This parody belongs to Alan. Steal and face my wrath...and maybe his...
Alcathradiel's note: Okay, this is the basic reason I haven't updated lately: I have been after my friend Alan to finish this parody, and I claimed to go on strike from updating until I could get my hands on it, and he finished it. Long story short, he took a long time, but it's all worth it. I will now be doing semi-regular updates, and I plan on finishing the parodies I started. It's all a question of having time. In any case, enjoy! This parody deals with the movie, mainly, picking on its quirks.
Disclaimer: We don't own Lord of the Rings. We just like to make fun of it. We also don't own anything else dealt with in this, ie: Froot Loops, it is all harmless fun.
BOOK ONE
Narrator: The world is changing. I can feel it in the air. I can smell it in my perfume. What should not have been forgotten has been, and some things that we really need to forget remain: *cough Harry Potter*
Long ago, the dark lord Mauron forged... something.... that he used to destroy. Into it he poured his cruelty, his malice, and a half-a-teaspoon of sugar. He conquered many cities and towns, until a last stand of men and elves, five total, fought valiantly against him. One man died, but his son, Isweirdor, took up his fathers' scissors and cut off Mauron's finger.
Mauron: BOOM!
Isweirdor: Yay!
Elrandy: Randy means horny! I'm horny! Men are weak.
Elf: I'm dead.
Elrandy: Elf dead. Follow me to Mount Vroom!
Isweirdor: I think I'll cut the movie a minute shorter and tell you right here that I won't destroy the ring.
Narrator: Long story short, lots of people died and the ring came to a hobby named Bobo Baggy, who found it. He's now celebrating his 111th birthday with his nephew, Froggo.
Gandork: Froggo, never put it on!
Froggo: Huh?
Gandork: Oops, not there yet. I have returned!
Bobo: Yes, and I'm leaving.
Froggo: What about the party?
Bobo: I forgot to mail the invitations.
Gandork: Bobo! Give him... the thing.
Bobo: Ok. Oops, it's in my pocket. Here you go. Oops, it's still in my pocket. I want it. No, Froggo gets it now. Here, Froggo, take it. Oops, it's in my pocket.
Froggo: Just give me the ring!
Gandork: YOU MUST NEVER NAME IT!!!
Froggo: Why, is it evil?
Gandork: No, but then we'd have to change the title and face copyright infringement.
Froggo: Let's go to Rivendull.
Somewhat: Can I come too?
Gandork: Somewhat Gangrene, have you been evesdropping?!
Some: .....yes. I'm coming with you, because I love Frog- uhhhhh, Frozen Yogurt. And... they... have it at Rivendull.
Elrandy: And so you shall be the fellowship of the thing.
Froggo: We're not in Rivendull yet.
Pipsqueak: Ho hoi, cousin!
Berry: We're going to Rivendull too!
Bobo: Road trip!!!
Froggo: Uh, you're not coming, Bobo...
Gandork: And nor am I.
Some: Why not?
Gandork: I need to get captured.
And so...
Thingwraith: Screech!!!
Froggo: Eek!
Hey Tom Daffodil, Tom Daffodillo! Reed and.... tralalala... willow...? ...wise ears... white socks... fatty... bumpkin....
Damn! Can't remember!!
Pipsqueak: Doesn't matter, he's not in the movie.
3 Thingwraiths: Screech!
Berry: Buckleberry berry! Fuckleferry ferry. Buckle fuckle ferry. Fuckle berry buckle fuckle ferry berry buck buck... fuck.
5 Thingwraiths: Screech!
Hairygorn: Whee, swords! *sets thingwraiths on fire* Whee, fire! *sets Froggo on fire* Uh-oh. We must get him to Rivendull. It's ARS flame!
Berry: ARS flame?
Hairygorn: A Richard Simmons Flame. If we don't help him, soon he'll be just like Richard Simmons!
Pipsqueak: It's worse than we thought!
Arwing + Gluffindull: I'll take him!
Hairygorn: Arwing will take him. She's sexier!
Some: That's a matter of opinion and lifestyle choices.
Arwing: *does a dance and a bunch of water horses come and drown Gluffindull* I win!!! WHEE!
*She takes him and rides away*
Berry: We should get to Rivendull before Froggo wakes up.
Hairygorn: Why?
Pipsqueak: We're going to put rubber spiders down Froggo's pants and watch him freak out!
Some: *dazed* ...down Froggo's pants....
END BOOK ONE
Somewhere else?