Ramble
Mood:  flirty
Now Playing: NOFX - Fanmail
I go into the washroom at work today; that's always a good time. It was a bit hard to not notice that the urinal had at least 5 pucks in it in various states of decay.. Now, I can understand if they don't want to take the old one out, but at what point does each urinal need to have 5 pucks in it? When I worked as a custodian, we didn't use urinal pucks because my boss thought people would throw them around. Wierd and disgusting, you may think. As did I, until I had to clean up after people, and yes, someone probably would throw urinal pucks around.. Anyways so as I'm standing at the urinal, the janitor comes in and asks me if we have any hand cream.. Dude. I know hand cream is important to those people, but really. Please don't interrupt my chi and flow.

The guy I work with is doing the Body-for-Life Challenge, so he's all over drinking chunky banana supplements and checking out dude's physiques on the internet. You can win a million dollars but you only get 12 weeks to do it. Some of the people get ridiculously huge in that short amount of time. Some people just get tanned, get new swimwear, get a haircut, stand up straight, and smile. Whatever works for you.

Mood:  loud
You know what really grinds my gears? Drivers who:

... drive slow in the fast lane

... pass in the slow lane when there's a stack of people lined up in the fast lane and a stack in the slow lane a bit furthur up, then they try to wedge back into the fast lane furthur up. You're not helping the situation, you tit. Slow people can't move into the slow lane when your dumb ass is in it. Now we have 2 slow lanes.

... drive slow until a yellow light comes up, then they make sure they speed up and just make it but the person trailing (me) gets stuck at the red.

... walk out in front of my car in the parking lot at work as I drive in. I know you make a lot more money than I do, but that won't stop a car from hitting you. It's not a cross walk here folks, YOU have to wait for ME to go.

... have headlights not aligned properly. It burns my retina, man.

... rubberneck at accident scenes. It's not new. keep going now and watch it on VR news later.

You know what else grinds my gears? That Lindsay Lohan. Back to you, Diane.

All my bags are packed and I'm ready to go. I'm standing here outside the door. I hate to wake you up to say goooodbyeeeeee.. But the dawn is breakin it's early morn, the taxi's waiting it's blowin it's horn. Already I'm so lonesome I could die.. So kiss me and smile for me.. Tell me that you'll wait for me. Hold me like you'll never let me go. cuz I'm leaving on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again.. Hold me, I hate to go.... So many times I let you down theres so many times I've fucked around I'll tell you now they don't mean a thing. cuz every place I go I'll think of you. every song I sing I'll sing for you. When I come back I'll bring your wedding ring.. SO kiss me and smile for me.. etc

Razor Burn
Mood:  suave
Now Playing: Lagwagon
She broke up with me 2 days later.. I think she met Don Juan in Italy.. She has a new man, I have a new mustache.. Now all my friends are gonna call me mountain man and everyone will think that I'm a stupid drifter.. I walk the earth alone, I'll never shave again.. On the night she left me, facial hair grew miraculously.. I dressed in black like Johnny Cash and grew this beard of shame.. I've heard it said she looks a lot like Sherilyn Fenn and sometimes I'm mistaken for Billy Gibbons.. I may appear wise, but I'm an idiot.. It's over, she left me, and she will soon forget me.. She found out I was lame, I grew a beard of shame.. Come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant.. I am a new man, I have a beard of shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame