HANDY ENGINEERING CONVERSIONS





... and perhaps a fitting time to be reminded of this Arabian proverb:


A foolish man may be known
    by six things:

Anger without cause,

Speech without profit,

Change without progress,

Inquiry without object,

Putting trust in a stranger,

Mistaking foes for friends.



Married men live longer
than single men do,
but married men
are a lot more willing to die.
*   Ratio of an igloo's
          circumference to its diameter
=       Eskimo Pi
*   2000 pounds of Chinese soup =       Won ton
*   1 millionth of a mouthwash =       1 microscope
*   Time between slipping on a peel
          and smacking the pavement
=       1
    bananosecond
*   Time it takes to sail 220 yards
          at 1 nautical mile per hour
=       Knot-furlong
*   365.25 days of drinking
          low-calorie soda
=       1 lite year
*   16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone =       1 Rod Serling
*   Half of a large intestine =       1 semicolon
*   1000 aches =       1 kilohurtz
*   Basic unit of laryngitis =       1 hoarsepower
*   453.6 graham crackers =       1 pound cake
*   1 million microphones =       1 megaphone
*   1 million bicycles =       2 megacycles
*   10 cards =       1 decacards
*   1 kilogram of falling figs =       1 Fig Newton



A grandmother was pushing her grandchild around Wal-Mart in a buggy.   Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here's something for you, Diploma," or, "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma," and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who'd heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"
The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to college and this is what she came home with!"





NATURAL SELECTION OF M&M'S


Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.   To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters.   That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately.   The winner gets to go another round.   I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior.

I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms, as a race, cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest.   Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength.   In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd.   Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars Inc., Hackettstown, NJ, 17840-1503 U.S.A.   Send it along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms.   I consider this "grant money".   I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament.   From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.


21st CENTURY
LIFE LESS NESS..!!!!!


    Our communication - Wireless

    Our business - Cashless

    Our telephone - Cordless

    Our cooking - Fireless

    Our youth - Jobless

    Our religion - Creedless

    Our food - Fatless

    Our faith - Godless

    Our labour - Effortless

    Our conduct - Worthless

    Our relations - Loveless

    Our attitude - Careless

    Our feelings - Heartless

    Our politics - Shameless

    Our education - Valueless

    Our Follies - Countless

    Our arguments - Baseless

    Our commitment - Aimless

    Our life - Meaningless

    Our bosses - Hopeless

    Our Salary - Very less !!!!!








I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.   She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.   I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay.  Do you hear me?"  "Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blond young lady, gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in park?"


Thoughts on marriage...















You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am," she replied. "I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted"

Next day she received a hundred letters.   They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
A woman is incomplete until she is married.   Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then it was too late." Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep. Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky.  Mine's still alive."
A Woman's Prayer

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand a man,
to love and to forgive him,
and for Patience, for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll just beat him to death.



HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM
BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED


Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.



... and finally

To see how some 'Seniors'
have a little fun
click here



...don't forget to always



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And that's all folks  ;)
Love, Mame
 
Please note: the graphics, pictures, jokes, stories and thoughtful tidbits contained on this page have been sent to me via e-mail.   I am unaware of the source creators.   If you know, please advise me; I would like to give credit where credit is due.
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