from it
BryonS7
: you get the strength of having each other and that gives you the strength you need to live your life
BryonS7
: because once you have your friends
BryonS7
: everything else isn't so bad
BryonS7
: all you need are a few good truly strong friends
BryonS7
: and you can overcome most all adversity
Blazesuperiority
: i think i need to believe that again
BryonS7: that isnt a belief denver
BryonS7
: that is the truth
Blazesuperiority
: well the admit the truth
BryonS7: that is a fact of life
BryonS7
: yes
BryonS7
: you are coming around now
BryonS7
: so am i safe to think i've at least got a bit of the burner going inside you?
BryonS7
: I've got your brain working again enough to declare a want, and set out toward meeting it
Blazesuperiority
: i'm just going to keep the want in mind for now
BryonS7: no
BryonS7
: not good enough
BryonS7
: you need to act
BryonS7
: that is what this is all about
BryonS7
: if you sit on your ass with the want you'll eventually just say "I can't"
BryonS7
: and then it is all for not
Blazesuperiority
: shit
BryonS7: you need to fucking do something
BryonS7
: right now your brain is sitting on it's ass denver
BryonS7
: you need to get it up off that couch and do this
BryonS7
: you are a smart kid
BryonS7
: but you've been frustrated
BryonS7
: but everyone gets frustrated
BryonS7
: but that is just one form of adversity and you can't always just say i'll do it later
BryonS7
: cause that isn't good enough
BryonS7
: you need to say I am going to do it
BryonS7
: then start
BryonS7
: especially now
BryonS7
: you are at a standstill
BryonS7
: and inertia works 2 ways
BryonS7
: it makes it very difficult to get in motion from a standstill
BryonS7
: but it also makes it far more difficult to slow down once a good momentum is built
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: so yes you can get some rest
BryonS7
: but as of tomorrow you need to sit down
BryonS7
: and you need to analyze exaclty how much faj and alexiz mean to you in your life
BryonS7
: and i want you to write it down
Blazesuperiority
: true
BryonS7: everything you think of
BryonS7
: how you've finally come to realize how much they've done for you
BryonS7
: how you've finally learned to appreciate it
BryonS7
: how greatful you are, and how you don't think you can do it with out them
BryonS7
: you'll have to pleed your case
BryonS7
: but you know what
BryonS7
: the sorrow for the loss
BryonS7
: the recognition of what they've done
BryonS7
: all of that will show that you are begining to understand what friendship is and you are becoming capable of exerting emotions
Blazesuperiority
: ok
BryonS7: You've learned a lot here Denver
BryonS7
: and you sound to me like you are pretty much ready to go
BryonS7
: this is the crossroads
Blazesuperiority
: indeed
BryonS7: so are you going to rise to this challenge?
BryonS7
: cause if you do, and you show me that you are begining to try and begining to care
BryonS7
: then I will be more than happy to help you every step of the way that i can
BryonS7
: but if you show me what you've shown Drew Alexiz and I in the past, that you've been storing it until the "I can't"s erradicate all that we've invested in you and you sit back down behind your mental barrier then i will have to say you're going to be on your own
BryonS7
: and I hope if you've learned one thing tonight it is this
BryonS7
: Life is to fucking hard to face on your own
BryonS7
: Rise to this challenge and I will do everything in my power to help you understand empathy and happiness and satisfaction to the bounds that i know them
Blazesuperiority
: can we work graudually-
BryonS7: I will even do everything in my power to aid in mending you're friendships
BryonS7
: Denver you are already to far behind
BryonS7
: this is an important task
BryonS7
: it is 2 letters
Blazesuperiority
: but i feel so hesitant/scared
BryonS7: or perhaps even one to both of them
BryonS7
: of course you do
BryonS7
: you are stuck in a rut
BryonS7
: you are used to doing jack shit
BryonS7
: but you have to fucking stop that
BryonS7
: everyone is hesitant and scared
BryonS7
: but if you don't try you don't get shit
BryonS7
: You need to understand Denver, not trying is much worse than failing
Blazesuperiority
: urgh
Blazesuperiority: it's ture
BryonS7: Just try, let it come
BryonS7
: I know you're sad about all of what's happened
BryonS7
: so search a bit
BryonS7
: find out why
BryonS7
: Find what you miss
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: find what you'll need
BryonS7
: and write it all down
BryonS7
: write it down for them to read
BryonS7
: if you write them a letter
BryonS7
: and they can not forgive you
BryonS7
: I will still be here
BryonS7
: to pull you up out of the hole you're in
BryonS7
: it's never to late to get going
BryonS7
: but it's always to soon to stop
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: You've got to learn to crawl before you can walk, and you've got to learn to walk before you can run
BryonS7
: this is your crawling denver
BryonS7
: and once you begin crawling shit will get better
BryonS7
: because you'll be active
BryonS7
: for once in quite some while you'll have your desire and your drive back
Blazesuperiority
: ya
BryonS7: and as you rekindle that feeling you'll remember it more and more, except now you have a deeper understanding of it
BryonS7
: and it will grow
BryonS7
: I know you can do it Denver, Everyone around you does
BryonS7
: and that is why we're getting so frustrated
BryonS7
: because all you've got to do is say I want to, and then set out to do it
BryonS7
: Set your want, Try your best, learn something and the rest means fuck all
BryonS7
: So Denver, employing trust, will you promise me you will try?
Blazesuperiority
: ohk
Blazesuperiority: i can promise i will try-
BryonS7: then that is all i need
BryonS7
: I will help you try
BryonS7
: I say please start tomorrow
BryonS7
: well today now
BryonS7
: lol damn time rollin past midnight
BryonS7
: Get some rest, and get your mind cookin
BryonS7
: you've got a lot of work ahead of you
BryonS7
: but you're going to try
BryonS7
: and that's the most important part
Blazesuperiority
: it is
BryonS7: So Denver you've now made me a promise, and this is a vital promise. I enjoy you Denver, but i do not enjoy let downs, I don't expect a let down. So you know what to do, please don't suprise me with a let down.
BryonS7
: I think we've covered enough for tonight
BryonS7
: And i think you have done something tonight, you've found the will and the means to change
Blazesuperiority
: i think it's a start in all means for getting me to live again
BryonS7: I do to denver
BryonS7
: So right now, we both have faith
BryonS7
: so go get some rest
BryonS7
: and tomorrow can be the start of your life
Blazesuperiority
: indeeddy
BryonS7: tomorrow you can face your first important challenge
BryonS7
: and after that others wont seem quite as hard
Blazesuperiority
: i'll have to try so hard to adhere to this system but i'm game
Blazesuperiority: it cannot hurt me
BryonS7: exactly
BryonS7
: that is a great attitude denver
BryonS7
: and that is the first time in a long while that i think you've had a great attitude
BryonS7
: so for now sir
BryonS7
: I bid you adeau
BryonS7
: g'night
Blazesuperiority
: until next time mr. riggs, thank you-
BryonS7: you're very welcome