It hurts so much to write this story, that I'm not even sure I should or can. But if I don't like it, or if it may cause bad feelings in the family, I will just delete it from the computer. But I can never erase it from my menory. What I'm about to tell is the truth as I knew it then, and as I remimber it now.

When I was seven or eight years old, we lived in Sandspings, Oklahoma. Near the old river railroad tracks on the southwest side of town. There were four or five small two room house's on the west side of the street that ran up a small hill to the landlady's big house at the end of the block. These small houses were allmost as big as the landlady her self that weighted over four hundred pounds. We lived in the next to the last one that was closest to the old river road that ran up the Arkansas river.

We had not been back from Idaho very long, and I was the only kid in school at the time. Myself, Carl, Judy, Dorothy and Lottie witch was only two years old at the most. I remimber having to walk ten blocks to and from school each day. Someone had given us a little puppy and I think we called him happy, My brother, sisters and I had lots of fun with the dog, untill we found him dead one morning on the river road after being run over by a car. All us kids cryed like we had lost our best friend.

It must have been in early fall, I can remember the grass turning brown, and the frost in the early mornings. The little houses had only cold runnning water, and the restrooms was a couple of out houses back in the alley. It was kind of a community affair. Each house had a front room and kitchen, and that was all.

Things hadn't been going to well for dady, as useual. He had worked just long enough to make twenty five dallars for the one months rent on the small house. After that the landlady let him work in her garden to help pay for some of the rent. Moma had nothing but five little kids and that was about it. The best I remimber, someone I think the salvation army or red cross or some other orginization took Carl and I one evening to town to a large department store, and gave us Ten Dallars each, to buy christmas presents for ourselves and our famileys. There must have been a hungred kids there from poor famileys allover town. You can imagine the havoc we caused that day in the store. None of us had ever seen so much mony, and to be in the middle of the toy department, run here run there, I had lost track of Carl, I had seen him run by a couple of times, but to hell with him I had money to spend! I think I bought every one somthing, my sisters,carl and mom and dad. And not to leave out me, I bought myself some kind of adding machine when you got the write answer a red light would come on. I had hoped Moma would injoy the little toy car I got her.

I dont know if that had hert my Daddy's pride or whot had happen, but one night not long after the, "spending spree", My Moma and Daddy had a terrible fight. He had beaten her pretty bad. The fight had carryed on from that afternoon untill one or two oclock in the morning, when he had beaten her again. Us kids laying in the big bed in the front room, I guess the other kids were asleep, or may be thay were playing asleep like I was. Afraid to move afraid to speak afraid to do anything. Wham- He knocked her down in the floor again. Crying she lay there, lips swollen and bleeding, black eyes, he had grabbed her hair and pulled so hard it jerked her off her feet. And she was a big women then. Slowly she strugled to her feet. I can't take it anymore she said , holding the side of her head where he had hit her. I'm going for a walk! WHAT? Daddy yelled! I'll tell you one thing you goddamb bitch, If your not back here in ten minutes you'll never see these fucking kids alive agian. What did that mean? He did'nt mean he would. I peaked with my eyes again and saw him pick up the rifle that was standing in the corner next to the door of the kitchen. What the hell am I going to do now, I thought as I heard the door shut and the slam of the screen door behind Momma.

Daddy sat in a chair across the room from the bed. Setting there one hand on the gun. The other holding a lit cigarette while taking long slow drags from it, while stairing at the bed. I closed the little slit I was peaking out of agian. I needed a plan. If he came to the bed I would jump up and poke him in the eyes so he couldn't see my brother, sisters and I. Then I would grab him on the sides of the head and twirlle him around my head and throw him to the floor. And that would knock him out. Then I could wake the other kids and we could run away. I lay there for what seemed hours, but had only been a few minutes. Was Moma coming back, had she ran away, will my legs ever stop shaking, can I run to the door and get away, what about Carl and the girls, the babby, she can't run!

The squeak of the screen door told me Moma was home. After closeing the door she went straight to the kitchen sink and begain to wash the blood and tears from her face. Thay lay together on the pallet in the floor untill morning.

It was daylight, morning, time to get up, sunshine, every thing will be better today all is forgiven. I climed out of bed ran to the kitchen table where Momma and Daddy was setting, talking. My mouth flew open and I know my eyes were as big as the cups that held there coffee. Her face was black and blue, one eye was allmost swollen shut. Her lips, her lips were twice the normal size. She walked with a limp as she took my hand and led me back to the bed, saying Daddy and I are talking you stay here.

I tryed to hear what thay were saying but to no avail. It was somthing about next time, NEXT TIME! Momma would never make it though another next time, But there were next times, meny next times. I needed a plan a very good plan!