Colors Of Trust Poetry Archive 4





footsteps away 

in dreams
we are but footsteps
away
and the answers are there
to reach out
and grasp
so readily....
in the dream, the problems...
what problems?
they are there and so easily
solved
that they seem
foolish
dispersed between
dreams of working
and insulin needles
lost beneath the bleachers
instead of chilling
my veins
and sam the karuli
kaorepaalistaphel
who chortled
grieg
and gregori
and music, sweet music
to make the angels bleed,
their tears all lost
in a single note
and hunting for a vein
for the newly reacquired needle
and failing
losing the needle beneath the bleachers
again
and an old classmate helping me
look
saying
I never knew you were diabetic
and myself bewildered
neither did I
and calling my love
why fly all this way when you can just meet me
for coffee
tea
espresso
wine
at the restaraunt down
the street
from us both
silly to fly when we live 3 blocks apart
yes?
and why take a jetplane 
when you have your own
wings
to fly to my arms
and mingle
our existances
and hold you
tenderly
for hours
and hours
and forever
and
a
day.



The Lure of Doctor Nod 

old doctor nod
had one hell of a lure.
he drew us in and snared us
time
and again
and again
did doctor nod.
that man sucked us in
over and over
and we never really escaped his grasp
only running loose leashed
until he drew the line tight
and reeled us
back
to him
his lure
flashing silver and blue
beneath the watered vision
of that human sun
pale green
above the waves
ACH my mouth!
he's doing it again....

Elliot J. Nod
MD, Pharm.D,
Knight of the Scottish Rite
USGA Senior Pro
Fellow at Mercy Hospital
Angler
             Extraordinaire.





On the beauty of the AOL "filter" command 

I wish to thank
the wonderful person
who decided 
in great wisdom
to provide us with
a "filter" button
mine now contains 8 names
which I will never have
to see
again.
Some people just do not realize
that they have no earthly reason
to be here
but so far as I see
these days
they are not.

Nor are they anywhere else;
dead to me
the old lady was right.
ignorance
IS occasionally
bliss.
now if only there was a way to filter them
from reading
MY work, too....



Segadé Blossoms I  

You crushed me
with your silence
you broke me 
with your touch
but I...
yes, I 
Devour you.


Segadé Blossoms II  

When the Time
	Comes
and 
	Time
in its Arrogance
dies
in the lucidity of your skin
the sparkle
of your smile
I reach out my fingertip
and trace your jaw,
possessive arrogance
a Sultan 
with 
his harem.


Segadé Blossoms III 

Tonight
you are mine
tonight
I am 
above 
you;
Superior...
But who can say
who holds the lead
when morning
breaks.



Virus  

Monsignor Gregorin 2 dash 6 4 2 --
"The Intergalactic Internuncio"
spreading the Word
to the stars...
The sangfroid missionary
of the Milky Way
chains the Music 
	of the Spheres.


Song Of AnT and Rabbit -- AnT & (\/)The White Rabbit(\/)

      Anabaptist psuedoelectric fences crave attention from
      Vibrators slouching along the block purple malevolence
      emotional crusades and vitamin tyrants curse the
      leaden night greed flight, my sight of
      lead leads you
      to the tears of little pornographic girls hiding in dark corners
      in the suede fabric
      of
      non-reality
      buzz buzz buzz is around the singers of the bondage songs
      attention is what THEY crave
      mum is the word, after dinner and a four cent dessert, supper, death 
      mum (is a slut, she had 9 babies after me, everyone a different father
      and dey all name Leroy)
      thats what they told me in the times of yesterestheryore
      drop the bees on fascist knees, spank through the book burning!
      drop the bomb, here I come! 
      dead to the bible's inacuracies and stupidities redundancies...
      africanized harmonicas breeding biting stinging killing
      SING TO ME A GODDAMN AnT-I-MELODY!
      Six hundred and sixty six choruses (666)
      of Barney's song (AnT-i-christ comes marching in on silver tricycles,
look at                         
      how                    
      they pulsate in the night, underneath the moon, glowing forever
infinite sun            
       child eat star death
      ere the maggots devour
      dino corpse. rhino skin disease
PING (pong? I dunno)
      and I found a mix and match coupon series (I feel like Ogre in his
KMFDM                                                              
      mode)
PING (song? your guess is as good as mine)
      at the drive by, drive in, pick up guns, drive out, kill some stupid
children!
PING (wrong? I'm always wrong)
      last tuesday's child is sundays cloud
      DIVE DIVE DIVE. deep deep deep.
                     G
                 o
             i
        n
     '
      
         d
             o
                 w
                     n
      
     the submariner
     on his brother's wife
      Don't drink and dive.
     that's my only advice... 
    (advise well taken)
    sitting
    absorbing rays of incandescent light 
    PERFECTION! 



A Letter 

My Darling...

There are times when a man knows
that he is 
more than
a man...
touching you... I found that part 
of myself
again
as you touched me
the core
of me
not simply my body
or my soul
but that inner spark
which holds the whole 
of what makes
me
me.
You
my love
my floating blossom,
my darling
Shade of my heart....
You.
You are the one who has 
shown me once more
the seat
of my power
from atop your mountain
you point me back
to
mine
and in thanks 
I invite you
here
for a visit
someday
soon.

forever and a day I am yours...
	Josh




Spots   

where do they come from
these spots 
in my sight
oil
smoke
apathetic entropy
spray off my monitor
wipe it clean
spray on my glasses
wipe them dry
pluck out my eyes
left first then right
spray them over
wipe them away

dead people need love too
but I 
am not dead...
just tired.

Grasping my soul
pulling at it to spray it
but it tears
a little
as I tug
I forgot that I am sensitive
beneath the protective spots.
spray it off
wipe it
wipe it
wipe it but nothing
nothing happens
the past is past
and scars are scars
and not even 
thee AnT's
Super Heavy Duty
Thrice Blessed
Generic Stain Killer
can clean
dead days
from a soul.
perhaps the future
will have
extra whitening effect.




The Way of the Leaf 

To live
as does the leaf...
to grow
in the appointed place
caressed by breezes
bathed by rain
warmed by sun
the Way of the Leaf
is peace....
In an age yet to come
an age long past
when men 
and women
live by the Way
the bravest of all
who will not harm
who will not raise hand
who hold to the way
and in that time
a circle fifty thousand strong
surround a madman
arms linked
singing
reminding him
of the great man he once was
and could be
again
if he returned
to the way
shielding the city's escape
with their bodies
standing before the fire
singing
fifty thousand leaves
sighing in the breeze
and falling
unprotesting
before the hurricane
that the city
the Way
the people
escape
and live.

To live as the leaf
falling from the branch
at the appointed time
unprotesting
floating
to the ground
slowly
gently
gracefully
as the leaf lives
so does it die
enriching life
returning to the earth
the Way of the Leaf
is Peace.


Hell at 8 

crazy chick used to be my friend
works in my company
before she stopped taking the pills
that made her whole.
they made her drowsy she said
they made her sane
but awake was more important to her
i guess.
so she stopped
taking them.
i called her a couple months ago to finish the conversation 
we had begun the week before and she said
"I will have no more of your lying ways
you are not a good person
and you will not see the gates
of heaven
as you lay burning in hell"
and hung up on me...
shook my head and never called again.
she got fired this morning -- after telling her boss
that she was "OF THE DEVIL"
and I remembered that the lady carried
a gun
in her purse
which i can only hope 
she is too far gone
to use.
who knows what goes through
that kind of head
when the drugs don't heal it
and even when they do.
so goodbye joanna
whoever you were
and if nothing else
at least
I will have your job soon
and get my transfer 
out 
of this
Hell
at
8.


flipper 9 


bottoms up
or down
sideways
across the radius, hell, who cares long as its another
drink of foggy memory



Vomit 

At times such as these
it seems necessary to consider
such things.
as the filters grow clogged
with the tattered masses
of unoriginality
and the boardwalk grows stained
with disgorgement
dust covered dictionaries
dishonorable discharge letters from grammar school
and finally, the filters replaced
the stains hidden
the vomit begins to dry
and smells of roses.



Our Dreams 

Of late my love it often seems
that we cross paths only as the black cat
without luck
Love, fondness, adoration remain
but seem swept aside
by the concerns of the day to day
and there are times
when this bothers
the both of us.

Breathe
deeply.
Come with me
away
from this
for an hour
a moment
a lifetime...
in dreams we sail the oceans
salt wind whipping our hair
a thousand thousand stars
reflected in each eye
framing you
framing me
as we touch
In dreams we float on breezes
touch the clouds,
the moon, the sky
and drift 
on wings of love
In dreams we stand on mountains
underneath the driving rain
and the wrappings of  the busy day
disappear
as the rain competes with hands and
mouths and skin on skin
to touch 
the closest.

Come to me
my love
and stand with me
breathe in the lilac blossoms
kiss the rain
bathe beneath the stars
and let love
have its way.
Work is done in waking time --
our dreams...
are ours.


Calm, Content, and Quiet <revised>  

The fire is warm
and the snow 
is
falling
my love is falling
into my arms
we have been
too long
apart...
and I hold her
in my arms
before the blazing 
fire light
and love...
Is.

Hearts 
filled
with contentment, 
we look into the fire
without speaking...
(Silence speaks the words
which are most beautiful.)
and the fire crackles
as we turn
and smile
and kiss.

No Sun or Moon
or Starry night,
nor lapis eyes
by candlelight
the fire is warm,
the snow is light,
and rises
as it falls.


Cockroaches--In honor of the infestation 
(JC with AnT, Zac, and Snow)

so where I ask
are all these cockroaches
coming from
dirtying up the place
with their slumlord/ghetto/sickass
misrepresentation of Beat
mixed in with a little slimy rap
and coated
in rosy sweet vomit

"a rose by any other name
still would stink like a
festering weed"
-Zac

have they ever read Chaucer
shakespeare
kerouac
bukowski
suess?

"prolly not,
 they are legends in their own mind
 and feel no connection
 to the masters "
 -- AnT

The fog walks in on little cat feet
it was many and many a year ago in this kingdom by the sea
this monster manunkind
Saw a commercial for farmer joe who smokes his own bacon
What should I be, all but less than he, who thunder hath made greater?
I do not like this poet's spam, I do not like it, Sam I am

Greased lightning, the nausea which overtakes
at each additional carelessly chosen word
carelessly placed
in precisely the wrong position
to elicit
no reaction beyond that
which 
R O L A I D S
can soon rectify...

that and the filter button

Theres only room for one bug
and thats thee AnT
(word? yo?  try studying a few words
and practicing yoga
seek enlightenment
or at least an education)

"Class--todays vocabulary list is:
Style,
Talent,
Form,
Rhythm,
Meaning,
Steak, medium well, with A1 bold,
Silence,
Structure,
Prose,
Poetry,
Vomit,
and one you should be quite familiar with--
Chagrin."



 cha*grin [1] (noun) 

[French, from chagrin sad]

First appeared circa 1681

 : disquietude or distress of mind caused by humiliation, disappointment, or
failure :



(Perhaps the 

                     überhaupt bösartige Schaben 
                     toujours malins cancrelats 
                     mai maligne blatte 
                     sempre malignant baratas 
                     siempre malas cucarachas 


should take at least one foreign language?
English, perhaps?)


Raid Good.
Roach Bad.


alas, the roaches multiply, 
when one falters, another ...
oozes into place

a roach is a roach is a roach

"must get... nuclear roach repellent!" 
--AnT


by any name

"little black crawling 
spew that arose from its hell 
to cause me to cringe."
--Snow

 the same.

"how will you crawl
 if i pluck your legs off
 with my 
almighty 
word?" 
-Zac

the last words go 
to Uncle Walt:
"The Day erased The Lesson Done"


yeah, that's it... 

so i finally got around
	to cleaning out
		my filters
amazing the crap they keep out.
	no more pixystickdust
		nomore stupidblinddrunks
the less vomit I read/smell/see
	the less I vomit
		yeah, thats it....

smiling at the new day dawning
	"yo" "word"
		never again.



Old Lion of the Moor

Do you feel the blood
	Roar
		in your veins?
The wind
	whipping
		your hair?
Can you smell 
	the Moor,
		Taste it?
Do you hold
	the Broadsword
		in your hands
			in your
				Dreams,
Son of the Clan?

I see it in you
	the warrior
		who	
			Cannot 
				Die...
I see him
in your eyes...
	Old Eyes
Strong Eyes
	Wise Eyes.

Old Lion
You have lived
Many 
Lives.

Do you feel the heat
	of Council 
		Fires?
The heft
	of the Torc
		Clasped 'round your throat?
Can you smell 
	the smoke,
		Taste it?
Do you wear
	the ring of Chieftan
		on your hand
			in your 
				Dreams,
Son of the Clan?

I see it in you
	the Clan Chief
		who		
			will not 
				Die...
I see him
in your eyes...
	Old Eyes
Strong Eyes
	Wise Eyes.

Old Lion
You have lived
Many 
Lives.

Do you hear the cries
	of the men
		who fall?
Strong men
	Dying
		to be free.
Can you smell 
	the blood,
		Taste it?
Do you hold 
	the fate of thousands
		in your hands
			in your 
				Dreams,
Son of the Clan?

I see it in you
	the Chief of Chiefs
		who	
			Must not 
				Die...
I see him
in your eyes...
	Old Eyes
Strong Eyes
	Wise Eyes.

Old Lion
You have lived
Many 
Lives.

Do you hear the Song
	of the priestly
		men?
See the Clansman
	who have gathered here
		for you?
Can you smell 
	the incense,
		Taste it?
Do you hold
	the Stone of Destiny
		in your hands
			in your dreams,
Son of the Clan?

I see it in you
	the Ard Righ
		who	
			Never
				Dies...
I see him
in your eyes...
	Old Eyes
Strong Eyes
	Wise Eyes.

Old Lion
You have lived
Many 
Lives.

Do you feel the blood
	Roar
		in your veins?
The wind
	whipping
		your hair?
Can you smell 
	the Moor,
		Taste it?
Do you hold
	the Broadsword
		in your hands
			in your
				Dreams,
Son of the Clan?

I see it in you, Old Lion...
the Future of the Clans...
inside your eyes.
Old eyes
	Strong eyes
		Wise eyes
that Burn
with One
	Deep
	Desire...


SCOTLAND WILL RISE AGAIN!

Ahr Do Slainte!



Outta Sight 

all day long
	singing it
"HAVE YOURSELF 
	A MERRY 
	LITTLE
	CHRISTMAS"
And Suicide
	seems
		ideal.
Ready to drive down to
O	
	HI
		O
		and visit
Thee AnT's 
	Giant Monument
again
and buy thee economy size
industrial strength
brain desympathizer
Nothing wrong
with Snow 
on the mind
	but a Christmas
		Song
is a virus
     Replicating     RRReeepppllliiicccaaatttiiinnnggg
ReReReplplplicicicatatatinining g g 
RepliRepliRepliCatinCatinCatin g
g
g
     Replicating      Replicating      Replicating 

ReplicatingReplicatingReplicatingReplicatingReplic
atingReplicatingReplicatingReplicatingReplicatingRe
plicatingReplicatingReplicatingReplicatingReplicati
ngReplicating Replicating Virii Purge it Fry it Dice it chop it hop it SLEDGE...... OMATIC and it returns take it by the throat and dance with its insanity. Sing it loud clear Strong and delicitissimo dulcetto until one of you dies playing chicken with the music in your mind Russian Roulette with a semi automatic fully loaded Banana Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas let your heart be light from now on your troubles will be outta sight outta mind... lazy lob tears fall fail driving rain moments to live for die for introspection at its finest moment researching bliss I came across an interesting fragment of knowledge and swallowed it whole. All night I wonder all night I ponder all night I dream it may be true it seems to be a momentary lapse of creations insanity fading away whispy cobweb strands of dream dust floating over the earth as death's chariot draws near. Old Hank and the Rattler It was a long hard night of smoke and sweat and whisky and the cards allblurredtogether the notes piled high before two of the four gamblers. Big Tom, the fellow what ran the livery stable had already folded, he was rolling a cigarette and looking real down. He was losing bad. Then there was Bill Cassidy who folks called "Smiley" because he was one of them fellers what never smiled -- he dug graves for his brother the town undertaker. He was already busted and spending his last few cents on sweet forgetful and watching the two mean looking fellers what was winning. Old Hank sitting there, the only one in the place wearing his guns -- The Skunkwater went through three owners before one decided it was safer if that partic'lar rule just didn't apply to Hank.... Hank was lookin a little meaner than usual which pretty much meant he looked like a feller what could chew up a keg of nails and spit out horseshoes and kill flowers with a glance. Hank never did like losing, and he was. Feller said he was a bounty hunter for the territory of Oklahoma, goes by the name of Rattlesnake Jim. Stands over six foot tall with snakeskin boots and a whip coiled at his side with a rattle in the butt and a fang at the tip. He smelled like cheap tobacco and cheaper whisky. He was just passing through. Old Hank scowled but a straight flush beats three of a kind no matter who the dealer is. But Old Hank Never Loses. Rattler reached for the pile and Hank grabbed his hand and Started Squeezing. The feller's eyes got all wide and he raised his other hand real slow the derringer he had up his sleeve before coming was in his hand now and he pulled the trigger. Hank Dodged blood sprayed Old Hank was winged but not down and Rattlesnake Jim uncoiled that whip. But Hank was faster. Smoke and hot lead, warm blood and silence. Silence. Silence. Then Big Tom looked at Bill and Bill looked back, they shook their heads they knew what would happen but why warn? A free horse. A grave to dig. Some of their own back. Business as usual in the Skunkwater Saloon. Tom sent for the barber. Bill sent for his brother. Hank sent for some whisky and nobody sent for the Sherriff Maybe the Rattler would have but he wasn't quite alive enough and the pair of aces sticking out of his left sleeve was enough for the rest. There's a special corner of Hell for card cheats and Hank is the Devil in charge. The barber came and stitched him up The undertaker came to help clear away the body Hanks whisky came and went and came again. Old Hank had a date with the cathouse and it was time to go. Lion of Winter I see you there. Never fool yourself into believing that I have forgotten forgiven forbidden myself to act. I have not. A Lion has his patience. You wished to end the Winter without bringing the Spring but that season remains beyond your Control. Oh, you believed, yes, were certain you could beat the snow into submission; But leopards do not bow for Any man, and the purity of Winter can not be sullied. You stain the snow red but still it is snow. You may destroy, but Never, Never will you rule. Leopards do not wear chains or allow cages. Eagles spread wings and fly Free. You tried, oh, how you tried seeking to master what cannot be mastered to conquer the unconquerable to rule what should never be ruled. Never a thought to the consequences, and imprisonment was least among them. The memory of seasons is long. The leopard escaped you but stll you hunt, to cage her. More than one proud beast calls winter home, fool. And some of them Hunt too. One Hunts you. The Lion of Winter -- Judge, Jury, Executioner frost wreathing his mane Ice crystals casting rainbows of glory for his crown. Superior, unchallenged, leader of all enslaver of none, He Hunts who would chain the blizzard. Would you tie down the Snow? Snow is Free and meant to float on breezes. When the Lion of Winter finds you, you will see. Without a heart and soul of Fire cold things break easily. Cold-hearted one at the lions touch fine powder floats on the wind and when the lion leaves there is no sound... not even breathing. La la lala la la Sing a happy Song Gold... only 6... Azreal, help me trap them those happy little blue things disgusting creatures of warmth and happiness lalalaing their way through the world I gave them a whore and she turned on me turned into a princess she did not destroy I call on my darkest powers to seduce them bring them to me and nothing. A species so endangered in no danger they believe from me. But I will devour I will diminish I will create those three apple high golden beautys and melt them to line my purse With RICHES! I AM GARGAMEL, Master of the forest! I will triumph! I MUST! I swear that I will, Upon my life... and upon all of theirs. The Pride Again, she is there... I feel them boring into me, sharp green eyes of a leopard dancing much too close to the edge. Without thirst I drink to see her reflection in the water, and ponder her.... What could a Snow Leopard want with the Pride Master? Certainly, a pride of one, but that is and remains my choice. What, indeed.... I raise my head, my crown of glory shifting in the wind. I look into her eyes. Locked there. Who is this leopard that touches me, who dares to look the Lion eye to eye to match his stare, to challenge the authority of The King even as I stand robed in majesty? Like a Queen Against nature Her place is solitary; mine, to stand atop the mountain ruling with a pride of hundreds Timing. My Lioness, my queen Lost within the shifting sands of time I have mourned her long enough. A solitary lion seeking only one, a queen... So regal, that pelt of snow shining beneath the winter sun... Majestic, the power of that gaze... Could it be that she seeks to challenge my supremacy? Sun and Stars, to find an equal, an echo among the ... Could this princess of ice be Queen of the Beasts? Could she bear that burden, the heavy crown? She is looking at me again. I have seen that look before... on myself as I hunt my most dangerous prey. A shiver... tongue to tail electrified.... We shall see, little leopard.... We shall see. A Quiet Arrogance Oh, anger... that I look at her so knowingly, her pride remains... unshaken. This untamed Queen of leopards has Fire and Spirit! Green eyes to see them... moving closer she is locked in place by my eyes The distance closing between us How close will I come before she bolts? Leopards and lovers are not easy prey. Oh! The arrogance of a gesture! Tossing her tail and turning! Sun and Stars, the sight of it... she taunts, thinks, dares to challenge the Ruler? Oh... this I MUST see... a leopard so strong that she wishes me to follow? Indeed... I must! As I prepare to leap, she looks back She KNEW that I could not resist oh... so smug the leopard's look in emerald eyes. Little leopard, with that look... the Hunt begins. A Personal God The truest happiness comes from a personal god... Get one today! 3 for a dollar, they now come in an exciting new array of fun flavors! Perhaps you will like the "Immortal Melon." Cindy always starts her day with a "Promisekeeping Peach," but Zac likes the scent of the "Slightly soiled fig leaf of Paradise" Hurry, hurry, get em while they're hot fresh off the Biggest Barby of them all less filling tastes great less filling tastes great Oh Mighty Redeemer of Coupons/Boxtops/Rebate Stickers Savor the Flavor of your own private Savior now comes with stickers!!!!! STICKERS!!! Discriminate in style today! pay 3 dollars shipping and handling allow six to eight weeks for deliverance send self addressed stamped envelope C/O Ty corporation for details... and coming soon.... Burning Beanie Bushes!!! Sparrow Wipe me away little sparrow with a tear. Grow apart from the calling of the lark and the wind while the moon overhead speaks of breezes and I speak to the sun with a nod and a grin and it knows me by name and by fame. Little sparrow: you are the knife at my throat my sword of Damocles I cannot remember you, I dare not, my world shatters with that tear. Men do not cry, little sparrow. Who do you think I am? What would you have me be, when words fail strength lapses tears fall naked, alone, dying. Fly away, sparrow, beneath a leaf, hide in the heather, in the fog of early morn in the shelter of a tree, a heart, a soul, but do not come to me. Simple Sparrow, my world is too complex, it holds no room for you. I do not want to see it through your eyes or see you through mine. You must not come, sparrow, I must not cry, my universe stands upon that, layers and structures and crystalline intricacies... but you, sparrow can destroy all that with a single tear. Your world is not my world, I have not been there since last we met and I cannot, I will not return. Fly away, little sparrow. I cannot afford your interruptions, fool bird. I have my own life now, It is too complicated to explain in a day, and there is no room here for you. Be Gone. I am glad your wings are mended I am glad that you can fly but fly away, you are free fly away. Please, my little sparrow, fly away from me... I cannot bear the sight of you much longer already boundaries fade walls crumble mirrors shatter LET ME BE and take away that key you brought with you, I do not need it. I am as free as you I am NOT caged, not even in myself, foolish sparrow. You cannot understand, you cannot help Just Go. Fly. Fly away free on the breeze and let my eyes follow you welcome you home.... 11-3 Diamondbacks The snow gleams atop the mountain in the valley of the sun The tables have turned the Diamondbacks-- triumphant-- March on to conquer the east The world at their feet the snow at their head the universe at their command. Two years from birth to supremacy And only the final victory can provide respite. Their star their snow their fortune Rises. Memory: 3.December.2000 Ah, it was a fine, fine day, that day when we did celebrate our meeting; a cold day, yes, with frost wreathing the trees and breathing, whispy imprints on the air. You, in a warm sweater of cashmere, I, in soft lambskin; we sat in the snow, drinking hot chocolate -- only the finest, for two in love in winter Ah, it was a fine, fine eve beside the fire sharing memories of our 18 months together and another cup of cocoa, this one shared. ...I still remember how you turned the cup to taste my lips and make the chocolate that much sweeter -- marshmallow leaving a white tracery on our lips. Ah, it was a fine, fine night on the soft warm rug -- you and I bare to the world, our bodies gleaming in the firelight; dripping marshmallow cream on your body, and licking it clean. You always preferred the chocolate sauce to rub on mine... no complaints from me, my love. It was a fine, fine night. change it cuts sharp hard a knife the fire in your heart falls down becoming the fire burning the pit of your stomach roasting you alive a dull ache burning knife twisting that red, red flame. sometimes it burns so goddamn much I want to die. trust. It's hard for me. This whole fucking world is full of deceivers I used to date their queen sitting on her throne, in her hive oozing pheromones and charm sucking away my soul its hard for me. That knife gets awfully bloody sometimes but I won't let go. It isn't always the .45totheheartpointblank it cant be, I refuse to allow it. My mountain... I stand there looking over the world I see so much to love I see her standing between the falling leaves and the flowering trees against a backdrop of perfect white, sparkling hope. Trust doesn't have to be a knife, but any change takes time. The Dance Drums beat. The rhythmic marching of the legion echoes through the night in the forsaken city. Dark, but still the sirens blare: another wave of polymer wasps approaches to lay their clustered eggs on the sky. Horns blow. The hoofbeats of the cavalry churn to mud the bloody plain in no-man's land. The Sun barely risen, the crash of steel on steel is deafening. Twitching bodies staring at the sky. Pipes play. The shouts of mighty warriors ring out across the moor behind the hills. The death of day, swords thrown aside for knives. No prisoners. There will be no white flag waving in the sky. Vultures and ravens wait in the wings to feast. Flies light on barely settled corpses. Epiphany Step by slow and painful step I climb. Hands bleeding feet bleeding soul bleeding I climb. Too long since I pulled myself with strength of will arms weary heart weary I climb. Wings encourage atrophy Today I will not fly Today I climb. I swam already the raging sea scorning even the meanest of vessels; Only the strong should survive. I battled Kraken and Serpent to submission to reach this cliff which now I climb. Sky Rock Sea Blood Will Proving ground battlefield A Universe watching Self battle Self battle nature. I climb. These two hands these two eyes this golden crown which I placed upon myself whole in myself. I climb. My Authority is Mine and Mine Alone. I seize the rocks and climb. Men Crown Kings. A god must Crown Himself. But first he must Climb his own Olympus, Take his place atop the mountain. I Climb. Blood streams free to rouge the raging waters and bring Life. It is Time! I grasp the final rock and pull Myself into Supremacy. I Stand atop the Mountain gazing down upon this world that I have conquered. I raise my arms, My bleeding hands to pull the lightning from the clouds and Crown Myself As it was meant to be. Tremble, Demons of the Night! The time has come! I HAVE RETURNED! Bring Back the Good Old Days pretty much the same every year-- damned family pays the yearly visit 500 years ago, they'd still be locked in the attic at the manor house in Copenhagen but this is Amerika (Versino 1999.12) and they can walk the streets sing the songs dream the dreams of normal men and women they could... if they could. My cousin in his cowboy boots-- the last book he read was... there wasn't one. He laughs his stupid laugh and says 'computers is stupid. Are you gay? I bet you like n*ggers, too. I'm gonna work on the hog farm and the steel mill with my daddy soon as they let me drop out.' My aunt sees my mothers paintings and blushes. Under her breath she whispers 'how come they's naked? huh huh huh you gots naked people on your wall' Perhaps her husband will come as well-- now there's a show to see-- stinking of hog and sweat and steel truly of the unwashed he wil begin telling me jokes of 'sp*cs and n*ggers' and I will tell him just what I think of his racism, his sexism, and his odor in addition to his generally poor demeanour and finally throw him out of my home again. Enough said. May Christmas come and go and cleanse my home of these... 'invited' guests. JCOvergaar: the paper chain on the wall JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: I remember it clearly, yes JCOvergaar: very clearly JCOvergaar: for 4 years of my life I saw JCOvergaar: Death JCOvergaar: walk these halls JCOvergaar: his Scythe swinging, JCOvergaar: heavy JCOvergaar: final. JCOvergaar: He walked into the courtyard JCOvergaar: where hung the paper chain JCOvergaar: the ancient ritual JCOvergaar: by which he chose JCOvergaar: the sacrifice JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: each of us, that day JCOvergaar: scribbling our names on colored paper JCOvergaar: red, green, red, green JCOvergaar: in celebration of the season JCOvergaar: the paper, folded, linked JCOvergaar: for all of us are linked, connected, one JCOvergaar: the chain, whole, complete, at start of day JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: death comes JCOvergaar: the clock chiming 9 times as he chooses his first victim JCOvergaar: and the chain falls JCOvergaar: one link broken, all are harmed JCOvergaar: each hour JCOvergaar: death struck JCOvergaar: and each hour we fought to pull the chain together again JCOvergaar: to become whole JCOvergaar: again JCOvergaar: the clock struck 3, and death took off JCOvergaar: his mask JCOvergaar: each year it was a different man JCOvergaar: but always much the same JCOvergaar: the dead rise, the chain swept away by the janitors JCOvergaar: the red ribbons handed out, and the message passed JCOvergaar: alcohol and driving do not mix. Searching for inspiration A long night... I sit in a cafe drinking bad cappucino and awaiting inspiration. In front of me, a woman, or girl... a student, perhaps, but not studying... or inspiring. Another, very attractive blonde, with dark eyebrows, touches her chest, runs her fingers across left to right, below gold chain, smiling perhaps at the sensation.... A nice smile... but not inspiring of much beyond an idle lust.... Next to her sits another, younger I think, with nice legs and long hair. Probably an interesting evening could be had with either, but not an inspiration. And with a turn of my head I find her... My inspiration. Long jet black hair, soft creamy skin, and beaming intellect... perhaps now I can turn this page.... Finally... an inspiration glossy ebon hair porcelain skin a sculptured face soft pink lips and radiant intelligence sensuality evident in a soft sweater I sit enjoying the play of light and shadow on her face and neck as she moves her head... the tensing and release of muscles in her cheek and neck... I wonder what it is that she studies so intentlhy as she puts up her feet and turns a page... what is going on inside her mind as she studies? is it a well ordered place or a wonderful chaos of interconnectedness... She sits up and the shadows shift revealing even more beauty. Soft colors olive, sandy brown... deep colors navy, black... and touches of silver. Every small gesture seems to hold meaning. The shadow returns to veil her eyes as she peers more intently over her studies... she smiles. What a beautiful smile she has... beaming, glowing... and through the noise of the cfe I can hear her voice, a lovely alto... very nice. I sit, admiring a soft curve from the top of her head down her most excellent neck and along her shoulder... a perfect stretch of neck, deserving a soft kiss from some very lucky eperson... I strongly hope that she is not offended bu these wrods which she inspired... they are meant only as a compliment and a tribute and perhaps an introduction... if she smiles from them, then my work is repayed a thousandfold. If not... C'est la vie. A Beautiful Day What a mess what a fucking mess. This is just great. Whose stupid idea was this? You Fucking moron what the hell were you thinking? Are you crazy! Why did you do such a stupid thing! What was going on in your empty head you fucking idiot! I can not believe you did something so stupid. C'est la vie! I wash my hands of you, fool. Try not to get killed too quickly... ...a look in my mirror. Shaken on this-- my last full day in the west-- I journey East to meet her for one last time, one final meeting before it ends.... What? What ends? My vacation? Our affair? A chapter in the life of a Man... one brief glimmer of a moment between Dark and Dark where a glimpse of Green Eyes and Red Hair and Soft skin... And Love.... Let's not forget that. Encompassed in such a short moment... a month or so since meeeting, a few sweet hours of touching before we parted... and then a brief glimpse a soft touch... and nothing more. Alone now, I go Alone to my room... to my bed... empty. The telephone rings not. Silence rings out and beneath an empty ring Sean Connery orders a martini Shaken. For Crystal Rae: the eldest of the flakes As the Iris stands complete in its singular beauty, So too, this child of Winter, Spring, a delicate, shimmering Crystal Ray of light that warms the soul. Echo of the Moon Let go! set down you fears and inhibitions Break free! from this damned prison that they put you in Take wing! and fly as you were meant to do and taste the clouds of morning hear the echo of the moon let your hair down, lady rest a while there's no need for all this fear that you have harbored take a deep deep breath and just sigh... relax, and do not fight the love you feel for me... It only ends up hurting you much more when you deny, decry, belie -- rely on this... Believe! The truth, accept yourself, your beauty Have faith! you're more than worthy of my love. Accept! that you are wonderful and wonderful is you you are the clouds of morning and the echo of the moon. a snowy night (JCOvergaar) Date: 12/07/1999 3:37 AM US Eastern Standard Time From: Her Lyon Message-id: <19991207033729.01110.00000068@ng-da1.aol.com> There's something in the air... I'm not sure what it is but it's wonderful.... I saw her, just a little while ago... she was standing at the stairs the snowflakes sparkle in her hair the moon was high and barely peeking past the clouds Could it be that perfume that she wears the musk that thrills beyond compare perhaps that sparkle in her eye exuding magic? Although the air is chill and thin it seems to warm my heart, within, and it feels wonderful... wonderful... wonderful. a final baptismal (JCOvergaar) Date: 12/07/1999 3:36 AM US Eastern Standard Time From: Her Lyon Message-id: <19991207033609.01110.00000067@ng-da1.aol.com> Rusty nails stick out from the ramshackle walls of my memory; in and out, the dust blows. That addlepated senator who held the knife to me and thrust who history names the noble betrayer. Et tu hotter than the water warm now, and soothing the bathtub, changing shade. My first fight agin them damn injuns only good'un's a dead'un... that's what they say. I'm not so sure 'bout this plan but I'm ready to fight and take them, take an Arrow! sinking deeper falling fading pink grows darker darker. The thousandth time still fresh in my mind "we took them krauts by surprise, we did. That day, we saved the world." Seeing Normandy's beaches as my arm goes numb and that damn beep floating sinking free lost found Her face floating there sad in the blackness my head sinks in the warm red water. Clean nails no rust now hammered hammered hammered and dust to dust. Hey, Mister (JCOvergaar) Date: 12/04/1999 12:00 AM US Eastern Standard Time From: JCOvergaar Message-id: <19991204000039.15468.00000553@ng-fz1.aol.com> I pulled up to the light and they were there.... My window, cracked to taste the breeze the light, red the night, black alone I had thought. "Help us, Mister" three boys outside my car small boys innocent and sweet the kind whose hair you ruffle and always come to your house to sell candy bars for baseball. "Help us, Mister" sweet innocent faces on that black, cold night on an empty street in an empty world no life. I looked... a tingle in my spine a knife approaching my back fear, boundless, unnamable fear.... "Help us, Mister" these... innocent faces... frighten me. What are they doing here, on this cold dark dead night? "Roll down your window and help us" "Open the door" "please help us, mister? pretty please?" I shake my head.... unnatural need... my fingers stretch to the handle... a commercial blares on the radio. I look again... my skin crawling... something strange... unnatural... evil. those eyes... hints of red and black within the baby blue... but dead eyes, lifeless eyes... and the voices crooning growing more insistant... "Open the door. Now." "Let us in. Now." "Help us, Mister. Please? We're hungry." shaking my head in disbelief... but still I see... I know I saw... the tips of razor fangs touch innocent lips.... Red light or not, I press down and I break free. behind me voices not so sweet "DAMN YOU!" "Come Back!" "Please.. mister... please...?? if it isnt you... it's me oh no, No, NO!" The Relative Minor of Love The doctor said "this is the key, the starting point, foundation, where you build." No simple song a thousand scores of love in shades and variations this is the key to passions gate, the key of love. I played around to test my limitations on this instrument that they hammered to perfect. That dawn after a long, long night of practice, study, work I found another key the key to power laying in my bed... The relative minor of love. In the Cafe at B&N on open mic night Dear God, Tonight I beg of you, remove my perfect pitch. A lightning bolt to vocalist, efficient, yes, but messy. Please, just deafen me to flatness now and let the man enjoy what he calls Art. Used to be Used to be pretty damn near anything brought a poem to my pen, but not now. Burned out. No more, the 12 a day habit, kicked. Somehow like a bucket, sometimes. So many unfinished works lay in folders notepads disks I cannot seem to muster up the will to find completion. Oh, words to make you shiver lines... to make you sing or moan in ecstasy but they, alone, are not complete. Short sweet wont come these past few months, only the long, the epic, the mighty tale.. the neverending story, so to speak. Well, this will be a poem tonight its not the best I've got but at least it is on paper and complete. Ne Plus Ultra 56 time life dreams all unite within the universal trading place of elemental ecstasy devise a master plan to conquer all of being or inside the faintest atmosphere of cocktail moon. Refer yourself to wisdom held by trees or ferns or branches of the governments presiding in small towns and be free. Delight within the momentary glimpse you share of vestibules where daemon imp and redneck children feed upon the beasts that come of interplanetary intercourse. Indeed! Refuse the refuse fused in dreams of pale moonlight and wooded lake. Submit yourself to judgement by the random act of merciless destruction. Track intelligentsia by dawning and the blasted fools by morning in the stars and in the light of that damn new moon. Rage! because they'll let you. Rage! because life bets you. Rage! (because she likes this type of work) Whip or snap whippersnap crackle and pop were eaten by Tony the Tigre burning bright with promised fury at the contract obligations oft gone wrong.... Who? 408 dial 288 please, 408 dial 288. Warm Hope Her touch: it sent me heavenward to steal the stars and bring them back to complement the sparkle of her eyes. My friend: you mean the universe to me, you are the light that brings me hope, my world is brighter since I looked into your eyes. Someday, perhaps, time will not end, but in the time between, still we are close and I take pride in you my friend. Soft Goodnight Those words, that softest whisper sounded in the dark as a precursor to sleep.... A proclamation to shake mountains, feather soft. A deep breath a sigh a touch a kiss, chaste, gentle and then... those words.... Enough to keep us strong in the days ahead. Keeper of the Flame (JCOvergaar) Date: 11/09/1999 7:44 AM US Eastern Standard Time From: JCOvergaar Message-id: <19991109074452.13159.00000933@ng-cr1.aol.com> On a lonely night in Northern Indiana beneath a cold, grey moon A boy sat on a fence post counting stars.... He looked into the sky and saw his mothers sparkling eyes there, looking back... he said, "it's been so very long...." His mother didn't talk to him in words, they shared no secrets in this earth or in the heavens she resided in... But he heard her just the same... The song she wrote for him when he was just a child to give him hope.... He needed that, tonight.... "You are silver you are gold, all things precious do you hold within your gentle heart, my baby boy...." The moon misted over and he lost his mothers eyes behind the clouds. A long day it was, and a long night the vodka was a bit much nowadays and the memories wouldn't die. Maybe tomorrow when the sun is still cool and the world is smiling I'll find a way.... Someone, some kind soul will give me what I need.... All I'll have to do is ask. He looks down at himself ragged only as clean as the river allows.... The river. How many times... had he asked God to sweep him away on the old St. Joe...? heading westward on the current to His arms.... Who would hire a bum, a vagrant street trash. Worthless drunk. Vodka... Where was the vodka..... The stars sure are pretty tonight.... I miss her. I wonder if she sees them, too... is she lookin' up there and thinking about me? STOP Blue skies apple trees dandelions dazzling down.... That one looks like a pirate ship, and that one's the kitty cat... Mommy... that one looks like you! Clouds parted and her eyes were back there, looking right into his heart and seeing his hurt.... a cool wind blew down the kiss she sent him to ease the pain the darkness of lone. "you are gentle you are kind, wonders never cease to find, if you believe, believe, my heart, my baby boy...." Tomorrow... Tomorrow. He looked into the waters rushing past the Keeper of the Flame above looked on. The lights beneath the river shone... and asked him why he would not join them. He answered "Hope." By day the lovers play between these fenced in fortresses where fish swim by above the kayakers who ride the rapid waters. At night, the Century Center gleams like the hopes it was built for, the dreams... for a better tomorrow.... The rushing waters, the falls, the chiming soft music of wind on steel... Crickets and night birds and breezes through red maple. Soothing... sleep. One by one the stars fade away his mothers eyes the last to close. Chaired ...And so alone again I sit beside the glass; the old chair, comfortable, familiar does not judge. I look into the cold night the hard clear stars that cut the sky a crescent moon belies unchanging eternity. Clouds block a star, another, many shift, fade, die in the night. I am alone. Her eyes, they sparkled as these stars have shone, reflected on cold waters rippled by the bitter breeze. The scent of Winter fills the air, the scent of Snow still fills my home. I shake my head to clear the wandering thoughts; with the stars I am alone. The chair, I had forgotten how it felt to sit upon this seat of loneness some name throne; looking down at the water and up at the sky and ahead at the future. Cold stars... clouds obscure them all, sometimes, but still the are stars, and I am. hic jacet nauclerus Take me away to the whispering sea; let me drift on the waves that once bore me safe between lands. Lay me to rest on the shimmering waves; give me one last ocean sunset. JCOvergaar: melancholy. JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: lost in a moonless night JCOvergaar: without your embrace JCOvergaar: aching. JCOvergaar: stepping on stars JCOvergaar: beneath mountains JCOvergaar: or moons JCOvergaar: reflections in ice JCOvergaar: reflections. JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: The stars, so far away JCOvergaar: so close, touching them with frozen hands JCOvergaar: but distant JCOvergaar: beyond my grasp JCOvergaar: stars are never only stars JCOvergaar: on nights like this JCOvergaar: some stars sing JCOvergaar: others.... JCOvergaar: simply sit... silent. JCOvergaar: but speak. JCOvergaar: tonight the stars... mute, frozen beneath my feet. JCOvergaar: only memories provide JCOvergaar: the rich depths of the universe JCOvergaar: I held it once JCOvergaar: in my hands JCOvergaar: but I squeezed too tight JCOvergaar: did I crush it? JCOvergaar: or did it slip through my fingertips? JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: I remember once the dust became stars JCOvergaar: at my touch JCOvergaar: perhaps now they have returned JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: one can only be a god JCOvergaar: for so long. JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: end JCOvergaar: Snow Kissed Soul JCOvergaar: requested by... none other than... Snow. JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: O Stars! JCOvergaar: around me you melt JCOvergaar: into the night JCOvergaar: mystery and magic JCOvergaar: souls entwined JCOvergaar: or were they dreams JCOvergaar: beneath the cold November clouds JCOvergaar: I taste you, JCOvergaar: the cold light JCOvergaar: of the moon. JCOvergaar: from the sky you fall, the heavens JCOvergaar: falter JCOvergaar: with a glance JCOvergaar: a touch JCOvergaar: a sigh JCOvergaar: my lips part JCOvergaar: to meet you JCOvergaar: my heart soars JCOvergaar: with time.... JCOvergaar: and time... JCOvergaar: need not end JCOvergaar: these falling stars that hasten JCOvergaar: to dissolve at touch or taste JCOvergaar: are not the key, JCOvergaar: the whole of living. JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: Tonight JCOvergaar: I tasted stars JCOvergaar: fresh from the sky... JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: Tonight, JCOvergaar: I am JCOvergaar: a SnowKissed Soul. JCOvergaar: . JCOvergaar: end Old Comfy Shoes Old comfy shoes, tossed in the corner and forgotten for sequins and stiletto heels, for a night. Tossed aside, and time passes alone and lonely; cold and empty. A clicking sound the floorboards vibrate not one pair but two, one dainty, one heavy, both eager light dies with the scent of cologne body warm linen strangling, suffocating, trapping... and through this blackness the sounds of four more shoes thrown aside; and sighing chirping panting moaning gasping Screaming light erupts spinning spinning spinning across the floor clacking heavy heels quickly growing softer crashing doors slam engine roars tires squeel. soft sobbing. tears on torn silk.... Old comfy shoes warm cold feet, caressing, embracing, familiar; they do not judge, do not resent. Easing... comforting.... tears are shed for more than just torn silk. Old comfy shoes do not walk away, let go, or bring hurt. They may not glitter or shine but they are always there when you need them, are your old comfy shoes. A Dagger in the Leaf Smoke rises from distant fires. deep red flames of watchtowers in the night scouts watch for subtle signs, and armies wait to strike. A faceless foe, a mass, a herd of faceless men, not brothers. Chopping tinder... chopping tinder. There are days When it seems that the world is just a Dagger in the Leaf. Behind closed doors the enemy waits in sanctuary, at home, engaging in the darkest joys he waits to strike. A smug smile. He revels in the breaking of a soul. Locked within, trapped by a demon's bloody kiss. When hammers beat flesh and not steel I will thrust a Dagger in the Leaf. death comes in kid gloves Silken gloves may hide a demon's razored talons from the waking world. Lonely Moon lonely moon floats by the morning sky in a pink haze S M I L I N G at heron lying the sf by Crane Rising above the distant mist aloof, free, flying above the clouds, wingtips brushing the water; smooth clean lines, beak cutting channel, taking nature's gift on wing; gliding back into concealing mist, the mother crane begins her day. Quetzlcoatl Boundless arrogance unmatched I stand atop the mountain stepping from peak to peak and study the broken lands below a city stood here once. It had no name to those who dwelled within. It was called simply "The City," and they were "The People" But others had a different name for them. The Masters. The Masters of the City of Gold.... I look down on a ruin a scattering of broken stone all that remains of my temple... for a moment the light illumines a darkened shard of stone a winged serpent.... Mute testament to centuries of Sacrifice in My Name... I cared not... But it pleased them to die and to kill in My Name. I stand atop the mountain and the Sun rises behind me the ruins lie in the shadow of my wings. Serenity Cold air leaves burning gentle touches beneath iron sky warm sweater, soft flannel, love. Rolling in the leaves that fall atop the mountain we laugh, the moments shared, priceless. Kissing in cool wind shivering... with desire retiring... to cabin, blanket, fire. Shard In these times of lucidity I wonder at that veil which clouds my eyes, my thoughts sometimes. What, truly, does it mean, why does it appear distorting, bending, twisting at that blade hilted knife? Am I pierced, as was young Kai the Goblin Mirror twisting light? For surely, 'tis the Snow Queen holds my heart, my soul.... What causes it, suspicion, terror, doubt; What brings these gorgons to my heart, what sets them free to maim and mar what I hold dear? I feel it, greasy, burning up inside a rancid fire, an ulcerated whisper in the dark The more I push it silent, still the more it fouls that pool of light that life sustaining love that holy trust.... I have no Gerda crying no warm simple childhood love to set me free. Instead, there is the Snow Queen standing over, standing by despite my bitter, awful moments lost from sanity. This puzzle that I push around with fingers long since frozen to fulfill our dual destiny of Snow Queen and her love: to be free, to touch forever with my words and to dissever bitter wounds and purge this shard that sometimes brushes 'gainst my heart. I must win free from self brought torture, cleanse this rancid pool of fear, purge the past and its betrayals from my present trust and love; But I have no Lapland reindeer, no red shoes nor twining roses, and I've never met a flower girl or thief to point the way -- Only goblins holding mirrors all around. There is Hope, it is the Snow Queen's greatest gift. She shines with it, that Northern Light proof manifest and true; and though she seems formed all of ice, her heart is warm, the blood that flows inside is hot, afire with impassioned love for life and all it holds. And the Snow Queen stands behind me wraps her arms around my chest and lays her head against my shoulder, glowing trust in smiling eyes, every night's repeated ritual. No matter, what the shard had done, no matter in those moments, only bathed in trust and hope, the Snow Queen's light and in the comfort of her love. An ocean of tears could never compare to the warmth of the Snow Queen's Trust. And in time, I trace forever with my fingertips her arms around me, warming, light that fire, now self-sustaining. Her fingers touch my chest and catch the shard as it escapes me and no more the wicked shrapnel, Goblin mirror turns to ice: a single icicle lays melting in the Snow Queen's soft warm hands. Taming the Dragon Come with me to tame the dragon, harness rage and passions flare. Come with me enchanted lover... he is there. Stepping slowly weaving magic: strands of spirit, strands of air. Gently, gently place the lattice... but beware! Dragons have a magic all their own it rings with chaos spells and blazing flame consuming all and nothing left within except its touch its touch... this... touch... this... dragon's touch knows nothing of submission gentle waters peace or love. Stand with me to tame the dragon; capture rage and passions birth. Stand with me, enchanted lover... test his worth. Stepping slowly building magic: threads of water, threads of earth. Softly, softly, weave the lattice... without mirth. Dragons bear a magic all their own a crushing breaking spell destroying all that lies within its path and leaving nothing in its wake except a touch to touch... this... touch... this... dragon's touch to trod a path of daggers, bite the bladed hilt of sword. Come to me and touch the dragon let us learn intensity Stand beside me, mystic lover ... and see! come now, let us loose the dragon ope the cage and let it free let us bite with jaws of thunder Let us Be! Dragon magic is a part of life it rages burning passions rise and flare emotions have new savor when the dragon's touch is free. We touch... this touch... this dragons touch again, made whole by thunder, mixed with gentle rain and love. _Time Bender_ So I killed him there wasnt much else I could do, you know, he knew my secret. I cut his throat with his own filet knife and buried him with his rotting fish heads. He was laundering money for the Compaglianios, and everyone knew he was pocketing a little extra. No one would doubt it was professional work. The doctor had done his job well it wasn't his fault, it wasn't mine. No one knew Sal was fucking Jimmy, and Jimmy neglected to mention that part, despite the good doctor's work. Sal, of Sal's Fresh Fish, dead. Killing never bothered me, it's a part of the job sometimes. But it would make things harder. All these people walking down 15th street... some wave, some smile, some walk on in silence. Little Jimmy Tarrano was the silent type who everyone liked but no one knew. He had been good choice for the project. Six days on these streets six in this skin and three more to follow. The sun glints on the grey harbor as I stop to watch the seagulls fighting over rubbish -- it reminds me of home. I take a drag off one of Jimmy's brand; harsh stuff, but calming. I needed it. Even after all these years, this much water... amazing. The heaped rubbish landscape of modern humanity, teeming like cockroaches piled into the clouds... not here. Only a chill salt breeze and those gulls, so like the Burghers of Home fighting over scraps of shit. I spit on the pavement as a silent thunder explodes in my mind... another traveller? or have they come for me this time? It is always a danger in the business, that we might change too much.... and another come to end it before it begins. "Recovery agents" they call us as they pay, but the people call us "Time Benders" in whispers of fear. For a price, we change the universe... but only a little. Oh, that was our justification at the high council... only a little tugging a thread, tossing a pebble... save a life, delay a decision, kill. Barely a pinprick on the universal scale... but there was always that danger, the ripples growing wider. Still breathing. Just another job then, unrelated. I finish the smoke and turn south for Jimmy's boarding house... Three days left to guide the Hand of God. A Hint of Musk I know it has been months since last you sent an envelope doused in scent but tonight alone I taste your essence in the air smell your perfume covering me. Sweet musk, a scent no other wears so well, a scent enticing and alluring; that scent of you still fills my life. Every so often at 345 am or thereabouts it hits me the stomach twisting, turning, that primal essential delight of new found love reborn. We met at 345, as I recall, an exchange of words never to be forgotten not the usual lines but a soul bared in cold and unexpected pain another soul sharing its warmth and healing. That scent wraps around me still as the grandfather chimes 4 and the red LED reads 350 much as we do, always those 10 minutes return between us. It whispers to me, that musk and draws me back to my first scenting... I recall it before even the envelope. As I approached the box it filled the air with that Presence that is you. Breathing deeply, I was lost before the door was open. After all this time I still sleep the mornings away with your letters neatly stacked beside my bed, my fan filling the air with your scent and bringing me dreams occasionally shared by you. But tonight, cramped in this office fax grinding, fans whirring as the printers churn out page after meaningless page I feel your arms around me your lips at my throat your breath in my hair.... I taste your skin, as we lose ourselves in one another. I know it has been months since last you sent an envelope doused in scent. With a Smile With a smile your eyes still sparkle with a laugh they seem to glow not reflected light but fire within refracted by the snow When you speak to me I feel your eyes meet mine.... And they make the smile within me warm and shine.... And I smile back in silent thanks for being such a friend... and perhaps sometime.... some time... time will... not end.... Thats Life Poet is a pretty word for whore they are the same beneath the trappings of the trade to sell your soul for words your sex for cold hard cash at least the prostites get paid while poets rot. To watch the mist bull, silent The mist bull, its silver tipped horns and star flecked coat stands calm overhead. The needle reads seventy-five. The doe, so delicate, so graceful as it steps to frosted blacktop... So calm, so lucid is her eye unblinking pressed against the glass as I follow her into the stars ...to paradise. Dahlia Blossom the dahlia as tigress eye trapped memory Introspection in a cafe Nutmeg fills the air. Nutmeg and blackberry. Cold tiles, hard wood, and a warm breeze. Time. How much time must I sit here before you come to me. I sip my tea and put my thoughts towards brown ink, white paper. The blackberry on my tongue is dry and bitter. This place, once full of comfort, invaded. Stifling. That damned beast invades my thoughts my tea drips sweat and anger the chains I locked around the beast rattle through my head. She has had ample opportunity to speak. What for, these chains, it asks me... why chain the mighty wyrm? There are two sides to every issue every story every cage. The unending, oft forgot dilemma the wolf gripped by its ears what now to do? Dragon: A fantastic amalgamation of Demon and Angel, existing within the human mind, often the embodiment of strong emotions. Fear. Do I fear this dragon, fear this part of myself, fear a corner of my soul? An awful fear, a fascination staring the cobra in the eyes staring it down making it back off back down back away Bite. The dragon, chained trapped in my own fear should it go free, to rage Burn, ignite again my deepest fire return the magma to my mountain the thunder to my sky and to escape. The root, there, of the chains. The secret of the sickness, Clinging to the loaded gun afraid to pull the trigger one last time. Observation on a pair of 'society women' in said cafe (JCOvergaar) These petty people pondering to their superficial egos disgust Me, like minor politicians greasy much inflated sense of self importance I desire to hold the ice water the pin to break the bubble show them truth exposed the full extent of evil and of good, those petty notions that they hold so close and dear and then, the universe unveiled a tiny random speck of dust within a tiny grain of sand within My Will. Tigress You always have this look glued to your face, so cold, superior yet distant. Have you ever touched that furnace in your heart? Have you ever bitten lighting, with a kiss, embraced the hornet placed your soft white hands between the tiger's jaws? But behind that cold façade that matches mine a heart beats strong beats wild beats free Oh virgin Tigress triumphant, raking passion, not of lust but lust for life, to eat the stars and make them memory... Has your heart been ripped and crushed and cracked and spit upon, I wonder- -Are we the same? Losing the Source My skin prickles. I know that means something. I cannot recall what. I know my face is red right now, flushed, sickly looking... Whenever I grasp the fire, this takes me. But the tingling also passes, thousand sounds return to one and life is dulled out of focus lacking ecstasy. Rosa 'Boule de Neige' Your scent, not as the other flowers in my garden delicate rich it does not waft freely upon the breeze rather, secretive, well hidden beneath your tender satin. I nuzzle close to breathe you as lips may savor rich chianti. So fragile the obvious blooms of beauty the Truth lies past the bud, your strength is rarely obvious and beauty is the whole from root to stem to leaf the blossoms transitory kisses on the wind passing happy recollections milkweed down on fingertips a moment's simple quiet, supernal ecstasy extended for those short short weeks of snow white folds kissed by the butterflies. And some would pluck the bloom believing with that touch they hold your beauty, whole, and in that act of taking they now own. But a rose without a blossom? still a rose the thieving's bruises but encourage further strength and silent beauty. Now you sleep within my garden in a diamond coat of ice your winter cloak, 'accoutrements de jour' Today's Tranquility Today, I kiss you on the cheek and touch your hair. You take my hand, we walk beneath the trees, along our secret path until we reach at last the cabin door. I rub your shoulders the woolen sweater lifting, silken skin exposed, exploring sweet bare flesh. Hot chocolate and fireplaces, books read side by side embracing memories we share forever friends who find that love renews its ember with each passing day. With the Setting Sun I saw you coming up the walk, heavy bags slung over each shoulder like some porter trekking across Arabian sands. Your hair was beautiful, disheveled but still lovely, and you wore a tired smile. Your hands clasped rubbered metal and in the seat below a tiny angel, tawny hair and steel blue eyes stared upwards at the clouds. Your finger, bare no shock to me, no stigma though the old hens cluck and click "this day and age." I'd like to help you, ma'am, if you don't mind. No trouble, I was sitting here just killing time and waiting for the day to end. No, no, no bother I can share the weight awhile and take my picture from another place -- the sun sets anywhere we go. No, I'm no artist, just a man hopelessly romantic lost in love with smiling eyes and auburn hair. She's in another town; we said we'd share a sunset and have happy dreams. There, there, that's it, let loose the burdens of the day, relax a bit the world is not against you though it seems that way. A minute, rest, relax, enjoy the sun and sky, before we walk. And now, I take the bags, I bear the weight we walk, your shoulders proud unshaken by the ravages of unkind words from unkind world We share each others stories bits and pieces of the past and hopes for future, dreams of days we wish to come. You are a student of the world who seeks to better others lives with understanding in a way, I am the same. For you, it is the languages for me, it is the soul, the core of being; both interpreters, two lenses seeking universal vision. The sun is sinking in the sky as we walk on, the banks of flowers in the park are sweet and pure, and time is kind enough to stay within our means, as life provides a way, rewarding both our work. We reach your destination on this hilltop, at the bus stop you assure me you can make the trip quite well... We shake hands, two souls in kindness, somehow closer to that moment of epiphany... and the sun sets fire and gold indigo explosions laced with all the colors of life, from this hill top, with the sunset, there is God. I snap the pictures for my love but that raw moment seething memory I can only share with words and more... with silence. Your bus arrived, you disappeared I saw it not, the sun held all of my attention. We may meet again but this sunset, with this view, unmatched in lifetimes. And long after the sun was gone still I could see the light. Much like the flapping windshield wiper blade, the Ides of March in caution tick tock tick tock give me a break tick tock tick tock kill time dead. tick tock tick tock time waits not. tick tock tick tock break this clock I wonder sometimes in the dark why bother we with hours minutes days and years and others chopping moments into measured paces day and night are all we need heat and cold and life and death, all one the same beneath the hands of fate. The clock bears other hands with chains to rule our lives destroy our freedom, tie us down with an illusion of control tick tock tick tock set me free from time tick tock tick tock break away illusions tick tock tick tock end this foolery tick tock tick A Sacred Tomorrow Frozen moments... future memories in motion hands shaking, twining satin in auburn tresses the ribbon tied hazel eyes, sparkling, joyful tears flow free dragons eyes aglow weeping delight hands touching sparkle, one finger encircled flash, its mate, girded in gold lips pressed cheeks flush exultation decorum lost a shout of glory a sea of faces rippling smiles tears bright light in darkness hand to hip hand to shoulder dance growing closer crystal goblets frozen grapes champagne Distant rise grows close trees falling leaves cabin fire a disc on the player, Rachmaninov... satin falling lace fallen skin on skin caress without, the darkness within, the light... consumed. In Time Time. It has always played such a telling role between us. Time. It always seemed a thief an enemy stealing away our togetherness and creeping along unbearably slow between meetings. Time. Someday I swear my love it will not end we will not part unready. And the ribbon, tied... One Silent Night I feel you there soft, warm, comfortable curled up beneath white sheets in your arms a pillow held close. Am I in your dreams this Christmas night? My dreams will be of you today I know.... I will be there late last night to hear you sing of silent nights and holy births to feel the power of your words as tears stream free. Beside you I will be, dancing freely, wild abandon with a whisper, twirl, and dip, and stolen kiss. And then, no pillow in your arms, instead I lay, my arms around you in return as we drift off to second sleep. A Midsummer's eve, and Gardenias They serve rattlesnake at the restaraunt downtown. just thought I'd share that. not the rattlesnake, the information. I dont think I'd share the rattlesnake. I'd have to have some to share it I dont have any I dont like sharing Who are you looking over my gardenias? bang bang Wine Song Last drop drips from green glass tongue it tongue it never set it free. The Ballad of Lady Snow's Ice Castle It was many years ago that first I heard the stories of the Snow Princess, as she was called... a woman of unearthly beauty, intelligence, and presence of being; living within a castle formed of solid ice. At my coming of age, I chose to quest, to find this Princess of Snow and take her for my Queen, if she would have me... My journey took me far and wide, and I arrived at last in the lands where her castle was rumored to rise.... Through Winter's blast I traveled seeking, searching for the one who lived within a castle formed of ice. I asked the people gathered at the places where the heat was free and plentiful, they said they did not know, and I rode on. Beneath the frozen pines all wreathed in frost and crystal laces stood a hunter, bearded, armed with bow and melancholy sigh... When asked about that lady fair he shook his head to say you seek, but will not find the lady in this place. And she waits in a castle of ice looking out on the frozen sea In the distance she spies a tall rider.... Is it me? ...As my journey continued through the frozen wood, I chanced upon a small log cabin, a warm and cozy place. Seeking to warm my hands and perhaps garner some information regarding my quest, I knocked upon the cabin door.... Within the cabin sheltered from the icy wind and warmed before the flame, again I put my question to the test. The mistress of the cabin watched me closely, hazel eyes and skin like newly fallen leaves, a queen of autumn to a serf. I finished with my tale, she sighed and motioned that I must draw much more close, that she might whisper in my ear, and tell her tale. And tell she did, the darkest story ever I had heard, my growing horror fueling righteous rage. And she's trapped in a castle of Demons Looking out at the raging sea... In the distance she spies A white rider... Is it me? The cabin's mistress related to me a story which yet makes me shiver... a gentle, innocent beauty, wooed by a handsome and charismatic prince... falling in love with his overwhelming presence, and consenting to be his wife... The doors to the castle closing and locking as the illusion fades away.... No prince at all it seemed, but an evil necromancer, in league with demons, determined to break her spirit that she may serve him, to destroy her beauty and innocence.... Far worse, later that night, when she learned the real truth... not simply in league with demonkind, he was himself one. And she had no means of escape... Trapped in a castle of blood and pain with a demon prince... trapped. But the woman did not know where the castle lay... and so my search continued. For three long years I traveled seeking, searching distant lands to find some trace of her, this lady Gabrielle. I hunted fen and forest, rivers, mountains, fertile fields and flowered glades and shores of mighty seas but nothing was revealed. My last approach, the desert sun beats down and sears my armor to my flesh. Ahead, a Moorish man stands silent in dark robes. I approach, intent on asking of the lady, but fall silent at his glance. Palm raised. One word -- "Wait." And she's lost in a castle of magic looking out at the desert sea.... In the distance she spies a knight riding... Is it me? As the last rays of the sun kissed the distant clouds with fire, the moor pulled back his hood and walked towards me. In noble tones, he told me his story... Many years ago among my people a child was born who hid his eyes from Allah. He learned dark magic and consorted with demons. For many years I hunted him at the orders of my family for it is our Duty to destroy him, who brought darkness to our Name and stained our Honor. Twenty years ago this day on a night of blood and fire I killed my uncle and cleansed my Family's Name.... But his apprentice won free. Malcontent with serving the demons he bonded with them and became one himself. He created a castle of magic that shimmers like ice and travels to a different place at each dawn that none may ever find him. But today He must return here, to replenish his powers... For now is the time of the Blood Red Moon. The tale continued, whispers of the Demon within his castle. He had trapped a beautiful woman many years before, and frozen her in time, only freeing her one night each year. Only on the night when the moon turns red over the desert sands of his home, a time of power for him, when he renews his energy with dark sacrifice, does he dare free the lady, and tempt to wrest her will from her through blood and torture. She is mightier than the demon, and he knows that should he triumph and bend her to his will, he shall rule over all. But he has yet to succeed in his ambitions.... And as midnight approached, the moon took on a deep red hue.... In the night, a flash of fire from the sky, sanguine moon shone down upon a gleaming palace formed of ice. The gates were closed to all a glowing magic wall surrounds the palace, and within the demon woke the lady from her dream. We saw it in the sky, a vision clear and bright, the demon and the lady eye to eye, bright lady smiling, tears of rage flow from her eyes, but with a cry of triumph a shout of victory at last the demon falls. The Lady had triumphed, and the Castle of Ice become a place of light and beauty. The Moor and I watched, astonished, as the desert around us shifted, becoming a garden of delight, flowering trees and fragrant blossoms, butterflies and shimmering crystal fountains... a sea of flowers, it seemed, and beside the castle, surrounded by thick grasses, a river flowed into a large lake. With a shout of victory, his quest fulfilled, the Moor clapped his hands and vanished soundlessly... and I was left alone, outside the castle... as the gates began to open.... And She's building a castle of hope by the side of the flowering sea... In the distance she spies a believer... Is it me? For a Repugnant Pig-Demon Tonight I smell spoiled bacon frying, feel the heft of butcher's knife -- muscles straining hard to end a liar's life. White Porcelain White porcelain pitcher... warm water... pungent herbs... soft breezes whisper to the trees... cool air refreshes this, a mountain hideaway... Robes of terry, black, white, soft, clean... her hair, down, hanging as she lays, head off the edge, neck cradled on smooth leather. Soft delicate curves, graceful, her throat, exposed before me to kiss it... gods would envy that moment... but time has not yet granted every wish. eyes half closed sunlight kissed by trees paints light and shadow on warm cheeks and perfect lips.... Caressed by sun, a thousand shades of auburn, satin strands delight and shimmer... So beautiful. Strong fingers in her hair, parting strands, rubbing luster midas touched for singular delight. White porcelain bowl beneath her hair warm, scented water pouring down to damp her hair and ease her soul. Warm hands run through it, moving slowly, guiding water Damp fingers trace her forehead, cheek, and brows; they touch her chin, caress her lips.... Parting slowly at that touch, eyes roll back, anticipation, trust shines through. warm lips touch between the brows a gentle kiss white porcelain dish strong hand dips in cupping clean ambosia fingers birthing cream thick lather; herbs and sweet wildflowers flavor the breeze. Her foamy crown, sea touched waves ride down this glory sculpted, shaped, formed. white porcelain pitcher again pours cool, clean water rinsing free white porcelain moon rising in the trees soon consumed by their dark depths warm caresses soft caresses slow caresses lazy... sleep claims us both. 7-11 Senryu seven eleven -- the target for tonight, rob every one in town. Gas Station Senryu sitting here at work watching the police mop up a gas station heist Mall Santa Joe I remember that one. She crossed the street. That one? His mother threw a dime in my hat, while he kicked me. The little one there, she told me I was only there because god was punishing me for not loving him enough. Now they're in line, eager to get close, to sit on my lap and spout wishes; to get the pat on the head and the candy cane. They still don't see me. No one sees me. Three hundred and twenty-five days a year they see my clothing, my location my lot in life. The other forty are the same but the clothing is red and inspires love not hate. Some folks want to wear this suit all the time, but its all the same really. They don't see you, just your clothes. They never open the book to see the writing. No... I can't say never. That one there... he and his mom, they saw me. She looked a little nervous there in here designer suit, but she shook my hand and said "My name is Snow." Those hazel eyes saw well enough. She sat there beside me on the curb and the little guy walked up bold as you please, hand out and introduced himself -- "Hi! My name is Raymond Joseph, I'm very pleased to meet you." -- And he smiled a perfect smile... He saw me, saw Joe, not street trash, but a person just like him. For a time we were friends, just three humans talking sitting there on the curb laughing, having a grand old time until time called them away. Little Raymond Joseph kissed my cheek, and his mother let him... Maybe there is hope after all.... And again he walks up to me eyes aglow with delight and puts out his hand... "Hi! I'm Raymond" and a tear grows in my eye... hello again, Raymond Joseph... "You can call me Santa." White Hat Smoke fills the air; Smoke and noise, a shrill harsh scream of ripping steel. Within, the fires grow tall without, the snow rises 3 inches in an hour a white blanket covering mud and grass and blacktop hiding the flaws. Black oxide coats the inside; the inner world has grit. Climbing a different kind of mountain tonight I earned the white hat. Mighty Huntress Marshmallow ah ha! ahead her prey... in silence stalks the huntress in the night... c r e e p i n g e v e r c l o s e r bit by bit the target twitching in the dark the huntress tensing, coiling, ready RUSHING to mere inches from her prey... It does not seem to notice her. pausing, she examines it, considering... Creamy skinned Five headed bald and... blind. a smug smile on the mighty huntress' face and she opens up her jaws and fixes them fast .. on Snowball's toe. The kitten soon knows leopard claws, that shriek of pain that splits the night, a leopards rage the scolded kitty cries. the leopard calms returns to snow and lifts her furry prize with hugs and pets the purr begins and snow returns to sleep... but mighty huntress marshmallow her toothy job, must keep... the story, looping, night by night of kitty cat and leopard and their toothy, toey fight..... The Lap of the Dragon at my desk, I sit eyes closed mind open listening tot he song of her heart. So long ago, it was this song that brought us close. She lays her head upon my chest I stroke her hair and listening to my heart beat with the soft music she drifts away to peaceful dreamless sleep. Eyes open, recall the desk, the chair, the blinking lights and grinding saws; Bills are real Steel, ton after ton poured, this is real. No time for dreams tonight. For a time, tonight the lap of the Dragon is empty. For a time....


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