Well, 2001 is nearly drawing to a close. I still haven't worked out what I'm doing for New Years Eve, as every time I've planned something in the past years its turned out to be such an anti climax that I'm afraid to plan anything!! So I'll probably end up in one of our back paddocks with a nice fire cooking and toasting marshmallows, gazing at the stars with the frogs chirping in the background....ahhh, then again who knows!!!

Overall this year has been a much smoother year health wise for myself, while in the meantime I have been given the sad experience of knowing what it feels like to worry about someone you love. My nephew Chris experienced his first "tune-up" in hospital, which turned out to be for over two weeks. It pained me to see someone so young and innocent having to go through things that I at my age find it hard to deal with. I visited him quite often (though he seemed very content playing his gameboy or Nintendo!) and it felt very strange visiting him while knowing exactly the ins and outs of everything that was going on in the ward. I had a bit of a cough myself at the time, and wondered should I swap places with him!! I couldn't help worrying - I now understand how my family and my friends must feel when I'm going through rough patches. I certainly find it harder to watch Chris weather his tough times than I do experiencing mine. His parents coped beautifully and I admired their calmness and strength through such a worrying time. I know its all part and parcel of having CF, but it always seems to hit home in a big way when you have to go to hospital.

I was also very shocked to learn that a lovely woman I had been writing to for 8 months in America suddenly passed away, due to complications with CF. Sandy Cochran was a beautiful lady, though I had never met her, her warmth and positive attitude shone from her letters. In sad times like that, it always serves to bring some perspective into my life, and I am grateful to Sandy for her gifts that she shared with me in the short time I knew her.

In Cystic L, (a website where we get to share views and messages with other CF people all over the world) we often unfortunately see the message with words to this effect, "another angel gone". A little flash of pain always grips my heart when I read this, meaning another CF life has gone. In one-way or another (from illness, accidents or natural causes) we do leave this earth - it is, a destiny that comes to us all. One comfort is knowing that people with any disease or illness, bring forth gifts to the people they leave behind - it may be in the forms of a fond memory, the positive attitude, the infectious laughter.

Death is something we never get used to or like- especially for those who are left behind to deal with the fact that someone they loved so dearly has left this world. But, it is a fact of life. Sandy helped remind me of this - and I find comfort in knowing that she is now in a place that is pain free and full of love and happiness. But since we are still here, I implore each and every one of you to live in the moment and live each day like it’s your last. For this life, in this moment, is the only one we do have.

GOINGS ON

No show - so what have I done??

Having 6 months off from doing a musical has been wonderful. Though I became a bit of an Internet junkie (while I should have been studying), it was great not having any pressure of staying well and not having a commitment to 3 days a week of rehearsals. I filled my time with my horse massage study, trips to Melbourne, a bit of casual work at the physio, and most of all, beloved time spent with my horse and getting back into the competitions again. I once read a sticker on a horse float that read, "Heaven is owning and riding a horse", and to me that certainly is true. It felt wonderful having a daily connection with my horse, and feeling very grounded and happy.

HORSE MASSAGE

The horse massage course has been a great therapy for Andy, (and other horses!!) and the practical intensive week I had in November proved to be a wonderful experience also, where I met some truly lovely people, and some very special horses too! One of the girls I met in the course (there were 5 in my year) even had a husband with CF, so that left us a lot to talk about!! She even picked I had CF because of my telltale cough!! Though, as we were all staying together in a camp, I had to tell all the girls what I had, because I wasn't happy about the suggestive comments about me being a smoker!!

One horse in particular that was owned my lecturer, gave me a very good lesson in judgment. I had avoided him all week because he was restless and always seemed agitated, which in turn made me agitated. Andy is a very quiet horse, and I guess we know each other so well that none of his behaviour (if he is having a naughty day) fazes me.

I found myself next to this dear horse, after our lecturer said go and catch the horses. I just happened to be standing next to him, with no intention of working with him. But by the time the 3rd person asked me "are you working with Wally", I realised that perhaps I was!!

What happened next was very strange, and something that I had talked about earlier in the week with the girls. I had been sharing a story about a woman who heals and can telepathically communicate with animals. I believe in these gifts, and many books on the subject had been "finding" me! This story in particular had really struck a chord with me, and as I told it began to cry, and I think the other girls were also deeply affected. Its message struck me, as reaffirmed for me that animals indeed feel very deeply and put up with terrible abuse emotionally and physically. Horses are often called upon to suppress these emotions, and have no way to deal with them. SO they put up with abuse, the sadness, the hurt, and are often terribly misunderstood in many ways. Massage is one way to give a horse some peace, some love, and some understanding. The animal psychic, who I referred to, had a case where a horse let go of his emotions "through" her. She did not take on his baggage, but acted like a channel, releasing for him the negativity that he was unable to release for himself, (he was physically abused for a long time and eventually became introverted to protect himself and other people. He was so deeply affected that he dared not communicate with other humans who dealed with him on a daily basis, like in riding or grooming, in his fear of hurting someone with his terrible anger).

I know this may sound far fetched to a lot of you, but why wouldn't an animal have emotions and feelings like you or I??

So, I found myself next to Wally. I began the first strokes on his next, and within a minute, found myself feeling anxious. I looked around thinking that maybe I was tuning into something bad happening to myself or to another of the students. But everyone was working quietly. Next thing I started to feel intensely sad, and tears began rolling down my cheeks, and my heart started beating rapidly, like in panic or fear. My lecturer noticed and asked if I was alright, and I said, " I think this horse has been through a lot in his life", to which she replied " This horse I feel is very special, I knew when I went to buy him". She had only had him 3 months, and didn't know anything of his past.

For about 10 minutes I cried. I couldn't continue the massage, so I gently lay my hands on him and gave him reiki, while I said some prayers. I felt that Wally, like the story I told previously, was releasing his emotions through myself. I asked the higher powers to help release whatever needed to, and asked that Wally and I be surrounded in white light and peace. I imagined the emotions going through my feet into the earth to be released safely. As this was all happening, I felt these waves of love and compassion coming from this horse. Wally was very still while this was happening, and seemed very peaceful. I will never forget that day, and he taught me some valuable lessons. I eventually got to massage him, and when I let him go he galloped off with what seemed like, not a care in the world. I didn't feel drained or tired by helping him in this way - just peaceful and glad that I had been able to help this horse, and he had trusted me enough to let me into his world.

A BIT OF JOURNALISM

Several editors from other parts of the world have asked me to contribute a "something" to their CF magazines, which was a real honour. I also submitted an article to the CF Victorian newsletter, (about Reiki) and also to the Welsh Pony and Cob Society ("CF, Andy and I").

GEORGIE AWARDS

In November, the awards for Musical Theatre Excellence (and Plays) were held in Shepparton, (this involves around 6 companies around the regional district) and I won two awards for my role of Reno Sweeney in "Anything Goes". I received the "Best Female Performer in a Musical" and "Best Singing" award, so that was a real hoot. My friends and I all got frocked up, going out for dinner beforehand, then had a lovely evening of entertainment with the awards in-between acts. I have a little collection of Georgies now from previous years, and I'm afraid that the run longing joke of them looking like cheese cake cutters still stands!!

Genevieve and Kellie (who played the role of Urma in Anything Goes, and won Best Supporting in a Musical)

WANGARATTA ADULT RIDING CLUB VICTORIAN EVENTING CHAMPIONSHIPS

In early December Andy and I competed in a team at the above named Championships. It was a wonderful weekend, with competitors from all over Victoria. After the dressage phase, Andy and I were coming 2nd. We got clear in the Cross Country phase, but unfortunately a knocked down rail in the showjumping cost us 1st place, but we were very happy to end up eventually in 4th place in the individual event. Our team bombed out though, as one of the members got eliminated in the cross country

It was great to be out and about again, as I hadn't had a weekend excursion like that since Pony Club, and it was lovely catching up with friends who I hadn't seen in a while who I regularly meet at horse events. Andy was very well behaved, though we did come home with a few ripped horse rugs from teeth happy neighbours in the stalls. I was not impressed!! (Nor was mum cause she has the job of mending them!!!)

Our next big competition will be on January the 6th, when we compete at the Royal Melbourne Summer Horse Show, taking part in the Adult Riding Club classes.

Gen and Andy at Wangaratta, Dec 2001.

AUDITIONS

I decided to audition for Chess - a musical being put on by the same company who produced Les Mis, which I did last year. I received a callback for Svetlana, one of only two major female roles, but I won't know for a while how I fared. I'm not fussed either way, so we'll just see what happens with that.

WORK

Having a wee bit of casual work at the physiotherapy clinic has been great. I've learnt some new skills, attained some confidence in some areas that challenged my comfort zone, and also got to attend my first work breakup Christmas party!! It was a great evening and it was funny seeing some of my collegues let their hair down in style!!

Left to Right. Jill, Sue (the cross-eyed one!), Kaye, Joanne (the other crosseyed one!!) and Karen.

HOSPITAL and GENERAL HEALTH

In late November I had my 3 monthly check-up and was relieved to get a very good breathing test (FEV1 of 69%), so was glad to be told to keep it up and go home and "see you again in 3 months!!" I have still been taking Glutathione and have recently started again to inhale Colloidal Silver. I have regular visits to my acupuncturist and my chiropractor, and have been following good eating habits and daily exercise. Keeping out of smoky environments and keeping alcohol intake to a very small minimum I have also been conscious of.

WEBSITE

Encouraging emails and guest books entries keep flowing in, and I see with interest that many people are turning to alternative therapies to help manage their Cystic Fibrosis. I was also recently asked to contribute to the CF magazine for adults (in Victoria) as they were doing a CF alternatives section. Awareness is growing, and I feel that these treatments are less often being regarded as quaky. Be aware that treatments you are trying may well be frowned upon by your doctor, so think carefully if you are thinking about disclosing what you've been up to!! Sometimes it’s more trouble than it’s worth. On the other hand, don't jeopardise your health by keeping secrets but be aware that your doctor may discourage you from trying things. Sometimes it’s a matter of discovering the healthy medium and knowing what you should and shouldn't say. But also remember that scepticism is one of the healthiest things you can own. Follow your intuition and heart when looking into new things.