Taylor’s arraignment was quite standard. On the
advice of the lawyer Diana and Walker had hired for him, he pleaded no contest to charges of possession of a controlled substance.
“It’s like pleading guilty without actually pleading guilty,” the lawyer explained.
Taylor’s bond was continued. That meant he would be able to stay out of jail while he awaited sentencing, which had been set for a week later.
Zac returned home, and took up residence with Taylor in his apartment. Avery, Jessica and Iris visited frequently, and Taylor seemed to be getting better and stronger. He confessed to Zac that he still craved meth more than he ever thought he could crave anything, and he had terrible shakes, especially at night. He was getting better physically, but he was still depressed and irritable. He was prone to fearful fits of hyperventilation and swung from being unable to keep his eyes open right into not being able to sleep for days.
Zac was constantly on the phone with a drug help hotline, making sure that Taylor’s bizarre physical symptoms and mood swings were normal for someone battling a methamphetamine addiction. He was most alarmed when Taylor began to suffer palpitations, but he hung in and talked Taylor through them. He stayed up all night with Taylor when he couldn’t sleep, and he spent hours in the kitchen with Taylor when he couldn’t get enough to eat.
Zac held Taylor’s hair while he threw up. He held his hand while he worried, and got his phone number changed when the dealers wouldn’t stop calling. Zac drove Taylor to Narcotics Anonymous meetings, and then waited for him and took him home. In short, not quite 19-year-old Zac became Taylor’s keeper and protector.
Which was fine with Taylor, who was well aware that he was in no condition to keep or protect himself.
Isaac and Taryn helped out as much as they could, but it was Zac who never left Taylor’s side.
The night before Taylor’s sentencing, Taylor and Zac sat on Taylor’s black leather couch watching television. Zac had just made soup, and they were eating on TV trays.
“I’m scared,” Taylor confessed.
Zac nodded. “I know,” he said. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared, too.”
Taylor filled his spoon with soup and tipped it, watching the yellow liquid cascade back into the soup mug. “I could go to jail,” he said.
“But you might not,” Zac countered. “This is your first offense, and you’re making a real effort to clean up. That has to be worth something.”
Taylor sighed. “From your lips to God’s ears.”
“I’m so proud of you, Tay,” Zac said. “I know how hard this has been on you.”
“You know, Zac, I’m not nearly as sorry for myself as for what I’ve done to my family,” Taylor said.
“We all screw up,” Zac said.
Taylor chuckled. “We don’t all have screw-ups of such monumental proportions, however.”
Zac smiled slowly. “I guess if you’re talking about legalities, no.”
“Have you talked to Maeve lately?” Taylor asked.
Maeve was Zac’s ex-girlfriend. They had been together for two years when Zac went off to college. Zac had proceeded to have a fling with a girl at school. The girl, Aislynn, had gotten pregnant, and she and Zac had chosen to terminate the pregnancy.
By complete chance, Maeve had showed up at Zac’s dorm and bumped into Aislynn, who clued Maeve in on Zac’s indiscretions. Maeve and Zac had broken up shortly after. They had begun taking baby steps toward reconciliation over the summer, but their relationship was hardly back on track and they were no where near being together again. They hadn’t been together much over the summer, as Hanson had toured for most of it. They had gone on a couple of dates when Zac returned to Tulsa at the end of the tour, but at the end of August Zac had gone back to Michigan and Maeve had started college at the University of Oklahoma. Nothing had really been resolved, but Zac continued to hope that he and Maeve might patch things up.
“Not lately,” Zac said. “You’re my main priority right now.”
Taylor smiled. “You don’t have to stop your life for me, Zac.”
Zac shook his head. “You’re my family,” he said. “You are my life.”
A tap on the door startled Taylor and Zac. “I’ll get it,” Zac said.
Zac peered through the peephole to see Isaac standing in the hallway. Zac swung the door open.
“Hey, Ike,” Zac said. “What’s up?”
Isaac held up a carton of ice cream. “Just brought over a little Haagen Daas for the patient.”
Zac grabbed the ice cream. “Excellent.”
Isaac sat on the couch next to Taylor while Zac went to the kitchen to find spoons. “How’s it going, Tay?”
Taylor forced a smile. “I’m scared out of my freaking mind,” he said.
Isaac patted Taylor’s leg. “You’re going to be okay,” he said. “Have faith.”
Taylor sighed. “I’m trying,” he said. “It’s the craziest thing, Ike. I know this drug has made my life a complete mess, and yet all I want is to do a line.”
Isaac looked at Taylor sympathetically. “Give it time.”
Taylor nodded. “Everyone keeps saying that,” he said. “I just wish someone could give me a definite time frame. I hate this no answers bullshit.”
Zac returned to the living room, and handed each of his brothers a spoon.
“Can we do something before we do anything else?” Taylor asked.
Zac and Isaac looked quizzically at their brother. “Sure,” Isaac said.
Taylor cast his blue eyes downward. “Will you guys pray with me?”
Zac smiled. “Of course.”
Zac moved the TV trays from in front of the couch, and then kneeled where they had been. The brothers all grasped hands to form a circle, and closed their eyes.
“Please, God,” Taylor said. “Give me another chance to be a good man. Give me one more chance to use these opportunities you’ve given me and not blow them. I don’t want to do drugs anymore. I want to be better. I want to mend my family. I want to make up for my mistakes. Please help me do that. I know I’ve screwed up, God, but I don’t want to go to jail. Please, please give me another chance. I swear I won’t blow this one.”
The brothers all opened their eyes and looked at each other. Then they all sang “amen” in harmony, just as they had done when they were children.
