He stood up and tore off his white wife-beater showing the huge burnt handprint on his chest that The Father had left from an earlier visit to the Black Garden. He took a deep breath and went over to the bed and rummaged around through the black bag that carried his clothes.. He tossed them out without a care until he found what he was looking for. It was an old leather bound book, a diary. The diary of his father – his father who nobody had ever told him about, …his father who had left him with his Uncle in Noble, Oklahoma for him to raise; and his uncle was a wealthy man and did a the best job in raising the giant that he possibly could, and Alexi couldn't complain. ..He had found the diary in Katrusha’s house and knew that Vadim had sent it there before he had passed as he Alexi know that Vadim didn't want him to see it… But that was Vadim, he was like a father to Jaymz and hid a lot of his families past from the big man – and this he knew, would answer a lot of his questions. He ran his hand over the cover as he lit another cigar and untied the string that held it closed…And he felt the push, the push of the parasite that that controlled his body and soul to turn to a certain page, ..a page that it wanted him to see. And as he had done all his life, he did its bidding – and whatever Julie had been screaming to him earlier had set it loose once again – and he knew it would only take time for him to find that control that he once had over it, …but until then ..he would read – read what his father Kirill had written about the family he never knew that he had
May 17, 1959
We finally made it to Colorado, it was a hell of a trip. We got here just before sunup and we can’t believe the beauty of this place. For a few moments it took away from the strain and worry about Mark. I guess it’s unfair for me to say his condition has gotten worse, sometimes he just has bad times. I only do wish this was just a bad time. The doctors said that he wont ever get better, that it was just the way he was born. I hate it for Mark, I don't think he understands what happens half the time or that we got turned away from several food stops and motels because of his condition. People think it’s contagious but Mary and I always tell them the same, that he was born this way and its not his fault. But they could care less. They see the spittle coming from his chin, hear his incoherent speech and the way he flails his arms about. What they see are the good days, Mary and I love him to death no matter his condition. But something about Mark has changed, I suppose it makes me feel better to write about it since there is nobody else here that I can talk to yet. The change happened went we crossed into Kansas, we were about halfway through when we stopped to get a few sodas. We went inside but we left Mark outside, I hate seeing how people look at him. ..anyway, we went back outside and I saw Mark run off, I dropped the glass bottles and took off after him. He crossed an old train track and went down and embankment and into a creek. I slipped and fell, I gashed my leg open something awful and had to stop for a moment..
There was a bridge that crossed over the creek Mark began to climb the embankment under the bridge and found a hole small enough that he tried to squeeze into, I was so scared that I ran up to him and pulled him out. He had his head stuck in there and that was as far as he could go. I pulled him out and hugged him, and then I smelled something terrible coming from in that hole, a dead animal maybe. I got Mark back to the family and into the car, he was oddly quiet after that. Usually he rambles on in the language that only Mary and I can understand, and it was then that he said “rabbit.” He kept saying it which was odd because as far as Mary and I knew he didn't know beef from rabbit. We stopped for the night at a motel in Kansas and everything seemed fine, we put the kids down in one bed and after they fell asleep Mary I made love. I awoke later that night and turned over, I noticed that Tony was sleeping, but Mark was not. I got up and looked around, I didn't see him anywhere. I slipped on my shoes and went outside, and there he was. He was sitting in the middle of the parking lot, but the face of the boy I saw wasn't Mark. It was someone else, like there was someone inside my boy. His eyes were black and his face held no emotion, I asked him what he was doing but he didn't say anything in that language of his. I grabbed him by the arm and it seemed that he came back, that boy of mine. At the time I thought he was sleepwalking, but no, There’s something different. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm scared. Sometimes when I think about him and the strange way he’s acting, he looks over at me… Almost like he knows what I'm thinking. There’s more. Things only got worse from that point and it reminds me of the stories that my father told me and the Evil man that my grandfather was…, but I’ll write more later. I pray to God that he is ok.
Jaymz turned the page and noticed that some of the pages had been ripped out and it skipped to a certain date
October 2, 1959
That son of a bitch. That no good bastard. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. It reached the final straw with me, but what can I do about it? it has Mark!!! what can I do!?? I cant kill my son just to get rid of it. ...It would know anyway. It would know that I was going to kill it before it even happened. Everything had gone down hill since it took Mark over just as it had my grandfather, and now it has caused me to lose Mary. I don’t know how I can go on without her. Mark understands, and I think he's finally started to realize what’s been happening, ..to Buster, to the chickens, to the neighbors and now to Mary. I feel alone, Tony isn’t even around that much anymore and I think he knows to stay away from his little brother...He’s started working at a restaurant just outside of Noble , I know that he wants to get away from the house and I cant blame him. He knows what’s going on, and I love him so much and I almost wish he wouldn’t come back...it would be for his own good. He should just leave me and Mark, and go....But I don’t know what I would do without him since Mary is gone. I don’t want what happened to Mary to happen to Tony as well...Although, I don’t think It is concerned with Tony as much as it was Mary. For some reason it bothered Mary more than it has any of us. It got to the point where she kept herself in bed, her skin had gone pale and she was looking terrible. She never went outside any more, she never ate. Mary looked fifteen years older than she really was and its all because of that thing, ..or whatever it is in Mark. Its been two days now, the hardest two days of my life. I miss her more than anything, and the worst part is, is that everyone is going to think something different..
They will think my sweet Mary slit her own wrists in the tub, did herself in. ..But I know it didn't happen that way, I know what did it… That thing had it in for her. ..what can I do? I fear for Tony, I cant let it get ahold of him either.. I don't know if it would, but it did Mary. ..Its just using Mark, abusing my helpless son and its tearing me apart. I pray, I pray a lot …but what can I do? The services for Mary are this afternoon, there wont be very many people there. Some of her family, which isn’t much… Some of my family, the few that live around here. Lately all I can think about is, why did this happen to us? Why did this thing have to destroy everything that I loved? At least Mary isn’t in pain anymore. I'm so confused. I fear that in the long run I might end up losing my mind. I try and go fishing some, there at least for a short time my mind seems to clear and I'm at peace. It’s the best part of my day, even if I don't get one bite all day long, my mind is clear. And its worth it. Then I have to come back to my own private hell that's been the demise of my family even before we moved from Russia to the States, ..this curse – this curse that lives with us. Everyday we eat chicken, and chicken and more chicken. That's all Mark wants to eat, and if Mark doesn’t get the chicken ..then we pay for it. I don't even want to write down the awful things Mark does to us, I would rather not share them, not even in here. I have to go find Mark, I'm sure I know where he is. Sitting on the front porch looking out of the lake, just like he always is…I must get him ready for his Mothers Services, ..if that thing inside of him will even let us go.
Jaymz stared at the page for a moment as his hand flipped several pages that were still intact and a few that were ripped off in places until his hand came to a stop and he looked at the date, ..several months before he was born
March 28, 1962
Its been four years since I have written in this thing. I had forgotten all about it as the time slipped by. I had gotten re-married to a beautiful woman, hard working woman who had shown me the brilliant colors of LSD and marijuana, and its helped me cope with Marks and the problems that he once had, the ones that had been passed down in our family, ..and shes pregnant now, pregnant with my third child. I now own the restaurant that Tony had been working at, I bought it from the older man who was in bad health. He had told me Tony was a great worker and he hoped that one day Tony would run this place. I took those words of the old man and offered him a great sum to buy this place, he turned me down and told me he would sell it for half of what I had offered. It was a great offer, it was one that I couldnt refuse. Business had picked up alot in the last two years, the communities around here had started to grow, Tony and I placed adds all over the city promoting the restaurant. We gave it a new coat of paint, new tables and chairs and different things hung on the walls. And people came. And those same people continued to come back. I cant say that I am disappointed in how my life is going, if I did it would be false words. I'm making more money than I ever had before, Tony still lives with me so he saves his portion. One of these days my wonderful son will move out on his own and start his own family, he will have the money and I know he has love for all people. I do hope that he meets the right woman.
Please Daddy. Make it stop." I couldn’t deal with it any longer, tears ran down my cheeks; I wanted to kill myself but I couldn’t leave Tony. That night I did something I thought I could never do, something that would never cross my mind. My son looked back up at me, I could see the pain he had been suffering throughout the years this thing had invaded his body, ..I couldn’t stand it anymore. I couldn’t let it do this to my son any longer. He sat in his knees and lowered his head, as soon as he did I took a deep breath, lowered the barrel of the shotgun and fired one single shot. I didn’t open my eyes, I didn’t want to see, but I did… And Mark was gone. There was no blood, there was no body – and he was gone. I fell to my knees and cried as I was as baffled, ..I didn't know what had happened to my son, ..but he was gone… I hoped he was in a better place, ..and I never saw him again. ..Things had gotten better from that point and four months later Sandy had given birth to my third son, ..we named him Alexi and the first time he opened his eyes my body shook in fear as he had the same look as Mark, the same Evil, the Evil that I had passed on, ..again. I drove to Noble that night without telling Sandy and I met up with Vadim and my brother and I left Alexi with them. ..I never went back home again, ..I never saw Sandy or Tony after that as I didn't want to live in the shame that I had created… But I knew that Tony knew what happened, ..and I hope he understand, ..I really do.
Jaymz closed the diary and shook his head as he sat there on the bed and it made him think of the family he never knew that he had and of his own son… Had Darkness and Drache really taken his son? ..Or had he passed the Evil on to his son as well? …One thing he did know, ..that Julie had passed it on to Katie – and she was screaming at him, screaming for him to do something that he had no control over…
..Bulldog Bill Barnhart, ah yes, ..a man who only wins his matches by using illegal weapons, by using cheap tactics and maneuvers… A man who has no wrestling skill to speak of and couldn't execute the simplest move of them all. Yes, this is Bill Barnhart – one of the most prolific cheaters known to man who cant win a match on his own and has to rely on the his friends to come down and win the matches for him. Do you hear everything I'm saying to you Bill? Yeah you do, and your shaking your head in wonder going “what in the fuck is this man talking about!?” …Well, I just figured I would try and be like you for a little while, ..did it work? Sure it did – I made up a bunch of lies and foolish shit that doesn’t even pertain to you. I said things that you’ve never even done, ..but hey – I'm just tryin to be like you. Cause after all, that's all you’ve done this week Bill. Ya know, ..the people around the world like to hear us run our mouths, they like to hear us talk bad about each other, ..but Bill these people aren’t that fuckin stupid as you seem to think they are. All week long people have been watching your promos and going “huh? ..what is he talking about?” cause you haven't made one damn lick of sense all week long; you’ve gone from lying about things to misinterpreting my words and just making shit up as you go along. But don't you see that everyone looks around with a blank look on their faces wonderin what the fuck your talkin about?
..Ive watched your promos all week long Bill and do you realize that you haven't said anything different than you did at the beginning of the week? I don't even know why I wasted my time in watching the other two because it was the exact same thing you said in your first promo; I mean really Bill, how long are you gonna go on about “winning matches legally” and all this “cheating” that I do? …Do you not think we heard you the first time? ..or the second time?... or the third time? ..or the fourth? ..and hell – that was all in your opening promo for the week. But yet you keep going on and on about it cause you don't have anything else to say, and cause you know the damage that I'm gonna inflict on you when we get inside the ring. Bill, as far as I'm concerned – you're a waste of my time, and here you are doing all this talking about winning matches legally and how you would never do anything like “cheating” but aren’t you the one that nailed my boy Crazy J in the nutbag last week? Wasn't that Bulldog Bill who would “never do a think like that?” Oh yeah, it was Bill - but I guess you seem to have forgotten about that… But I guess the weekly beatings that we've been giving you and your buddies in Revolution have gotten to your head a little bit hasn’t it? Week after week we've been takin it to you guys and makin sure that you knew that Sin was comin back home, and that Revolution was – and still is – below Zero Tolerance.
..This is the week that I get back on track, the week that I pick up the number one ranking for the Title that I should be holding this week, ..the US Title. Bill thinks he cant stand in my way and thinks that I cant win with my style of fighting but if that was the case then I wouldn’t have won every damn Title that I’ve been up for at some point in the GWA; and this only goes back to me stating that this man knows nothing of what he speaks about. Bill wants to believe that hes destined for great things; he wants to believe that hes capable of winning the number one ranking, then the US belt and then going on to defend that belt. …really? Well I have some bad news for this stupid asshole. He can talk all he wants about how I cant win this match, about how power moves and pure strength cant get it done but I’ve proved myself against the best in the GWA and I’ve destroyed damn near every single one of them.. Bill can laugh all he wants and tell me that I'm pathetic, that I need to be a stand up comedian – and that's fine, ..but I wasn't the one who came out here and made statements like “you cheated in all your wins” and other things like “the fans have NEVER cheered for you” ..even thought they did last week. ..but I'm the one whos pathetic? I'm the one that doesn’t know what I'm talking about? ..These things done seen to jive real well but this is what Ive come to expect from a man like Bill. This dumbass has the nerve to say that “I told the world that Ive never cheated in matches.”
Uummm, ..didnt I just say earlier this week that I like kickin people in the nuts? That I like using advantages when the ref inst lookin? Yeah I did, …but it doesn’t happen in every match – cause I know that those types of things don't need to happen in every match cause some opponents, like Bill, aren’t even worth my time of day. So how could I “tell the world that Ive never cheated” when Ive admitted that I like to break a few rules here and there? ..Can someone explain to me why Bill don't listen, or why he likes to go around just makin shit up? ..And this is the man that has the nerve to come out here and tell me that I'M pathetic? Well if ya ask me, its pretty damn pathetic that hes gotta come out there and lie about the things that Ive said just to make himself look a little better. Its pathetic that he tries to twist around the word “wrestler” with “wrestling skill” and he only comes out looking like a moron. And its like Ive said, “yeah I'm a wrestler, …but I don't wrestle – I kick ass.” ..But, in typical Bill fashion he wants to ignore that attempt to twist it around to make him look a little better… and again, ..he has failed. And ya know, I'm not even sure that Bill knows what fuckin planet hes living on as he comes here and tells me “Do you know this isnt an Extreme match!?” Uuuhh.. Yeah Bill - I'm a step ahead of ya there, bud. If this was an extreme match then it WOULD be legal to use all these different kind of weapons – and as much as you’ve babbled on and on about all this ‘cheating shit’ – I think everyone in the world knows this isnt an Extreme Match cause you’ve made it pretty clear.
..But you’re the fool who thinks that I cant win because I'm not gonna use any real wrestling moves? You think I don't know what kind of match this is just because I'm not gonna use any submission holds? …What the fuck are you talkin about Bill? ..How do you think Ive won all those matches in the past? ..oh that's right! By cheating, ..my – how quickly I forget! I must win all these matches by my charming good fuckin looks, huh!? Bill, this is a standard Singles match. This is a match in which Ive won over and over again by NOT using any wrestling moves other than straight power moves that’ll send pain through your body like you’ve never experienced before. Hey Bill, can you explain somethin to me? In a standard match – like the one were fighting in, your tellin me that I cant punch you? …Cause that's what you said; you told the world that I cant “punch you” in a standard singles match. Really? Well that seems to be a new fuckin rule to me – and it looks like you don't even wanna fight me Bill, from the way you talk maybe its better that we get into the ring, shake hands and share a little hug – cause that seems to be right up your alley. ...Maybe a game of chess or checkers would be more suitable for you Bill - you could order some pizza and some diet coke, ..which I don’t know why it is that fatasses like you drink diet coke, since your prolly one of those guys who goes and orders a double cheeseburger with extra chili then slaps your belly with a jolly little laugh as you order your the diet coke and say "Haha, ..tryin to watch the 'ol weight, ya know!?"
...And does that make any sense? Fuck no it doesn’t! ..Its just like everything else you’ve said this week! ...But ya know what your problem is, Bill? ..Your afraid. Your afraid of not knowing what’s gonna happen when we get in the ring - and your afraid that the whole world is gonna see you for the overweight, worn out old man that you are. ...Me? Yeah, Im gettin up there in age - and I’ve packed on a few pounds over the years but I can go as long in the ring as any mother fucker on this roster, and there isnt a damn person that can say any different. ..I aint gonna go out jumpin all around, runnin from one end of the ring to the other and do shit like that, ..causer I know my limits and I know what I need to do in order to get the job done... There aint anyone in the GWA who has more experience than I do Bill and that’s one thing that I use to my advantage, ..my ring knowledge, my power and my threshold for pain... Cause everyone, and I mean EVERYONE Bill, knows that when ya cut me open - your only gonna pay the price... And that’s a mighty price to pay, Bill.. Cause see, you underestimate me and that’s the biggest mistake of them all; cause you wanna believe that I don’t have what it takes to get the job done.. Hmm, ..fine with me - but your gonna be one sorry mother fucker when your head is swimmin' in pain. You'll feel the Silence, Bill and its something that you wont ever wanna feel again cause there aint no man in this business that can deliver the power like I can,
...there aint nobody who can slam ya back into the mat and make it echo throughout the arena like I can.. Bill you cant even stand on the same platform that I do, you don’t have the accomplishments that I have achieved in the GWA and the men that I have slaughtered to get them. ...But you tell me that I covet your accomplishments? Really? ...So I covet your TV Title, ..and your Airborne Title? ..oh wow Bill, that’s really impressive - gee, how I wish I could be a contenders for those pathetic belts, ..but here, for you - this US Title ranking is a once and a lifetime deal for you, ...for me? Well, its a chance to get back on top - to claim the prizes that I have once won. ..But if were gonna sit around here and talk about accomplishments then this is gonna be a short, one-sided conversation when I talk on and on about the things that I’ve done here in the GWA while you sit back and only wish you had achieved half the things that I’ve had. ..Not only my achievements, but the power and the strength that I have - and most of all? ..The determination of winning that I got; cause you only wish that you were half the 'wrestler' that I am, 'wrestler' being my occupation - but kickin ass is what you cant do... Hey, you’ve managed to beat up a bunch of nobodies for you Titles... Faust is alright, but average at best - and Crashin just plain out aint in my league so I don’t see your 'accomplishments' being anything that Im jealous over... Cause I’ve beaten Goth, Pain, Feight, Ashe and Fang to win my Titles - and think about it Bill,
..those are matches you would have lost, ..cause ya aint shit - ..and it somethin that everyone knows. I’ve never used timekeeper bells or mic cords to win a match Bill, but you want everyone to think that’s who I’ve won - and that’s fine, cause the whole world knows that I beat the shit outta people, beat 'em until there’s nothin left of them and then I go for the pin...And the same thing will happen with you Bill cause ya aint in my league and its somethin that you didn’t get to experience that well in our tag match, ..so I guess this time you get to learn the hard way just like every other sumbitch that’s ever stepped into the ring with me. Ya know, you’re one of the most ignorant men that I’ve ever stepped into the ring with; as every idiot in the GWA knows that my family is from Russia, ..I am not. Hell, Pain even told me before that I was "as American as Apple-pie"...and I guess that’s true since I was born in Oklahoma, ..but you don’t seem to believe that since you claim that "everyone knows your not from Noble, Oklahoma - your from Russia" ...Well, no Bill, that’s something that nobody knows cause it isnt true... Ya see what Im gettin at here, all week long you made statements that aren’t close to the truth but the more you repeat it over and over again, Im beginning to think that you actually believe the trash that your spewin. I know you wanna believe that you have the advantage in this match, but you don’t have an advantage, no - not one.
You can talk all you want and believe what you want but I guess the only way for you to get lined out is for me to slaughter ya from one side of the ring to the other, ..and that’s exactly what I plan on doin. ...I know you fear the Silence, Bill...Cause you even said that you fear it so much that "your shakin in your boots and your hair is fallin out from being so scared." ..Well Bill, the last time I looked at ya this week I don't see a whole lot of hair left on your head, ..sooo? ..Yeah, your afraid of me and you’ve been stuffin your mouth all week with fat filled foods and diet coke thinkin that its gonna get ya through this match, ..and it isnt Bill – you don't stand the slightest fuckin chance of takin the big man down, ..and you will fall – just like everyone else has and you can be just another member of the “Jaymz has whooped my ass” club that way you don't feel left out. ..Its comin Bill and once I get rollin, ..I don't fuckin let up, ..and that's somethin you can count on.