Episode 14:
There Go the New Three
(Sin Sanbiki ga iku)
We kickoff with Mister Miracle and his "Sidekick" Eric in their control room. Eric asks what kind of training Miracle wants to do. Miracle says no training on account of today being when the miracle starts.
Back in the dorm Akari knocks on the bathroom door because she has to go. Akari only gets knocks back for her knocks. Have I said knocks enough? Knocks, knocks, knocks. She complains about Kris taking too much time, but Kris is behind her. It is Anna? No, Anna's behind her. By process of elimination we know it must be, of course...
Kris's cow, Gyubei. Akari and Kris both rush in the bathroom next and argue.
Anna has baked a pie that's supposed to be good luck. They're 0-11 so far so they need it. Miracle arrives and gives them the day off. They figure they're too fucked to win and decide to go to the mall. Akari cries, but it's not ultra exaggerated crying this time.
Meanwhile, Jessie is pulling a bus as training. I can do that but I don't wanna. Tanya and the other completely useless girl on Team Earth B (Marshall) applaud. Jessie finishes and is complimented by the Headmaster as the strongest new student at the Satellite.
Tanya does the bus trick with a little less success.
The Headmaster says training will get even tougher and people will start dropping out. Jessie says Akari will make it, if only to get beaten by her.The Three have fun at the mall.
LESBIAN SUBTEXT ALERT!
Akari is still bothered by the fact that their losers, as evidenced when she goes to the bathroom to apply make up. A tear rolls down her eye. She sees Jessie in the mirror, saying she isn't a worthy rival.. She sees Miracle saying she should make memories (what he said when he told them to have the day off.). She then sees the Ultimate Warrior, who warns her of the power of the One Warrior Nation. Which had two members. Ok,. So WCW sucked it hard sometimes and Akari didn't see the Warrior. But it would've been funny. Tears stream down Akari's face as we see in the mirror that Kris has joined Akari, and says she shouldn't cry and... well here is the conversation translated in three languages.
Dubbed:
Kris: Why are you so sad Akari? I can't stand to see you so said all the time. I'd give anything to see you smile again. LESBIAN SUBTEXT ALERT! Just tell what I can do that'll make you happy.
Akari: You're lying.
Kris: I am not lying
Akari: But you are lying Kris. You skip practice or sometimes even quit right in the middle of a match. You never listen to me! You just don't seem to care! What are you doing here?! You don't have any will to win at all!
Kris: That is because is the teachings of the Beginners...
Akari: We can't win because you keep saying that! Now that we have lost so many times... even our own instructor has given up. It's all over, let's face it Kris!
Kris: Akari...
Akari: (running away and crying) it's all over!
Subtitled
Kris: What is making you so sad? You're always sad lately. What will it take for you to smile? I'll do anything in my powers.
Akari: You're lying.
Kris: I am not telling a lie.
Akari: You ARE lying! Kris, you skip practice, or quit during matches... You don't listen to what I say! You don't have any will to win!
Kris: That is because in the teaching of Beginners...
Akari: We can't win because you keep saying that. We've lost so much and our instructor has given up on us. We're... finished!
Kris: Akari...
Akari: (runs away and crying)
Wigger
Kris:What's eatin you dawg? I bets I can cheer ya up...
Akari:No you can't.
Kris:Sho I can.
Akari:Like hell you can mudda fukka! We losing because oh yo dumb ass! Yo damn God trip is killin us!
Kris:My church has rules yo!
Akari:Man fuck yo whack ass religion bitch! We getting our asses kicked so hard even coach think we done fo.
Kris: Akari...
Akari: (runs away and crying)
Akari runs to Anna as Miracle watches on. His plan has been to push them down so he could bring them up. Eric says they have White Chocolate here.
The Three ride up in an elevator. Kris says they have to get it together because they're a team. Akari says it's only because the SCHOOL made them a team. Ooh, tag. The elevator stalls.
Kris says they have plenty of time to work their differences out. But Akari stays silent until Kris asks what the moon is out. Kris gives her hippy bullshit about the moon. Akari wants to know why Kris is even in the competition if the moon is so great. You and me both, sister. Kris reveals VIA flashback (there's a lot on this disc) that Tomoe Midoh inspired her as a child when she saw a video of her. Kris says she saw a holy light on Midoh.
Kris wanted to run to reach that light. Akari says she doesn't have her mom's power. Anna reveals that she's only there because her mom worshipped Midoh and had her train.Anna only wanted to bake cookies and the like. That sounds sexist but... there’s some things about Anna you’ll find out in other BA series that turn that on its head. Anna's ok with being an athlete because she made friends with Kris and Akari. Anna says she wouldn't have friends if she weren't an athlete. Akari says she would. Kris says definitely, LESBIAN SUBTEXT ALERT! if she let them taste her sweets. Akari says people can't be fed for friendship like cats (subtitled)/dogs(dubbed). And they all laugh.I can't believe I've been writing this for forty-five minutes so far. It's a TWENTY-minute episode. Crap on a stick. The things I do for hits.
Akari says they're not her mom and they suck. If you've seen the last 3 episodes, you won't argue. Kris says they can do it with a big inspirational speech. Anna again reminds them she's a brilliant strategist with PLANS and they listen to her and are PEPPED.
The elevator interrupts the love and begins falling. Kris breaks them onto the roof, where they make a daring leap onto the elevator next to them that happens to be going up. Akari and Anna land fine despite being on a rapidly descending (at LEAST 60mph) elevator and meeting another elevator going the opposite direction (at a brisk but not harsh pace), PHYSICS be damned. Then again I got a C in Physics and their Headmaster can catch a fucking space shuttle so what do I know? Kris almost falls but Akari and Anna catch her. Anna says they have to hurry because Kris is so heavy and Kris is insulted. Not as good as Akari's innocent-but-deadly one liners about Itchan's chest size, but this show needs a new recurring joke.
Miracle and his boyfriend assistant Eric watch from the elevator control room. Eric can't believe Miracle pulled a stunt like that. But Miracle had a safety device that slowed the elevator down before it was even twenty-nine floors from going splat. Eric is still miffed, but Miracle shakes it off because MIRACLE had a plan. See Eric, that's why Miracle is the butch and you just take it. Miracle says tomorrow's training will be interesting. Eric thinks Miracle's miracle has been pulling the Three together. Miracle knows better than his cuddle bunny, because this was the "prelude to the miracle.
"
The Three (Earth A) face Saturn C the next day in a match of what's basically Zero G Lacrosse. Which just goes to show you, Lacrosse is lame in any gravitational field. The Three vow they won't be defeated again. Miracle (eating Mexican coconuts) watches on with Eric and the Headmaster joins them. Miracle notes that she has changed since learning to trust her team. Headmaster asks if she is Akari but Miracle is too damn smooth to do anything but smile and let them wonder. Akari and Kris pull of an excellent play and...
I'm not doing a play by play for this game, but Akari and Kris smoke the other team. Anna's there too, but she's like the Man at Arms of this series. Or maybe that's Itchan. No, Anna's definitely the brain who proves utterly worthless where it counts. Whatever the case, they pull it off big time, 127 to 8. That beats the expected spread but an estimated 135 points.
LESBIAN SUBTEXT (and anime cliché) ALERT!
Akari runs to tell Jessie of the victory only to catch Tanya flying out of the Arena she was playing in as part of Jessie's. Akari looks in the Arena only to see Jessie getting pegged upside the head by a mystery blonde that seems to be a female Ivan Drago. Who is she?
Time it took to write this:113 minutes
Cryptic Miracle Quote
"My job Eric, is to make it rain. And now the ground has hardened..."
Lezbenocity/Flame Factor
Nothing more than a couple hugs. No prominent gay jokes. Miracle and Eric are relatively tame here. Kris hits on Akari... but wouldn't you? I wouldn't. She's a drawing. You're sick.
Additonal thoughts
Here comes a new villain. It's about time. Akari has trashed Jessie, and so has the mystery blonde now. Comedy chocolate addiction aside it's nice to see Miracle show a Tres level of complexity.
Final Verdict
Eight Heart Shaped Straws out of Ten. Nice sports segments, and lots of looks back at what brought the characters to where they are.
