Maggie . . . Lost and Found

ackson Hole, Wyoming, one of the great ski areas of the country. That's were I was, alone in my room at the Spring Creek Resort. The dealer group meeting had been scheduled here this February because everyone in the group loved to ski. Everyone but me, that is. I had never been skiing and the idea of being on the bunny slope with a bunch of six year old kids didn't hold much appeal.

On the coffee table of my room sat my laptop. I'd been reading, trying to ignore the computer. Tonight had been one of those bad nights. It was a beautiful night...a full moon was shining on the pure white snow, and I could even see the snow covered Tetons in the distance when I stood on the rear deck. But it was one of those nights that I dreaded. I was feeling lonely and a little sorry for myself. Ok, maybe I was feeling a lot sorry for myself. Nights like these always turned my thoughts to one thing...the one thing that I tried so hard to keep pushed far back in my memory. But tonight I couldn't do it. Hard as I tried not to, all my mind would fix on was that miserable week, almost exactly one year ago, when I had lost the most precious thing I had ever had. That time when I lost Maggie.

In desperation I threw down the book and reached for the computer. I turned it on and plugged in the phone line at the same time. It had been eleven months since I had done any chatting of any kind on this damn thing. I had sworn never to chat again...but tonight I couldn't stand the memories of Maggie. They hurt too much and I had to find something to distract me.

Nothing had changed much in eleven months. Same gestures....same stupid jerks getting into the same stupid arguments. A couple of women had messaged me, but they started with 'nice av' and I got rid of them pretty quickly. Now I had just entered the Rocky Mountains room. Out of old habit my eyes started scanning down the list of names. My stomach reacted before my brain, twisting into one huge knot, as my eyes retraced and locked on one name...PROFFY. It couldn't be...Lord help me, it couldn't be. I clicked on the name and then the identity, and up came the name and it said, Maggie. Against my will the mouse moved the pointer back to the name, clicked and the message screen came up. My fingers typed..... "hi maggie...how are you?' And as I waited for a reply, though I didn't really expect one, my mind flashed back...and those horrible, painful memories came rushing back.

Maggie and I had been seeing each other for a while. Both beautiful and wonderful, she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was completely in love with her and for some reason that I could never fathom, she loved me too. Lately, she had been getting a little antsy and had started looking through travel brochures. Now she had decided that she wanted to take a month long vacation in Austria to ski. She wanted me to go with her. I didn't want to go. We'd been going back and forth for a week...Maggie pleading with me to go....me making excuses why I couldn't. Finally, in frustration, she said she was going whether I went or not, and she had gone ahead and made the arrangements.

That last night before she left, we had of course made love. A gentle, sad kind of love. There had been a great deal of staring into each other's eyes. Maggie's eyes begging me to change my mind and go with her.....my eyes imploring her to change her mind and stay. There had been no winner. Just two stubborn people holding on to each other for what turned out to be one last time. I remembered getting out of bed while Maggie slept. I stood by the window, leaning against the wall, chain smoking cigarettes and staring at Mags. She was lying on her back with one knee up. The sheet was pulled down to her feet and she was naked. Moonlight shone in the window and I could see her clearly. Her long, blonde hair was thrown back over the pillow, one arm was hanging over the edge of the bed. Her breasts moved with every breath, seeming to glow in the soft light. I stood there and watched for hours, remembering the times we had made love, the little arguments with her hands on her hips and her foot tapping. Depression began to settle over me as I smoked and thought of a month without her. Damn my stubbornness....and damn her's too.

The next day I took her to the airport and waited with her by the gate. We hadn't spoken more than three or four sentences all morning. The final boarding call sounded for her flight, and she turned to me to say goodbye.

"Please Bob, please....you can still come...you can get a flight tomorrow."

I saw the tears welling in her eyes, could tell she was fighting them, and then heard myself say,

"No, Maggie...I can't come. You go, I'll see you in a month."

Then the tears came, streaming down her cheeks, and she ducked her head and tried to brush them away with her hand. I knew I was a fool...a complete idiot for refusing her. I had no good excuse. I could have gotten the time off from work. I was for some stupid reason picking this time, this trip to be the first time I had refused Maggie anything. And now I was just too pig-headed to admit that I wanted to go, and that I couldn't bear the thought of being without her. But of course I didn't say any of this. Instead I leaned toward her, gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, said

"Goodbye Maggie", and turned and walked away. I had gone maybe fifty feet when my feet suddenly stopped. I looked up at the ceiling and said out loud,

"What an idiot...I'm going". I turned around to go back and saw Maggie running down the ramp, her hands to her face. '"Maggie!!!" I yelled.....just as she went out of sight.

I didn't get a flight the next day....or the next. Maybe I would go next week. When I got home the second night, I picked up the phone and called Maggie's hotel to tell her I was coming. The phone rang, was picked up and a man said

"Hello?"

I knew I must have gotten the wrong room but I asked anyway...

"Can I speak to Maggie please?"

I could feel the veins start to pop in my neck when I heard,

"I'm sorry, she's in the shower...can I take a message?"

"YEAH...YOU CAN TELL HER TO GO TO HELL!!" I screamed and slammed down the phone.

Five minutes later the phone rang. It was Maggie.

"Bob, did you just call me? Was that you that said I should go to hell?"

"Damn right I did, babe....you're gone two fucking days and you've got yourself a goddamned boyfriend already." You damn bitch!!"

"Maybe, if you can shut the fuck up for ten seconds, you'd like to know that 'boyfriend' is an old photographer friend of mine who just happened to be here also and was going to take me to dinner. I don't have anyone to take me to dinner here because the guy who's supposed to be my real fucking boyfriend wouldn't come with me. And you might also like to know that this man is seventy fucking years old."

"Right, Maggie....right! Never figured you for a liar too."

Now her voice came back hard...and quiet....

"Bob....I never want to speak to you again." And the phone went dead in my hand.

Later I made a few calls to some friends of Maggie's, and of course found out that she had been telling me the truth. For a week after that, I called the hotel five and six times a day. Always being told , "Miss Winters isn't accepting any calls." I thought about getting a flight and going to her to get on my knees and beg forgiveness. But, I wasn't good at groveling; and, in time I was even able to convince myself that it had been all her fault for leaving me in the first place. But Maggie's vow had been kept....she had never spoken to me again.

The computer screen blinked, bringing me back to the present. The message screen was up and there was a message from Maggie....

"Bob...is that you?"

"Yes, Maggie..it is. How are you? Where are you?"

"I'm fine...how are you. I'm in Wyoming."

"Where at in wyoming?"

"Jackson Hole...at the Spring Creek Resort"

Oh my God...she was here...right here at this hotel.

"Maggie...that's were I am. Can I see you?"

"I don't know....I don't think that's a good idea."

"Maggie, please....please...just for a minute...meet me at the bar...please?"

There was a long silence.

"Ok...but just for a minute. I'll be there in ten minutes. Don't be late, Shorty." Shorty had been her favorite nickname for me when she was perturbed at me. Right now, I couldn't recall ever being called anything more wonderful.

In less than a minute I was out of the room, running for the bar. This damn resort had everything in different buildings. I slipped twice...fell on my ass in a snow bank once, and went flying in the door of the bar with one minute to go. I looked across the room and saw Maggie on a stool at the bar. She saw me, smiled, got up and started walking towards me. I felt a big smile break out on my face. I hurried to meet her, holding out my arms. Her arms were out too, and just as we were within two feet of each other, her right arm drew back, and she punched me as hard as she could, hitting me square in the nose.

Her voice hit me almost as hard as her punch.

"You son of a bitch...you hurt me so badly. How could you have done that? How could you have thought that I would cheat on you?"

"Maggie...Maggie...I'm sorry, I'm so terribly sorry." The whole bar was looking at us...this beautiful woman with the mean right hook...and this dumb shit standing there wiping a drop of blood from his nose.

"Maggie, can we sit down please...and talk for a few minutes?" "Please?" She didn't say anything, just turned and walked to an empty booth and sat down, staring straight ahead.

I went over and sat down, took a deep breath and groveled like I've never groveled before.

"Maggie, I am sorry. I know that doesn't help. I was an ass...a total ass. It's just that I was so blindly jealous, I couldn't see straight. I know that you would never have cheated...I knew it then...I was just so angry that you actually went. I'd do anything to make it up to you Maggie....anything. I could feel tears running down my face. I couldn't remember the last time I had cried, but now I was bawling like a baby and I didn't care.

"Maggie, I love you. I love you so much. I've been so terribly miserable without you. You were my soul....you were the best part of me. Please forgive me, Mags. I know that I can never hope to have you back, but please forgive me for hurting you so."

Maggie raised her eyes, looking at me for the first time since I had sat down. Music was playing somewhere in the room, someone had the Righteous Brothers singing 'Unchained Melody' on the juke box. She looked at me, tears on her own cheeks.

"You wanna dance? You miserable prick." Then she smiled, just a little smile, but enough for my heart to leap into my throat. We danced that dance and the next five. Never stopping, just continuing to move right into the next song. I held her tight, our cheek against mine, and we never said a word. Her body was pressed against me, flooding my mind with the memories of making love to her; and how she had used that beautiful body to please me...to tease me, too...but always to please me.

As the last song ended, I whispered to her, "Maggie, come with me to my room, please?"

"No...I won't do that...I'm not ready for that. I don't know if I can go back to where we were, Bob. I'm going to have to do some thinking." I didn't want to push it. I was afraid of scaring her off for good.

"Okay, Maggie, however you want to do it. But please remember, I love you so very much." I kissed her lightly. She said goodnight and walked away.

Back in my room, I undressed, suddenly exhausted, and went straight to bed, hoping to dream about Mags. I did sleep, fell asleep almost immediately and thankfully, I did dream about Maggie. We were just getting into some great lovemaking when for some reason I woke up. The room was silent ...but someone was there...I could sense it. Then I felt lips brushing my cheek, a warm body pressed against my back, and a hand reached over me and slipped to my groin.

"If you ever...ever hurt me again, Shorty, this little man here is gonna be a Shorty, too. You get my drift?" God, thank you...thank you...it was Maggie! I had no idea how she had gotten into my room, probably bribed the bell boy; but, she was there, and that was all that mattered. Then, another whisper in my ear, "I love you, Bob. God help me. I don't know why I should, but I love you."

I rolled over and laid on top of her.

"Maggie, I will never hurt you ever again. I love you, and I will always love you. And I'll spend the rest of my days trying to make up for what I did to you."

She smiled, reached down and took me in her hand again.

"You bet your ass you will, Shorty." "Now...shut up ... and get started."