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Some of my favorite words of wisdom:

On life:

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; too earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood. It means forget inconvenient duties, then forgive yourself for forgetting. By rigid practice and stern determination, it comes easy.
--Mark Twain

Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
--Henry David Thoreau

On Beer:

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Berry

He was a wise man who invented beer.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Welhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
--Dave Berry

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--Ernest Hemmingway

All right brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson

On God and Religion:

God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
--Gaiman and Pratchett

Each religion, by the help of more or less myth which it takes more or less seriously, proposes some method of fortifying the human soul and enabling it to make its peace with its destiny.
--George Santayana

I want to know Gods thoughts.... all the rest are just details.
--Albert Einstein

Absence of proof is not proof of absence.
--Michael Crichton

Religion is the opium of the masses.
--Karl Marx

God is the name we give our conscience.
--Nader Shureih

On our psyche:

Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.
--Jean Kerr

There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees.
--Michael de Montaigne

By means of shrewd lies, unremittingly repeated, it is possible to make people believe that heaven is hell--and hell is heaven. The greater the lie, the more readily it will be believed.
--Adoph Hitler (Mein Kampf)

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
--Abraham Lincoln

On stupidity:

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure of the former.
--Albert Einstein

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo its use.
--Galileo Galilei

How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?
--Dennis the Menace

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
--Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943

On marriage and love:

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes inpunished.

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.
--Helen Rowland

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
--Groucho Marx

Love is the delusion that one man or woman differs from another.
--H.L. Mencken