WAKE UP TIM, THIS IS YOUR LIFE!



You stated " I have not treated the family anyway different than anyone else>" So, I wrote it all out. What Mom has told you, what Mark tried to convey in his letter, and what the facts are. Sorry I had to do this on a webpage, but my e-mail could not handle so many pages.

1)....The party at Elizabeth's Heiss's house for you and your bride. What a wonderful party to welcome Sue into the family. A photographer was hired to take a family picture of all these out of town family members. Which Mom and Dad paid for their hotel rooms, because you wanted them there.All the family is there, but Sue did not think it was important enough to show up, which Mom said hurt her very deeply. This was a chance for them to spend some time with Sue and get to know her before you said your vow's. People were trying to welcome your wife into the family, which she did not want any part of. Yet you let this happen. How embarrasing for you and your parents.

2)....The Dinner at Wabeek. What a wonderful party Mom and Dad threw for you. Beautiful setting, food, great time. What did Sue do? Mom said she just complained that our parents were trying to show up her wedding.How ungrateful! Our parents could not have welcomed her into the family anymore than they did and have been more happy for the two of you then that day. What happened? Where was this negitvity coming from? The priest walks in, and says to your Mom "I didnt even know Tim had parents". Mom looks at him and says "why would you think that?" The priest says "because you weren't at the rehersal at the church and Tim never mentioned his parents." Mom told him, "Its because we weren't invited". Again, Mom was so hurt. She was so embarrassed and crushed.

Mom was so happy that you were getting married and grateful her and Dad could afford to do this for you at this time. Even Dawn and I, did'nt get this royal treatment. How do I know? Mom told me, and her friends Tim. Mom and Dad had put so much into this dinner party for you to make it a wonderful and memorable event in your life, not to exclude the expense of it all, which Mom would have never mentioned to you. And what does she get? A slap in the face. She heard how much Sue disliked the rehersal dinner thinking that Mom was trying to out do her wedding. Instead of saying how wonderful it was to make Sue and I feel so special. For your parents this was the warmest welcome they could have shown her to bring her into the family with the happiness they felt for the both of you.

Again as Mom said "I don't know why Tim doesnt stick up for us".This is also the time Mom started asking "why does Sue hate our family so much? And why doesnt Timmy say anything?"

3).......The Wedding..............Again a chance for family photo's but Sue did not want them. Where were you Tim, doesn't your family mean anything to you? How would you feel if Christopher was left out of a family picture? She did not want our children in the family photo. This must have included you because you weren't saying anything. Again, you weren't sticking up for the family, you did not want this picture either? We fought for that picture, and we still have not recieved any photos we picked out. This is 5 years later, were are they? Are you not proud of your wedding and family? We sure are and we would love to have one to display in our home next to everyone else's.

4).....Between the wedding and reception.........The people from out of town coming over to our parents house for hors d'oeuvre's. You and Sue choose to have your wedding at one time and the reception much later, you made these arrangements. What were you going to do with your out of town guest's in between this time? You invited them to come and celebrate with you on your special day. Your guest's paid for a airline ticket and a gift and there food accomodations for 4 days and our parents paid for their hotel bill so they could be there for you. Ediquette has it, you ask them, you take care of them. So if our parents did not do what they did with hors d' oeuvre's and drinks, again which they paid for, what were the BOTH of you going to do with YOUR out of town guests? Was Kay and Walter Sperrick going to take care of your guest's for these few hours?

Again Mom and Dad stepped up to the plate as only ediquette would have it graciously inviting Kay and Walter Sperrick too. And this was TOTALY,TOTALY not appreicated. Sue asked Mom once "Do you think I was raised in a barn?". Do you think Sue knows right from wrong? Her family doesn't know what your supposed to do with family and proper ediquette,with out of town guest's. Because they are not social they do not know proper social ediquette with famiy and you know that.

Where were you? You didn't step in and show her proper ediquette, YOU KNOW BETTER. If your parents or the Sperricks did not take care of YOUR OUT OF TOWN GUESTS you should have told Sue "we would have had to take came of them" until the reception.Again Sue complained, again Timmy said nothing.And again your parents were so hurt. These were your guests, that you wanted there, I am glad as always Mom was thinking of them. Mom was very open and honest, you know that. She told us, how she felt. She told you too, but as always you would just blow up. And again Tim, it didn't come out of your and Sue's pocket, your family was there for you.

5)....The Reception.... As Patty Sharples said to me at your reception, "You could cut the tension with a knife". And "how funny this is with all the Oehmke's on one side, and all the Sperricks on the other." And this was coming from a outsider who was observeing this. Tim Wasn't it wonderful of Mark's friends to fill in as ushers? If it wasn't for them you would have NOT had ushers....Your brother was there for you. As Sue said "Tim's friends all backed out". Mom asked Mark if he could ask his friends, so Mark to your resuce...and you didn't speek to him for 3 years. Also the incodent in the ladies restroom when Kathy and another lady came in and started talking about how rude and awful it was of our Mother to have that party in between the wedding and reception.Kathy had no idea I was in one of the stalls. When I came out Kathy was SHOCKED that I was in the bathroom. She knew I heard everything she said. I looked at her and said "Oh, thats really nice to know" and walked out. I could not believe her bad mouthing our parents to your guest's, her family.

When Kathy heard our parents found out what she said, she marched over to our parents house and sat there with them for 4 hours before she could bring herself to the point of saying "I did not say that". Timmy, MOM SAID "KATHY WAS LYING THROUGH HER TEETH how dare she sit there and lie to me". But Timmy when you heard, your first reaction was,that your family was lying. Your parents have always stood by your side. Mom said "she does not lie, she tells it like it is". Where were you to stand by there side? This is my family, they have no reason to lie about something like this. Why would they Tim, there was no reason for it.

.6).......The first year of marriage and the baby shower....oh heck, you know not only Mom, but Dawn was hurt as well. Kathy was going to have a baby shower for Sue, so since Dawn's house was in a wreck with re-modeling as Mom told me,(her floors torn up, her wallpaper torn off, ceiling and baseboard moldings laying in her living room and dining room floor,sawdust, not even a light hanging in the dining room) she said she would just have a few of the card club ladies over for a tea-party. So then Kathy says, she's not having THE shower because Dawn was having her tea-party for Sue. Dawn only had her family room to work with, because of all the re-modeling. During this, your calling Mom having your fits over the baby shower "issue", and our side of family just wanted to do something nice for Sue. Again our family was ditched,and the whole thing called off.

7).....The God Father................ This was what Marks whole letter was about, Yes I have a copy too. It was about how you and Sue treated your family, THE OEHMKE'S, the whole family. It was NEVER a attack on your son, as you so took it, to keep from admitting your actions that took place. Mark was saying enough is enough. Again, you and your wife would not confront family, (your brother) with the issue at hand. Why do you treat your famiy this way? If your not going to be there for your family and this is the way you wanted to be treated, Mark could not do that. Timmy, to Mark a God-Father meant FAMILY. He would be nurturing, loving, caring, supportive and not bear flase whitness. Christopher would have seen a fantastic role model, not only did he have a loving Father but would have had his Brother as God-Father.

Tim, this letter was sent to you a month before the baptism, why didn't you and Sue confront him, instead of going to her parents and ours? He was questioning your treatment toward family, the both of you. Is this how you wanted your son to be treated? If so, he couldnt do it. If you and Sue would have wanted to explain yourself or talk things out like the Oehmke's do, and have a understanding that our family will not be treated like that anymore. We the Oehmke's mean as much to that little boy as the Sperricks do, including her family and ours, 50-50. Knowing right from wrong, Mark would have loved to be God-father. What happened, why didn't the two of you talk things out with Mark? This was your brother. Mom and I have spent many sleepness nights dicussing this letter and no-one got out of this what you did, which means you should talk things out and confront your actions.

Dam Tim, you think Christopher is the only child that counts? You hurt not only Mark and Dawn, who did SO MUCH for you, but their kids as well. So with no other choice, you call me. Did I throw it back in your face, about how you treated our family? nope, I just said I would do it. And for the LIFE OF ME I dont know why Tim? As you have stated, how you think of me. But you had no-one else. And Mom thanked me for doing it, because you had no-one else.

8)........Family holidays, birthday parties, no Tim and Sue......... Like Dad's surpise 70th. Everyone was asking, "oh, we see Tim would'nt even come for his Dad's sake". How hurtful that was. Mom would say at Christmas, "this is how Tim wants it, how sad." We were all there, but you and your wife and son were not. Mom was so hurt by all the holiday's without all her family there at the same time. It was her favorite time. But again you were only thinking of how you and Sue felt, not how Mom and Dad felt.

She said she understood why Mark had wrote the letter, she knew he had enough. Mom's surpise 70th birthday party, after all she had gone to bat for you,went to court for you, stood up for you, paid you out of your credit card debt, you wouldn't come.She was so hurt Tim, so hurt.

9)........When you were in the hospital and Mom was beside herself......( that's when you were always eating out and grabbing junk food and got kidney stones because Sue would not cook any healthy food for you). Mom had told me she had it when she was sitting out side your room talking to Sue and Sue said I don't ever want you to bring out Mark's name again. Enough was enough, Mom said to Sue " I love all my children equaly and I will never be told not to mention one of my children's names. When something bothers us, we talk about it not like your family where you don't speak. We all have our disagreements. You may not like something I said but we talk it out. My son lying in that hospital bed because you don't care for him like a wife should. You should be making dinners and cooking so he gets some some good meals so he can work. Your the wife at home, you should be taking care of him. Sue, you must love your Mother more than my son." Well that was it. She told her Mother. Then Mr. and Mrs. Sperrick were not talking to Mom and Dad. And you Tim, your response was, you blew up at Mom. When all she was doing was stating a fact. Did it wake Sue up? She told me, and everyone else, how you would blow up and hang up on her. But how you also whined and complained about your marriage, but as soon as she said anything, you just blew up. She "vented" to me alot, as she was so upset by all this crap with you and your wife. She also vented to her friends, who were a comfort to her,and the situation. I know the last Christmas with Mom when Todd and the kids and I came in. It was upseting to Mom having to make all these different arrangements because of you and Sue. She had to make all these different plans because you would not show up if Mark and Dawn were there.How sad Tim, but you and Sue have to live with these memories with no family.

Last summer I did not even see the Megge's. I did go swimming at Tina and Jim Kinzels house. Your facts, are wrong. Ask Mark, he was there also. That was NOT even the day I was told to stop by your house. Don't use Christoher as a excuse. Your wife had already told me "If it wasn't for Christopher, I would have divorced your brother along time ago". That does not make for a very comfortable meeting. You also had never gone out of your way to see Terah and Cory.

Also,Christopher was invited several times to go on outings with Mom and I and the kids, but as Mom said, it was either the "only one car seat excuse" or the "he was sick" excuse. Mom's friends even suggested she buy you another car seat. Mom said she wasn't going to do it. She said "Kay is the only grandmother he knows".

Keeping Christopher away from Mom and Dad hurt Mom so much, and none of her friends or the family could understand how YOU could let this happen. Mom said she told you, "he's your son too, take him and go". As you did one time, when you took him to Mom and Dad's when you and Sue were fighting. Sue calls over to Mom and Dad's crying that you took Christopher, and it was cold out side. Again when we all heard this, we all just shook our heads. The point was she didn't want Christopher over at Mom and Dad's and was afraid you and him would stay there. She did not want Christopher to know his grandparents. Its sad because you and her have to live with this the rest of your lives.

I can't remember if that was before or after Sue left you, and stayed at her Mom's for a few days. There was just so much.

I know when Mom got sick and I came to stay with her, Terry and Mark Megge like it or not, were the reason Mom got her MRI so fast. They went out of there way to get her help. I know you at that time did'nt like Mark Megge, because you didnt think he payed your car any attention. The dam car issue Tim,talk about being childish, get over it, you can't blame your actions on someone else. Mark and Terry where so wonderful to Mom, they felt they just couldn't do enough for her. She was a lovely lady to them and they loved her so. They also bought her a supplement to take with her chemo, and again, instead of being thankful, you said "figures".

At the hospital, you just had to say you didn't want to bring Sue to visit Mom if Mark and Dawn where there, how childish and thoughtless while your Mother lied on her death bed. You only could think of you and Sue.How you two felt,not how Mom felt.

It was Terry Megge who came over with Mom's margarits that she wanted so much. Terry,Dawn and I had a little party with Mom. Terry and Dawn both worked so hard to make Mom happy, and all you can call Terry Megge is "The big bitch". Do you know Mark, you brother also left work early and showed up.You do not care who was so good to our Mother. Was it Sue that was there? No...... Oh yes, the offer was there, "Call me if you there is anything I can do". CALL ME?? MOM COULDN'T EVEN GET OFF THE COUCH. Why didn't she come over day after day? Not even once. Christopher is not an excuse when your Mother is dying. Kay could have watched him. Oh, I forgot, Kay hates Mom in her mind, How dare I do anything for that woman, your Mother. Especialy the way Kay has treated Mom and Dad over the last few years. And Sue's never ending complaints about Mom, our Mother Tim, a wonderul woman UN-MATCHED by any woman in this world. Some of Mom's last words.."well I guess Kay Sperrick has won, she can have my son now". And it doesn't stop there. The day Mom passes away, you call Dawn to tell them to stay away because Sue wants to go over and see Dad. TO STAY AWAY, HOW COULD YOU TIM??? When Dad needed his famiy around him the most. How thoughtless and inconsiderate the two of you are to just think about yourself. Why wasn't Sue there for you to support not only Dad, but her husband that early morning with the rest of us. This was her Mother in law too, the feelings just wern't there. She never knew this beautiful woman did she?

After Mom passed, and Sue asked me to breakfest, I thought it could be a new begining. All we talked about Tim was you and your anger problem. How you have blown up in front of your son, which is so bad for a child you say you love. How she fears your temper. How you about came through your sliding glass door, when she locked you out, so you could calm down. She said you needed anger management and I agree. I know Mom said, you are already seeing a counsler and Sue said that as well.

Two-faced? Look at yourself. You were so nice at Christmas knowing what you had done to me.You also are talking to Mark, but then calling him the "King" letting your jealousy show. Two faced Tim? over the past five year's of your marriage, one minute, your wanting a divorce from Sue, asking me about Todd's hot to trot cousin Becky,saying you would take her with you anywhere, and the next minute you say how much you want your marriage to work.Do you need attention? Is that why you bought all the ladies roses at the bowling ally one night?

Lieing? Dawn was standing right next to me when you called over to Mark's house when I was there for dinner and told me to f-off. You went to the church and took me off as God-Mother, and so what? Par for the course Tim, Mark isnt a God_parent either. Lets look at how you think of God-parents.You ignored your God-son, when you stopped talking to Mark and Dawn. You took it out on a child. If it would have been your's, well, you would have raised hell, as you do now. But no-ones kids seem to count, but yours. You want everyone to think Christopher is number #1, when we all have kids and all are equal. God-parent doesnt mean gift Tim, its a religious thing. You worry about Christopher getting gifts? Is it the gift of love you worry about? Becasue there is plenty of love in this family. You have never sent my kids a birthday gift. You never even acknowledged them at Christmas until you had Christopher. Do you see the pattern, neither your brother or sister are God-parents. See a pattern here? Is everyone lieing and so bad, except for you?

Mark, Dawn, Dawn's family, me and my family,...Mom and Dad....all of us are wrong and your right, I dont think so. Dad was horrified to hear you say to Terry that she was not welcome in HIS home. His home Timmy, not yours. Dad was so apologetic. How dare you. She only stated a truth Tim, and not being mean. Mom would have loved to spent time with Christopher and for him to have known his Grandma but she has to live with that.The both of you would never take him over to Mom's, why? Example, Mom said she would be out planting flowers and Sue would be walking Christopher in the stroller and would turn at the corner before there house so she didn't have to see her and so that Mom wouldn't get a chance to see Christopher, how crule. And you Tim, she asked you to bring him over when ever you came over. You were over their house all the time, but no Christopher. God Tim, your just as guility you have to live with it too.

Next Tim,me stealing Tim? I have Mom's friends, who know the truth and how Mom felt and what she said. Mom said "I don't want Sue to have anything, she hated our family, and Tim has showed no intrest." But all you can do, is answer by turning everything around on me, that way as always you don't answer for yourself. This is the last five years from past to present that I can recall and I live out of town. All you have to throw up to me is my past from 1983. You have been the recent hurt, the hurt that Mom last felt, the hurt Mom left this earth with, not mine, yours. All this can be fixed, as I fixed things with Mom and Dad, 20 years ago but no, you choose not to. You choose not to stand up and answer the "why's". Why you never stuck up for Mom and the family. After Mark's letter, you never called him, to talk about it, you and Sue just stopped talking to him. I also have now had enough of you.

If you would like, I could send a copy of this to your house, with the name of the lawyer you wanted, but I know as of now, I would have to say the truth in court, in your wife's own words, you have a anger problem and a violent temper. So you better hope she never supena's me. Mom used to have a saying I am sure you remember.."If you are wrong, stand up and take your medicine. But if you are right, fight with all you have". I tried to get you to answer for yourself. All you responed with was pointing the finger back at me.Avoiding answering for yourself, and flinging hurtful statements back at me.

You said "is this the old Kris comming back?" No, the old Kris would'nt have even taken the time of day with you.But who I am now, is someone who has no fear, and will not back down from her accuser.Someone who will not sit back and take your verbal abuse and accusations without retort. Your marriage is un-stable. If Sue took you to court to sue for custody of Christopher, she could supena me, and what would I have to say Tim? Do you think after this I would be on your side? Do you think Mark would lie in court? Or Mom's friends? Who could all be supeaned as character whitness's. It would not be our fault if you lost your case, people aren't going to lie for you in a court of law. Mom always said "don't burn your bridges". Now it took me a few years to understand that statement, but I did learn it. I think you should also listen to her advice.

All of this could be fixed Tim, if you would answer for yourself, and stop answering by pointing the finger at someone else. It's not about me this time, it's about you. Why are you treating the family this way? ~Kristin~