My Shrine to Mikie : ) (Aren't I pathetic???)

I remember when I first saw your smile. I had finally met you as a person, and your eyes engulfed me, I became entrigued, and I couldn't get you out of my head. Your eyes tell me a story of someone who has waited forever to be treated right, someone who needs to be loved by someone the way that you love them. They show much sensitivity in a man which took me years to find, the kind of sensitivity which I could only dream about. They show me someone who knows what to say to touch my soul, but who means what they say. Your eyes carry the freedom of a child, the strength of a real man, and the heart of a true friend. Your lips have the soft caress of satin, the tenderness of a cloud, a soothing kiss once only known in a dream. They can kiss away all of my fears, and comfort me so that I rest in a place beyond paradise. It is a kiss that is so sweet, so gentle, and although exchanged a million times a day, I can never get enough. The first time you held me was the spark that ignited the flame. I had been waiting for the moment for what seemed like an eternity.. and it ran through my blood, and you completely took over my heart. Your arms hold the sterngth of a parent protecting his baby, yet are so gently that someone can easily fall asleep in them, and drown in and out of dreams in a daze, only to float back to reality to realize that it really is true and that their prayers, like mine, have finally been answered. I remember that blessed day that you told me you loved me, and although the timing and situation may have seemed either early or uncomfortable, intimidating and nerve-wracking, it was at that exact same moment that I had fallen into a trance, and under your spell, entirely in your control. I remember the way you told me I was beautiful, even though at the time I didn't know you well, I was touched and felt appreciated. I remember when we met for the extreme first time, I wondered to myself if I was ever the girl you were looking for, and eventually I hoped I was, and I pray that I am still the one you want. I seem to feel like everything I do now is entirely in your hands, everything I do and dream and speak, think and eat and breathe is you, but I am content with the fact that although you may be sometimes in a different place, you are always with me, because I remember. As I sit here thinking of this wondrous place inside your heart, and dreaming of the things to come, it has me wondering how you could have chosen me. I don't know how it happenned, or when, even why it did, I can't explain it. I wonder if I had chosen red instead of blue, clear instead of foggy, up instead of down, would I still be here writing this? I wonder if my dreams were non existent and my curiosity curbed if I would still be singing in my sleep and wake. I wonder if this is an illusion? What if I wake up tomorrow and its all just a dream? A lifelong dream and goal to smile this much has finally been achieved, but.. what if? I wonder if I will stay tyhis happy or the rest of my life. Will you be there for me when I fall to pick me up and kiss my forehead in reassurance? Are you really real? I strive to be like you, to be near you, to be with you and a part of you. Am I just fooling myself by falling too hard? Am I the only one? Why do yI have to wake up with this smile on my face that scares me so much? And Why do I have to be so scared? I remember you calling me an angel and I remember melting, and although I don't ever remember being this happy, I have never been so scared. Maybe its because for the first time in my life, I've felt so enlightened and joyous and unimabinably powerful, and I love it and everything that comes with it, I don't want to let it go. I am working on being stronger and more sure of myself so I can fully enjoy this. I pray that you will be there because it is a long trip, and as long as you are there, it will be a happy one. I remember that when I was a child, and my mother read me fairy tales, they all had the same ending, and how I wished that I would get to be the cinderella and that sleeping beauty that so many times I had seen in my dreams, and because of you, I am now that sleeping beauty and that 'damsel in distress', whom so many people have yearned to be and hoped to be saved.. I feel free and powerful and beautiful andscared, but as happy as a child and knowledgable yet dumbfounded, and I know in my heart that because of you I will live happily ever after.

July 4/5, 1998 Dedicated to....??? Bet you can't guess!!!

Written June Something, 1998

I can't find the ability to escape these dangerously explosive emotions. As gentle as a morning dew, subtle as a rainbow, yet stronger than life itself, a binding unspoken peace has found its way into my heart, a fulfilling euphoric emotion, unidentifiable and indescribable. Unimaginable.

A golden dream, simply dancing on clouds and reaching up to the sun like the petals of a tulip. Impossible to put into words, my expressiveness has halted because I am blinded by your heart and your words, your thoughts, your warm and strong ability to remove my fears with one embrace. Is there really a thornless rose? I would always convince myself that I had someone that would represent a rose in my life, but there was always a thorn, something not right, a tiny imperfection invisible to most, but your only imperfection is what, your generosity? Your considerate nature? But these are not thorns. Maybe your imperfection is the fact that everything you do separates you from the rest, you cannot be classified as anything other than perfect. I cannot begin to describe the sea of smiles in which I have been drenched in, but I am continually immersed in the saltless ocean. You have elevated me to an unimaginable place where heaven looks merely worth two stars, where angels look shabby, where the most perfect things (to mortals) seem to be nothing. I am flying higher than the heavens, with creatures more gentle than angles, where hatred is not a word and fear is unheard of. I am in a place beyond ecstasy, and I am living in a world of constant happiness. And to think that if one tiny action had changed and I would not be feeling this completely shocks me, and I am grateful. Endlessly yearning for your presence yet more than content with the memory of your eyes, the remain of your scent that you leave behind, and perfectly happy just knowing that I at least felt like this for one brief moment in my life. I pray it will last for years to come, however, knowing that for one brief moment I did reach this state of mind and I have experienced this elation, I thank whoever it was that brought me to you. With that person's help, I found my way out of desperation and my heart soared. I am free. For the rest of my life, my memory will carry the warm breeze you've fed me, and even if I die tomorrow, I will be perfectly fine knowing that I could experience love.

The End

(May 26, 1998--dedicated to Mikie of course)