You Know Your A Biker Quiz

Biker IF

  • If your wife has ever asked you to move the bike so she could see the TV better.
  • If you have ever had to borrow a helmet for your date.
  • If you have ever left your wife at home so you would have room on the scoot for beer.
  • If you have ever bought saddlebags so you could carry more beer.
  • If you ever had the wife follow you in the car so she could bring even more beer!
  • If your best friends are named after reptiles.
  • If you own 26 black T-shirts.
  • If you consider Iron Horse deep reading.
  • If taking your wife on a cruise means a putt down the interstate.
  • If your best shoes have steel toes.
  • If you ever quit a job to go to Sturgis.
  • If you took the job to pay for the rest of your tatoo.
  • If you have ever had motorcycle parts in the dish washer.
  • If you have more than one peanut tank lying around the house.
  • If you use your bandana as a skull cap and a gas cap!
  • You wear everything leather (even your underwear!)
  • Your idea of jewlry is chains and barbwire.
  • You can ride a motorcycle and eat a weiner suspended above you on a hook at the same time.
  • Every article of clothing you own has the letters "FTW" on it.
  • You buy your 3-year old niece a Harley Davidson t-shirt.
  • You enjoy drinking out of human skulls.(private joke)
  • You take your little sister to a head shop.
  • You have your bike tore apart in your living room.
  • Tattoos, tattoos, tattoos.
  • Sturgis is your dream vacation.
  • You have a friend named FROG.
  • You named your bike "Shania."
  • You write articles for IRON HORSE.
  • This is your Dad:
  • You know you're a biker when the furnace man won't come back 'til you roll those bikes to the other end of the basement
  • can tell what kind of bugs are out by taste.
  • are only sunburned on the back of your hands
  • carry around a crushed can in case of soft tar
  • know from painful experience why your wallet does not belong in yourback pocket
  • You know you are a biker when it becomes apparent
  • that your hair doesn't
  • have a part.
  • If, after you've pulled your bike into the motel room, you use a guest towel to wipe it off...
  • If you think fine art is a David Mann centerfold stapled to the wall...
  • If you think anybody who hasn't been riding at least ten years is still a prospect...
  • If your scoot has a kick starter...
  • If you call an electric starter a whimp button...
  • If you call anybody who doesn't ride a "citizen"...
  • If you think a motorhome is a tent and sleeping bag on a Harley... (We call ours "Winebego-Davidson"!)
  • If you don't need a Harley t-shirt to look like a biker...
  • You just return home from a long trip and keep scootin right past your house.
  • You don't care if the weather is gonna clear.
  • You go to the hospital & see a new born baby & say yea I guess bout 50weight.
  • You think a HARDTAIL is really just another piece of ass you can't get.
  • Your ole Lady has to climb over the scoots in da basement to do the laundry.
  • You think BLACK & ORANGE would make nice house colors.
  • You won't even own a cage or truck.
  • You think GOD invented winter for you to wrench.
  • Your idea of a poddle is a small Pitbull.
  • You cancelled you'r subscription to Playboy because to boring without scoots.
  • Your friends have to call before comming over so you can lock up da guard dogs.
  • You wake up in the middle of the night & worry bout your scoot.
  • People know your a biker even when you don't want them to.
  • You know how many teeth on your rear sprocket & how much torque for your head bolts.
  • You had reservations at the Grey Bar Hotel!
  • You are thinking up biker shit for this freakin page.
  • You use AOL knowing it sucks but really don't give a shit cause you just want to bang chicks with names like Harlychic.
  • You have a name like Billy 5Speed!
  • You're children have an uncle named Animal, and a Godfather named Doc.
  • You've ever taken your children to a head shop.
  • You've ever taken your kids to the circus on a scooter (one at a time)
  • Ya puke off to the side of yer bike, while ridin' 80mph, just ta keep up with the rest of the crew. Kinda gross, but it can be done...just trust me on this, and get to the back of the pack first...
  • If your p.j.'s have chains and spikes.
  • If your old lady wears a leather nightgown to bed.
  • If you've never owned a car in your life!
  • You know in your heart that anyone in a cage is "out to get me."
  • If the only musclecar you'll own is an El Camino (funny how well a softail custom fits if you drop the tailgate.......)
  • you've ever had to clean gas off yer living room floor in the middle of the night cuz yer old lady's cat chewed a hole in yer fuel line (not to mention having to clean the cat off the living room floor)
  • If your buddy at the muffler shop's last words were "Sure I can weld up that hole in yer tank, wait here"
  • If you own a triple cuz it's almost a Twin and hell, nobody's perfect 1: That oil spot on the garage is just the bikes way of "marking it's territory"
    2: You have ever started a barbque with a welding torch
    3: All of Yer children have either "Harley" or "Davidson" in their name
    4: You own more Harley-Davidson t-shirts than underwear
    5: Any day you can ride is a good day
    6: You come home and curse the "god damned cagers"
    7: You have to chant "Harley-Davidson, Vroom, Vroom" to go to sleep
    8: People have nearly died of starvation looking at all Yer bike/run pictures
    9: Every picture you take has you/Yer bike/women in it
    10: You stare longer at the pictures of the bikes in Easyriders than the naked women
    11: You save Yer dirty oil from Yer bike to put in Yer truck, cause "hey! it's just a truck"
    12: Yer other vehicle is a truck
    13: You can drink more beer than a platoon of Marines, then really start to party
    14: YOu don't go a day without wearing something that says "Harley Davidson"
    15: Yer wedding picture is you on Yer bike "who? oh yea the bride"
    16: If the weather is too bad for riding you start Yer bike and sit on it in the garage
    17: Then first thing you said after you got hit by that car was "Where is my beer?"
    18: You get hit by a car, break Yer leg in three places, then tell the nice police officer, "I'm fine I can ride home"
    19: You think other motorcycle manufacturers should stick to making cars or whatever it is they do
    20: It's not a really good party unless someone rides their bike into the bar and does doghnuts
    21: It's not a proper bar unless you can bring Yer bike in
    22: You dream of owning a Harley dealership
    23: You dream of owning a Custom Motorcycle shop/machine shop
    24: You have ever been too drunk to fish, but not ride
    25: Yer 3-piece suit is Chaps, leather vest, leather jacket
    26: You have a refrigerator in the garage just for beer
    27: Yer garage has more square footage than Yer house
    28: Yer bird can repeat "This is the Police!" with uncanny accuracy
    29: You have every episode of "Renagade" on tape
    30: yer ol'lady brags about the hicky she put on Yer penis
    31: You think bike oil is a sex aide
    32: If you wake up next to Yer ol' lady, you're first thought is of her. If Yer second thought is, 'Damn, I wonder if that bike's gonna start.'
    33: Everytime you hear a vehicle with headers you look for a Harley
    34: when you plan a vacation you set up time to visit the bike shops first
    35: High fashion is Black and Leather
    36: The Bike ramp is a permemant part of Yer truck
    37: Yer kids learned to ride on the back before they could walk
    38: Jevhova's Whitnesses won't talk to you
    39: You have all the tools to work on every Harley ever made, but not any to work on yer ol'ladys car
    40: It's impossible to see out of yer trucks rear view mirror because of all the Harley stickers
    41: You shot someone because he "dissed" yer bike
    42: You think yer bike really is an extension of your penis
    43: You won't go out with a girl unless she can put a hicky on yer Penis
    44: Yer house has a kickstand
    45: You refer to your bike as if it had a legal first name
    46: When you come back from the Bike store with a pile of new parts, they are in the front seat and yer ol'lady is in the truck bed.
    47: You have a heater in your garage so you can work on yer bike(s) when it's cold
    48: You have a little piece of you bike that you take with you wherever you go
    49: You have more pictures of your bike(s) than yer children or lover
    50: When people ask what you want for Christmas you take them to the Harley Store and point to the new Harley you have been drooling on And you say, "VRrrrr, Vrrrrr, VrooOOOOOooM!!"
    51: Yer Dad surprisingly shows up where you and yer boyfriend are, on his Harley, he's packing heat, he growls at yer boyfriend
    52: If all the links on yer web page are bike oriented
    53: If yer workbench collapes from the weight of all the spare parts
    54: You live in the garage with the bike(s)
    55: You've ever taken a nap on the shoulder of the road cause you were too drunk to ride
    56: You think everyone else's bike is shit!
    57: Every magazine you subscribe to has the word "Biker" on it somewhere
    58: If yer Coffee table collapes under the weight of all the motorcycle magazines on it
    59: If yer front porch collapes and ruins more than 3 spare parts you were saving for yer next "rebuild"
    60: If you ever woke up with a new tattoo and you have no idea how it got there
    61: If Yer entire house is decorated in a motorcycle motif
    62: IF you have ever thrown a party and more bikes than cars show up
    63: You own more than one Motorcycle
    64: You keep yer bike in yer house in lieu of a garage
    65: You have to make/widen a door to get yer bike in yer house
    66: Everything you buy you think about what you coulda bought for yer bike
    67: If Yer any piece of furniture is a bike part
    68: You think Stocks and Bonds are just kinky
    69: They celebrate yer birthday at the Harley store
    70: You have "Ammo" on yer christmas list
    71: Your ol'Lady has ever said "Come move this engine so I can take a bath!"
    72: You think 'Helmet Hair' is a fasion statement
    73: Yer mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event
    74: Yer dad encourages you to goto the Motorcycle Mechanic's Institute instead of college
    75: You clean yer nails with a pocket knife
    76: Your dog and your wallet are both on chains
    77: You fainted when you met Willy G.
    78: You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle
    79: Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people"
    80: You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoo
    81: Yer kid takes yer old Bike chain to show-and-tell
    82: You've spent more on yer motorcycle than yer Education
    83: Yer best ashtray is an old piston from yer last "rebuild"
    84: You've ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses
    85: You have ever had to stop an oil leak in yer primary with gum and a band-aid
    86: You think that the Harley-Davidson plant should be one of the 7-wonders of the world
    87: You think the perfect wedding dress is leather
    88: You have ever slept next to yer bike on the side of the road rather than pay for a motel room
    89: You have ever brought your bike into yer motel room
    90: If you try to declare your bike a dependent on your income taxes
    91: When he says "It's the bike or me!!" you have to think about it really hard
    92: If you've ever said the words, "My bike doesn't leak, it marks it's territory
    93: If you spend more time polishin' your scoot than carressin' your woman
    94: If you've ever used your down tubes as a stash box
    95: If you have four broken down cars in the yard and a working bike in the garage
    96: If you have more locks on yer bike than you do yer house
    97: If yer wife makes you leave your checkbook and credit cards before you can go to the bike show
    98: Anyone who doesn't ride is 'ok'
  • your a biker if after laying it down and looking at it wrecked you cant bring yourself to hit the kill switch
  • If you swallow for new riding leathers. :) Birgie Sitting in a resturant with your ol lady in all your leathers, some guy with a Harely t- shirt and Rolex comes up to you to tell you " Excuse me sir !, its starting to rain outside and your Harley's gonna get wet !
  • biker if : try to convince your ol lady to change your anniversary date to the date you brought home the new bike !!

    Email Biker Bob


    1998 K

    1998 K