This is a term paper I wrote when I was in High School. It basically outlines what I believe in regards to dating.
Dating
"Does love motivate the guy who sleeps with his girlfriend when it will scar
her emotionally and damage her relationship with God? Does sincerity
motivate the girl who leads a guy along then breaks up with him when she
finds someone better. No." Dating, why I disagree with it, and being in love
are three topics this paper will discuss.
Dating is one of the most common weekend activities among teenagers
and young adults. They get to know each other during a nerve racking dinner
and then sit together in a dark theater to watch a movie. How well do you get
to know a person in that time? The answer is not very. You do not see their
true side, how they act around friends and family. If you do date, the man
should do the initiating, he should do the asking, paying, driving, all of it. If
the woman asks, she will do all the asking all her life. The marriage proposal
will probably be made by the woman, the buying of what they need, working with the budget, all of it. Men were made to be initiators. When the woman takes over a man's traditional role, she gives up the right to expect him to be the sole provider and supporter of her and her children. They are the hunters, women just have to wait. I believe we should just wait for the person God wants us to marry to be shown to us by Him.
Dating reminds me of fishing. People try to catch that certain someone
when they do they break up or throws them back. Many women want to stay
'pure' until marriage, but how pure? You have to set lines and stick to those
lines. If you give an inch people take a yard. The next question is where to
draw that line. Most people would say sex is too far. But is touching too far? If the answer is yes, then is kissing too far? I say yes. If you kiss, what is to stop you from touching, or going further. Some people can kiss and not go any further, but if you cannot why kiss. One girl defined a kiss as a contract,almost a seal of covenant. Then what kind of covenant are those that freely kiss everyone they date? We pray to God "lead us not into temptation" then walk straight into it. Think of the immense pleasure of never having kissed anyone but the person you marry--What a wedding night! Someone asked Elizabeth Elliot "Why shouldn't I kiss or hold hands? She replied why
should you. They answered Because I enjoy it." The greater the enjoyment
the greater the risk. Should one then make physical contacts?
Here is a question that will help you answer that. Do you enjoy shaking hands with the minister at the church door in the same way that you enjoy
holding hands with a member of the opposite sex who is attractive to you?
When you kiss your grandmother does it have the same effect as kissing a
pretty girl? A touch that might become exciting is the beginning of sexual
foreplay. Any such encounter may start the fire running in one's veins the
act begins in thought, when the first touch occurs, momentum gathers. After
that things can and do get out of hand. That is why I think you should avoid
kissing.
Dating is not even historically the way people found mates. It has only
been used in finding mates in the last 100 years. And if the divorce rate is
any indication how well our current system works, maybe we should find
something else. I believe we should go back to the traditional courtship
method for finding a mate. Isaac's father sent a family friend to a nearby
town to sit by the town well to observe the girls in the town. He picked a girl
for Isaac and went home with her to talk to her father. The adults thought the
two would be a perfect match and so they met for the first time on their
wedding day. The story may sound old fashioned, but people still practice
the traditional way of finding a mate. The Indians never had marriage
problems nor a need for marriage counseling until they adopted the white
man's dating ideas. Being in love, is a good thing but it is not the best thing.
There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You
cannot make it the basis for your whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is just
a feeling. No feeling can be relied on to last. In his book, Josh Harris tells us
"The world tells us that love is beyond our control. This thinking has found
it's way into our language. We say we are 'falling in love' or 'we are madly
in love with each other.' Why do we insist on comparing love to a pit or
mental disorder" (Harris, 63). Love makes people do things they would not
normally do.
A boy and girl 'fell in love' in their high school years. They were both
good kids, but after a month of goodnight kisses they decided to go a bit
farther, and a bit farther, they soon ended up in bed together. They broke up
soon afterwards. Ten years later they saw each other at a high school
reunion. The boy was single, the girl had a husband and child. The wounds
from the breakup have not healed and when they saw each other it hurt
emotionally. People tell me not all relationships end in bed. But they can. Is
this the answer? Head out on the same course as those who have fallen and
hope at the critical moment you will stay in control? If we stay off of that
course we won't have to worry about the critical moments.
In The Book of Virtues, William J. Bennett tells a story of a boy
named Peter who was impatient. "One day Peter met an old woman. She
gave Peter a gold ball of thread. 'Don't touch it when you want time to pass
normally, but you only have to pull the thread a little if you wish time to pass
more quickly. But I warn you, once thread has been pulled out it can not be
put back.' This magic thread seemed to be the answer to all of Peter's
problems. The next day in school the lesson is dragging so he tries his ball
out. In a little tug he ends the day of school and goes home. Why waste time
puling the thread a little every day when he can pull it hard and complete
school altogether? He do so and finds himself out of school and apprenticed
in a trade. Peter uses the same technique to rush through his engagement to
his sweetheart. Peter continues this pattern throughout his life. But sadly,
when he comes to the end of his life, Peter realizes the emptiness of such an
existence. He has robbed himself of life's richest moments and memories.
Too often people want what they want (or think they want) right now. The
irony of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by willingness to
accept the bad with the good, do we usually attain those things that are truly
worthwhile"
I think we can gain valuable insight from Mr. Bennett's story. As we
apply his words to the subject of dating we concentrate on the subject of
timing. Dating as we now know it is fueled by impatience, and we can
directly relate many problems with dating to wrong timing. Though we do
not have a gold thread, we can develop wrong attitude that has a similar
effect. As Americans we do not accept the concept of delayed gratification.
We get our food from a microwave, e-mail our letters, and express mail our
packages. Our "do it all now" attitude has affected the timing of today's
dating relationships. As young people rush into adult activities such a sexual
relationship, most elders do little to correct them. What can they say when
they live by the same "grab it all now" attitude?
We have adopted the immediate gratification mentality because we
have lost sight of the biblical principle of seasons. Just as spring's role is
different from that of fall, so are the seasons of our lives. If we do not
experience all that each season has in store for us, our development is
hindered. We are known by the company we keep. Bad company corrupts
good character. We also become like the company we keep.
Someday I will tell my story to my children, so will you. If you
remember nothing else from this paper, I hope you think about what kind of
story you want to tell your children, one full of false commitments, lies, and
regrets, or one of pure triumphant love.
