January 31

And all I need now is intellectual intercourse.

I think I want to become a philosopher. I wonder what kind of money you could get with that job these days? Probably not much, which is sad because the intelligence of our country is in a sad state indeed.
By the way there is a new poll and deep thought.
Today I told my friend that I have been so tired and stressed and not had any down time to myself, and it was making me really irritable (an altogether worse person). And you know what she said to me? "That's because you're on the right track." If this, my friends, is the right track then perhaps the right track isn't the track we ought to be traveling.
By the way what do you think of my webcam?
I try all the time to make myself a better person. I analyze everything people do, and weigh the worth of each thing. I decipher what is important and what is right. And I try to live my life that way.
But somehow trying to be the best person is making me miserable. I think it has something to do with always falling short of my goal. Perfection isn't a feasible goal, and yet that is what our society encourages. And perhaps that is our biggest fault. Anyway, I wish I could just take things at face value. But then I feel like I would be living my life in one dimension.
I discovered the other day that I long to be depressed. I spent most of high school on some sort of emotional rollercoaster. But since I've been on my own and had Casey to be dependent on, I've been going pretty steady on happy. Somehow happy isn't quite as satisfying as longing. I crave depression because it is so intense. Sadness and longing are almost tangible, and you can hold them close. While happiness and joy are like a light mist surrounding you that makes things nice, but you can't wrap yourself up in it and enjoy it.
Or maybe it's just me.
At any rate, as much as I long to feel things so deeply, I'm happy being happy. And I think I'm learning to feel things in a new way.

It's going to take some getting used to.

P.S. Mikey how in the world can you critize my site when yours is possibly the ugliest site on the net, and the least updated. Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Or start an argument that you quit because you can't win.

January 27
If you don't know what today is then I think I need to re-evaluate our friendship.

January 26
FAB BOT is born.
A new addition to the site is the webcam! Thank you so much Jennifer my excellent sister! And Rob too if you had anything to do with it. =)
This weekend was so fabulous. It all began at about 8:30 on Friday night, when a whole troop of mormons showed up at my doorstep. And, among them, the infamous Tracy! I finally met Keck and Karon. And I met Bill the incestual molestor, but that's a different squirmish story.
I proceeded to do what I always do when I meet new people - make a complete fool out of myself. Yes, I think I did a thoroughly good job. But it was all in fun. I hope they know that... Then everybody left except Tracy and we were lazy and stayed in the dorms. But cards were fun. Especially when we won.
The next day was a fiasco in the meeting-up-with-everybody standpoint, but not from a having-fun standpoint. We did a lot of shopping. Tracy I hope you feel terrible for stealing my shirt. That was low. Casey and Tracy finally met, that was a happy moment for me. Then Tracy and I didn't eat at Baja Fresh. And then we walked aaalll over the strip and got so tired. And then we came home and talked until Tracy was incoherent.
Well all those crazy byu kids are gone from my sin city now. It was a sad goodbye, but not too sad, because I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we are all looking forward to my insulting them in their own home sometime later this semester.
Okay, the Super Bowl is about to start so I keep getting distracted and I'm going to go now.
P.S. Don't get off at Apex!

January 19
Things will get swinging again in a couple more days...

January 12
Back in my dorm. Feels good to have things back to normal.
Well, as normal as things can get.
I can't stand training though. It's not the training part, it's the phony part. "HHEEEEEYYYY!!!!! (humongous hug) How are you?! Oh wow, that's GREAT!!" Ugh! How can somebody possibly feel that excited for every single person they are ever introduced to? And as much as I hate how phony it is, I hope so much that it really is phony and not real. Because if it's real, there is something seriously wrong.
Mike I don't think lyrics in info is selfish or worthy of such anger. Get over it.
Anyway I miss everybody. I haven't talked to anyone in forever it seems.

January 6
I don't think I've ever been as alone as I am right now.
Casey is in Hawaii. Unfortunately there is no aloha for me. And I'm the last person still on winter break...for two more weeks! Oh that's right I have to go back this Sunday for stupid stupid training. Did I mention that my horrible supervisor who made our job a living hell quit? Thanks a lot for screwing everything up and
leaving just when things were starting to get better after all that hard work!
Anyway, I'm so bored. But restless. I've tried to read 1984 so many times but never got further than a paragraph or two. Not because it's boring, but because I just can't sit still and concentrate for some reason.
Oh yes Mikey thanks for reminding me about Joe Millionaire tonight. It's going to be funny! I hope.


Can't wait for Saturday.

January 1
Happy New Year! I hope that this coming year brings good luck and happiness to everyone, especially me. Loquacity is failing me. I'm hungry.

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