une 20th How to start, I have not found you. I am ill with sadness that lives in every pore. I hate. I love. It is the same. This is my farewell. I want to know that I have loved you always. Yes, I have betrayed you many times, in the arms of others, but by God I did it to stay alive, or I did it because I thought it was you. I did not know you were such an asshole. God Dam you to hell! My love has been a gift that I have given you, and you pay me with this? Yes, perhaps I have slept in the arms of others, but I have never abandoned you. Until now. Tell me how does it feel to know that you have lost me. You do not know who I am. My life will now begin over. You have forgotten me. You have forgotten me. In this world hope plays a role in the lives of all, but not in mine. I have traveled to vasts lands for you. I have spent every cent to just know you, and you do not appear. Hell with you. I wish you well. You have killed me. Juliette is dead. I am leaving New York. I am going to conquer the world. It will pay for my treason. I wanted to kiss your lips, not the lips of others. You have failed me. I have been raped. My soul is dead. J
June 24,1999 I was so mad when I wrote that. I will not ask for forgiveness. Love...what a word. Wars have been fought for it. I wish I could have saved your innocents. If I could I would covet you from the payment of time. My arms would have been your haven. Time takes many things away. The further you are from the one that loves you, the worst. Living demads a price. How you have paid it has been up to you. Knowledage is both a blessing, and a curse. I know that now. I am sure you know it too. I have paid in many ways. I signed away my payments long ago or so I thought. I have not changed my mind, I will not look for you anymore. Do I love you? With all that I am. I breath love for you. I burns in me. I know that it will always be so. If you remember anything from this web page remember this, I have always loved you and always will, it is a gift I have given you. I wonder how close I got to meeting you...that is life. Take care of yourself, perhaps we will meet in heaven. J
