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Chapter 2: Windy

Mrs. Bee

Before you start running errands for Mrs. Bee, there are a couple of things that need going over.

Critical for your survival, and quite possibly your demise, is the delicate situation between Professor and the Panther King. The threat of duct tape has certainly lit a fire under the Professor’s feet, causing him to clear his table of any current projects so as to concentrate on the Panther King’s table. Clearing his slate meant tossing his anti-gravity chocolate out the window of the castle.

Not only does this chocolate magically levitate, but it has somehow multiplied as well. Not that were complaining; the chocolate is Conker’s life source and can be eaten to restore 1 block of energy (maximum of 6) to his health meter. Falling off of cliffs, getting beaten up, bit, shot at, or any other nasty way you can incur harm will slowly take away your health. Lose all 6 pieces and Conker will be pushing up daisies from 6ft under. That doesn’t mean the game is over.

The first time you die in the game you will meet the not-so Grim Reaper, Greg. He’ll explain, much to his dismay, that you’re like one of those damn cats… numerous lives. For as long as you have a Squirrel Tail in your inventory you’ll be able to bounce right back to life and keep on going.

You should also note that the Windy chapter/area is a hub. You will return to this area to enter new areas after completing other chapters in the story. You will not be able to play through every scene in this chapter on your first visit.

Make your way down the sinuous ledge to the signpost at the bottom. Grab the Squirrel Tail off the back of it and, since you’re still in a good mood, follow the trail in the "Nice" direction. There you will come to Mrs. Queen Bee who will ask you for a favor. Get used to this, as everyone in the game seems to need something from you.

While her husband was off gallivanting last night, a bunch of wasps came and stole her hive. You got to get the hive back for her–or hear her crying for an eternity. Getting the hive (this time) is a simple matter of returning the way you came and following the trail in the "Nasty" direction. Travel past the barbed wire and up the hill. At the top of the hill is the stolen hive. Run up to it, pick it up and take off back down the hill. Although the wasps are hot on your tail you will have no problem getting it where it needs to go should you steer clear of the dirt mound across from the barbed wire.

Once you get the hive back on its foundation Mrs. Queen Bee will give you some money as a reward. You’ve just gotten yourself your first batch of $100. This money will come in handy throughout the game so whenever you have a chance to grab some, do it!

Want some love? Long time? Cross the bridge past the hive to Birdy and grease his palms with $10 and he’ll give you the Manual. Conker will automatically read the Manual before trying to use the more complicated Context Sensitive Zones throughout the game. If that wasn’t cool enough for you, your 10 smackeroos will return to you as you leave the haybag.

Hop aboard the B Button Pad and whip out the slingshot. After reading how to use it start taking out the 4 dung beetles near the tree stumps. Each beetle will need 2 hits to be put away so work on them one at a time to prevent an ambush. Once the last beetle is dropped an entrance will open up in the tree behind them. Although it seems that you may be able to explore the area outside Poo Cabin, you must go through the tree to advance the game. So go on through the tree to play through the Barn Boys chapter.

Poo Cabin

(after completing Barn Boys)

Once you’re done with the Barn Boys chapter you can enter the dung-filled area to the left of the tree. But, just as you begin to don your gasmask, in a far away caste, a solution has been found for the Panther King’s table. It appears that the gap between the table and floor is the same height as a red squirrel. Watch it Conker, you fit that description rather well.

Mosey on into the cabin to talk with the head dung beetle. This bossy beetle will quickly offer you up some poo. You may refuse for now, but you’re going to need some dung balls sooner or later and the beetle knows this. So do as he says get in the whole, find the cows, and get ‘em to crap! Then and only then will he make you a ball of poo. Tap the B Button as the light bulb goes ting over the trap door to turn into an anvil and smash your way into the hole below.

Walk through the tunnel to the large gap (don’t worry about falling you’ll reappear in the cabin safe and sound) and leap onto the nearest rope. Jump and hover from the top of this rope to the one nearest you. Leap once more from this rope onto the one at the opposite end of the beam, and from there into the tunnel where the sewage is flowing out.

This last jump is a bit tougher to make. Be sure to keep your back to the rope you’re leaping to, jump from the highest point on the rope, and hover as long as you can.

Once you make it into the tunnel near the rope, trudge your way against the current to emerge in a small barnyard.


Immediately after entering the area Conker will start getting bad vibes from the area’s resident bull. It’s that red thing. Cross the grassy area to the left and make our way up the various ledges and rooftops where the dung balls are rolling down.

Spin the wheel atop the building by running clockwise around in circles. This will open the valve to the prune juice, thus filling the trough will nature’s true laxative.

Warning! If you have any dainty, prim and proper guests in the room, especially those of the girlfriend variety, ask them to leave before proceeding. Consider yourself warned.

Yee Haw!

In case you haven’t picked up on Conker’s not-so subtle hints, your next task is to get the bull to ram the bulls eye. Make your way to the target and wait for the bull to charge you. Listen closely for the hooves as he rushes you and jump and hover over the top of him. This will send him careening into the target, thus dropping the gate to a hidden stable. Out will emerge a cow in need of some grass. Again Conker will hint to you what needs to be done next; but in case you don’t pick up on these sort of things, you must get the bull to hit the center of the large target and hop aboard while the bull tries to free his horns.

Make your way to the area in front of the large target and wait for the bull to charge you. Leap and hover above the bull while his horns get stuck into the target. Drop down onto him, press the B Button in time with the ting, and get ready for a ride. The bull is going to fight you while you ride him so don’t be surprised should he throw you into the moat. Nevertheless, aim the bull towards the cow, and press either the Z or B Button to charge the cow. After just one hit the cow will give up on grazing and mosey on over to the trough for a bit of a drink.

To her dismay, that ain’t cranberry flavored water she’s drinking–it’s prune juice. And after just a few tolerable moments, she’s got a full-blown case of the screaming squits! Like you know what through a goose, the prune juice definitely did her in good. And although it appears like she’s giving the dung beetles more poo than they can handle, you actually have to get 2 more cows to do the same thing. Thus, to make room for the next cow, charge this cow one more time to completely gib her.

Just as you knock her to pieces another target will appear. Once again you must get the bull to hit the target to open the gate for the next cow. Only this time, it will take 2 hits before she decides to step up to the trough. Grab the bull by the horns (I couldn’t resist) and steer the brute into her until she also goes for the prune juice. Then, once she’s gone number 2 long enough, bust her open with the bull’s horns.

Two down, one to go. Once you get the third and final cow into the yard, you’ll have to get back on the bull and use it to hit this one 3 times before she’ll drink. Fill up on chocolate to help withstand any throw-offs and put the finishing hit on her once she’s done adding to the pool of poo. Once the bull falls through the grating and into the slop leave the area the way you came and get ready for the nastiest swim of your life. 

Sewage Sucks

As soon as you enter the diarrhea filled cavern swim across to the small alcove in the wall and use the B Button Pad to have Conker take a dose of Confidence Pills. With a little dose of easy to swallow sized macho, Conker will shed the swimmies and finally dive under water. Diving underwater simply requires you to use the B Button, but watch that air meter! If you see Conker turning blue, you had better get some air.

Swim back to the area where all of the ropes were and grab the Squirrel Tail from the very top. Grab any chocolate and dive all the way to the bottom of the room where you had earlier come through for the first time. Get some air, grab the money, and then make your way back to the opening in the floor of the cabin. Climb out of the muck and dry off. But don’t think for a second that your adventure with poo is over. Your balls are ready!


Great Balls of Poo

Back outside the caver, with your gasmask on, you will find the head dung beetle with the poo ball he promised you earlier. Push the ball through the current of sewage between the mountain and ladder. Continue pushing the poo ball straight over the edge of the cliff and into the lake below. As luck would have it, the ball lands right on a Spike Mine, rendering them defenseless. Should you miss him, return to the cabin and grab another poo ball.

Jump down to the ledge near the lake and use the switch behind the shat-upon Spike Mine to release the plug at the bottom of the lake, thus creating a whirlpool. Carefully make your way around the lake to the corridor on the far side and pass through it to enter the Bat’s Tower area.

Wasps’ Revenge
(after completing Uga Buga)

The ol’ wasps are back up to their tricks again and this time Mrs. Queen Bee is posting up one heck of a reward if you can help her. For $400, Conker would do just about anything. Actually, he earlier swam through raw sewage for a ball of poo–make that he would do anything for $400.

Return down the "Nasty" path once again, this time going up the hill and into the wasp’s nest. Once inside the wasp’s nest you will encounter the stolen property. Approach the Queen Bee’s hive to be tossed behind the controls of a gun turret. There’s a real good reason why you’re in a gun turret; the wasps are coming!

Use the Z Button to fire (you can hold it down) and the Control Stick to aim. Keep one eye on the crosshairs and one on the radar screen. The wasps appearing as red blips on the radar are those that are nearest you, so go after them first. Although the first couple of swarms of wasps are relatively easy to take care of by keeping the guns pointed in the center of their group. By and large, most of the wasps will fly right into the path of the whizzing bullets. Avoid trying to chase down the stragglers and keep smokin’ em.

The final batch of wasps is by far the most difficult to fend off. Here you will be swinging the guns wildly, rotating in complete circles at times. Go after the largest bunches of wasps first and always be on the lookout for red blips on the radar screen. With a little luck, and some good aim, you’ll put the attackers to rest. Permanently.

Once the last swarm of wasps has been dealt with accordingly, Mrs. Queen Bee will come in to tell you to get moving. Press the A Button to leap out of the turret gun, grab the hive, and make your way back down the hill to the "Nice" path. Plop the hive down on its foundation and collect your money.

With the Queen Bee satisfied, and your pockets a little deeper, return to the wasps nest and enter the honeycomb area above the door to the left. Make the jump to the ledge above the entrance to pick up some more money.


Mr. Barrel

Chances are, you’ve wandered up the hill leading to the windmill earlier in the game, only to be told you didn’t have enough money to do anything. Whatever that anything is, it’s time to do it! Make your way up the hill by inching forward to draw out the worms and then high jump and hover over them. The worms are very adept enemies and are a struggle to get past if you aren’t careful. Be careful.

The $2,110 you have in your pocket is enough to get Mr. Barrel to help you out. Jump atop the barrel and use the control stick to roll it down the hill. Hug the hill to the left and crush all of the worms as you go. Once at the bottom the barrel will bust through the locked passage in the stream. Fill up on chocolate and swim through the opening to start the Spooky chapter. Get yourself some popcorn; you’ve got a long cutscene ahead of you.

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