... was fun being a baby boomer
Some of the artists of the '60s and 70's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.
The Bee Gees
(reading between the lines)
Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
Made no major blunders - yet.
Drinks a lot.
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Spouse drinks, too.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
Still one step ahead of the cops.
Offers plausible excuses for
Won't make a decision.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
PLANS FOR ADVANCEMENT:
Buys drinks for all the boys
in the office at happy hour.
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS:
Gets someone else to do it.
A KEEN ANALYST:
EXPRESS THEMSELVES WELL:
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL:
A nit picker.
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES:
Is tall or has a loud voice.
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT:
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR:
Knows a lot of dirty jokes.
COMING ALONG WELL:
About to be let go.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:
Gets to work on time.
Sleeps at desk.
EXPERIENCED PROBLEM SOLVER:
Screws up often.
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY:
Too ugly to get a date.
Nobody knows what he/she
does all day.
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS:
Able to BS well.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Spends lots of time on phone.
Can't get a job anywhere else.
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
|"Who's On First", Chinese Version|
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister, Annie Wan, that our brother, Noe Wan, was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident, that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name.
|Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?|
|Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.|
|Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!|
|Rottweiler: Make me.|
|Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.|
|Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!|
|German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.|
|Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.|
|Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!|
|Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.|
|Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or: "We don't need no stinking light bulb."|
|Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?|
|Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.|
|Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.|
|"How long will it be before I can expect|
and a massage?"
THAT, WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS,
CATS HAVE STAFF!
Someone is on their soap box!
|And that's all folks ;)
It is owned and maintained
a.k.a. Auntie Mame