.falling.
One more rib showing. I grinned to myself, I was winning. Or was I winning? Was it me, or Ana that was winning? Did I like starving, or was it just something I turned to for comfort. I closed my eyes, and I saw my body whithering away to absolutely nothing, and a sense of comfort crept over my body.
"TAYLOR!" Came a yell, and pounding on the door. I looked up, startle at the sudden sound of loudness. "Taylor, I have to use the bathroom!" Zac's voice boomed from behind the door.
I unlocked the door, and was barely able to exit before Zac was pushing his way through, and shutting and locking the door behind him. I laughed to myself. Zac always had to go like it was an emergency.
I walked as quietly as I could to my room. I was to do 600 push-ups, and then 600 sit-ups. I layed down face first on the floor, and positioned my hands shoulder width apart. I lifted my body up, and lowered it down bending my elbows in a 90 degree angle.
"1...2..." I counted outloud to myself to keep myself occupied with thoughts of tiredness or any other symptoms of fatigue. I wasn't letting myself off easy.
"Where are you going, Taylor?" My mother asked me as I headed out the front door.
"Just for a jog," I shrugged, and closed the door quickly, before she could object or ask anymore questions. I could send she knew what was going on.
I started out, setting my breathing pace, and looking straight ahead of me. The headphones blasted "Ana's Song" by Silvershair into my ears. Music kept my mind off wanting to stop. And I set how long I was going to run by how long the music was. I would run till I had listened to the CD three times. It was a burned CD, and it was an 80 minute CD.
With every foot hitting the ground, I congratulated myself for being so strong and in control. I could feel myself running off the fat on my body. It was such a relieving feeling.
When I ended up back at my house, I practicallly collapsed on the front porch. I sat down, my legs feeling like jelly, my lungs filling and releasing air rapidly. I took deep breaaths to steady my breathing, and slowly stood up and let myself into the house.
Three little kids sat playing in my living room. I watched them amased. To be so young, and not have any worries. "Whatcha guys doin?" I asked my younger siblings.
"Mackie said he could build the biggest fort, so Zoe and I are trying to prove him wrong." Avery explained to me. I smiled at the cuteness of it, and started towards the bathroom.
I didn't take more than three steps, and my head started spinning. I stopped abruptly in the middle of the room, and put my hand to my head. I couldn't stand anymore, I could feel myself falling. I tried fighting it, but I couldn't. There was nothing I could do.
In my head I screamed 'Not now, not in front of my little brother and sisters!'
.again.
.home.
