The RIAA Owes Me Money

The RIAA is suing everyone because they download music off the internet. They probably download off the internet because CD prices are wicked high and if there's only a couple good songs on a CD, it's not worth paying $25. But let's not use reasoning, that's dumb. Here's the deal. I've bought countless CDs over the years that range from retarded to embarassing. I figure since the RIAA is getting all this spare cash from six year olds by picking them up, turning them upside-down, and shaking all their change out of their pockets, they can afford to take a refund for all the crap I've bought. So if they can just cut me a cheque for several hundred dollars I'll be on my way. Oh and if they can get music stores to price punk CD's under $30 that would be awesome, too. I won't buy any CD's over $20 (pre-tax), so I don't buy any CD's anymore. I just hum songs in my head and dub shit off the radio. Oops I mean... not dub shit off the radio.. Ha. Ha. Please don't sue me.

Between 1999 and 2005, the CRIA says that there has been a loss of 541 million dollars in music sales - down 41%. Here comes the good part: "Not only does music file-swapping harm artists, but it also points to an erosion of respect for intellectual property that threatens Canada's economy and values at the core of our society," says Graham Henderson, CRIA president. He says erosion of respect and a threat to the values at the core of our society, I say people stopped buying shitty CDs..

With the check that RIAA cuts me (or CRIA, if the Canadian group wants to represent), I promise to spend it on good CDs that I never would have heard of if it wasn't for the internet. I would also buy a guitar, form a band called "The Skintight Dungarees", release a cd, and sue anyone who looked at it. Then I would retire.

poop