GAweb Posts from December 15, 2000 (& Montreal Conf. picture)

31 GAweb Posts from December 15, 2000

1 Banjo justfor@today.com.au

Friday, December 15, 2000, 02:02:56 Last day gambled: 26th November 2000 Sydney, Australia OK 'fess up. In my post yesterday I did not include the last line, Let the spirit of our creator enlighten us. Yet somehow this was added to my post by a 3rd party? What's going on? I didn't gamble today. Top

2 Jim L jklite@hargray.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 02:05:20 Last day gambled: August 26, 1998 Hilton Head Island, SC USA Good morning, my name is Jim L and I am a compulsive gambler, I don't know about tomorrow but today I will not gamble. I placed my last bet on August 26, 1998. That’s right my "LAST" bet. My final bet, For me to bet again on anything would be a death sentence. I choose to live my life now without making any bets or being around any betting. No, I'm not weak or worried that I will bet tomorrow, I just choose to have as little to do as possible with something that destroyed me and brought me to the point of wanting to off myself. I choose not to participate in any games of chance for money or not. I choose not to watch movies where the central theme is gambling, and I choose not to be with people who are actively gambling and always want to talk about it. These are the choices I make one day at a time for "MY" recovery and abstinence. I have made these decisions and have chosen this way of life through suggestions that were made to me by those who have traveled this path before me. I could not stop gambling, I could not stop thinking about gambling, I could not stop planning where the money would come from for my gambling, and I could not stop lying to cover up my gambling..... The Gamblers Anonymous Program and Its Principles saved my life, No, it has given me a new life, one I can smile about and one that is bringing me and those around me happiness. Listen my children and you shall hear, all the gambling stories of pain and fear, the torment and worry, the lies and fright, but hope can be found at a GA meeting tonight.(jl) It works if you work it so come on and lets work the blazes out of it today........................................... Jim L Top

3 Rich R richr_srcp@hotmail.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 02:14:31 Last day gambled: 3/22/91 Detroit Website: http://www.freep.com/news/locoak/gamble15_20001215.htm Good morning. Rich R - slowly recovering compulsive person - checking in for much needed dose of reality therapy. First, about the site above. Almost a month ago a Detroiter took his own life and the lives of his family due to his gambling addiction. This Free Press article is an in-depth look at the problem and what, if anything, can be done to help certain ethnic groups who get addicted. I found parts of the article very insightful. Second, I had some of that 'real life crap' hit me yesterday at work. Annual performance review time. It did not go well. I am struggling to handle the news as a 'recovering person' would/should, instead of just saying "F it". Definitely recovery is more than just not betting. And I can see (again) how gambling for me 'took the edge off' RLC in the past. Anyway, part of my recovery is to share where I am at with others. And I guess it is a good sign that I can come here and be honest. I don't blame anyone but myself about my work situation. Other than that, I am fine. And I hope you are as well. I REALLY value this website because we have so much in common here. Thanks again to Tony L (who we don't get to hear from very often) for providing this service. More tomorrow... Top

4 Dave OfBeckenham gadaveuk@yahoo.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 02:51:44 Last day gambled: August 1992 Elmers End Beckenham Kent UK. My name is Dave and I am a compulsive Gambler I will be till the day I DIE! I am remembering my previous year. It is amazing how easy we can forget what we have been through and how much stronger we are getting. It is jut to easy to loose perspective and forget that I am a person who is even today learning what I need to do for me. That I need to open up my heart and let go of my past. I am remembering how lonely I used to be and how vulnerable I was to others pressing my buttons. I allowed the world to rule how I felt about myself. Being over sensitive is a hard thing to get over. I will be missing my meetings for the next few weeks as my son Mark is home. Boy it is nice to have him home but he certainly puts a lot on us. I was a person who never put into the home and tried to justify my lacking responsibility. I am hoping to buy my wife a present she wants to help her with Cross word puzzles. It was not that long ago she had more to think about than cross words ? She is making me so aware of how much I feel for her. She is a gem. I am fortune that I decided to listen to the meetings before I lost what most important to me. People who love you ! I will look forward to Xmas this year with a warm open heart. I hope that you all get from Xmas what you want and what you are ready for. Love to all Dave Top

5 Maggie Mac sandj@atcon.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 03:31:08 Last day gambled: 7 days ago East Coast, Canada Good morning, maggie here... a compulsive gambler trying very hard to find serenity through my efforts at improving my conscious contact with God (of my understanding)... funny, I tried to find serenity in many places.... one of them being gambling... and I found what I would have argued was just that, but it was escape...escape that turned into a prison.... I looked for serenity other places too.. but never found it.... oh I found excitement, laughter, and so on.. but not serenity.. but maybe serenity means something different to others.. what did I think serenity was anyway? Oh I had my belief in what it was I was looking for but since I wasn't quite sure what it meant, I looked it up in the dictionary... it read.. the state or quality of being serene.. serene meaning calm, peaceful, or tranquil; unruffled.. and what jumped out at me was the word 'quality' How could I find serenity when I wasn't living a quality life? But maybe I didn't understand ... so back to the dictionary to look up quality... ahhhh... what a word.. what a good word.. as I read through the many meanings that the word quality has... something else popped out at me.. I found that quality is also an attribute... an attribute was originally a quality attributed, usually to a person or something personified; more recently it has meant a fundamental or innate characteristic: an attribute of God;.... my search ends there... that was what I was missing.. the step I wasn't taking in my search for serenity.. an attribute of God... is not going to be found gambling... the only place I am going to find it is through spiritual growth... in coming to believe.. my wish for serenity has God at the starting point and my prayer for me and for all of you today is that you find serenity..... love to all... maggie mac Top

6 Don C. vze22k77@verizon.net

Friday, December 15, 2000, 04:30:20 Last day gambled: 7-22-00 Dalton, Mass. Good Morning Everyone. I am Don C. and a very grateful, and thankful, recovering, compulsive gambler. I have once again made my positive, life's choice to remain free from gambling for today. I really do love my life today in recovery. I often thought that I loved it during my gambling action days too! Of course there were many days that I didn't want to live anymore. I thank God for not having those terrible thoughts anymore. I don't, I love the way everything has come together for me in my recovery. It really does work, if you work it. One of the most calming things I have found as you will hear many others say; I use the serenity prayer in my head when I find myself getting upset with anything, and it calms me right down. It's a conscious effort that works very well for me. I loved what Maggie had to say this morning about serenity, and quality, and God. Well, my dear friends, I shall run along for now. My wish for you all is to have a glorious day today as you continue down your own path of recovery. I send you all, Love and many "HUGE", (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) Don C. Top

7 Vicki B. human53@yahoo.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 04:41:50 Last day gambled: 12/10/2000 Flint, MI Good Morning Friends, Vicki B. here, another compulsive gambler, making the choice to not place a bet today. When I went to enter the date for my last bet, I almost entered my original date. But, alas, it is 12/10/2000. I had over 22 mths of what I felt was a quality recovery, but what happened? Take the warning friends, keep diligent and focused. I didn't call out for help when that little voice urged me to go!go!go! And I went, went, went. And now I have a new date that I pray will be my final date. Jim L., I liked your little ditty...And Banjo, as always I enjoy your posts. Maggie, my friend. We are here with a renewed understanding, aren't we? Dave, so firm and powerful are your sharings here. And a special Welcome Back to our brother, Rich R., missed you! And to everyone who posts after me, or reads, but doesn't post...have a serene day. God Bless All of you! Vicki B. Top

8 Jay L. jayl@azstarnet.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 05:13:44 Last day gambled: November 5, 2000 Tucson, Az. I must leave quickly for work. Wonderful postings this morning! Some guy that's been in the program for quite some time said in a meeting yesterday: "There's good and bad about our program. The good thing is of course recovery. The bad thing is that it's a slow process. I want everything immediately, that's my nature. Today, I choose not to gamble and go to a meeting. I must slow down for now. I'm going to meetings everyday, and loving them!!!! Do not gamble today and go to a meeting, it's just that simple! Have a great day! Jay L. Top

9 squirt squirt1956@yahoo.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 05:16:24 Last day gambled: 12/09/00 hello to everyone.today i will not gamble.i will go to work like a good little girl.i will come home,wait for hubby,take his check(AARRRGGG)and go pay bills and hopefully do a little christmas shopping.then i will rewind my soap operas and watch them after whiz(my hubby’s cb handle)goes to bed. i will enjoy watching them with a cup of cocoa. WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH GAMBLING???? absolutely nothing--:) TO ALL IN RECOVERY--have a free and peaceful day--squirt Top

10 MA mailto:

Friday, December 15, 2000, 05:22:10 Last day gambled: 11-28-97 Michigan Hello Everybody, I'm Marianne M. a grateful recovering compulsive gambler. I'm feeling good and feeling strong today. I had a difficult night at work but got through it. I struggle the most with my program on the job, but consider it a work in progress. When I was gambling I didn't care about my performance because it was always somebody else's fault if something went wrong. Today I try to look at my part in the problem and what I can do about it. I am glad I'm finally on line so I can hear how other people are getting along. When I get a faster computer I'll probably do E-mail. John and Vickie you are in my prayers, way to walk the walk. I'm going to catch some shut-eye and wish you all a fine day. Thank you...Thank you...Thank you... Top

11 Dal B. dalbert_b@yahoo.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 05:30:29 Last day gambled: 12/03/00 Vancouver, WA (USA) Good Morning All, Hmmm...Such good posts today. Today, I have a "Holiday Stress" meeting to attend. And tonight, I'll be putting it into action. Tonight is the company Christmas Party. Now, why do I need the "stress Meeting?" Because, the universe has in its twisted way, convinced the hosts, that for that evenings "entertainment" is a "CASINO NIGHT!" I did a double take when I saw that. You kind of wonder, who's throwing these switches upstairs some times. :) I have planned for this. My boss will be there and since he and his wife like to have a go once in a great while, I'll just hand then my chips. If they ask why, I'll just tell them I don't think it's my lucky night. :) In any case, gambling is obviously not the reason to go. There are some other reasons and they asked me if I was going. :) So, Have a good 24 all, I'll let you know how the party went. YFIR Dal B. Top

12 Robert O bobomyer@cs.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 05:37:03 Last day gambled: Oct. 13, 2000 Dover De I am a compulsive gambler in recovery. Struggling to come to reality is a hard thing to do. Always thought of myself as a strong man. Now I know how weak I was and still am. Since my last bet, life is getting better. I feel my head is lifting up in the air, I'm tired of watching the ground go by below me. My wife is more attentive, happy, loving. I feel joy I'd forgotten about. Friends seem more willing to be around me again, they say they feel I'm a happier person to be around. Today is another beautiful day in my life. I'm not gonna gamble today and ruin it. If I'm unable to post again before Christmas, I want to take this time to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. God bless you all. Top

13 Diana nepvewc@worldnet.att.net

Friday, December 15, 2000, 05:54:51 Last day gambled: 11-27-00 southeast Texas HI to all: Yesterday someone posted and said we were all newcomers to GA and someone with time in should speak as how to make it in GA. I admire anyone who has 5 years in. But I disagree on one thing. We all contribute here. I would rather hear of someone who slipped and came back and learn from their heartache. I do not attach length of time to more than one day at a time.My original sponsor in 1993 went back out there after 8 years of not gambling.It scared me so bad. So I decided to started working, really working the steps and change myself.This is a one day program. We do the best we can this one day only. I was also told that only 10% of people actually stop gambling.So to make is for 24 hours is an accomplishment! To all who post here, I admire each one of you and your struggles. WE all have so much heartache and problems we deal with each day.But somehow, we make it 24 hours without gambling. That is a miracle. Be proud of that. Well, the zoo is hungry. Ducks were quacking so loud, I had to walk outside to shut them up. Cats are staring at me.Rabbits are hungry. Take care to all.All the above is my opinion only. Oh, and prayers are needed. Hubby is going through another test today on his kidneys. Love to all, Diana Top

14 BillM billmorman@home.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 06:18:10 Last day gambled: 6-6-2000 The Windy City, Illinois Happy Friday from Chicago! In reading the posts and chat discussions over the past week the issue of "relapse" has come up alot. So today I thought that I would share a few thoughts on relapse. Although it is possible, not many people come into GA and never make another bet from their first meeting. Many of the people that I love and respect the most in this program relapsed after their first meeting (myself, included). However, they KEPT COMING BACK and today they are joyous, happy a free and NOT GAMBLING. A friend of mine in GA often says: "There is no shame in being a compulsive gambler; there is no shame in going out to gamble. The only shame is not to come back to GA." The founder of GA relapsed after 10 years in the program without a bet. He came back, and when he died he had over 12 years without a bet. I think that I admire him more because he did relapse and yet came back into the program, succeeded, and got on with his life. As I have shared before, our disease of compulsive gambling is a BIG FAT LIAR!! It is a piece of crap disease that wants to KILL US and convince us that we are worthless and do not deserve to be happy. THAT IS THE LIE OF OUR DISEASE. And that lie is never greater than when we RELAPSE. Usually when a person relapses all the SHAME, GUILT, LOW SELF-ESTEEM that is the CORE of our addiction comes to the surface, and the battle over relapse vs. recovery begins. I have to say that if I felt that I could not come back into my meetings after a relapse and be honest and get love and support, what good is GA to me? When a person relapses, we should look at the relapse for what it is: we still have not yet learned enough of the tools of recovery to stop gambling. Instead of BEATING OURSELVES UP when we gamble, a "healthy" person would look at relapse like we look at any other mistake or problem in our lives: I did it. Now I have to learn a better way of handling the stress in my life. I had three years in GA, living in Las Vegas, without a bet from my first meeting. Then I went out and gambled. So that experience taught me that I still did not have all the tools that I needed to be happy without gambling. I relapsed a second time 6 months ago. So instead of having 7 years clean time, I have 6 months. But I NEVER STOPPED GOING TO GA MEETINGS. When a person relapses we do not lose our recovery or forget what we have learned, as long as we get to a meeting and get back on track. Relapse has taught me the true meaning of HUMILITY. GA and recovery is a life long process. I will never be perfect. But the program does promise me that if I work this program to the best of my ability I will eventually be able to CLOSE THE DOOR on gambling and have a normal, happy life without gambling. Today I am the happiest that I have ever been. I have 6 months of clean time, but over 7 years of weekly GA meetings that have taught me to love, respect, and honor myself. My greatest roadblock to gambling today is my unconditional love and respect for myself. Today I have no need or desire to gamble and hurt myself and those that love me. SO - if you relapse - admit it and get back to a meeting. Get rid of the guilt and shame that is the core of this disease and that eventually will kill us if we do not get rid of it. Go from a shame-based and guilt-based person to a love-based and God based person. Today I am joyous, happy and free. And you can be also. It is our choice on a daily basis. Love from Chicago, BILLM Top

15 Maggie Mac sandj@atcon.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 08:16:49 Last day gambled: 7 days ago East Coast, Canada Hi great ppl... maggie here.. compulsive gambler... normally I only post once a day if that but when I read Diana's post about the person who posted regarding time in and the importance of their message and the message it sends when ppl talk of their slips, I realised that I missed something and went to look at yesterdays postings... yep.. that's what the message said alright but I have to add this.... for me.. as someone with no time in... the people I learn from is, of course, everyone.. but mostly from the ppl who have had slips.. or, in my case, made a decision to go back out... because as a person who is very experienced in running groups and facilitating workshops, I know that it's the process we go through that holds the most teaching value... not only the final product... so in here, we have the best of both worlds... we have both newtimers and oldtimers.. and for my particular learning style, I learn by having ppl talk about why they went out.. what they found there, and why they came back and what they are doing, or trying to do, differently... in other words.. the process... then of course we have wonderful ppl who post regularly who have significant time in.. 10 years for rich.. who posts inspiring thoughts and never ever preaches.. he teaches instead and never makes me feel like he is being condescending by gracing us with his presence....and many others who have lots of time in who patiently encourage me.. support me.. then I reread the post from yesterday and he apologizes by saying if he missed the purpose of this forum he is sorry.... and that's the ticket isn't it,,,, the humility to admit that we may misunderstand something... because for me...and I only speak for me of course... I admire humility.. this forum has given me a place to go and to examine my feelings... to reach out 24/7 to others for help to get me past the powerful urge to go out.... to notice the growth of someone who is struggling so hard... to post my own struggles as I come to grips with understanding this disease...and to gain humility as I admit that I don't have the answers and to tell you all that I have gone back out and to hear your welcome me back into the fold... I have no problems finding ppl to judge me in the outside world... and I judge myself the most harshly (am working on that thanks to all of you who encourage me) but in here.... I find people who don't judge.. who acknowledge how hard recovery is and tell me that my feelings and thoughts are important...and most importantly are here every day with their words of wisdom ... luv you all... maggie mac Top

16 Confused again mailto:

Friday, December 15, 2000, 08:49:02 Last day gambled: Working on a year It seems the people that condone the slips are the ones that do the slipping. I have worked very hard and owe a lot of where I am today to what people on this site have to say. Especially the ones that have time in. That is the biggest inspiration to me. Not those that carry a banana peel in their pockets and cry Wolf! Top

17 Joni B. jonimb@alltel.net

Friday, December 15, 2000, 10:18:53 Last day gambled: 7/08/00 Pawnee City, Nebr. Good Afternoon,, Thankyou everyone that posted here today, and previously. How you all inspire me in some way! smiles Doing okay here, sure I have tough days, but if only I one major thing I have learned from all of you at GA, is to take my time, make something in each day special. So that’s what I’m trying to do. And that’s not hard around the Holidays! Enjoyed you thoughts into serenity Maggie, amazing how this program helps us search and discover so much..You are truly doing a good job girl at taking those baby steps into your Recovery. Serenity is a beautiful word, and if we let God, of our own understanding, we will attain that! Starting to snow here again, think we are in for a bad winter, lots and lots of snow. Sure do like some at christmas,,but there’s a limit..hahaha Have a son home sick with the flu today, so need to go, just wanted to say "Hi" to all my brothers and sisters here! God Bless you All ((((((hugs))))) Joni Top

18 David L funnkey@hotmail.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 10:52:23 Last day gambled: 10/20/00 Hi To All Just wanted to chime in on the slip issue. I once read and I'm not sure where that: It is like walking to the Post Office on a winter day about half way there you slip and fall. You are hurt in the fall. You pick yourself up and look around and you find that you are not back at home but you are still half way to the Post Office. Sure you are hurt and it will hurt to go on but you don't have to start at the beginning you are already half way there. Also want to write about this illness. If you have time do a search on the net for suicide + gambling. Read some of the stories. Gambling has the power to take all of our money and our lives. It will let us completely close our eyes to what is going on. It helps us lie to ourselves about the damage that we are doing. It will allow us to go on until we reach the point on no return. What a terrible addiction this is. What a shit way to treat ourselves? I know in my life gambling has never done anything for me accept cause me problems. It has changed my whole personality. Making me into the kind of person I don't want to be. So today I will go gamble free for this day. Your Friend In Recovery Top

19 John H human37@yahoo.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 11:23:27 Last day gambled: NUNYA (for explanation see body of letter) Flint Michigan USA Website: http://www.gamontreal.org Hello All, John H. here. Last bet NUNYA I really don't want to get into any debate (liar, I love a good scrap) Abstinence dates are someone’s personal business and private property for use by the owner only. Your date is none of my business, and my date is NUNYA (None o'ya)business. Do I scold people at meetings that come back from a spree? No. (I might be the next one to come back) Like everyone else I wait till they are out of earshot before talking about them. (Ha ha) I was pretty sad when my spouse went out recently. Until Dec 10th, we shared the same date. I probed her with questions, and according to the Gam-Anon website that was the wrong thing to do, and I want to apologize to her. I was out shopping late the other night, and I saw some fresh cut flowers that reminded me of her. Not too good of an idea in mid December, but I did it anyway, I hope it gave her a smile. Busy today doing housework and helping Gramma; finally cleared the snow, just in time for the next storm. Ah, such is life. The snow falls on the addicted and the unaddicted all the same. Have a great day. John H 2/5/99 Top

20 BevR erichard@msn.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 12:39:04 Last day gambled: 12/23/99 RI Hello Everyone, I'm Bev and I'm a compulsive gambler. Grateful to be in recovery today! Thank you all for your wonderful posts today:) I too would like to avoid getting into any controversy, but I do have to say that for me, it's has been very important to understand that the further I am from my last bet the closer I am to my next. That's something that I can never forget because from what I've been told there are no guarantees for any of us. Today was a perfect example of how even when things are going well in my life there is always a possibility that some unexpected trigger may lead me to thoughts of gambling. What I do with those thoughts can make the difference & sometimes it takes a lot more than just saying the serenity prayer to get me through those times. Fortunately, I've learned to rely on other people for guidance when a situation arises & I do try to use the tools that I have been given by my brothers & sisters in recovery. Thanks to many of you I know that I can continue to make positive choices or I can choose to go back to doing things my way...since my way only brought me heartache & misery I will pray that I can continue to be willing to work this program...one day at a time! Today a received a rather generous cash bonus from my new employer..totally unexpected & the first time I've seen a large denomination bill since my last trip to the casino over a year ago. Did that trigger thoughts of gambling? Yep!! Do I trust myself with cash?...nope!! So I had to make some quick decisions when I left work today. Not only did I have cash, but I had free time on my hands & no one to be accountable to except myself. Thanks to my HP, GA & all of you here at GAweb I can be here right now grateful for the fact that I was able to come directly home & hand that money to my husband. Just the look on his face & the fact that he told me how much he appreciated my honesty gave me a bigger high than any jackpot I ever hit at any slot machine. To me that's what this program is all about...learning to respond in a different way to things that create the urge to gamble & realizing that the rewards of making those positive choices are not things that can be measured in any material way. Thank you all for making it possible for me...one day at a time! I send each of you wishes for peace & serenity for another 24hours ~Bev Top

21 So confused2 mailto:

Friday, December 15, 2000, 12:39:20 Last day gambled: working on 10 years... or 20 Had to jump in, here i am, so confused too, i keep the whole banana close, not just the peel, is that too naughty of me? and i don’t cry wolf, i purr. Top

22 Jim A. gr8_move@yahoo.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 13:50:44 Last day gambled: January 23, 1996 Davison, (City of Flags), Michigan Hello again everybody, Sometimes it gets sooo confusing .... Yesterday, as you may recall, I mentioned something about EXPECTATIONS. "The power, and the paradox, of expectations." I would like to suggest that this theme be overlaid, or added if you will, to the current discussion, which I might add, seems to surface here periodically. First of all, let's view this from the power of expectations: Here's a website that draws a wonderful community of people, who have some level of commitment to their own recovery from the pain, shame and sorrow brought about by their compulsive gambling. People who visit here, whether occasionally or routinely, may draw some inferences about the "success" of this community effort by the length of clean time for posters, or by the percentage of those who slip, or by some other such standard. And, it may seem totally reasonable (and let's not ascribe any mean-spirited nature or quality to such an investigative sleuthing) for that person to "question" what in the world is going on, that is, "if one comes here to stop gambling, then why can't they stop? .... and stay stopped?" Ah, and now for the "paradox", they are learning to stop gambling. And we are learning to stay stopped -- one day at a time. They are learning --- and we continue to learn from their learning (believe it or not) --- to stop gambling by continuing to come back and honestly face what happened, and learn from what happened. Some of it may be cognitive learning and recognition ... when I chase a dollar lost months or years ago, eventually I always lose even more. Some of it may be emotional growth and development ... recognizing triggers such as Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, and (being) Tired, and learning and adapting to new ways of coping. Some of it may be spiritual growth and development ... seeing resentment toward my fellow man and a blindness toward a higher power as the source of much of my continuing unhappiness, and discovering, step by step, a simple program that will allow me to find some degree of harmony with my fellows, and some kind of peace with my Higher Power (of my own understanding), so that I might move from a state of unmanageability, hopelessness, and unhappiness to a better state of mind, heart, and soul, where I can feel a part of a community with a rightful sense of belonging, and I develop a trusting faith for my reason and purpose in being, with a sense of individual self worth, powered, guided, and inspired by my Higher Power (who still has a sense of Humor, by the way) So again, it really is about the Journey -- which is clearly about Progress, and not about the destination -- which can be sometimes confused with Perfection. Let's enjoy the Journey, today's PROGRESS, Joy, Love, and Peace, and ... (((HUGS))) Jim A. Top

23 Banjo justfor@today.com.au

Friday, December 15, 2000, 14:09:06 Last day gambled: 26th November 2000 Sydney, Australia Early am Saturday morning, some more Christmas shopping today, over an adult life time I would be normally studying the form guide right now, trying to win money to buy presents, with the usual consequence that I would lose money and not buy the presents I set out to buy, I would have behaved like this for 25 of the last 30 Christmas's, what insanity. In fact that's not true, I wasn't trying to win money to buy presents I was just satisfying my selfish addiction, just seeking another selfish rush, regardless of a disease or not, I am not going to make any excuses today. Now I'm going to dive into the debate on slipping etc, (sorry JB),............this is the intro statement of GAweb, "Site is not affiliated with GA but supports the efforts of GA" or something like that..... As much as some of our full card carrying and totally committed brethren of GA would like to think they have sole ownership of this site and expect the same modus operandi to apply that exists in the rooms, of course it can't. This is not a room where the fellowship of GA interact under the strict guidelines and format and etiquette of what has been passed down since the 1st meeting in 1957. GAweb site is a hybrid, it is not even GA, it is just a place in cyberspace (and thank my higher power for it) where people with gambling problems can reach out in the privacy of their own home, and at any time of the day or night they chose to and ask for help. There are no rules (except the proforma statements) and if anyone who posts here has a gambling problem and they slip every day, why should it worry me. I've used this site for a year now, and apart for a few months I have not indulged in my selfish compulsive habit, addiction, disease, irrational and insane behaviour. That's a great achievement for someone who has been a GAMBLER since my late teens. I haven't been to a GA meeting for some months now, I chose to stop going as I started a new and very demanding job and was often away on business etc. And don't remind me of the extraordinary efforts I would go to gamble, I did and still do when I give in to the addiction. but for the moment I'm trying this site primarily, I read as much GA literature as I can ( thanks brethren for that ) carry the little pink Just For Today card, read it like a prayer book, and carry the memories of many GA F2F in my consciousness. It is now 9am on a glorious Sydney Saturday, thanks to the technological age I live in I can post this message from the comfort of a rather large and comfy lounge chair, can absorb all the warmth and love that is offered here, reject the stuff I don't agree with, listen to FM play some very soothing classical, or even sometimes listen to country & western out of NYTodayRadio on the net at the same time I'm writing this. You all helped me not gamble yesterday, and thanks to this site, I'm sure as hell not going to gamble today. See ya later alligator Top

24 When_it_ isn’t_a_game mailto:

Friday, December 15, 2000, 14:41:43 Copyright 2000 Albuquerque Tribune Albuquerque Tribune December 12, 2000, Tuesday Rick A. Maese rmaese@abqtrib.com / 823-3687 Compulsive gambling grabs control of more and more lives every day in New Mexico and the nation, but serious study into this damaging addiction lags far behind. On the outside, everything was going well for Sigmund Bloom. He was a successful defense attorney with a private practice in Downtown Albuquerque. He enjoyed a nice Northeast Heights home and was happily married, often showering his wife with gifts for no particular reason. But Bloom lived his life under a cloak, hiding his biggest passion from even his wife. It’s a Saturday morning, about 8 o’clock. “I have a lot of work to do,” Bloom would tell his wife. “I’m probably going to be at the law library all day doing research.” He drives past the library and heads straight to the airport, where he boards a quick flight to Las Vegas, Nev. Bloom spends the entire day gambling everything from card games to the craps table to televised horse racing before boarding a flight back to Albuquerque about 3 p.m. Whether he won $1,000 or dropped $1,000, he arrives home exhausted, appearing to have just finished a long day of work. This wasn’t an unusual weekend for Bloom; in fact, for years it happened two or three times a month. “Saturdays in Vegas was my time to hit it big. You see all the money that moves around there and think, ‘If I could just stay long enough, it could all be mine,’” he says. “It was a different world for me. Reality was whatever I wanted it to be.” While Bloom, now 64, was able to quit gambling 10 years ago, experts say the problem is a growing one. And they say compulsive gambling is an addiction that is only now becoming understood. Local experts and gambling agencies say there is no way to accurately gauge the seriousness of compulsive gambling in this state, but most agree that in areas near casinos, the trend toward compulsive gambling is evident. There are 14 casinos currently in operation in New Mexico three in the Albuquerque area alone but gambling takes many forms. In New Mexico, for example, a would-be gambler can find horse racing, slot machines, scratch tickets and bingo halls. New Mexicans can also buy Powerball tickets, hoping to strike it rich like the group of 14 Sandia National Laboratories employees who won the 20-state, $131 million jackpot two weeks ago. “This has the potential to be a very big problem huge,” says Keith Whyte, executive director of the National Council on Problem Gambling, in Washington, D.C. “Until recently, there really weren’t many formal studies, and I think we’re just now realizing how wide-reaching and serious this problem is.” With this increased accessibility of local casinos and a recent flood of gambling outlets, Bloom fears there will be many more people like him. Experts agree, saying they’re also seeing a rise nationally. More to the point, they maintain that compulsive gambling has become a problem on the par with alcoholism and drug addiction. Growing stakes First, the numbers: *More than 7.5 million adults in the country about 3 ½ percent of the population have a gambling problem, according to the Harvard Medical School’s Division on Addictions. *According to the National Gambling Impact Study, 86 percent of Americans report having gambled, 68 percent in the past year. *The same study found that in a single year, Americans lost $50 billion in legal wagering. *The rise in popularity of American Indian casinos nationwide is becoming an increasingly popular outlet for gamblers. Tribal gambling took in $212 million in revenues in 1968. In 1997, that figure multiplied by more than 30 times, to $6.7 billion, according to the National Indian Gaming Commission. While the number of gamblers has grown into an industry jackpot, gambling addiction is largely an unexplored problem. “There hasn’t been an understanding of this problem until very recently,” says Whyte. “People haven’t taken it seriously because they haven’t known much about it.” But they’re beginning to. A government-funded study, presented to Congress in June 1999, was the first study of its kind, and it found gambling numbers have increased every year, going back at least the past 20 years. “Every year we’re finding more and more people being diagnosed as compulsive,” says Elizabeth George, founder of the North American Training Institute, an organization that assists in recovery. “There has simply been more accessibility to gambling.” Predictably, perhaps, gambling is big business. Maybe bigger than big. Janet Jessup, the executive director of the New Mexico Gaming Control Board, said racetrack operators reported more than $75 million in revenues last year, and nonprofit organizations reported nearly $3 million in revenues. While tribal casinos are not required to report figures, Jessup estimated they net about $400 million annually. “People don’t have to go to Las Vegas anymore. (Gambling) is becoming more and more common,” says Marty Malloy, an Albuquerque gambling counselor. From pleasure to problem For Sigmund Bloom, gambling was almost a compulsive behavior from the start. “As a teen, I would shoot pool for money in the pool halls,” he says. “I was instantly hooked on that excitement of making money, without having to really earn it.” But gambling didn’t begin hurting Bloom or his pocketbook until he graduated from law school at the University of Pittsburgh and moved to Albuquerque more than 20 years ago to begin practicing defense law. Living this close to Las Vegas, Nev., lent itself to plenty of working weekends at the library or so his family and friends thought. Some Saturdays proved successful, and Bloom would spend the next weekend flying his wife somewhere or buying her jewelry. But most were bad, he says. “I used to believe the only reason I lost is because I didn’t play long enough,” he says. “I definitely was able to remember my wins better than my losses.” Personal and business bills began piling up. Bloom had mail forwarded from his home to the office so his wife wouldn’t notice the financial strain. He began borrowing money from family and friends, but he used that money to gamble more. Bloom had dug himself into a giant financial hole, and there weren’t too many ways out. “It created this huge emptiness,” Bloom says. “I couldn’t sleep. My mind was preoccupied with how I was going to get more money, how I was going to pay these debts. I was so unhappy. “And nobody ever knew about it. If you’re an alcoholic, if you’re a drug addict, anybody can see your disease. The compulsive gambler can hide it. “I reached the point where I was either going to kill myself or I was going to stop gambling.” Curing a disease Curing compulsive gambling is a bit tricky, experts say, because it isn’t like a lot of other addictions. “You can stay away from drugs and alcohol, but you can’t get away from money. It’s everywhere,” Whyte says. “The gambler cannot just walk away from the substances he abuses. “Since there is no substance, it’s so poorly understood. People wonder, ‘How can you be addicted to the sensation, the high?’ It’s a hidden addiction.” The first step, counselors say, is identifying the gambler. George says there appear to be more males who are problem gamblers, “though female population is catching up.” Also, people who are recovering from other addictions tend to gamble more, and college-age students are at an elevated risk, she says. Malloy, the counselor who has worked with Bloom, is the founder of the New Mexico Institute on Problem Gambling. His company offers individual counseling, as well as workshops for addicts and other counselors. There are two main types of gamblers, Malloy says, and types of treatment differ for the two. *The “action gambler” is usually the type shown in movies and on television and is often labeled a “high roller.” This gambler is looking for the shot of adrenaline that comes with placing a bet. George says early experiments show gambling excites the same parts of the brain as stimulants like cocaine. “They’re gambling for the rush,” Malloy says. “Gambling is a science for them. They want to win, but they’re also doing it for the challenge.” Malloy says these gamblers tend to be male and can be narcissistic. *The “escape gambler” is much more common in New Mexico, Malloy says. This person is using gambling as a means to escape problems. “When they go and play games of chance, their minds are on that, rather than on their problems,” Malloy says. “Gambling offers mental relief.” These gamblers tend to be female, and they can gamble for hours and hours on end. “When they win money, it doesn’t mean they’ll go home,” Malloy says. “It means they have more time to play. More time to avoid their problems.” But rehabilitating either type of gambler is not an easy task. Whenever possible, counselors recommend a spouse or another family member take control of the finances and keep an eye on compulsive behavior. And the action gambler needs to be placed in a very structured situation. “The therapeutic process is very important here,” Malloy says. “(We try) to deal with why they have these attitudes.” These gamblers benefit from organizations such as Gambler’s Anonymous, a support group that operates from the same principles as Alcoholic’s Anonymous, including a 12-step program. The escape gambler, however, might benefit from individual counseling rather than being in a group. That’s because the problem for this type of gambler is more deeply rooted than self-control, Malloy says. “It could be something rooted way back in time and is just now surfacing,” he says. “A lot of times, they may have low self-esteem. So when we treat a person like that, we’re trying to build up their self-esteem and find positive things for them to focus on.” Unfortunately, the nation’s gambling problem might only get worse, experts predict. “This is the first generation of youngsters who have been exposed to gambling their entire lives,” George says. “They’ve heard the advertisements on the radio, seen the billboards, driven past the casinos their whole lives.” George’s North American Training Institute reports most adolescents 80 percent to 83 percent have gambled. Of those, 10 percent to 14 percent have displayed problem signs, and 4 percent to 7 ½ percent have shown compulsive behaviors. “In order to really combat this problem, we need to educate everyone, especially children,” George says. Education involves teaching responsibility, Whyte says. Most gambling organizations bill themselves as neutral to gambling; they don’t encourage closing casinos or burning decks of cards. Organizations like Whyte’s just want the public to understand the risks involved with pulling the arm of a slot machine. “With the Internet, we’re going to have even more access to it,” Whyte says. “I think the key is to not wait until someone with a serious gambling problem comes in for help. We need to do the prevention early. We’ve made enormous progress in reducing drunken driving by simply teaching the same prevention messages.” A happier life Sigmund Bloom had never heard any educational messages growing up. He didn’t even realize he had a problem until it was too late, and he says he was an “eyelash away from suicide.” In 1990, he began seeing a psychiatrist and joined the local chapter of Gambler’s Anonymous. It wasn’t an easy thing to do. Bloom had been living a secret life, had gambled away a lot of money. He didn’t want to tag an exact figure to his losses, but estimated it easily topped $100,000. He had to confess to his wife all of his lies and almost lost his marriage because of it. “I had no choice, though,” he says. “I couldn’t go on the way I had been living. We’ve been married now for 19 years, and there’s no way I’d be here without her support.” Bloom suffered withdrawal symptoms and had to work hard on other parts of his life. “I had no idea what to do with all my time,” he says. “But I knew I couldn’t go back. You can’t just limit it, or cut back. I can’t make two bets a week, or just visit Vegas once a year.” He still feels the temptation, and Bloom says he has avoided the allure for the past 10 years. “I can’t just snap my fingers and say I no longer have a problem,” he says. “But overall, I’m a lot happier now. I feel a lot better about myself. I can’t imagine ever again living like I once had.” DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? An easy checklist, provided by the National Council on Problem Gambling: 1. Have you often gambled longer than you had planned? 2. Have you often gambled until your last dollar was gone? 3. Have thoughts of gambling caused you to lose sleep? 4. Have you used your income or savings to gamble while letting bills go unpaid? 5. Have you made repeated, unsuccessful attempts to stop gambling? 6. Have you broken the law or considered breaking the law to finance your gambling? 7. Have you borrowed money to finance your gambling? 8. Have you felt depressed or suicidal because of your gambling losses? 9. Have you been remorseful after gambling? 10. Have you gambled to get money to meet your financial obligations? If you or someone you know answers “Yes” to any of these questions, consider seeking assistance from a professional counselor, experts advise. In the Albuquerque area, Gamblers Anonymous groups meet four times a week. Call 260-7272 for information. Top

25 Jim L jklite@hargray.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 14:55:02 Last day gambled: August 26, 1998 Hilton Head Island, SC USA Good evening folks, Jim L here again, a compulsive gambler. I do not know about tomorrow but today I will not gamble. Just a thought about the slippage and the concern about the slippage and the advice on the slippage and the quotes about the slippage and the slips about the slippage. Its my opinion that I have no opinion unless someone asks me personally what I think. We can only control our own actions. Why all the fuss, quite frankly I like this place, it is one of many tools which I use in my own recovery. Come on life is too short to try and always be in control of others, didn't we do enough of that when we were gamblin????????? see ya Jim L Top

26 Jay L. jayl@azstarnet.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 15:19:46 Last day gambled: November 5, 2000 Tucson, Az. The mix of people on this site is one of the great things that I love about it. I gain wisdom from the folks with longer sobriety than mine because that have cut through their own path and can help me do the same, only in my own fashion. I gain alot from the folks who continue to slip because it continues to reassure me how deadly this disease really is. Even to the person that brought up the whole issue of slipping; grateful to you as well. In recovery, I simply try to learn from everyone in these rooms, regardless of their clean time and when I stop doing that...I'm finished!!! Have a great evening, I'm off to a meeting. Jay L. Top

27 Banjo justfor@today.com.au

Friday, December 15, 2000, 15:30:50 Last day gambled: 26th November 2000 Sydney Well after some more reading and thinking, I will go back to Tuesday nights step meeting, I think 'confused's' post was part of my higher powers prompting. Love to ALL Top

28 squirt squirt1956@yahoo.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 18:09:26 Last day gambled: 12/09/00 this is my 2nd posting today and i usually only post once but now IM CONFUSED. is this not a place where we all know the pain of slipping and know the joy of making it through one more day without gambling? Isn’t that what its all about? sharing the joy and the sorrow?Feeling the pain and the joy? To THOSE WHO HAVE NOT GAMBLED FOR OVER A YEAR--you are my inspiration (from my soul) TO THOSE OF YOU WHO SLIP BUT KEEP COMING BACK-you are my pain and sorrow and a daily reminder that I’m not alone...And your honesty and spirit to try over is my reason to try too. TOO ALL IN RECOVERY--we made the first step and no matter how far or not so far we have gone,were still here.still trying.still helping each other,still saying,,,,One day at a time...and for that and for all of you,I AM GREATFUL Top

29 Rich R richr_srcp@hotmail.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 20:45:55 Last day gambled: Friday, December 15, 2000 Detroit, MI Oops, today I did a no-no. Today I bought some stock. Earlier this year when I moved to cash in my 401k retirement account, I said "I don't have to change my GA clean date because I am moving to cash, but if I ever BUY stock then I will change my date." Well that happened today. Why? As far as I can tell it was because I received a poor performance rating yesterday, which means I'll receive no annual bonus in the spring. That annual bonus would have been anywhere from $15,000 to $18,000! As the reality of those consequences hit me yesterday and today, the little sick part of me started thinking "Oh yeah? I'll show those b**tards. I am no dummy. I can make 15-18k in the market just like that!" And the rest is history. The really sick part of the story is last night I was thinking 'no one will know, I can go ahead and have my 10-year pinning next spring, I'll just keep this my little secret!' I guess going to hundreds of meetings prevents my conscience from lying like that again. The first thing I did (wish I had done this BEFORE I bought the stock) was to call the 800 number in Michigan for problem gambling. That counselor was very good, advising me to get to a meeting immediately. Come clean before the stock market opens on Monday. Just to be sure I tried a 'second opinion' which was the National Council on Problem Gambling hotline. Strange that counselor told me exactly the same thing and added 'tell your wife ASAP too'. Then I called one of my GA sponsors. I was able to cry on the phone with Jim, he left it up to me because he has some confusion about buying blue chips stocks, but I know FOR ME that is gambling as evidenced by my urge to hide the reality from others. Anyway, I went to bed, but could only sleep for a few hours. You people feel like you have become my 'home group' so I thought I should come here and be honest first. It's tough, now I can really relate to the 'slippers' who come here. But, as one of those phone counselors said 'sometimes we learn something when we slip and start again.' She also said 'there is a lot of shame connected with changing our dates, but there is a lot more shame connected with lying about our dates'! Anyway, thanks for letting me share tonight. I feel better already. Hope you have a nice weekend. Rich R, SLOWLY recovering compulsive person :-| Top

30 Mark T mailto:

Friday, December 15, 2000, 21:28:29 Last day gambled: 7/2/00 Arizona I'm Still Here... Hope to Talk to you Again on a regular Basis Marcos Top

31 Shawn N. srnance@home.com

Friday, December 15, 2000, 21:46:20 Last day gambled: 8-8-93 San Diego, Ca HI Everyone: I am Shawn, a compulsive gambler, who chose not to place a bet today. I am leaving for Las Vegas this evening and I just wanted to check in. I am excited to get to Las Vegas, not to gamble, but to see my family. I am going for a company Christmas party, I had to secretary the GA meeting, tonight, but thought I could use some extra strength. I will be taking all of you, though your posts with me tonight. I will not gamble while I am in Las Vegas, I will be with my family and business partners who do not gamble and enjoying their company. I will post when I return gamble free. Shawn Top

srcp99

My Favorite Web Sites

CGhub (the NEW GAweb)
GA Friends (6 pages of photos)
GAweb posts December 14, 2000
GAweb posts December 13, 2000
GAweb posts December 12, 2000
CG Spouse Chart (pdf file)
CG and Recovery Chart