I sat staring at the plate of food in front of me. I remembered the very first time I rejected a plate of food, dreading the colories that were init. "I'm not hungry," I shoved the plate of food away. "May I be excused?" I asked my mother. She nodded her head. I silently slid my chair back,stood up and walked away from the table.
I walked as silently as I could back to our music room. The sound of my feet hitting the floor flooded the hallway, making me cringe. If I wasn't so heavy the sound of my feet hitting the floor wouldn't be so loud....
I shoved the door open, and walked towards my keyboard. I sat down at the chair behind the keyboard, and struck a few keys. My fingers played a familiar tune. I laughed at myself, thinking of the day when nothing mattered but playing my keyboard for the fans, and singing my heart out. But things had changed. I had to care now. I had to care what I looked like. The amount of body fat that I had. I dropped my head, my fingers coming to a hault, and hitting a few keys simutaneously that didn't sound good.
My stomach made a growling noise, making me smile. It was mind over matter, and so far..I was winning. I was beating my body. I had gone four days without going over the amount of calories I had set for myself. Three-hundred calories per day. And thats just so that I don't pass out.
I scooted the keyboard chair out, and stood up. I stretched a little and headed for the door. The door opening before I got there startled me. "Tay?" Zac peeked his head in. Once he noticed I was in the room, he came all the way inside. "Tay, are you okay? You seem upset..."
"I'm fine, Zac." I smiled. Of course I was fine. I had lost five pounds within four days. I was doing good. I had control. "I'm gonna go take a shower, alright?" He nodded his eyes. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked away from him and towards the bathroom. Zac was most affected the last time I did this. He was the only one that cared, the only one that said something. It made me feel bad.
I entered the bathroom, opening and closing the door slowly. I stood in the middle of the bathroom, and slowly slipped the clothes from my body. I then stood in front of the mirror, grabbing at all the fat that I had. I slowly hung my head, disappointed in myself for being proud of only losing five pounds. I felt the tears well up inside my eyelids. I pushed them away, and then stood on the scale. 135. Six down from the last time. Another pound.
I stepped off the scale, and went to the bathtub, and ran the bath water. I fixed the temperature of the water so it was just right for my liking. I made the mistake of looking towards the toilet. I looked away, then back at it. I slowly stood up, and made my way towards the porcelain bowl. I kneeled down before it, and shoved my finger down my throat. It didn't take much for the food to start coming up. I didn't puke for long, haven eaten only a banana and drank water, before the blood started to come up.
I stood up slowly, and closed the toilet lid, I wiped my eyes of the tears that had formed from puking, then went back to the running bathwater. I slowly stepped in and sat down, then slid down low into the water so only my head was peaking above. I closed my eyes, and the only thing I could think of was food, and what I was going to eat the next day. I'd have to drink two gallons of water, and only eat a bran muffin.
I didn't take a long bath. Soaking in a bathtub wasn't affective for losing weight. I placed a towel around my hips, and walked out of the bathroom, and I immediately began to freeze. I walked quickly towards my room, longing for some clothes to cover my freezing body. "Taylor," My mom's voice froze me in my tracks. I turned to look at her. I waited for her to say something. "Taylor, honey, are you feeling okay?"
"I'm feeling fine, mom, I just wasn't hungry, thats all." I smiled, trying to convince her. She smiled softly at me, letting me know she was convinced. I turned on my heel, and was off for my bedroom again.
Once I reached the door, I walked inside, and closed and locked the door behind me. I flung the towel off me, and reached for a pair of boxers that were laying on my floor. I slid the boxers up my thick thighs, cringing the whole way and then covered my legs with some sweatpants. I immediately hit the floor upon the sweatpants hitting my hips, and started jerking myself forward in my sit-up motion. I did five hundred, then started with the right side, doing another five hundred, and then continuing with the left side.
Once I was done with all my sit-ups, I slid out of my room slowly and crept down the dark hall. It was past midnight, so I knew everyone was in bed. It was the perfect opportunity for me to sneak out, and go for a jog.
I stretched my legs out before heading on my journey, and then did a warm up jog and set my breathing pace. After five minutes of jogging, I sped up to a faster pace, making me work harder, and feel better.