The only thing worse than waking up with a hang over, is waking up with a hang over and not knowing where you are. And it is with this set of unfortunate circumstances that we begin our journey. Our trip through one long, hellish day in the life of a squirrel named Conker. And what a strange trip it will be.
Begin the game by steering the flailing Conker across the grassy patch near the stream and into the farmers field on the left. You can amuse yourself with the controls of the drunken squirrel by attempting a punch (B Button) or a jump (A Button), but there will plenty of time for that later. Either way, schlepp your way to the drunkard of a scarecrow, Birdy.
In between slurs and belches, Birdy will make himself useful by spilling the beans about Context Sensitive Zones. Large B-Button Pads will appear throughout the game and will provide Conker with whatever item or weapon he needs at that particular instance. Of course, you wont only see the light bulb and hear the magical "ting" when on a B-Button Pad; there are secret places throughout the game where you will encounter an unmarked Context Sensitive Zone as well. Hop aboard the nearby B-Button Pad and press the B Button to whip out a forty and hand it over to Birdy. You can press the B Button twice more to get the know-it-all scarecrow some helium and another malt beverage.
Stagger out the gate to the B-Button Pad near the stream and use it to scrounge up a sobering tonic. This isnt the only time throughout the game when youre going to need to sober up. Keep an eye out for both B-Button Pads and first aid chests whenever youve gotten Conker, shall we say, chemically inconvenienced.
Okay drunk boy, its time to start heading home. Dive into the stream and swim for the island near the waterfall. Once out of the water Conker will remember just how athletic he is. Pay attention to what he has to say or re-read the Game Basics section, either way its your call. High Jump into the air and hover across to the tree branch on the left. Make your way up the side of the cliff, past the locked door and over the walkway to the large stone bridge at the top. Dont worry about falling should you not make a jump on the first attempt; you will harmlessly land in the water below and be carried back towards the starting point.
Across the stone bridge sits a rather large, very ugly, and seemingly immovable Gargoyle. Content to spend the next thousand years sitting atop the bridge, the Gargoyle is not about to move for some stupid squirrel. Return to the foot of the bridge and High Jump into the air to grab the lever. Pulling the lever down will open the door to the cave you had passed earlier. Retreat down the cliff to the now-open door and go on in.
As soon as you enter the small room the door will slam shut behind you. Upon first inspection the only thing in the room is a happy-go-lucky Key, but its what Conker remembers in this room that is so important. And after a few moments Conker realizes that he always keeps a sturdy frying pan with him for times like this. Smack the Key senseless and carry it to the door. Once the door opens, head back to the stone bridge.
Without hesitation, run up to the pompous sculpture and crack him with the frying pan. Dont worry about his laughing at you; before you know it hell be freefalling into the depths of the canyon below. But, as you might have expected, there is a quite a big shockwave produced and the tunnel ahead of you is now sealed shut by a rockslide.
Leap onto the largest boulder and from there, high jump and hover to the wooden platform on the right. Use the B-Button Pad to whip together some dynamite and a plunger and use it to blow away the obstacle. Enter the tunnel to reach the next area.
BUT, while you were busy scampering about the cliff side, the Fabled Panther King has reached a boiling point with his 3-legged table. And if the Kings glass of milk falls once more everyone, especially the Professor, will endure the wrath of his duct tape.
...on to the next page