Colors Of Trust Poetry Archive 2

Dancing with Wildflowers  

A Sapphire angel in my arms
we dance through fields
of wildflowers
golden hair
eolian hair
hangs loose and free
and dances with us
and with the wind....
the spring time petals 
from the trees
are freed
by Zephyr's gentle touch
and dance the breeze
with butterflies
'neath Sapphire skyes
where Dragon eyes
gaze deeply into
Sapphire flame
a flaming soul 
a fire that burns
a freedom singing
raging yearning
for nothing
but to simply be
(unless perhaps
to be with me)

.sea moods 31   

My love and I 
stand on the cliffs
and look out o'er the sea
	...and look south oer the sea

The stars below
and stars above
reflections in the sea
	...reflected by the sea

And as we stare
the salty air
the mildly briny breeze
	...the mild and briny breeze

Plays in her hair
her golden hair
and kisses tossing seas
	...the tossing rippling seas



.Twenty Six Days 

Twenty Six Days...
from the day I met Kimberly
To the day I flew
three thousand miles
to take her into my arms
for the first time
and the last...

Twenty Six Days...
since I first held Sapphire 
in my arms....
A slower process, true
but each 
and every moment
is savored....

Twenty Six Days
We learn each others
thoughts
and hopes
and dreams
aspirations
and memories
both fair and foul....

Twenty Six Days.
We plan for the future 
while enjoying 
the moment
and time passes
unnoticed
together
time stands still
apart
time races and is soon forgotten
when together
returns....

Twenty Six Days....
Each day, each second that passes
we grow
in ourselves
and in each other 
we learn
the languages 
of love
The languages
of her and I unite
and merge
and become one.

In Twenty Six Days....
Where will we be, 
my love...?
I do not know
But I know
it shall be well
worth
the journey....


.Ant 

What are you doing
and where are you going,
little ant
crawling past my shoe?
I stopped
to let you hurry by
today....


.0247-0520 

Here i am
dressed all in black
from head to toe
leaning back in my chair
eating ice
and drinking hot coffee
at 2:47 AM
waiting 
for the telephone
to ring
hoping
the night
provides
confidence
hoping
to hear
her....

When the phone rings
it will be a drunk
or a whore
or an idiot
it always is
at 2:51 AM 
in Elkhart, Indiana
but who blames a 
Dreamer
for dreaming?

Cold and Hot 
caress my tongue
my fingertips stroke 
the soft rayon
of my shirt
and the satin lining
slides
on my shoulders.
The scents 
of Black coffee
Green apples
and ozone
mingle.
This note pad is cheap 
and flimsy
My pen 
is precision
built,
comfortable
and expensive.
(perhaps my favorite
birthday gift)
There is an 
identical one
in the Museum
of Modern Art 
in New York city
except
my ink is a 
rich brown
and that one
is black.
My shoe just 
fell off, 
and my socks 
do not match
as well
as they ought
a small price
for an extra five minutes
with my lover.
My Lover....
A stray thought
crosses my subconscious
and my stomach
tightens
in that odd
sensation
that portends
love....
Looking through 
the classifieds
more coffee
more ice
gotta love 
the city with
a heart
so many jobs 
available
and not one
is what 
I 
want
so I guess
I'll stay here
despite
the fucked up 
hours
and 
the fucked up
people.
I often wonder
what the hell
posessed me 
to take a job
where I deal 
with people.
I am not
a people
person.
But as I write
on long
dull
solitary 
nights
I remember that I chose it
FOR these nights
alone
writing
and being paid
to do an hours
worth
of accounting
and seven
hours 
on my own...
somewhere 
along the line 
I lost that, 
most days....
3:33 AM
more coffee
more ice

And a new page
on this 
cheapass 
notebook.
I must remember 
never to ask
my father
to pick up
anything
at the store
this floppy
too big
too soft
note pad
just isn't my style...
I want something
i can fill
in a week
before
the pages 
get smudged
and dirty.
3:36 AM
I check the 
phone
lines
they are
working
and so an I
after a 
fasion....

My neck 
itches
beneath
the soft
collar
I must buy
a new blade
for my razor
and buy soap
and wine
and a new
showerhead
rejoin the health club
and return books
due last
september
books that only
I 
would read
that no one else
would want
and pay the late fees
probably eighty bucks
or so
and pay a couple 
bills
I have been too lazy
to touch....

I wonder 
sometimes
why it is
that the twisted
akways call me
friend
but I remember 
the truth....
It is not only them,
since I was a child
I was everybody's 
friend
and no one's
almost.
It was nothing
I asked for
but the decrepit
the rejects
hold me dearer
for they 
have fewer
friends...
buddies
and
acquaintances
I have
in abundance
but real friends...
very
very
few.

At 3:58 PM
the ice is gone
the coffee is gone
and the telephone...
will not ring...
I sigh...
we are both
afraid...
we know
what will 
happen
but
we 
fear
it
just the same....
At 4:45 AM
I finish
another Poem
one of those 
4:30 AM
what the Hell 
was I thinking
kind of things
I will call it the
Ball Peen Hammer Song 
or perhaps
Lucy Revisited
or perhaps
both.

Now it's cold sweet
coffee
and warm dry 
water
and I think
I should do my
laundry
today,
I need to
soon.
I miss Sapphire,
I wish we had
talked 
longer
I wish
she 
had called
but I understand
and accept
why
she didn't
I love her
and we can 
wait
and enjoy
every little
stop....
Tonight
she told me 
a few of her 
Plans
for me....
And I know 
now
without any possibility
of Doubt
that I love her
or I would have
Run
Like
Hell...
without real 
Love 
that 
would have felt like
Control
and I
was not made
for a leash.
(Nor was I made
for long hair,
but that...
we can discuss....)

And I realize
that my throat
does not itch
from a dull shave
outlining my beard
because I have not
shaved 
in two days
and
instead my throat 
is apparently reacting
to the chemicals 
in my collar
and breaking into a rash
I must find 
a new dry cleaner 
today....
At 5:20 AM
I have 
a bit of paperwork 
to do
while gazing
at the picture
of my darling
Sapphire
love....


.The Stones Weep 

"Nobody has ever loved me
like you.
No one has ever put Me
first.
No man has ever let My happiness
come
before his...."

You spoke these words to me
this day
and tears 
welled up
in Dragon's eyes....
I love you so much
my Sapphire princess, 
how could I 
Not?

You are so amazing,
my love....
You astound me.
You and I
Both
Masterworks
in our own rights....
But together...
as if pieces never missed
were found
and linked
to create something
New, 
something to make
the very Stone
of the Mountains
Weep
at the beauty 
of You
and I
as One....


.An Observation.... 

Sadly,
Fools tend
to remain
Fools
irregardless
of further
instruction.


.Sycophant 

What on earth...?
Congratulatory blandishments
ooze from your
dry
oversensual lips
a mere shell
holding nothing
but the games 
which you play
and the games
you have played
and the games
you plan
to
play....
Smoke and mirrors
daze the crowd
flashlights
seem like fire
to hazy eyes,
and even a Wizard
may misperceive
when his guard
is down....
But gods
and demons
never
sleep....

Lubricous Spider, 
I see the web 
you weave.
To my eyes, 
a crude
and useless thing
a simple tug
to loose 
the strands
and all your prey
runs
free....
The disguises 
that you wear
are as
transparent
as your goals,
Oh Sybaritic
Succubus.
Already I have
wasted
more time
than you
are 
worth...
but 
what the Hell....
It all 
pays well
in time,
these words
I
use....


.Vulk: part1 -- Alone in Snow  

The snow
is a fine powder
and my fur
insulates me well
as I run through it.
Belly deep
in cold dry air....
I raise my nose
to scent my prey
the trees the snow 
the squirrels the fear 
and yes, the deer
ahead of me
gather strength and spring
ahead....
The prey has tired.
I am strong
but am
alone....
No pack to aid
but none to feed.
Snapping out
sweet blood so hot
the deer limps now
as it runs
and Snap!
It drags torn legs
and Bite!
Deep
Hard
hot blood 
cold snow
she quivers
one last
rasping
bubbling
breath
bright crimson
fountains out
and stains 
the snow.
Hunger peaks
I feed
and live
another
day....


.The Long Dark Midnight Of the Soul 

At the edge
of the precipice
I stand.
A wide bridge
extends
before me.
I step onto it.
The breeze is gentle
the air is sweet...

	...and my lover waits
	on the other side....

And with each step
the passage
narrows.
My bare feet tread
a balance beam...

	...and she
	so far away
	sees only that I 
	near her
	and not the path
	on which I tread.

Another step
the balance beam
becomes a heavy rope
and the winds grow wild...

	...in the distance
	a green meadow waits
	My lover waits
	in peace....

Another step
the rope becomes
a wire
of twisted
steel.
Below me
raging rapids churn
and spikes of stone
extend above
the frothing foam.
The winds pound
against me...

	...and butterflies dance
	around her....

Another step
the sword edge
that I walk upon
tearing into my feet
slicing into my soles
and my soul....
And the wind blows
and the rains pound
against me...

	...and my lover smiles
	and waits for me....

Another step 
across the razors
edge
and it digs
into my bones.
I can see
the blood
streaming
from my feet
into the 
rapids
so far
below
and the icy hailstones
pelt at me
and cut into my skin...

	...and my lover
	beckons me
	smiling as I near her....

Another step
so near the edge
this filament
supports no weight
it snaps beneath
my footstep
and I plummet
with the hail....

Now I'm falling
falling
falling
and I reach out
weary hands
and catch
the razored surface
of the wall
and it tears
and my tears
depart
unannounced.
I heave and climb
the knife edged 
canyon wall
my hands and feet
climb bloodsoaked
stones
slick from the blood
I leave behind...

	...my lady waits
	somewhere above
	in calm and
	peaceful
	garden green....

I lose my grip
my fingers slip
the nails are torn
in twain
I find the wall
again
and pull....
The wall
climbs with me
so it seems
I pull and push
and drag myself
with skinless hands
and aching limbs
and pounding heart
and head...

	...beyond this place
	my lover waits....

I Climb.

And as the wind is 
pushing me
and as the hail is
stabbing me
and as the stone is
cutting me
I grit my teeth and smile...
and press on...

	...and all the while 
	my lover waits
	in emerald green....
	Her Sapphire eyes,
	A sight I've seen
	in countless hopes
	and dreams and fears...

and even now
I shed those tears
that mix and mingle
with the blood
and fall....

I climb.

And as I reach 
my hand up 
slowly
no place left for it to go
the cliff's top
finally
is
before me
as I freeze
in wind and snow....
I cling there
at the edge
between Salvation
and 
Oblivion
the cliff's edge
is as smoothe
beneath my 
bleeding hands
as the
gentle touch
of my love...

	...who waits for me
	in the garden
	calm
	and cool
	and smiling....

Searing heat
beneath my hands
A thousand
fires
flame in one
beneath my palms
beneath my feet
beneath my skin
and heart
and soul...

	...my lover waits....

And I pull
I heave
with a burst
of Adamantine 
Will
I drag myself
over the edge
ripping the remnents
of fingernails
to shreds.
I force myself
to stand
I grit my teeth
and smile.
The Garden lays
before me.

My tattered robes
and tattered
limbs
hang loosely
a I tread the path
the final yards...

	...to meet my love
	within the Garden
	where she waits

and as I cross 
the boundary line
to cool and calm
and quiet days...
	
	....she takes my face
	between her hands
	and kisses all
	the pain away....

In shock I look down
at myself
the purple satin,
gold brocade
and soft
clean skin
untouched,
unscathed,
and see....
Her love
has healed me.

	...Now with my lover
	in my arms
	I look back
	on that dreary path...

A foot bridge
o'er a gentle stream
where crickets chirp
with birds that sing....

I smile.

The Journey must be made alone
The healing comes with love.

Some things 
a Man must do
for Himself....
Some things
only love
can save.

The Long Dark Midnight Of the Soul...

Has Passed.


.200 Horses 

Good Morning
little Mourning Dove
who mourns
no more....
200 Horses trampled you
today....
Apologies, 
but you were in
my way....


.You 

your skin ...
shames
silk  
 
your touch, 
your delicate caress
your hands against my back
my lips
embrace
your breast 
in silence 

in the dancing light
and fire light
combined
with thoughts and hopes
and with the moment
and love and light
we find 

one
another 



.Little Lamb Who Made Thee? 

I take a moment
to reflect
on several deaths
for which I am
indirectly
responsible....

Baa Baa Black Sheep
Have you any wool?
Good, Sir.. I'll take it.
A warm, soft sweater
to wear
as I rub soothing lanolin
into my skin.
And... speaking of skin...
little lamb?
That would make a wonderful
soft coat
for me...
I will take that, 
too....
But do not worry, 
little lamb,
you will not be cold
with spice
and rice
and wrapped in 
tangy grape leaves,
bathed in lemon cream sauce
with a nice
red wine
from Rodity's 
of Chicago
while mellifluous
violin music
floats
through the air

(little lamb, 
who made thee?
Chef Dimitri Kokopalous
and he made 
me
well.)

I have no
regrets
little lamb....
Do you?

...silence
	answers....

I shall take that
as
a no.

C'est la vie...

Bon appétit....


.Vulk part 2 :  Naming Day 

The Time
has come....
This hour,
this moment,
I have chosen
my
name.
For all time
the scent of 
my name
on the wind
shall be
my scent
as it is 
this day.
I stand alone
atop the mountain
calling challenge
to the Moon
the wind blasts
and the stars 
sparkle
and no Pack 
waits
below....

I am Named.


.Vulk pt 3: Spring Grasses 

Running through tall grasses
alone
and free
so many smells
so many prey
the season of the young
and stupid.
My belly is full
and I run
because
i can
chasing the butterflies
leaping streams
No pack
happy
alone
and 
free.


.Entry

The winding path reaches
its destination.
Can I take comfort in that?
What is the destination?
But then, it is not the destination 
that shapes,
but the journey....
The doing, the learning,
not the done
and 
learned.


.so many women  

there are...
so many women
in my life
to speak with
flirt with
argue with...
friends
family
acquaintances
old lovers...
but of all these many females
only one
can hold my heart.
my love...
my Kimberly....


.Old Man  

When I am an old man
I wish to be known 
as "Gramps"....
A Curmudgeon.
A Coot.
A Geezer....
A Nasty Old Man
with a Foul Mouth
and a Temper.
I will wear a hat
three sizes too big
and drive 25 or 90
as the mood suits me
and swerve to the music
so no one can pass
as my car dances
down the road.
I will mow my lawn
in the middle of the night
in the rain
and play my music loud
and damn the neighbors....

	a nice dream....
	Something to play with
	in my mind....

But I know better....

When I am an old man
I shall be distinguished
and wear tailored suits
and tuxedos
and dance with my wife
by candlelight
and orchestra
and spend hours reading
in my library
on overstuffed leather chaird
sipping brandy
like caramel and light liquified.
I shall experience my quiet passions
of art and poetry and music 
and the touch of my wife
fully and completely
and with all of my being.
I will stand tall and straight
with thick and silvered hair
and be known primarily as "Sir"
and look into the eyes
of those
who can meet
my gaze...
and from time to time
perhaps
I will recall this day, 
this dream
of "Gramps"
and smile at it, too,
while I pick
a perfect flower
for my sun and moon and stars....



.Search 

Looking for the statues
that are holding up the sun.
I think I danced
with one of them 
last night.
(at least that's what she told me
as we waltzed along the river
in the stars.)



.Promises, Promises... 

I will feed
upon you
drink from you
feast on your soul
you thieving witch.
I will devour
the essence of your being
and leave you
an empty 
hollow
husk
of a woman
and, 
if I choose,
fill you
again
with my own unique essence
and rule you
for eternity.


.Desperate inspiration 

pen and paper
such simple things
but to be without them
when deep inspiration strikes
like a shooting star
a bright flash
burning
for only a short time
and knowing
that more poetry 
is aborted
with every passing second
until you strike a match
and let it char for a moment
blow out the flame
and with it write the words
on your own skin
that they be
not 
lost.


.my love flies home  

And lo! the day approaches,
that day I have awaited
for so long....
from out the distant country
does my kimberly, my goddess
return home...
and the land that holds no stars
receives my sun and moon and stars
with tears of joy
that fill the night
my love flies home.



.A Matter of Differing Musical Tastes in a Dream 

So I pulled out Mr. Colt's .45 calibre
and held it to her head
and said
in a quiet steady voice
'you wanna say that again, bitch?'
She looked up at me again with those
puppy dog
soft brown eyes
and said
"Edvard Grieg's music
Bores me...."
and so with Peer Gynt blasting
I blast and it bores her, too...
bores right on through her -- 
in like a dime
out like a land mine
(slightly used).
Goodbye, Bitch.
Maybe "Puff Daddy" will be playing
in your private corner
of Hell...
But Never in mine.


.The old Switcheroo  

Inverse transverse
reverse
the verse.
Verse the reverse,
transverse
inverse.
What does it mean?
Mean it does what?
Who Knows?
Knows Who?
Oh, I do,
do I?
Oh....


.Message 

I know, my dear, that sometimes
love can be painful, sometimes it hurts
you -- and me, as well... but is it not
more painful not to love? Rather
than loving, to be passive? Is that really a 
life worth living, without love?  But love
itself is not the important thing, it is the one you love, 
My dear, is it not?  No relationship is really
perfect, though it often seems so to two in
love... as it does to you and I.  I wonder, does it
Please you, these feelings that we share?  Someday we may
marry one another, and I hope that you will be as happy as
me, for I know that I will be the happiest man alive....


.Helluva Town  

Acid reflux
sinutab
farmer jack and
checker cab
welcome to an afternoon
on Cass Street
in Detroit.


.A Dream of Kimberly 

Kimberly--

I dreamed of you
last night,
you and I, together again....
We stood upon the balcony,
so close, 
and you smoked your cigarette
and we watched the sun setting
over the Pacific....
We touched
and no words were needed.
We knew that if one of us spoke
the other would say the same thing
at the same time
it is so often that way with you and I...

...and you finish your cigarette
and turn to me,
look into my eyes
and reach out, cupping my cheek
with your soft hand
and we kiss deeply
and for a moment
I am outside of my body
watching us kiss
and I look so wonderful
and you look so wonderful
and I must be seeing 
through both our minds' eyes,
and I know you are doing the same, 
my love...watching a perfect you
and a perfect me
kissing so sweetly,
framed by the sunset
and the sky
and the sea.


.The Work Waits... for Lucy  

Her means of employment
Her form of enjoyment
Her urge to destroy meant
	So much to me.

Oh Lucy, 
where have you been
all my life?
So much to do, so little time
but still we've time
	to kill,
my perfect shapely beauty
with a flashing, toothy smile
I hold you in my arms
as we dance another dance
and we cut another flower free forever from the earth
You are smiling, I am smiling,
and I raise my hands up high
and I lower you so slowly
with a silence that is speaking
whispering of passing time
and other things that pass...
	away
while we play
and we say
we're in love....
Oh, my Lucy with your crimson smile
all clad in shining scarlet
and bedecked with teardrop rubies
gleaming fresh and new today
oh those teardrop rubies dripping
from your body onto mine
and I hold you oh, so close
and I never will let go
and our work has waited
far too long
and we begin
again.



.like pity from a scholar 

your tenderness and sweet caress
seem oddly out of place
improper here,
ridiculous disgrace...
like pity from a scholar -- 
delicate hands 
on the beast that devours
your crude and insatiable soul.


.Boozehound  

oh gods...
so many
so fucking many 
drinks
shots
glasses
bottles
mugs
steins
snifters...
I dont remember
I dont know
	Fuck, I dont care!
Who the hell put carpet
on the walls
and why am I pulled
towards them?
Who the hell
disrupted gravity?
I'll kill the dirty bastard
cut off his balls
with a wooden spoon
and pickle them
in brine....
	Wait.
I remember 
the Rule...
My bruises all remind me
now.
"No matter how drunk you get
you can't fall off 
the floor..."
(That dubious pleasure 
is reserved
for other forms
of
intoxication...)
And so I pray before you
you god of chrome and clay
unable to place my offering
in your bowl
I leave it at
your feet.
Amen.



.Dragon's Tears 

Please do not cry
				sweet Darana

Today is
suposed to be
a happy day.
This is your Day
				sweet Darana

Your day
				to fly....
But you have not left the ground,
				sweet Darana

And you lay
at my side
and you weep....

I know the pain you feel
				sweet Darana
I feel the pain you feel
				sweet Darana

But please do not cry
				a Dragon's Tears
are far too pure 
				to waste....
Please do not cry
				sweet Darana
I feel your tears
and mine as well
And as I turn my heart
to stone and ashes
your Dragon Tears
wake mine
and I see
that you
are wise....

Come and cry with me
				sweet Darana
Our tears will soothe the hurt
				sweet Darana
Until the dark we'll weep
and in the dark we'll sleep
				our fears away....

Sweet Darana
	You were meant
		to Fly		
			Today....


Yes I know that you forgive her

and I know that you still love her

and you wrap your wings around me

					as you cry....

So do I

		My sweet Darana....
				
						So do I.....



.Sometimes 

Sometimes
in the dark
I think to myself...
"all I want is one,
just one,
relationship
that ends
normally.
Even an
"I hate you
and I never want 
to see you 
again!"
would be better than
"I love you with all my heart 
and soul"
and silence,
awful
silence....
The quietude of the dead.


.I Still Believe 

I still believe in Butterflies
and Unicorns
and Sapphire Skyes
and gazing on you 
with the love
that makes up Hopes
and Dreams.	

I still believe in Miracles,
in Dragons flying,
Festivals
to celebrate the meaning
that you brought into
my World.

I still believe in Happiness
In Faery's kiss and 
Elegance
and in the Deeper Vision
that you gave me of
my Life.

I still believe in Magic Trees
and Mermaids deep
in Sapphire Seas
and in the words "I Love You"
as they rolled off of 
your lips.

I still believe that Life is Blessed
and Smiles can fill the
Emptiness
and in that Shining Moment
that can Never Dull
or Fade.

I still believe in Poetry
I still believe in Song
I still have faith in Fantasy
of Love
a Lifetime
Long.

I still believe in Butterflies
and Unicorns
and Sapphire....

.My Grandmother 

My grandmother
was an amazing woman
and her life
reads
like a book
which cannot be
put down.
Nut most clearly I remember
that she baked.
Any time
I went over there
she would be baking
cookies
pies
cakes
breads
pastries
things I still cannot pronounce
from countries
and cultures
that no longer exist.
Some tasted remarkable...
some even she only made once....
She had three large freezers
full of baked goods.
She could have fed
an army
of children
and grown men and women
into submission.
I think she invented 
the M&M cookie....
I remember 
her saying once,
"People say the greatest invention
of the century is the car,
the plane, the computer.
They are wrong. These things,
they were inevitable....
The M&M now, 
There was a stroke of genius,
of true inspiration."
I never learned if she was kidding 
or not.
I think she was serious.
She really liked M&M cookies...
She liked being able 
to make cookies 
with so many colors....
Oddly enough though
for a child,
with the sweet tooth
of any child,
despite her prodigious skill
in the baking of
sweet things,
the one thing I most loved, 
the one thing I will never, 
never,
never
forget
is the wonderful
simple dinner rolls
she made
every day of her life,
I think
or at least
every day I
was there.
I remember 
helping her,
kneading dough
so soft
and 
warm
and watching 
the rolls rise...
and of course
eating them
in every setting...
from a simple meal
with myself 
and my grandparents
alone;
to a holiday
with Family 
all gathered;
to a formal dinner
with Grandfather's
Political
and Business
and Military connections
and a fidgeting 
six year old
in a three piece
suit....
(I wonder
if he ever knew
how much I learned
on those nights...
I laugh,
remembering
her face,
my fourth grade 
teacher
as I turned in a report
on the benefic effects
of supply side economics)

But mostly 
I remember
soft hands
soft rolls
and a soft 
voice....



.At Work 

So there's Packmule
leanin' on the counter
and I'm over here
leaning back in my chair
and we're telling jokes....
I've heard his,
he's heard mine,
but they're still funny
and we're still laughing.
It's unusually quiet 
for a Monday night
so Packmule and I
have plenty of time
to talk.
Packmule's going ot start
working on his website
soon
"Pack Mule's Stable"
or maybe
"Pack Mule's Unstable Stable"
or perhaps
"Pack Mule's Stable for the Unstable"
including
Mean Gene's Beer Page
Keep on Truckin'
and 
Slammin' those Bass Riffs
or something like that.
I can't wait to see it
even if it will take him
at least
a year to do it....
And that cute girl
from Marco's Pizza
who seems to have
a crush
on me
for some reason
I have not as yet
ascertained
passes through.
I know her
from somewhere
I think
to myself
for the hundredth 
time.
Give or take.
I think 
maybe
I graduated from high school
with her older
sister
or maybe 
not.
At any rate
I don't much care
No matter how cute she is
or how much she flirts....
My heart
resides
firmly
elsewhere....
I sigh heavily. 
I miss
my Sapphire.
I dread these
weary
windswept nights
alone
the empty feeling
of missing her
permeates
my humor
as Packmule and I
keep telling jokes
and ambulances and firetrucks
scream past
and time 
stops by
to slip
away....


.when all is dark 

I spoke to her again
this morning....
my darling
Kimberly....
When all is dark
my sun
my moon
my stars
appears
to light the way.


.Mr. Gautama 

Today
I washed my bowl.
It seems that he was right.



.These Words.... 

These words,
"I love you"
they are...
the most powerful
of 
aphrodisiacs,
yes?
To be...
loved,
to be told 
and know
that you
are 
the 
One
is to stand
atop the Mountains of the Gods!
For this feeling,
I ask,
what would one do?
Anything,
I reply...
oh, love...
Love
is not blind.
Love sees
but its sight
yes, its sight
is not
the sight
of the 
Self
But the sight
of Her
to see... her
to know... her...
to Love... her,
This...
sensation,
this powerful
motivator
this enigmatic 
commonality
which all
share
and none
believe
that others
posses
this is...
the Secret
of Life....
For in that moment
between the sound
and the silence
where Demons
and Angels dance
in twain
Love... is.


.Interludes 221 

A low sound
in the distance
an earthquake?
Thunder?
My heart...
beating....


.A Perfunctory Madness  

ice water
pretzels
and daydreams
at night
beneath the harsh 
flourescents
the soft
flourescents
the flickering
flourescents
paper clips
and pens
paper and books...
clutter...
kleenex
and warm air
and cold air
and a red LED
reads AM 323.

Cursory Insanity, 
Dutiful Dementia...
A Perfunctory Madness.


.The Caging 

Racing through the grasses
leaping streams and prey
the world rushes past
the world waits ahead
howling in horror
in rage
in despair
for they have caged
Shadowkiller
and the Last Hunt
nears...


.Cannonball  

Cannonball
flying
freedom
floating
falling
death.


.a fragile strength 

sparrow's egg
strong fragility
man
fragile strength



.Ode to an Angel 

Even without the silken wings her name implies
she seems to float gracefully with each step.
Even without the harp
her very presence is music enough for a lifetime
of joy.
Without the viable presence of a halo of light
she glows in my eyes.
Whether in samite or satin she
is and will forever be the most exquisite 
woman ever to walk the earth
for she is
Angel.


.no enemy 

Know thy enemy?
with true knowledge 
comes understanding
understanding breeds compassion.
No enemy.

.enemy 

Love thy enemy?
No love can be 
an enemy....
None but one.


.the first time   

i wish this song wasn't so loud.
it hurts.
i suppose thats why i'm crying.
but however soft it gets
even if i can't hear it
i'll still know its there
and it will still hurt
even when its over.
why then am i crying
over music that has passed?
perhaps it reminded me 
of another sweet song that ended
a melody cut short.


.Interludes 622 

the moon and constellations set.
I lie abed,
alone.


.The Red Dog  

A Hundred hairy demons
gone too long without the shade,
all trekking through the desert
soaked in sweat and
booze and gore
mix 'em up
whip 'em hard
there will always 
be a way
there will always 
be an ace
in the Red Dog's hole.

Lo! the angels proud and mighty
silver lances gleaming fair
with their eyes all flashing lightning
for the reason they are there;
they have come to end a nightmare
that has come from out the shadows
of the deepest pits of Hell.
For the angels, all is well,
as they march all robed in glory
towards the Diabolic Host.
The Red Dog and the White Wolf
each lift their respective toast
to the passions that have served them 
in this role they know so well
as they lead opposing sides in games
of Heaven and of Hell.

And the Battle flashing white and black
and red and sickly green
with a flash of gold where seraphim
are seen...
The Angels are advancing
and the White Wolf has a smile 
on his regal handsome face
that seems chiseled out from ice --
but the Red Dog, she is smiling too,
that childish countenance so bright,
so joyful and so fair,
with a look that shows a secret
it is not quite time to share
and with Heaven's knights advancing
proud and fierce and brave and strong
and so certain that the righteous
always triumph in the end
the Red Dog laughs her childlike laugh
and smiles that perfect smile...
and the greatest demon generals
all cringe and back away
as she laughs and says, "White Wolf, 
it's time to play...."

And the hundred hairy demons
that were trekking through the sand
now are close at hand
and near the White Wolf's 
Campaign tent...
And now begins the cutting
yes now begins the killing
and the highest ranking angels
all are falling unawares....
In his battle tent of Samite
still the White Wolf there is smiling
locked forever in that look
which only rarely crossed his face
and his dearest, trusted daughter
leaves her dagger in his ribs
to mark him hers forevermore,
anon, anon....

Glory, never trust a demon
and the Red Dog least of all
the commander of Hell's legions
with her sweetly childlike face,
as she dances there with joy
at the bloody feathers falling
under talon'd feet and hoofed
she devours all the sergeants 
who had claimed that she would fail
for the Red Dog never lost a fight
and Never 
Ever 
Will.

.the mushroom’s revenge 

what do you know?
you sit in your melancholy dreams
and sleep with your winde sucking wives
beneath the misty autumn moon
and drink vodka
after vodka
after vodka
and the mushrooms that you took
so many years ago
take you now
for a little ride
through the stars
and the planets
and the clouds of dusty soot
in the chimneysweepfull towns of english lore
and I wonder as you float
past my melancholy boat
what makes you tick
but I don't really care.


.midnight lamp  

crimson ink and demon spawn
drinking up the midnight lamp
dying dying with the dawn
                  that fucking tramp
Kill the Dawn, hate her so
rip her golden hair off now
dream and grow and feed the flow
			and burn that midnight lamp


.Silence of Noise

damn it all!
where are you!
tell me, damn you!
I feel you
I hear you
in the moments of silence
that scream
I touch you in my mind
in my range of hearing
I scream
scream
scream
where!
I know you are here somewhere
in this cacophany of gibberish
somewhere
somewhere
in this silent noise
which fades to a buzzing murmur as 
the screams of the dying 
and dismembered
fade into memory
and I seek you
seek you
you....
the silence of the sounds
the sounds of the silence
why did you leave me here
alone and dying
in shame


.unforgotten bliss  

 And I think of you
 my Kimberly
 my sun
 my moon
 my stars
 and I hold you in my arms
 within my dreams
 oh, light, dear light the memories
 my lover
 my love
 I hold you
 hold me
 hold me

 and I dream of you each morning
 as I pass into sweet slumber
 and I hold your face
 your touch
 inside my heart and mind and soul
 and I dream of you my darling
 and I hold you close and near
 and I love you, 
 oh, I love you
 .... a tear
 yes, a tear I weep for glory
 and  a tear I weep for passing
 and I hold you
 yes I hold you
 in my heart and in my mind
 and I wait here for your kisses
 and I wait here for your touches
 and I wait
 here
 weeping
 in vain
 you are far away
 and far away
 again.....
 from one ocean to another
 from the "sea to shining sea"
 and I weep as you pass over
 over me....
 but still in my arms I hold you
 and still in my mind, my dream
 the sweet bliss we shared together
 can be felt and can be seen
 
 and I lay here
 missing you,
 missing 
 you....
 



.Non-sequential memories 

and so the crimson droplets fall
fall
still
from your brow
to the sand
the vinegar wine which I wiped you with
is better suited
for the drinking
of the masses
than the cleansing
of one clean

and so the crimson droplets fall
fall
fall
from the corner of her lips
and the red lights fade
from his eyes
and he sees what he has done
the trust he has violated
and he takes his own life
in haste

and so the crimson droplets fall
fall
fall
fall
and the dagger in the back
of caesar stained, forevermore
and brutus stands with cassius
and the empire weeps
and time dies

and so the crimson droplets fall
fall
fall
fall
fall
and I dream of her touch
and I dream of her smile
and I dream
the crimson droplets
that came forth from out her skin
in that shattered broken body
and I weep

and so the crimson droplets fall
fall
fall
fall
fall
...fall?


.Sometimes 

Sometimes
in the dark
I think to myself...
"all I want is one,
just one,
relationship
that ends
normally.
Even an
"I hate you
and I never want 
to see you 
again!"
would be better than
"I love you with all my heart 
and soul"
and silence,
awful
silence....
The quietude of the dead.


.Interludes 2000 

even gods submit
to entropy

.Zen Death Poem 14

A brief journey
stork
vulture


.Enigma 

Refuse me not sweet mystery,
be true to me be true.
cannot you tell your dreams to me?
cannot you tell me who,
whose name is hidden here from me?
empower me! A clue?

.an old poem for an old love 

I miss you.
It has been two months since last
we saw one another
a month since last we spoke.
My only view of your face, our past
is a faded, tearstained photograph.


.sigh  

the fire of love burns
but no longer in me
i am beyond hope
the flame is cold
the coals are ice


.With a Smile 

With a smile your eyes
still sparkle
with a laugh
they seem to glow
not reflected light 
but fire within
refracted by the snow
When you speak to me 
I feel your eyes meet mine....
And they make the smile within me
warm and shine....
And I smile back in silent thanks
for being such a friend...
and perhaps sometime.... 
some time...
time will...
not end....


.Relux  

From the dawn of time
to this moment
where I stand
robed in glory
atop the mountain
of the gods...
I clutch the thunder in my hands.
The time has come to make
my
decision.


.too much  

up
down
which?
huh?
left
right
isnt it all 
the same?
how in the hell
can I keep
this 
bullshit
up
eighteen 
out of 
twenty-four
is nine
out of twelve
is 3
out of 
4
so I 
am working
forty-five
minutes
and sleeping 
fifteen.

Sunday, right?
what?
huh?
Tuesday?
no...
can't be.
Do I sound
as tired
as I feel?
Do I sound 
as FAKE
as I feel?
My god, 
I need 
another
vacation
far
far
far
away....


.deja vu 

a babe in the womb
dreaming the first dream
i dream my life


.Irony 

seven years after she died
was I born.
she was born seven years
after I died.
seven years in her arms
seven years to know her
seven years to learn
the true meaning of
Alone.
This wheel of time turns
always
and we live our lives
as we may
but seven years 
in the darkness
in Her Light
is the true Life.


.Never  

Give and
Give and
Give and
Give and
Give and
Give and
Give.
But never give
up.


.in Formality  

Snoozy
woozy
boozie
floozy
oozie
choosey
schmoozy
Suzy
caboozie....
a few of the many reasons
I prefer
the proper name....


.Silence  

I wonder 
what true silence 
is like...
always there 
seem to be
sounds
within my silences...
And darkness...
what is true darkness?
In the deepest night,
I see.
Even with my eyes shut
hiding beneath the blankets
in a darkened room
with curtains and blinds drawn
on a moonless, cloudy night
in the sparsely populated countryside,
I See.....


.Oww  

a throb
a dull 
monofocused
ache
my skull
is squezing me
tighter
and
tighter
my eyes
explode
the Universe
ripples
my head 
is stuffed
with cotton
and 
needles.


.Interludes 335  

Peanuts
and Pepsi
and Tylenol 3....
Don't you just wish
you were me? 


.Vaticination  

Weep, ye tired and foolish souls.
Weep, for the passing 
of an era....
The lamb has devoured
the lion
with venom'd fangs
of adamant.
The serpent tried to warn you.
Who hides the knowledge
of Good and Evil
is
suspect.


.A Thin Line 

Dancing
along
a thin line
leaning across it
almost...
almost....
I wanted to.
She wanted to.
But Friendship
Trumps
Desire.

and so I laid in bed
aching
and finally met with sleep
and in my dreams 
at least
there was
no
line.


.Reassurance 

Isn't it about time
we filled in all
the blanks?


.Interludes #554 

Teflon tape
and
Krazy Glue.

Tell me
who will win!


.Prescription 

calcium and niacin
and erythromycin
and of course the lithium
and gobs of vitamin C
a good nights sleep
and therapy
for you and thou and thee.


.A Simple Question 

To be
or not to be
that is the question.

I speak not here of love
or life
or spirit, souls and dreams...
simply of this....

Grammar.

This needs done.
This needs to be done.

Surely, the way is clear...
But in a land 
where necks
and credit lines
are red
and so little
is read;
perhaps it is not 
surprising, 
this utter dearth 
of eptitude.


.who  

What the fuck

What the fuck

What the fuck
am I supposed to do
now!

Who is she?

WHO, Damn it all to Hell, WHO???

This Penumbraec Doppelganger,
This Illusory Reality,
this Negative Rainbow

who holds nothing
and can not be held

and yet Holds me
even as I Hold her.

WHO!

But how can I ask....
who she is....

I Know her.

I Know Who she is,
What she is...

and I love her

and I Love her.

but I want to know
just who

she

is.
.Fireworks  

THE WORLD'S BIGGEST EVER FIREWORKS SHOW!!!

Let's have fun with fireworks
lets go out and play
let's go light the fuses
and make all the others pay.

The worlds biggest ever fireworks show...
let's see who wins the prize....

Pretty Green smoke
and the brown ones fall.
Pretty Yellow smoke
and the white ones fall.
Big bright flash
and the yellow ones fall.
With a flash and a crack
all the black ones fall.
With a silly shaped cloud
all the red ones fall.

Let's have fun with fireworks
lets go out and play
let's go light the fuses
and make all the others pay

We won't play with matches
all at once
we will take turns
and dance before the pretty light
as all that we know burns.


.Thunderstruck 

I stand 
thunderstruck
staggering
in my mind
while my soul
says
"Welcome 
Home."


.battle  

a providential combination
of ruthlessness
and luck
decides
the day.


.interludes 700 

the spawn
of a thousand demons
and a hundred
thousand
doves
take flight
for this 
scene


.Perhaps a Fool  

The higher the mountain
the further the fall
and yet, I keep climbing.


.Nate  

I had a buddy 
back in college
named Nate.
A great guy, 
a good friend.

He was really big on Kafka,
but understood
Neitzsche,
and we had the greatest 
conversations...
and the parties were always
unique.
A keg of beer
a magnum of wine
some good brandy
poetry
philosophy
music
me smoking my pipe
a nice smoothe cherry or apple flavored
tobacco
Nate with a Cuban cigar
as long as his arm
that he picked up in Windsor
and smuggled across the border
and everyone else with their
incendiary of choice
or not
and of course
Hamlet.

Nate was an English lit. major
minoring in drama.
He never really wrote anything 
original
that I knew of,
but he did
the best
goddamn Hamlet
you will ever find.
He had the damn thing memorized
in three different languages
English
German
Danish
and Hamlet's soliloquy...
"To be...	
	or not to be"
in Twelve.
He did it in Swahili 
once.
At think that's what he said it was.
But I still prefer auf Deutsch....
"sein, oder nicht sein?"
We used to strap on our swords
and walk around the building
reciting Shakespeare
but only after Nate
made Heineken's stock rise at least a point
and I 
spent some quality time
with the Collins family.

Sure, his roommate was a pain,
he pissed in the elevator,
climbed 5 stories up the WDET radio tower
during a storm
and got into a knife fight
with a bag lady 
strung out on heroin 
all in the same night
not to mention the bastard spilled my screwdriver.
(alcohol abuse!)
But Nate always 
covered his ass
and everyone else's too.

Like I said
Nate was a pretty good guy.

Too bad we lost touch.


.An even dozen 

eleven seemed excessive
but not quite enough
so
for my tastes
so i figure one more
and I can get my paperwork done

does a dozen poems
an even dozen
in five hours
seem
excessive?
I will never finish my website at this rate
without a well armes
and well trained 
staff
of dozens
not enough hours 
in a day
not enough days
in a week.
My ship in a bottle
crosses a thousand seas
under full sail, 
and I 
also am
awake.

.dancing  

We are dancing slowly 
to the music
and I do not know
the words
but still I sing them 
softly
into
golden 
hair....


.interlude with wine and song 

Rubbing noses with my lover
underneath the candlelight
as we dance above the shadows
we've had too much wine tonight....


.Recall  

We danced
slowly
I kissed her hair
she kissed my neck
slowly
we danced
I ran my fingers
through her hair
she laid her head
on my shoulder
and we moved
to the music
of our hearts

we danced
slowly
and we laughed
and we cried

and
		I 
			cry.


.A Lullaby  

Sleep well tonight
	dear child
lay back your head
	and rest
Just close your eyes
	and slip into
		a dream...
Forget your waking fear
	there are no demons here
Just Butterflies
	and clouds
		of fluffy white...
And sleep
	and dream
of happy memories
	of sunsets over seas
		and moonlit lakes....

	and me....


.My Blood  

Tonight
the Universe
the Fates
conspire
to remind me
of a dream,
a heartfelt desire
I once had
that still remains
encased in stone
locked
behind doors
of adamant....

With these 
children running by
and stopping
to talk with me
so seriously, 
seeing the world
in a different way
and as I see them
I see her
in my mind
my daughter
who never was
and will not be....
But... down another path
another place
another possibility
another reality
I see her still...
and me....

Brushing long golden hair
singing lullabies
chasing butterflies
picking wildflowers
for her mother
teaching her to read
to dance
to sing
the light in her eyes
as she delights
in this world
which is 
hers 
alone....
My beautiful perfect child...
who never was...
who can never be....

I will never hear a child's laugh
and know that she is mine
I will never get to watch her smile
or laugh
or cry
or fall in love.

Even a god
such as me
cannot change the past
and I sit in pain
and remember a child who once was
a foolish child
and silently scream at him
to get help,
to say something,
and he stands and falls 
again and again and again
as the temperature rises
and his blood becomes poison
but no one believed him
when he cried
and could not tell them why
and the temperature rises
and the poison spreads
and he falls again
and cannot rise
and drags himself
a thousand miles 
across a single room
and the temperature rises
and the poison spreads
and still no sweat
pours from him
How can he be sick?
If he isnt even sweating,
he doesn't even have a fever.
and he tries to talk 
but he cannot do that
and I silently scream louder
HELP HIM!!!
but they do not hear
too busy are they
with the important things
in their lives
washing dishes
or putting on makeup
and the temperature rises
and the poison hits home
and a little girl
who never was
will never be
again
finally someone sees
that the boy I see
has made a mess
thrown up 
without the energy 
to project
or even to move
he lies silent 
and barely conscious
in his own expectorant
but it is too late
for the little girl
I hear again
the doctors
"He will live
and his mental faculties 
will remain
as for the rest...
it is too early to tell for certain
he is too young
but in my professional opinion



He 


will 


never 


have 


children.


Perhaps if he had gotten
treatment
sooner.... 
but we cannot be sure.
He will have to be tested
to be certain
once he has passed
his maturing period"

The doctor thought
the boy 
was asleep
in his bed
but boys hear things
they should not hear
see things
they should not see
it is their nature.

and I see the confusion 
on the boys face
and the turmoil
in his heart
and it mirrors 
my
own
and the fear...
yes, the fear...
I fear.
he fears.
I do not fear
to admit it.
tonight
I am not a god
and I am barely
a man
i am that scared
confused
boy
lying on the bed
with a bandage on his arm
covering the spot where the needles fed upon him
and where they fed into him
awake
alone
unable to cry
because only girls cry
and he will never
be able
to hold his daughter
as she cries
never be able
to brush the tangles from her hair
or from her life
never cry at her birth
her wedding
or even her death
for she cannot die
for she cannot live
and tears... could never
never
never
cover that
only pain.
Tonight I am no god.
tonight I am  no man
tonight... I am nothing.
nothing but the boy
holding in the tears
holding off the fears
screaming silently within
his soul
at the pain
of those words
of that knowledge
of the sentence
passed down upon him
by fate.
And still I see her there
running through the gardens
plucking flowers for her mother
and for me....
Long golden hair
and deep blue eyes
which all my family bears
save me
the blood of Vikings
the blood of Kings
the blood which burned 
within a boy
and ended
what never began.

And I will never sing to her....

	"Hush-a-bye
	don't you cry
	go to sleep my little baby....
	When you wake
	you will find
	all the pretty little horses....

	Blacks and bays
	Dapples and greys
	Running in the night
	When you wake
	You will find
	All the pretty little horses...

	Hush-a-bye, don't you cry
	Go to sleep, a-little baby
	Blacks and bays, dapples and grays,
	Coach and six-a-little horses
	Hush-a-bye, don't you cry
	Go to sleep a-little baby"

...my favorite lullaby....

perhaps I should sing it
to the boy
who is hurting
tonight
who is not
the god he was
this morning
and will be
tomorrow
perhaps he will sleep
and dream of happy things
of a world where life
is not 
this ugly
hopeless
grey
that it is 
tonight.

.A Slice of Life Poem -for Lucy- 

Happy days are here again
and the sun is brightly shining
Happy times are back my friend
there's no time left for pining
	...or whining.

It's ever so nice 
	to see you again
to hold you so close 
	in my hand....
I smile with delight
	I have found you again
you tremble as I stand....

And as I stand
there holding you
the sun gleams all the while
and as my hands
move slowly down
a flush comes to your smile
and as the red
comes to your smile
I giggle with delight....
My dearest darling Lucy took
another slice
of life.


.interludes 1203 

What am I doing?
What am I doing?
I am not here,
but Elsewhere....


.just numbers 

another 
16
at 
8
only wanted 
40
and I wish
with all 
4 
chambers
of my heart
that I was
home
with my
2
pillows
and my
1
sweet 
dream.



.Vulk pt 4 -- Scent of She 

I pause
in my trek
through the forest
place my nose
to the ground
for a closer smell...
not  rabbit
or  deer
or even
wolf pack
smell...
something
wild
and 
free
and
alone...
like...
a Name....

"The wind whips in from the ocean
on a moonless night of a million stars
running through the tide pools
the salt spray against her fur
solitary and free and happy
challenging all to find an equal
and yearning
for a superior...."

I paw at the earth,
and scratch the tree
and leave my Name
beside hers
a testament
to my lone company
in her solitary
journey....



...A scent left on the tree and soil -- 
Stands alone atop the mountain
calling challenge to the Moon 
while the wind blasts 
and the stars sparkle
and no Pack waits below....


.Train(of-thought)wreck  

I. Prelude to a Restraining Order


Oh thou, sweet love of leaden heart
who has spurned my own affection...
what did I to deserve this jilt?
What brought your traitorous defection?

You whore, you leprous she-mule's get!
You aren't worthy of my spit!
If you were here I'd take your eyes
and jam them deep between your thighs!
How DARE you make me look the fool?
Well, I'll no longer be a tool...
I'll burn before I love again!
Oh, Light... oh dear sweet Light, the pain!

...perhaps a flower, rightly sent
will help to mend this woeful rent.
If only I can prove I care, 
perhaps, at least, in that she'll share!

Or maybe, yes, of course, she'll love!
(You fool, she's only testing you!)
My darling sweet, my most chaste dove...
she wants to see what I shall do
and I shall prove my love is true.
My love resounds from every cell
for who else is the world but you?
I'll kiss your picture at each bell,
I'll serenade you every night
and sing you to sweet sleep....
I'll make the music soft and light
and hope that thoughts of me will seep
into your heart, and hopes and dreams
and make me in your mem'ries fair,
and then perhaps you'll think again
and then...
perhaps you'll truly care.


II.  Reality Smacks You Hard Between the Eyes

But I delude myself. You'll not.
Such a hope is naught but rot
Denial brought out a foolish plot
A trial for something I've not got --
A hope with you, I mean by nought.
The only dreams I had were fraught
with myriad pitfalls for the mind
madness leads what love makes blind.

And so I must regain my sight
and purge this madness through and through.
I must believe the sun makes light
it does not emanate from you
nor do the stars shine from your brow
nor moonlight from your eyes...
no longer to your altar bow 
with joyous or with plaintive cries.


III. Vow

With sight and sanity regained
I see this folly as... one past...
and swear I cannot not fall again....
A vow, I fear, that will not last.


.Interludes 4199 

Welcome
initiates...
welcome 
to the frontiers
of your mind....
the madness
of my
domain.
A whisper
is a shout
and the sun
always rises
in the 
west
(except 
when
it doesn't)
where demons
and 
angels
dream,
and stormclouds
gather
on unseen
horizons.


.Relentless Memory 

here
i lay
looking
at the bottom
of the glass
as i have already
so many times
tonight
and the glass still shows
a picture
of 
her
face
sam i thought i told you
never

never

you must remember this
must i
why
what if i want to
forget it
why cant i
her face
still shines
at the bottom
of
the
glass


.The Truth 

ford taurus is getting 
a makeover
something about losing
an oval
or an ovum.
melissa is spreading...
will she spread for you?
the omni 2000 trailer hitch
has a larger headline
than the albanian refugees
and something called
"the michiana 
	womens 
		directory"
is being published
in purse 
sized
editions....
sounds sexist to me
yarn barns
and day care centers
and a harley davidson shoppe
why do i even bother 
reading 
this worthless
local
paper
the back of 
a
shampoo bottle
is more
educational
where else can i
learn about
sodium
lauryl
sulfate
and 
the night blooming
kangaroo paw
flower

.another drive 

Driving home 
from work
singing
to myself
silently
thinking of days
gone by
calm,
cool,
collected....
A flash of red
in front of me.

My index finger,
my middle finger
and my thumb
lift
in that time honored gesture
of my Family
and 
others
as my voice
rings
out....
"A! Yousonofabitchyoubastard!
I'magonnabreakayoufuckinlegs!!!
Where the fuck you learn how to drive!
A!  Whatsamattafoyou!
YouknowwhatI'msayinyouunnerstannamehea?
I'm gonna bust you fuckin kneecaps, granny!
Why don't you learn how to fuckin drive
you sonofafuckyoufuck!"

Why do people cut you off
on a four lane Highway
when you are going
TWENTY-FIVE MILES AN HOUR FASTER
THAN THEY ARE?????
Fucking idiots.
So here's granny
going 35 in a 55
after cutting me off
and now the road is down 
to two lanes
so I ride her ass for a while...
if it was nighttime
I would back off 
and turn on 
my brights.
This bores me
and I am still mad.
I back off and 
slam on
the accellerator
up to about 70
and pass her
and slow to...
oh, about 25...
and begin weaving 
back and forth
just in case she is stupid enough
to try to pass me.
Shortly thereafter
I grow bored
and annoyed
and grab 80 
to make up for
lost time
and return
to my silent
ruminations....


.Brief Letter in thanks 

Dearest....

In Passion we learn Bodies.
In Fantasy, see Souls.
But it takes
Conversation
to know the Mind...
and I thank you
for
Last Night....


.Oven  

Turn it up 
a couple notches
to a sizzle
crackle
pop.
Cooking 
never 
seemed
to be 
much 
fun.
The chef here
wears an
armband
and to him
that
makes it
right
to burn
the meat.


.Oracle  

Such awe
and
majesty
surrounds
the soothsayers'
claims...
to know
before
the step
is taken
to tell
before
the die
is cast.

I crush your crystal balls
I shatter screeing mirrors
and use your curved blade
to cut your throat
as I cast you
into the fuming pits
of Delphi.

You will not
tell me
my
future.
The past 
and present
I know...
the future
is the mystery
that makes a life
a Life.
who can say 
what the future
may hold?
why 
would
we want
to ask
save in moments
of self 
doubt?
the future
is ours
to shape and forge
and press on
towards
and through...
and I intend
to make
the most of it.

.dancing with a friend  

dancing slowly with you
so warm in 
my 
arms
the saxophone
and piano
dance too
looking into your eyes
looking into a dream 
of time 
and life
and you
and we dance slowly, sweetly 
and remember the kiss 
that we shared in that moment 
in time 
and I smile 
and you smile 
as we dance 
neath the moon
and the stars
while the birds 
and the breezes
and I
sing.

.proof  

the thunder begins...
the storm is at hand 
spring... has arrived 



.Who!!!  

Who in the hell
took a bite from the moon
and left him
bleeding
orange?


.interludes 121  

it only takes one
to tell a lie
but it takes 
one
to 
believe
it,
too.


.A Man  

I am who I am.
I am the god 
of my domain 
I am the frightened  
little boy 
in the hospital 
I am the cuttingly sarcastic 
curmudgeon 
I am the hopeless romantic 
the writer 
the poet 
the dreamer 
the noble soul 
the loving heart 
the gentle touch 
the brilliant mind 
the unflappable ego 
the wise fool 
But more than any of these 
I am a Man 
and That 
is the mountain 
upon which 
I 
Stand .


.8-6 Dodgers  


Opening Day.
The Diamondbacks 
lost;
But the Snow
is still soft,
and sparkles
beneath
the Arizona
Sun.


.Ne Plus Ultra  1 

mushroom suzy
mushroom sam
ate a jitterbug
down in mushroom land
when they shimmy
drivin' a Jimmy

red light
green light
yellow light
blue light
black light
hot light
MAGENTA!!!!!!!


.Ne Plus Ultra 2 

Staring at a crack
just like your mothers back
in the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel
Tap and Bar and Grill
on the corner of washington
and hively street in Pickens
Pennsylvania
Penny Penny come to me
make the sweetest love to me
Touch me with your bleeding hands
Love me with your bleeding hands
Penny Penny come to me
Make your sweet sweet love to me
Burn me with your bloody touch
Burn me with a bloody

	cigarette....



.Ne Plus Ultra 3 

Flash Light
Orgasm
Flash Light
Orgasm
Come beneath the sheets
Come beneath the moonlight

Naked smoke and misery
Press your soul inside of me
watch me as I burn it up
just like I did to mine!

Flashlight
Orgasm
Fleshlight
Orgasm
Go between the sheets
Go between the moonlight
and the moon.


.Ne Plus Ultra 5 

scissors are sharper
than staples
and rubber bands
and rubbers
(except for ones that break)

.Ne Plus Ultra 6  

When you're in love with a demon
a killer
a woman
a handgun
a bottle
a needle
your self
there's nothing
you cant take
except 
time.


.Ne Plus Ultra 8  

Judas, Judas, I know what you did!
Shove your 30 silvers, cuz I want a thousand quid
give me all your bloody gold
or I will sing my song
of an oscar meyer stoolpigeon.
Oh, Judas gave us all a day called Easter
Judas gave us a Good Friday tooooo...
and Judas if you don't want me to tell them
I am sure you know just what to do....
beneath the rock
beneath the tree
(the acorns fall)
at midnight --
Gomorra time.


.Ne Plus Ultra 9  

Reap what you sow
Rip what you sew
Rape what you so...
envy and despise.
Mother Earth?
George Carlin --
"Hey, she was askin'
for it."

.Ne Plus Ultra 10  

Rancid lard, honeycomb
Adjective palindrome
fraudulent mobilehome
...pieces of you...
Arrogant alleycats
socialite little brats
neophyte aristocrats
Nouveau riche gutter rats.


.Ne Plus Ultra  12 

elephantine orgasm
deep beneath the sea
screaming wailing orgasm
dying in the sea
	feel free
to be
	with me


.Ne Plus Ultra  13  

thirteenth floor
bunjee cord
splat
superstitions
and self fulfilling
prophecy


.Ne Plus Ultra  14  

Mommy Mommy
	please don't cry
you weren't supposed to hurt so much
	just 
		die.


.Ne Plus Ultra  15  

sing a song of sixpence
denigrated dough
all the lords and commons
reaping what they sow
whats it take
before they all
will go?


.Ne Plus Ultra  16 

which is yin
and which is yang
whats the white line that divides
red
and blue
and cola


.Ne Plus Ultra  17 

tingle bubble burn
tongue cheek lips
ice cold flames


.Ne Plus Ultra  18 

penny saved is penny earned
money spent is money burned
when the dream surrounds you
like the lightning frogs of hell
ring the bell
ring the bell
ring the bell


.Ne Plus Ultra  19 

impeccable genius
filtered
through the razor sharp haze
of piercingly clear
befuddlement
colors that slice
sounds that stab
smells that burn
taste taste taste taste
TOUCH ME!!!!!
Swathed in cotton batting
batter up its time to sail
thick the fog around my spirit
dark the gods I hail
light it up light it up
take me back into your soul
burn the incense to my gods
and losing
			  losing
					      Lost
								        Control



.Ne Plus Ultra  21  

See the sunbird? 
Whammo Slammo! 
See the bird, son?
Whoa-ho-ho-ho! 
now THAT  
is a nice set 
of legs....


alternate version to please 
certain segments of society....

See the sunbird? 
Whammo Slammo! 
See the bird, son?
Whoa-ho-ho-ho! 
now THAT  
is a nice pair
of headlights....


.Ne Plus Ultra  22  

balanced on the brink
the pit between
nothingness and one

	sleep and wake
		
		Death and dreams.

Nudge me
	Baby...
		Now! 
		

.Ne Plus Ultra  23  

rotting robin
lays in the grass
covered with flies above
with worms below
a springtime oracle
to recall
when the rosebuds
are eaten by the beetles
and the grass stays parched
and brown
and the kite eating trees
throw up
a varicolored multihued
immersion
a grand nylon
hairball
like the cat
who killed the robin
in 
the first place
and, 
for that matter, 
the last.


.Ne Plus Ultra  24  

a warm-up

Aluminum linoleum liniment cinnamon
aluminum linoleum linimennnnT(uh)
kah kay key koe koooo
mee may mah moe moooo
doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doo-beee 
fah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah
sing legato sing smoothly flowing from note to note
s ta c a tto is sho rt a ndsn a a a a py
MAR cato is STRONG with AaAaACcents
pianissimo piano mezzo piano mezzo forte forte fortissimo.....
CON.... 
					BLASTISSIMO!!!!!


.Wonderland 

I love the bread and butterflies in spring
when slithy toves are gimble, warbling...
and I walk throughout the land
my vorpal sword in hand
and escape into a fantasy of me...
in a world thats quite imaginarary.....


.Bliss  

swallow me
eat me whole
worship at my totem pole
open up my heart
and then devour me....

Bare my soul
then undressed
plunge the knife into my chest
tell me how I feel 
and then inspire me....

tragedy and light
ridicule and spite
ignorance is bliss
to those who welcome it...
       (but not
                     to
                          me)

crush my eyes
make me scream
tell me its a wicked dream
wake me up to find
that the dream is real....

grip my legs
bite my lips
break me with your fingertips
salt my open wounds
as my conscience dies....

parody and sound
space and sea and ground
Arrogance is bliss
           (to a man
       like
 me)


.Ne Plus Ultra  25 

eat this drink this
cakes and potions
mushrooms make a nasty tea
and why bother
five minutes of thought
and wonderland
spreads
before you
like a well oiled whore
named Trixie Turner
(or so she says... 
and what does it matter)
that works the bars
in Pickens, PA
from time
			to
				time

.Remembering Christine  

I remember 
holding you
I remember
touching you
I remember 
loving you
But never
being loved....
and I thank the light
I found someone
to love me when I did
and to help me break myself free
from your clutches,
from your web.


.AnTicipation 

bubble gum erections
and a melancholy smile
chew me up and spit me out
love me
love me
love me
leave me,
leave me longing
leave me aching
leave me hurting,
just for you
you dont have to tie me up
you dont have to tie me down
just knowing how it ends provides
the bondage for my will....


.Ne Plus Ultra  26 

whipped 
and chained
boiled 
and drained
and electronically
ascertained
via fax
from out the Glasgow Zoo


.Ne Plus Ultra  27  

Random 
Access
Memory
Read 
Only 
Memory
No wonder
computers and I
get on
so ...
what was I saying?
Warning, fatal systems error in IAOL Temporal Lobe
press any key to continue


.Ne Plus Ultra  28 

feed the fire 
feed the flame
hot tongues lick
a famous name
we do not believe 
in blame
fire is the ultimate
absolution.
watch it burn
take your turn
theres a lesson you can learn
light a match 
watch it go
tend the flow
read the glow
		row
	row
row
	row
		row



.Ne Plus Ultra  29 

all these women 
wanting him
all these women 
needing him
same old story
same old fool
wants the one
who doesn't care
thinks they are
a perfect pair
lapis eyes 
and yellow hair
envelop him...

Far off land a lover waits
reads old letters, masturbates
(not quite true
	but what the hell		
		it rhymes.....)
in the wet another beckons
nimble fingers dulcet song
in the heat another calls
leopard aches for lion prey
to the right so near so close
magnets and silver mirrors....

Dreaming and waking and falling for love
falling and aching and dreaming of dreams
waking and dying and hating the raven
that woke him when the moon
was swathed in mist....
.Ne Plus Ultra  30 

exorcise, feel the burn
drill the hole and set them free
drink the oil thats in the lamp
rub yourself and then rub me.


.Blue Rose and Dandelions 

Blue Rose and Dandelions
waiting for you 
in a vase 
on the table 
at home. 
your lover  
picked them 
While waiting
for you, 
for your smile 
and a giggle and wink 
and a happy sweet day 
in the spring time that glows 
and the fire that grows  
in your heart, 
in his heart, 
in the moon....


.Fools   

a fool be me, 
and also ye, 
as under sun and starlight falls.


.Sign  

"O. K. 	

So let me get 
this straight.
You are telling me
that the sign out front 
says $29.99
but it actually costs
$63.99?"
"plus tax
and the in room safe,"
I add... 
"total comes to
$71.44."
"That's Bullshit, man!"
"Yes, it is.
Our corporate office
is fucking crazy
they are a bunch of lunatics.
But you are even more stupid.
The sign says $29.99 and up"
this I think
but sadly
do not
say
instead opting for
the false smile
and the 
"I'm sorry, 
Have a wonderful 
evening"
as yet another 
profitable 
sale
drives off
into
the night
and I smile
because 
I am not
on 
commission.

.Words  

Words
spoken in anger
Words
spoken in the heat of the moment
Words.
a collection of letter, sylables, sounds, Meaningless, alone.
Words.
Form a hundred thousand tiny pins tipped with poison, together.
Words.
I speak them, you speak them, everyone, every fool speaks them.
Words.
Cannot be called back into the mists, into the darkness of the Void.
Words
Can
Hurt.


.Mnemosyne 

standing in the flowerbed 
thinking of her 
picking all the flowers 
that she loved 
daisies and chrysanthemums and roses 
and making sure I don't forget  
the thorns..... 

I know how much they mean to you 
remember how you cried 
because the fellow at the floral shop 
removed them in advance 
just a silly kid 
but you explained to him 
Beauty... 
it is not only the bloom that makes the rose 
I prick myself on one 
of a deep violet shade 
and my blood drips onto the bloom 
as i raise my fingers to my lips 
Tasting my blood 
I remember biting my tongue 
so many times 
for love of you 

Cutting lilacs free, plucking honeysuckle vines 
smelling your hair as I hold you close in memory 
long heavy hair so soft, so wonderful 
against my fingers  
I loved running my fingers through it 
braiding it with flowers, with honeysuckle vine 
with kisses and touches and whispers of love 
and joy 

I cup my fingers and scoop up the rich earth 
smelling its freshness 
feeling its great potential, even as you would 
enjoying its soft and relative coolness 
the way it crumbles in my fingers 
 and falls 
back home 
but leaves a trace of itself behind 
like you always did 
I follow it down, pressing my palms to the soil 
feeling the earth beneath my hands 
seeing for a moment the image reversed 
my hands supporting the earth... 
a world which I promised you 
sometimes we make promises 
beyond our power 
to keep  
lies 
perhaps 
but loving ones that are understood 
with love 

a cloud crosses the sun 
and I remember 
another hand 
holding earth 
falling down to the ground 
I gather up the flowers 
and I lay them in the spot 
life made for you 
and water them 
with tears. 


.Knife  

"Trust is a knife, 
   and the hilt is as sharp as the blade."
		 --Robert Jordan

I grip the knife tightly
holding onto it, to save my life, my self
the razor hilt severs my skin, my veins
and blood flows freely
the blood of my heart
the blood of my life
the blood of my Trust
and it runs
	to the edge
		of the blade
which you grip in your hands without question
and hold on as tightly as I
the blade edge cuts open your skin, your veins
and blood pulses from you
the blood of your heart
the blood of your life
the blood of your Trust
and it runs
	to the hilt
		of the blade.

The sanguine essence mingles
at the point where hilt meets blade
and it touches me
and it touches you
and we touch
the proscribed touch
of the damned and dismembered
the walking wounded
	who yet dare
		to Trust.


.Forge  

Many tons of ore have met
the hammer
and the flame
And after all the forging
stay the same.
It is a rare metal
a rare fire
and a rare thing, indeed
to produce
the perfect steel.


.Ne Plus Ultra  31 

where the hell did you go	
what the hell are you doing
you stupid bloody ignorant worthless
bastard
leaving your smile
hanging
in the air
over my garden.

I will find a neck on you
	
	someday.....


.Ne Plus Ultra  32 

matresses
bedspreads
and pillows and dreams

the theme 
of my dearest
desire.

too much is too little
but little enough
I require.

Perchance to dream
instead of wake....
expire.


.Ne Plus Ultra  33 

dance with me devils
and demons of light
dance on the bodies
of angels tonight
dragons are flying
the moon full and high
they are alone now
and they rule the sky


.Ne Plus Ultra  34 

broken and crushed
dreams 
crystalline
clear
knife edged razor sharp
Shattered
by the brazen brazen bells


.Ne Plus Ultra  35 

gripping your limp hands lightly
wrapping your wrists with care
strapping your legs so tightly
		to the chair
You said you needed torture
you said you needed pain
that that would help to make you pure
		again
Never been one for half-assed work
it must be done just right
gazing at you, a cold smirk
		you do not fight.
No blindfold here to shade your eyes
the knwledge is the cutting thing
but not enough to spoil surprise
		ar anything.
A rubber strap I wrap so well
dark rubber over creamy skin
your tender veins begin to swell
		the needle's in.
A pale thin yellow plunges through
ensuring that you stay awake
and as the blowtorch flame goes blue
		you shake.
A bucket sits beside the flames
with cold steam rising from within
the fire and ice to start, the games
		begin.


.Rain Drop

Sunlight 
glitters
dances
on the droplet
as it falls
and it falls
and it falls...

And the earth calls out
in need
thirsting
the droplet meets a daisy
striking its gentle petal
exploding
into myriad 
sparkling prisms
that settle clouds of dust
and the daisy
sighs
in relief...


.Musica ecstatica 

Mussorgsky:

Dance and sing
fly on wing
ghosts and demons 
circling
the peasant Gritzko
as he dreams
of his night
alone
on bald mountain.

Ludwig Van:

fires rage and blood boils
rivers of molten ice
and frozen fire
flow at the ninth
the glorious ninth
the perfect, the powerful
ninth.

Wagner:

across the land
rabbits sit up
ears perking
and warriors war
and soldiers fall and die
and through the sky
like gold and silver vultures
the Valkyries 
ride.

Rossini:

and slow fear, fear, absolute nervous fear
and terror
and excitement builds
pulses the blood throughout you
as the apple is placed
and aim is taken
CAREFUL WILLIE!!!

Bizet:

and the blood pulses
and pounds in a different
sort of way
flirting
sultry 
teasing....
Oh, Light, the memories!
hot touch of skin on skin
cheek to cheek
rose in teeth
petals shaken into her hair
over her breasts
slow, slow, slow, inseparable
whipping quickly away
returning
dipping her so close to earth
that short red hair brushed stone
and bright green eyes
mirror a million stars...
my sun, my moon, my stars...
dancing the Habenera,
the greatest of all Tangos
with my soul's most perfect mate.

Orff:

O Goddess Fortune
whose fickle favor
rules men
whose power remains
unmatched
unconquerable.

Respighi:

the Legion marches
returning to the city
Rome!  Rome!
Bastion of power!
Crown Jewel of the Empire!
The Sun is rising
the legion steps lightly
they rise,
for Home is at hand
a few more leagues
down Appian Way

Stravinski:

Oh, Igor! The bird...
thank you
for the bird
the bird of flame
which rages
against evil
shall conquer!


An Aside:

I always 
hated
Gershwin.
(click)


Williams:

Power, Darkness,
Frozen Rage
and Majesty;
Lord Vader's March of Death
the thunder of a galaxy
at war
and a sword of light
a power to dwarf armies
uncountable
throughout the annals of 
Time.


Enraptured
I lay 
surrounded by symphony
after symphony,
marches, movements, concertos...
an orgasm of sound
the nearest explanation...
tears stream freely,
I slip into fantasy after fantasy
inspired
as the music takes hold
the thunder and rage
the tenderness and hope
what silly song
could compare
to the grandeur
the majesty
the unmistakable Glory
of an Orchestra on fire
with the passion
of the music.

"He that ruleth over men
must be just"
I sing along
my clear tenor
recalling
the glorious bass
I once possessed
and retain enough
to do David's Last Words justice
as tears flow
and passions shake me.

"Duh Tvoy Blagiy"
my voice thunders along
with a thousand
contrabass gods
from Mother Russia
"nastavitmia nazemliu pravu
alliluiya"
Chesnekov is 
a god!
and the music lives only
in my mind
electronics forgotten
leafing through the songs
I once performed
before so many
before I set foot
on another path.

"spaseniye so delal
yest poside zemli, bache.
Alliluiya"

"Son, my son!
I will go up to the mountain
and there I will light a fire
to the feet of my sun's spirit,
and there I will lament"
Power
pure and clean
Sing on Brothers!
and they do
and I do
in my mind
and into
my
dreams....


.Ne Plus Ultra  36 

an air of sorrow
(freshly squeezed)
deluminates
her soul
bittersweet pleasantries
saccharine smiles
a honeycoated kiss
	of ice.
She is the cup
to my Socrates
and I drink of her
as willingly.


.Ne Plus Ultra  37 

cobwebs in the corners
of my mind
eat them up, Tom
eat them
as I drink you
and I drain you
from the glass
and you drain me
from myself.


.Ne Plus Ultra  38 

who the hell needs
silicon demons of flame and light which disposess you of your elegant
reminders of a passionless youth.

HEDUNIT!

growth.


.Ne Plus Ultra  39 

all the time
all the time
all the time
allthetime
to see
and be
and free
the rat
from out his cage

.Ne Plus Ultra  40 

how many was that?
too damn many
bottoms up
dino
and shaggy


.The Mirror of Llunett  

silence
a silence
a stillness
of ages.
for forty score years
have I traveled
this land of Prydain
seeking
myself.
I spoke with the eldest and wisest Salmon--
He knew not--
and waited a year atop a once great mountain 
for a sparrow that saw all the world...
but she could not help.
And so I set myself 
a task
to find the Mirror of Llunett,
wherever it may lie...
that Bardic Curse
which leaves me young
eternally
sustaining me
in my quest
throughout
six hundred years
and more....

Until this day.

High within the mountains
in the farthest reaches of Prydain
where no king rules
but Mathonwy
a cave
beside
a lake
named Lake Llunett.

Silence
a silence
a stillness
of ages
a simple pool
filled over ages
by slow seepage
through the rocks
who can say
how deep?
a handspan,
a league....
crystal clear blackness
the utter smootheness
of a pool
never touched
never disturbed.
I look into it
and see
myself
a man
weary and worn
proud and strong
a Man....
Myself.
And I stand
and turn
and begin
my journey
home.


.Dream Time  

I remember 
a dream 
of a dream....
laughing
and giggling
and tickling her
and being attacked
with tickles 
in return.
Kissing her stomach
and blowing hard
making a ppppbbbbbbttttt sound
and vibrating my lips
against her stomach
and she doubles over
in laughter...
a tickle war
ensuing
until we both are panting,
out of breath
and she yawns,
my tired little angel...
I pick her up
and carry her to bed
tucking her in...
Kissing the tip of her nose
and she giggles, sleepily.
I stroke her hair gently
as she holds my hand
and I sing her
into
dreamtime.


.Overcharged  

"one person
truck driver discount"

we don't have a truck driver discount
you pulled up in a car
there are 3 other people in the car
and you are drunk
and rude.

Gosh I wonder why I quoted you
so ridiculously high.


.Liz Claiborne Sport  

I saw her again tonight
smelled her, first, that perfume drifting
towards me like the music
of a snake charmers
flute....
It seems
every time we meet
I ask her what it is, 
this heavenly scent,
and every time she smiles
the most fabulous smile
and tells me...
and I remind myself
to write it down
so I can buy a bottle
or six
for the next woman
I hold
in my 
arms.


.Ne Plus Ultra  41 

today I wrapped my hand up
in a roll of scotch tape
with a pen
in a perfect writing position
and
	could
not
	write!
my paper
and my hand
both 
bald
now.


.Ne Plus Ultra  42 

drink with me
to days
gone by....
drink with me
to days to come
drink with me to day
today
drink with me
drink to me
drink of me
loneliness and misery
alcohol and blood
and other things....

the sangria of the soul.


.Ne Plus Ultra  43 

whip snap
whip crack
burn
white line
of freezing fire
SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
red red blue green
red red blue green
green yellow black white SKY!!!!!


.Ne Plus Ultra  44 - "the white rabbit's song of seduction"

I want you
Damn, do I want you
I want to be with you 
I want you.
In my arms
in my bed
in my home
in my heart
in my soul
whispering my name softly
speaking it seductively
screaming it in passion
shouting it in anger, even, 
because that is a part of you

I want you
I want you
I want you.
Now
tomorrow
yesterday
always
You.
me.

Take me

take me

take me

forever

touch me
trust me
take me

listen

hear

see
touch
feel
know

I am yours

take me

I want you

you want me


love
passion
forgiveness
FIRE
comfort
love
passion
fire
love
take me

my hand
your breast
my eyes
your lips

take me
I want you
take me

you are the one
you are the one
you are my only one

take me
into your mind
come into mine 
we are one
together
apart

I want you
take me
I love you
take me
I trust you
take me
I believe in you
take me.

Come to me
take me
I want you
forever
and tomorrow
and today

kiss me
take me
I want you
Damn do I want you

I want you

I want you

I want you

I
Want
You.

Come to me
Come to me
Love me
touch me
feel me
come to me
come to me
When I touch you it is love
when you touch me it is love
remember who I am?
remember who you are?
I want you
I want you
I want you.
Damn I want you
to hold you 
to touch you
to sing to you 
to kiss you
to pick you up and swing you around in the air 
until you giggle like a child.
to marry you
forever
I want you
I want you
I want you
Come to me
come to me
take me


Ah, Bloody hell.

Silly Rabbit.


.Ne Plus Ultra  45  

matches....
hmmmmmmmmmmmm
scratch
hiss
ooooooohhhhhh
wanna play?


.illusion  

fantasies and memories 
are all quite well and fine
but I need something that is more
of body then of mind
warm hands to grasp
soft lips to touch
sweet whispers in my ear...
too much.

if only there were someone real
and here
who was like her...
within our minds we danced so close
and slept, entwined, as one
But my body's arms were empty,
cold and numb.


.Sleeping Dragon  

The dragon was sleeping
peacefully
but you wanted to see...
you wanted his eyes
you wanted his touch
you wanted his Fire.
And then you saw a little puff 
of smoke...
and ran.
Were you scared?
I hope not.
Dragons mate on wing
amid the stars
and thunder
and the full glory
of the Universe...
and Dragons are Fire
they live Fire
they breathe Fire....
But if you are afraid of the Fire, 
Chances are...
You're going to get
Burned.


.Ne Plus Ultra  46 

mikhail
	gabriel
		rafael
			uriel	
			
michael
	gabriel
		raphael
			auriel				

Knight
	Rook
		Rook
			Knight

Pawns held in my hand.


.Ne Plus Ultra  47 

Grab a wolf's ears
and you'd better hang on 
for the ride

and Baby

when you let them go

WATCH OUT!!!


.Ne Plus Ultra  48 

was thinking about her left nipple last night
she liked it when I paid a lot of attention to it
licking it
sucking on it
squeezing it
scraping my teeth lightly over it
putting my lips around it and then biting them softly together
flicking my tongue across it
writing "I Loooooooove Yooooooouuu" on it
pulling away and blowing softly on it
watching it shiver and stiffen from the chill breeze
placing my lips on it and humming 
a love song
for her.

It was a very nice nipple.
	Still is, I'm sure...
and my lips and tongue...
	those are pretty damn good, too.


Ain't life just a bitch sometimes?


.Ne Plus Ultra  49   

so I see joe comin outta the closet and he says to me

he what!

SAYS to me

before that

Saw 'im comin' outta the closet

what the fuck!

Yeah, how difficult is this for you -- 
	Closet, Joe, Joe, Closet, 
here he's in, now he's out.

Holy Shit!!!

Dude, like whats your problem anyway

JOE's A PANSY???

Hey, like, fuck you, man, I like Joe, he's gonna kick your ass when I tell
him what you just said, man!

but you like, said he came outta the closet!

Its a STORE, man, a fucking STORE

pass me another beer, man, this ones fuckin history

here you go.  so he says to me....


.Ne Plus Ultra  50   

fifty of these goddamn things in a week
holy bloody motheroffuck
this shit is getting old
fading
maybe i need something else
to fucking say
tonight


.Children   

You foolish ignorant stupid children	
I despise you 
you disgust me.
Fools, bloody fools.
Goddess? Demon imp? 
little children playing lets pretend.
the only real ones, you despise...
drink of your own bile and poison
as nothing remains
to sweeten it.


.Ne Plus Ultra  20 

too tired to write
too tired to think
too tired to fuck
or dream


.Ne Plus Ultra  11 

baracuda razor sharp
demons play a golden harp
cut my ear off for a whore
like a man did once before
but my days are starry Days
and my irises
	and sunflowers
		have all
died.
Rotting Decaying feeding the larval
forms of a thousand creeping insects
aching to hatch wings and legs
and crawl over me
and ooze onto me
and ooze into me
and drive me mad
(der)
and to take my car
and drive it too
into the eastern sunset
of the salty
starry skies
of sapphire blue
where crystals gleam
and faded remnants of 
clothings
and civilizations past and future
reign beneath 
the half light of
the poorly squandered tallows
in the Castle
of the Sun.


.Ne Plus Ultra 4  

Whatsamatta with your mom
whatta bitch, what's she on,
man....
She told me that I shouldn't lie
she told me that I made you cry
she told me it was not OK
to die


.Ne Plus Ultra 7  

Signs Signs everywhere
signs
who the f*** has time
to read them
all?


.Wasp

Armored sheen of silky evil black
glints dully neath the noonday sun
Evil Evil Evil beastie
wicked sharp metallic armor 
Spear of poisonous wrath
go back, ye Demon, ye many evil'd thing
begone, foul one, and trouble me no more!
I hate you
with the white hot passion
of a thousand
Supernovae
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE
Raid--good
Wasp--bad
KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL
HATE!!!!
passionless evil made bloodless flesh
cold and frozen and deadly
wicked spawn 
demon fly
evil wasp i bid you DIE!!!!!!!!!


.red light night 

Red
Light
Night
Black 
street
days
and the troops marching
and the guns firing
and the children
all
crying
in shame

and the soldiers
shoulders
weigh heavy
the city taken 
they seek
the only release 
available
red lights shine
on every third window
on Black Street
and off duty men at arms
surround this place
to conquer it
with more... primitive...
weaponry

and the whores moan
and the soldiers shake
and the pimps all pocket the dough

who really won
the war?


.In My Hands....  

and there you were
in my hands
where you belong
and I close them
crushing you
crushing all of you
insects in my power
for I am the kingdom
I am the power
I am the glory 
forever
amen.


.Ne Plus Ultra #51 

WHAT!
oh, my god!
my goddess!
my fallen angel from the stars
my demon princesses of mercy
what has become of you...
my dreams surrounded you
my words inspired you
my touches carressed you
and you carressed
me
tonight
I am
the victim
of my own
hallucinatory phantasms
this illusory reality
which I espoused
has crushed
a part of me
and I 
weep
at
the
surprise.
there is a world
outside my rabbit hole
and the light
still burns
my
eyes


.Apologies to Styx 

I am the Motrin Man 
with Ibuproferan 
my secret you cant see 
the gel cap covers me 
I'm Pillroy! 
Pillroy! 
...Pillroy 


.Wings  

Don't chain me down
don't tie me up
don't underestimate my wings
I will not fit in any cage 
you can conceive.
The leashes I have bitten through
are myriad and legion
and the leash holders 
all drowned in their
own tears.
Oh I am free and that is 
how I will remain
don't try to lock me up
and throw away the key
I will break down my prison walls
and they will crush your prying fingers
as I fly up to the mountain
where I stand above the earth
framed by the rising sun
the setting moon
the stars and clouds and seas
where I am free to be 
the person
I was meant to be.

Don't chain me up
don't tie me down
don't underestimate my wings
I will not fit in any cage 
you can conceive.
Yes, I will spread my wings
and sip the air
and fly up to my mountain
in the raging sea....

Oh I will break your mighty chains
and I will fly up to the mountain
where I stand above the earth
framed by the rising sun
the setting moon
the stars and clouds and seas
where I stay free to be 
the person
I was meant to be...
...by me.


.Fuego  

Her name  
she says 
means fire 
and it seems  
to me 
an appropriate 
title 
for one 
who burns 
inside .


.Old Hank  

Old Hank was a mean bastard
drank straight whisky
from the bottle
and kept a loaded six shooter
on each hip....
Had hard green eyes
that cut like knives
or stars.
He smelled of the road
	of onions
	sweat
	horse
	whisky
	smoke from the gambling parlors....
He played a pretty mean hand
of poker
		(shot anyone who beat him, 
		so he didn't lose very often)
he fell in love once
with a woman
not the type
he usually had
the whores, the barflies
but a "quiet,
clean,
girl
in a soft
gingham dress."
Her name was 
Elizabetta.
He went to her
with a bouquet 
of wildflowers
and asked her
to marry
him.
she said "no, never, never!"
...
the smoke cleared
and he put the flowers in her hands
folded over her breasts
hiding the gaping hole in her chest
to match the one
in his soul
and the whisky
didn't
heal it
so
he climbed back up
on 
Old Hemorrhoid,
(his horse... a story for another day)
and he rode 
across the sunset
down to
Mexico.


.Old Hemmorhoid  

He was a big green eyed
grey stallion
with a gait as smoothe 
as a rough cut plank
and a spine
like a rasp file.
He could smell a mare
three states
away
and would sell his soul
and his brothers
for half a chance
at a piece of ass.
He slept twelve hours a day
and made noise
all night long
and smelled bad.
He had a perpetually 
foul
temper
and breath to knock
a cowboy down
at thirty paces
and he liked to kick
and buck
and bite.
The moment 
he met Hank
it was a match
made
somewhere south
of heaven's 
border.


.Memorrhea  

cheap wine		 
and cigarettes		
drifting 		
through my		
hazy		
sleepless		
mind		
looking		
for something		
to connect to		
and complete		
the 		
picture....		

.Sakura Wind

monarch butterfly
pausing at the passing of
the sakura wind.


.Contempt

slightly parted lips...
slightly narrowed eyes...
and a voice
dripping
with sarcasm
and 
condescension...
A thinly veiled contempt
for all
"man unkind."


.My Pen

My PEN!!!
Oh, Joy of infinite 
Light Blessed
eternal joys
my pen
has
been restored
to me...

It forms to my fingers
becomes a part
of
me
even as
I write...
it sparkles 
in the candlelight
carbon-nickel fibers
gleaming....

It has been... 
far...
too long.


.review  

this is
the best 
goddamn 
tom 
collins
I 
have
ever
had
that 
has ever had
me.
Though the 
tablecloth
is vinyl
the napkins
are cloth
and the wait staff
is 
reasonably
competant.
my hands 
are stiff
and the steak
is dry
and my 
resulatant
table manners
are somewhat
peccable...
but I write
again
and drink this 
drink
and that
is
enough.


.The Fire's Place

Bank up the coals
and let them
smolder
and wait
for fuel
that does
not
burn up
completely
at a single
touch....
no more tinder...
the fire
is
self
contained
it awaits
only
more...
seasoned...
fuel
to feed
and feed 
upon....


she has a laugh like a...

Silky voice
stroking at me
as we speak...
easing... caressing...
seducing me
without 
seduction
falling into her speech
falling
into her eyes
falling
into
her...

and she laughs...
and my 
entire
body 
quivers...
with
the 
effect
of that
sound, 
that 
experience....
The exact 
same
sensation
inside
as a long
awaited
and much 
anticipated
initial
placement
of soft lips
on swollen
manhood....
Smiling, I shiver again
remembering it...

and pick up the phone...
to reach out
and touch
some 
one....


.September 2nd

A less than woeful
lack
of 
commiseration
envelopes me
as I watch
the burning city's
lights
that darken
one
by 
one
until the only light
remaining
is the torch
of Lady 
Liberty
and it dies,
too, 
as liberty
folds
and all
that remains
is a muddy sky
and broken
backs
and the people's
state
of
america....

I scowl at the 
insanity
and begin to plan
the next part
of the new
revolution....


.she told me 

she told me 
  she was
	a
  sapphire
a precious
gemstone
unflawed
catching the light
pure
and we loved.
trapped inside her facets
like any fool 
primitive
with a sparkling 
light
I never thought
to look
at
the whole
picture.
she is one hell
of a woman
one hell
of a lover
one hell
of a liar.
A lie.
Lie.
Manipulating, thieving, wench.
She chews them up
and spits them out
and they end up
much
much
much
less beautiful
then they began
much less beautiful
than the words
she writes
much less beautiful
than the face
that she shows the world.
("Don't tug on superman's cape
don't spit into the wind"	
and don't ever make love	
to	
that ol' blue	
widow	
'cause you'll never	
be the same		
again)				
How many flies
are in
the blue widow's
web
as she sucks
them
dry.
and they
	die
		loving
			it.
she swallowed
the wasp nest
the sparrow nest
olympus
a demons dream
the white
rabbits
hole
and then
the world
and another
and another
and
another.
{little bird told me
she was going 		
after a colony			
somewhere
next					
but
what		
lives											
in a colony???}

A Warning
on the rabbit hole
the wasp nest
the hives
and lodges
and mines
and caves
and clouds
and mountains
on all
asgard
olympus
niffleheim
paradiso
hel
hell
hades
tartarus
any home
of god
or titan
or insect
or
even
MAN
if such
remains
in these
days
of yo-yore


dont fall
into
the trap
the pretty fire
the pretty sparkle
burns
instantly
but is not
noticed
until
"eventually"
that not easily
defined
moment
of lucidity
when the 
Blue Widows
poisons
momentarily
fade
and they never die
until you do
her fangs
inside
are never
pulled
free
still ache
for her touch
for her poisoned kiss
for her
sometimes
even when
I know
it would
destroy
me.
Fair warning given.    


good day, all.


.Mass 

with a smile
i snap the crozier
in two
tear the pages from your shameful
compilation of an excellent collection
of ancient stories
with a revolting addendum of
sickening mediocrity and
pitoful
suicide/sacrifice-morality
and burn them
crush your mouldy bread,
his "body"
in my hands
and spill his blood
your wine 
across the aisles....
split the collection plates in twain
and scatter the supposed ransoms
for the stained and tainted souls
to the earth
rip down
the icon
of the dying god
of suffering
and pain
and self-destruction
snuffing all the candles
and taking responsibility
for my own life
my only prayers are the ones
I answer myself.
chopping the altar into kindling
to start a new fire
a pyre
for the cremation
of self
deception.


.cough

I am so
so 
so
tired
of this cough...
for twenty one days
my lungs
have scarcely rested
my neck is
rock
hard
from tense
and twisted
muscles
my head 
aches
more
with each
heave
of my diaphragm
as I lay
listening
to the raspy 
bubbling
of fluids
in my lungs
and simply
wish
they would
pool up
and 
end
it
all....

.Colors  

you read my words 
but do you see them?
do they paint a picture
a story
in your mind?
Can you see them 
with all the colors 
of imagination?
Open up your mind
and let my words 
inside
hear them
see them
feel them
be them...
as you read...
step into my world
my domain
step into me
then 
you will have
the full 
experience
of the colors
of my mind
the Colors
of
Trust.


Poetry Archive 3

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