Walk On

Taylor slowly crossed the crowded dark room in hopes of finding his brothers through all the smoke. He smiled as he heard his new favorite U2 song "Walk On" came on over the loud speakers in his friend, Mike's house. This song was the one Sarah, his best friend, dedicated to him on the radio when he broke up with his girlfriend once and for all. Although everyone knew, Taylor refused to believe that Casey wasn't all that faithful and was only using him because of his fame. After a long while, Taylor spotted Ike and Zac in the living room with a bunch of girls. Taylor groaned and rolled his eyes as he walked toward them. "Hey, guys?"

Ike slowly looked up and smiled at Taylor. "Hey, what's up?"

"I'm going home, alright?"

"Okay, see you later then," Ike replied then went back to his conversation.

Taylor rolled his eyes at his hornball brother. As usual, he knew what Ike was after. He glanced at Zac and saw him really deep into a conversation that seemed interesting with a blonde cheerleader type looking girl. 'Guess he's not coming.' Taylor sighed and walked off back to the front door. Just as he reached it, he saw Casey out of the corner of his eye staring at him. He turned and gave a weak smile as he opened the door and walked outside into the cool Tulsa air.

"Hey, Tay, ready to jet?" Sarah smiled as she leaned against his car in the driveway.

Taylor smiled, grateful to have someone who knew his every thought and every move when he needed someone to be there. "How'd you know I was leaving?"

"Well, I saw Casey, then I saw you attempting to talk to the Hormone Twins, and I just figured it out. And I know you're not exactly on good terms with Mike right now. So why would you want to stay? I'm honestly surprised you came at all," she grinned.

"Sometimes it's scary how well you know me," Taylor chuckled as he got into his car and unlocked the passenger door to let Sarah in.

"Well, I'd be worried if I didn't know you this well since we've been friends since forever, now," she said as she got in the car.

Taylor smiled as he turned on the car and the radio blasted Rolling Stones. "Well, I don't really want to go home, so is there anything that you want to do?"

"Let's just drive…slowly," she laughed.

"But I've got the need for speed, baby!" Taylor laughed and pulled out of the driveway.

Sarah laughed and slapped his shoulder. "You are such a geek, sometimes! Why don't we just go drive around town until we find something to do?"

"There's an idea. But doesn't that new coffeehouse have karaoke?"

"Let's go there," Sarah smiled as she pulled out a Doors CD and replaced the Rolling Stones CD with it.

"What if I was listening to that?" Taylor grinned.

"What if I don't care?" she grinned back.

Taylor smiled and shook his head. "Okay, if that's how you want it," he shrugged as he pressed his foot on the gas, gaining speed.

"Taylor! Slow down!" Sarah yelled as she pressed herself against the seat.

"What? Can't hear you!" he shouted as he cranked up the volume on the stereo and began to sing along with the Doors.

"You ass," she laughed.

"This is the end. Beautiful friend, the end," he sang loudly with a smile with Sarah soon joining in.

"Taylor? Wake up, honey," Diana said softly.

Taylor opened his eyes as his mom wiped the cold sweat from his forehead. The memories were too painful, and they wouldn't stop haunting him.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Diana asked softly as she ran a hand through Taylor's soaked hair.

"Yeah," Taylor nodded. Then he saw the long scar on his arm and tears flooded his eyes.

Diana sighed and pulled her son into his arms as he began to cry softly. "Shh, it's okay."

"No it's not, mom. It's been a year now, and it only gets harder," he cried.

Ike quietly walked into the room he shared with his brothers, and found Taylor crying in their mother's arms. He hated to see Taylor in so much pain. He knew that Taylor blamed himself for Sarah's death that night, and still hadn't forgiven himself. Everyone could see an empty void in Taylor's once sparkling eyes. It was almost as if nothing in life mattered for him anymore, because now it was almost like nothing anyone said to him registered in his mind. Even the music stopped for him. Ike knew he was trying to get that passion he had back, though. It just wasn't happening. "Mom?" he said quietly. "Let me talk to him."

Diana nodded and kissed Taylor's forehead before she left the room, shutting the door behind her.

"Can you just leave me alone?" Taylor asked quietly as he hugged his knees close to his chest.

"Not an option, Tay," Ike replied as he sat next to his brother. "Did you have that dream again?"

"Yeah," Taylor nodded as he wiped his wet cheeks with the back of his hand, gazing off into nowhere, as usual.

"It wasn't your fault, Tay, just keep telling yourself that," Ike said quietly.

"Yeah it was, Ike. I was going too fast. I couldn't stop," he choked.

"Taylor, someone cut your brakes! That was why you couldn't stop!"

"No, I was going too fast. And that song…" he trailed off.

Ike sighed and pulled Taylor into a hug. "Tay, it's okay," he said quietly.

Taylor carefully walked out to the cemetery. He had hardly even drove since that night the year before, especially if someone was going to be riding shotgun. The sky was incredibly gray, and didn't really surprise Taylor, seeing that it looked like how he felt. There was a large mist over the cemetery that he noticed as he approached it. He stopped to admire it for a moment before he began walking again. It looked so sad, and spooky.

After a few more minutes, Taylor found Sarah's gravestone, and set down the bunch of flowers that he brought on it. He quickly felt tears stinging his eyes as he gazed at Sarah's name carved into the cold granite, knowing that she was 6 feet under him in the ground. He felt like he should've been there instead. "Sarah, I'm so sorry, babe. It's my entire fault that you're here. I'll make it up to you somehow," he said quietly as tears fell down his cheeks. "I should be down there with you."

"No you shouldn't," a voice said quietly.

Taylor jumped and searched for the source of the voice. "Who's there?"

"It's me, Tay! Mary!" she replied as she stepped out of the mist. Mary was a close friend of Sarah's that Taylor had met a few times.

"Oh," he chuckled. "Hi."

"How are you feeling?" she asked quietly as she set her own flowers next to Taylor's.

"Like shit. Mare, its all my fault."

"Tay, you're the only one who thinks it's your fault, you know. Someone cut your breaks. No matter what, I doubt you could've stopped, and we'd still be here today."

"If that's what you want to believe," he sighed and got up and left.

"Taylor! Come on!" Mary called after him.

"Just leave me alone," Taylor said quietly to himself as he let tears fall freely from his eyes and rain began to shower Tulsa.

Taylor walked for hours not knowing where he was going. As people quickly ran past him, trying to avoid the rain, he felt more and more alone. The emptiness kept growing inside him as the minutes went by, and he wondered why he was still alive.

He soon spotted the music store where he and his brothers often went to get instruments or other such musical equipment. He decided to get out of the rain for a minute and warm up a little, so he ran across the empty street and walked into the building. Taylor breathed in the smell in the music store as the heat began to sink through his cold wet clothes.

"Hey, Taylor! Long time no see," smiled Craig, the owner.

"Hey, Craig," Taylor replied quietly as he walked around the store gazing at the instruments.

"Raining pretty hard out there, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Looking for anything in particular?"

Taylor glanced at the keyboards in the back room and sighed. He couldn't even understand why he didn't even want to play anymore. He just played to make his brothers happy now. "No, just browsing."

"Alright," Craig smiled and turned up the radio. "Hey, isn't this NIRVANA?" He asked, referring to the song on the radio.

Taylor listened for a moment, and nodded. "It's that song, 'Milk It.' I like this song."

Craig grinned and turned the radio up even more.

Taylor sighed as he listened to Kurt's pain in the song. It almost sounded like how Taylor felt. Then some of the lyrics spoke to him. "Look on the bright side is suicide. Lost eyesight I'm on your side. Angel left wing, right wing, broken wing. Lack of iron and/or sleeping."

Taylor smiled and ran out of the store to somewhere he wasn't sure of.

"Okay, so how do most people do this without having a gun?" he asked himself as he sat in his closet at home. He had to clean most of it out first, so he could fit. He found it a bit funny that it was a large walk-in closet and he still couldn't really fit in it.

Taylor gazed at the knife and the pills he had. "Do I really want to do this?" he asked himself. Then the thought of his best friend in the ground because of him entered his mind. He firmly grasped the knife in his hand and pressed it to his wrist. "I'm coming, Sarah," he said quietly. He took a deep breath and began to cut down his wrist a little, then stopped. He heard a song he hadn't heard in a long time playing on the stereo in his room. "Who turned the stereo on?" he thought, then cracked open the closet door and peeked through the crack. No one was in the room. He set down the knife and crawled out into the room and settled near the stereo on the floor near the stereo. Taylor gazed at the small bleeding cut on his wrist and tears began falling as he listened to the song. He knew deep in his heart that the song was coming straight from Sarah herself. She wanted him to know that she was still with him.