I wasn't there the last day of my Daddy's life; I had to take care of some business and then didn't have a way to the hospital later.

The nurse called from the hospital to say that he wasn't doing well and wanted to know if we wanted life support if anything happened but I still had hope that they was wrong. I did make the decison to not have life support. I know that he would not want to be kept alive by machines. I still didn't have a way to get the hospital at that time so I waited patiently to hear some word.

I felt so bad because my Mother and brother had made feel like I was trying to take avantage of them. I was only taking care of bussiness beause Mom couldn't.

Then came that call that I always dreaded. Dad was dying and if I wanted to spend a little time with him I had better get there. I rushed up there but was too late. As I heard those words that no one wants to hear. Your Father has passed away.

Later as I stood there looking at him not wanting to believe it but you was lifeless like a wooden statue.

As I walked down that long corridor, I felt as though I was in a daze, it had to be a nightmare it couldn't be true.

Later that night the funeral director called and I was jolted into reality.

Now I awake every morning hoping that it was only a dream then the reality sets in and I have deal with the truth, he is really gone and there is no way to change it.

We start thinking that people will live forever then the big shocker.

Daddy would call me three times a day just to make sure I was all right. I miss those calls.

A couple of months before his death I had a dream where I saw him smiling and happy saying good-bye and then he turned and stepped into his own coffin. It gave me such an eery feeling; I could never get it out of my mind. I thought this dream was preparing me for something but I still wasn't prepared. In the back of my mind I thought it wouldn't happen.

He suffered so much that last month of his life struggling to breathe. He was so confused about where he was and seeing people and things that weren't there. At times we couldn't even understand him because he mumbled. Some ignored it and others said it was just part of the disease, but now I believe that he wasn't getting enough oxygen to the brain. Even that he may have already began having mini strokes.

He was all swelled up with fluid and his kidney's had shut down.

Sometimes I get to thinking how he must have felt, thinking he saw people and was told there wasn't anyone there or she saw his own reflection in the mirror, it must have been so frightening for him. I wish I had thought about it then and had agreed that he had seen something.

There wasn't really ever any hope that he would make it, I clung to the hope of receiving a miracle from God.

At first I thought God had said no but as I thought about it I realized He he had been completely healed though not in the way I had prayed for or expected. That was a truly beautiful miracle,

Daddy isn't suffering anymore, and I had prayed for that also. If he was going to have to go on and suffer the way he was then I wanted God to take him? I had thought that it might have been wrong to pray that way but I don't think so, it's only natural when we see our loved ones in pain.

God works in mysterious ways not according to our will but His will. That's the way it is supposed to be. We just have to trust God who knows what is best.