The Bashing Page: Songs I Hate And Me Making Fun of Them!
"Life's a journey not a destination"-Aerosmith

This is the page where I take a lot of the songs that I hate and expose them for what they are: a sucky song. I'll be adding a lot more as I hear them, and if you disagree with my opinions below then please e-mail me, I'd like to hear about it.

Click below to find out what IS and what ISN't hard rock and metal:
The Denim and Leather Test

Semisonic: Secret Smile

This I believe is most likely the worst song ever made. I have never heard a song with lyrics so incredibly pathetic as this, I mean it's so bad it's laughable! You could write better lyrics by taking your 5 year old brother, blindfolding him, giving him a pencil and paper, and letting him write out letters at random. Not only are the lyrics horrible, but they are repeated continously, another thing I can't stand. It's bad enough to repeat them, but doubly bad when they are as bad as they are, and the poor quality of the singer's voice doesn't help matters either.

Kid Rock: Bawditbaw

I know I spelled the name of the song wrong, I've never gotten close enough to his "album" to be able to know how to correctly spell the word, and with good reason. We were all filled with glee when the alternative "rock" scene died down, but look what we got instead, a bunch of rappers posing as rockers! Korn, Limp Bizkit, and Kid Rock, err... I mean Kid Rap, notice that's Kid not Man. No, the lyrics aren't horrible, in fact, they are borderline funny, but the chorus and song title are so incredibly stupid that it spoils any decency that the lyrics had. And if you can get past the lyrics (which isn't and extremely hard thing to do) then you still won't like it because the guitar is practically nonexistent. Seriously, the guitar in this song makes the likes of Matchbox 20 and (gasp!) Hanson seem like guitar gods! Imagine that.

Matchbox 20: Push

This is the only song that could challenge Secret Smile for the coveted title of worst song of all-time. Take a measly guitar line, viratually non-existent drums and bass, a singer who makes the Spice Girls sound credible, and throw it on top of lyrics about wife-beating and you have one heck of a sorry song. The terrible video that accompanies this song only serves to make you vomit twice instead of once after listening to it.

Shawn Mullins: Lullaby

What is this? This song is probably second only to Secret Smile in terms of ineptness of lyrics. You know, you may find this hard to believe, but at one time lyrics used to mean something in music. I know it sounds strange, what with all these new songs coming out every week with pointless lyrics where one line has nothing to do with the next. Yeah I know this will be a shocker too since songs have no meaning or message anymore and lines of lyrics in a single song don't have anything to do with other lyrics in the very same song, but back in the day lyrics for an entire album were all about the same thing! Yeah, and they called this thing the concept album. But that was also back in the days when you actually had to play an instrument (or sing) in order to be considered a musician, and when bands used drummers instead of synthesizers for their percussion. Strange huh? This song pretty much sums up 90's rock: terrible meaningless lyrics+precious little guitar+incredible lack of drums and bass=an awful song.

Sheryl Crow: All I Wanna Do

I think that's the right title, but who cares? Why waste brain cells on something as stupid as this? This is another one of the many 90's songs where lyrics mean nothing. The lyrics in this songs as well as many others are so incredibly pathetic that you almost wish they'd just make instrumentals instead of bothering writing lyrics, but then you remember that the music is just as bad, or worse, if that's possible. Why doesn't Sheryl's guitarist just drop his instrument and fire up a synth? I mean he's practically not playing the guitar anyway and it couldn't possibly sound worse so why not? It's almost as if these 90's bands are just putting down the first word that comes to their head that rhymes with the last word of the previous sentence. How else could lyrics so incredibly awful be penned? But no, that couldn't be it, they can't think that deep.

?: Having A Bad Day

I don't know what "band" does this song and I don't care either. And I may take that back about Secret Smile, this song is possibly the worst ever, and it's certainly worse than Push. At least the lyrics in Push are about one thing. The lyrics in Having A Bad Day are the worst lyrics I've ever heard in a song, yes worse than in Secret Smile! Sorry if I confused you. Well they rhyme that's about it. One sentence in the song relates to no other sentence in the song in absolutely no way. Who's writing the lyrics for these 90's bands? It's certainly not anyone who has any grasp whatsoever with the English language. Anyone who has passed elementary English classes can come up with lyrics better than this song. You could translate a dog barking and come up with better ones! It's songs like this that are killing rock. I dread the day when all the old school rockers who are still hanging around finally die off and we are left with bands like this.

Savage Garden: Truly Madly Deeply

What is it about this song? How is it brainwashing people? Everyone seems to like it! I know most all girls will like silly love songs such as this (that's not stereotypical, but it is slightly exaggerated) but even most boys seem to like it. Well whatever it is, it sure didn't affect me because I hate this piece of crap. This is one of those songs where the singer's voice is so wussy that you don't know whether a girl, boy, or barbie doll is singing it, and the guitar and drums, man they... oh yeah, I forgot this song doesn't have any guitar or drums. Not enough to count at least. The first Savage Garden song I heard was To The Moon and Back and it was a fairly decent song, so I thought this group might be headed for pretty big things. But then I heard this song and couldn't believe it was the same band, the classic case of a sellout.

Eve 6: Inside Out

For a long time (until I heard Secret Smile and Havin' A Bad Day) I thought this was the worst song ever made. I hate it when little wussy bands like this that don't know a power chord from a power cord, try to sound heavy. They try it on this song and fail miserably. The lyrics are terrible, of course, but not as bad as most songs on this page. What's so awful about it is the aforementioned fact, a wussy band trying to sound heavy. The only reason I can even live when this song comes on the radio (which is a lot) is because the guitar (if that's what you wanna call it) part right before the verse faintly sounds like the part before the chorus on AC/DC's Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap when performed live on their early 90's tours. They probably ripped that off when making feeble attempts to sound heavy.

Marcy Playground: Sex And Candy

This is the song that convinced me that 90's lyrics mean nothing. Why don't they? I have no idea, it's not because the "rockers" in these "bands" didn't get a good education, lots of legitimate rockers were high school dropouts. They probably named this song what they did to attract attention to themselves which they otherwise wouldn't have gotten, because there are a still a lot of people hangin around (including me) waiting for a return of the sleazy rock 'n' roll lyrics. Well it's not gonna happen anytime soon if people keep making crap songs like this and sticking sleazy names on them just to attract attention. How can you expect 90's bands to write sleazy anyway? I read an article in some guitar magazine that some fool sent in critizing the magazine for covering Page and Plant instead of some stupid new band. They said "they may not rock like Zeppelin, but at least they can get around without a cane!". Well maybe they have to use a cane, but at least they've hit puberty!

The Red Hot Chili Peppers: Scar Tissue

Well they're not red hot, that's for sure, it's more like ice cold. At one time the Peppers were a respectable rock band, but now it's gotten to the point where they have to sing in the nude in order to get any attention. That or make pathetic (yeah I know I've used that word too many times, I'm running out of negative adjectives) song like this, because there are a lot of people out there who will buy it, for some reason, I haven't yet figured out why someone would buy a P.O.S. like this, but there are obviously people who do. As if this song wasn't terrible enough already, radio stations insist on putting it on saturation airplay and playing it twice an hour. Almost everything about this song is unstandable, the lyrics are incredibly inept, the way it is sung is vomit-inducing, there's very little good to say about it. The guitar solo actually isn't that bad, but after you've heard this song for the millionth time it loses all credibility that it once had, which wasn't much.

The Offspring: Pretty Fly For A White Guy

You may find this extremely hard to believe, but at one time, back in the day, The Offspring were a rock band. Yeah it's true, although that day is far back in the past. Unfortunately some people still consider them rock and rock radio still plays this song... oh yeah the song. Well it's horrible, very much so. So awful, in fact, that's an insult to real rock bands that this song is taking the place of one of theirs on a rock radio station somewhere in the world, probably at this very moment. The lyrics in this song are horribly awful, but they are trying to appeal to the teenybop generation, and apparently they did a good job, this is another one of those songs that for some reason everyone seems to like. Everyone that is, except for me, a select other few, and hopefully you too.

Smash Mouth: All Star

This is another one of those songs where the "lyrics" make absolutely no sense, and to make matters worse the singer sounds like he's some 4th grader practicing for the school play. Yeah it's awful, the lyrics are repulsive, and don't even make sense comparing verse to verse, and the guitar, bass, and drums are viratually non-existent, but people still like this for some reason. What is it with 90's bands? Why can't they write lyrics that mean anyting? That make sense? Songs used to almost always mean something, by either having some kind of message, describing something they believed in or didn't, or by being funny. The only way this song (and countless others like it) could be funny is by their sheer crappiness. It's so awful you almost have to laugh, but why waste valuable brain cells on this when you could be using them up by playing a good classic rock song at top volume? Exactly, don't.

Sugar Ray: Every Morning

Sugar Ray is one of the worst bands ever, but thankfully they are dying down, they are your typical trend band, so maybe we won't see much more of them, but look what they left behind... this! This song is poor, extremely poor. The lyrics of course are pointless, meaningless, and make no sense, and to make matters worse (yes, that's possible believe it or not) the way that the "Every morning when I wake up..." part is sung is horribly annoying. Oh, and the music? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that. Oh that's right... there isn't any, that's probably why I didn't mention it. Actually, there is music, of course, but it's so incredibly horrible that it would be better if there wasn't any.

Kid Rock: Cowboy

Yet another horrible Boy Rap song, but this one is slightly better than his first single, even though the lyrics on this one are 25,000 times worse, but there are some snatches of guitar here and there that compensate for it somewhat. As I mentioned, the lyrics are stupid and cliched', plus the way that "I'm a cowboy, baby" is sung makes you wonder what Boy Rap was smoking at the time. This has also caused countless idiots to walk around and blurt out "I'm a cowboy, baby" at any given opportune time. On a sidenote: I'm still wondering how Boy Rap got on the cover of Guitar World, Spin, and other music magazines. Oh yeah, they sold out. Not only that, but it must be hard to find a decent band that has any guitar whatsoever these days, so they had to settel for Boy Rap.

Sugar Ray: Fly

Indespicable, horrible lyrics throughout and it repeats countless times. It's almost as if the 90's bands are having their newborns write their lyrics for them, not a bad idea, considering they probably have more sense than their parents music wise, if not all-around. Anyways... it's a horrible song. Absolutely horrible. Beside the fact that horribly inept lyrics are repeated over and over, there is a measly guitar line that pops up in the background every now and then, that shows just how awful these bands really are at playing their instruments. It's almost as bad of a chord progression as the one in Smash Mouth's "All Star", almost.

(Note: I was about to put a Backstreet Boys track in this space, but then I realized we were talking about songs.)

Lenny Kravitz: American Woman

Again, chose your covers wisely. The original (and some subsequent) versions of this song were decent, but this is just a horrible turn-off. A sign that the human race is nearing the end of it's tether: Lenny Kravitz says "Ugh!" in a song. As if the song couldn't get any worse, the lyrics in this song have lost any meaning that they once had when sung in the 90's, being what it is about and the time when it was written (the late 60's). The guitar in the original version and covers of American Woman was pretty decent because of the riff during the verses and the intro. However, it this reincarnation of it, the intro is majorly screwed with, and all the riffing during the verses is changed in order to make this song sound "heavier". Well good luck next time.

Sheryl Crow: Sweet Child O' Mine

Well Sheryl chose her cover wisely, but screwed it up during the process of recording it. They took this great G N' R song, and took out all that was good about it. The lyrics never were that great, but Axl's voice and Slash's classic intro riff and great solo were all but ruined. The intro riff is recognized as one of the very best and the solo was voted #35 in the Top 100 of all-time by Guitar World readers for crying out loud! When you take that much out of a great song and you are left with only average lyrics sung by a woman that can't sing, then you've done the unthinkable: taking a good song and making it into a P.O.S.

Lenny Kravitz: Fly Away

Another incredibly terrible song, with the word "fly" in it, there must be a curse. Thankfully, if there was one, there isn't anymore because Loudmouth came out and did a good song named that. Anyways... back to this one, well what can I say? It's horrible. It's Kravitz! He used to be decent back when he did songs like "Are You Gonna Go My Way" (you know, back when he played music), but now he's become no better than any of the other 90's bands still floating around. The songs lyrics are horrible, but at least it rhymes. That fact alone make the lyrics better than in most 90's songs, and at least it has an intro of sorts. That actually makes it one of the better song's I've bashed on this page, but it's horrible when compared to decent music.

Lit: Ziploc

Sorry Ozzy, but it was I who committed the ultimate sin when I left this terrible song off The Bashing Page for so long. You think you've heard bad lyrics? Do you? Do you think you've heard the worst lyrics ever in a song? Well unless you've heard this one you are wrong. Here's the chorus: "If I could get another chance/And put it in a Ziploc bag/And keep it in my pocket...". How pathetic is that? That is so horrible. It is appalling. It is an insult to rock music. Lyrics used to mean something ya know. And of course, the catastrophic lyrics aren't the only thing bad about this song. The music is awful, and the singer couldn't talk his way out of a wet paper bag with a hole in it, while armed with a knife, out in the pouring rain, while a ninja is chopping up the bag... you get the idea. Only Having A Bad Day competes with this for the title of worst lyrics in a song ever.

Queen: Under Pressure

Queen, (like Skynyrd) is a good band that has one really bad song that sticks out like a sore thumb, and this is it. The song is awful. Brian May's usual guitar heroics are M.I.A., and the chorus music consists of an incredibly generic synthesizer pattern. Plus, the way (normally) great singer Freddie Mercury says "Under Pressure" with that synth playing behind it is a disgrace to Queen. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.

ZZ Top: Fearless Boogie and 36-22-36

(I believe that second song has it's title right, if not, no matter, who cares?). ZZ Top has run out of ideas at an alarming rate. As recently as the early-mid 90's they were still a vital rock band, and had actually released some pretty cool songs (My Head's In Mississippi, for instance). Now however, on their album XXX, the compositions are horrendous. The two songs listed above are pitiful, and completely like the band's classic songs. The songs have horrible lyrics (just look at the names!), the guitar and melody lines are decidedly unmemorable, and the vocals sound horrible and unpracticed. Both songs (and Fearless Boogie in particular) sound like they were recorded in one take, they are extremely sloppy. Also, neither song features Billy Gibbons's classic soloing style. Enough rock bands are dying, we don't need to lose ZZ Top too.

Godsmack: Voodoo

Godsmack's first single was a POS, but I decided it wasn't bad enough to warrant a place here. Voodoo, however is horrible all the way around. Where to start? Ah... well, for one thing the singer's voice on the song is roughly comparable to nails scratching across a chalkboard (I'm trying to be nice), it is an extreme turn-off. Next, the chrous doesn't rhyme at all (it attemps to rhyme "away" with "vein" and "again" with "came", pretty lame huh?). Also, of course, the rest of the song (what little there is of it anyway, considering that the song is almost entirely made up of the chorus lyric-wise, another stape of lame bands) hardly rhyme either. And the music, (if indeed, that's what you wanna call it) is repulsive. It attempts to conjure up an Eastern-tinged sound, but fails miserably. Avoid at all costs.

Static X: I'm With Stupid, And He's A Loser

To say this song sucks is an almost laughable understatement. Static X is the most generic band I've heard in a long time. The awful vocals (I couldn't really understand the lyrics, but I'm sure they sucked anyway) coupled with cookie-cutter guitar riffs make this song one of the worst ever. Is it even legal? Yes, but only in 48 states. Non-heavy metal bands shouldn't try to make heavy metal songs, period. Unfortunately, that's exactly what this band did. Obviously, that was a dumb thing to do, and that probably means that this song is autobiographical (just look at the title!), and that would make perfect sense. Metal imitators have finally hit rock bottom with this song... and just think, people thought hair metal was bad! Poison or Bon Jovi would make this song look like a Kindergarten class's theme song! I mean come on, I've heard wannabe heavy metal songs before, but this is so bad it reminds me of Creed.

Powerman 5000: When Worlds Collide

You know what's sad? You know what's really, really sad? That music today is in such a sorry state that trash like this can be considered heavy metal. If Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, or some NWOBHM band would've put this song on one of their albums it would've been considered selling out, now it's considered heavy, that's sad my friends, very sad. The ingredients for true heaviness includes a massive, brutal guitar riff over thundering drums and a driving bass, not a generic riff and drums, near non-existent bass, and nonsensical lyrics sung by an awful vocalist. But yet, that's exactly what When Worlds Collide is. You want heavy metal? Then play War Pigs at top volume. You want a POS that is typical of so-called "metal" today? Then play this song. If it wasn't for I'm With Stupid..., this would be the worst song of the year so far.

Three Doors Down: Kryptonite

Is that how you spell the title? Oh well... who cares anyway? For that matter, who cares about this song PERIOD? Indeed, there is very little (if anything) to like about this song. The lyrics are incredibly stupid, and make absolutely no sense, the "singer's" voice is appalling, the drum riff that punctuates nearly the entire song is awful, and reminds me of nightmares I had about Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit. On top of all that, the song has, as you would expect, very little featured guitar, and very little guitar of any kind. Perhaps this band will get better though (a name change would help...), because I heard that Alex Lifeson of Rush has just finished producing three songs for them (or maybe he was gonna do a whole album, but could only put up with them for three?). In any case, they can't get much worse.

Kid Rock: American Badass

I don't know why, but for some reason Boy Rap spelled the word "dumb" as "bad". Need further proof, even after reading about two of his other horrible songs on this very page? Well, you wanted the worst... you got the worst! Kid Rock and his "band" are now so far gone that they can't even create their own music. Indeed, the intro riff from Metallica's Sad But True (off their masterpiece self-titled 1991 album) is repeated throughout the entire song (sampled of course), with the only "music" that the band themselves create being the drums and a little bit of guitar at the end of this song. Two of the unwritten rules in music are a) not to write about music (unless you're AC/DC), and b) not to write about yourself, at least not obviously. That said, Boy Rap does both of these things in this song. "I went platinum: selling rhymes, I went platinum: seven times". What loser not only keeps track of his own sales, but sings about them in his songs? Quite pathetic. And if that, and the riff sampling is not enough, he plagarizes his own songs frequently during the course of this monstrosity. He uses lyrics from Cowboy, Only God Knows Why (his only song even approaching rock), and Bawiththaba(?), not to mention probably more of his material that I am lucky enough not to have heard. Avoid like the plague.

R.E.M.: The Great Divide/Man On The Moon

I used to like R.E.M. You know, back when they were a rock band. What kind of music are they playing now? I guess you could be nice and call them a folk band. But that would be an insult to folk bands (ha!). Their new music needs improvement to be considered pathetic. In the 80's/early 90's they were making some pretty good music and had several good and even some great songs (It's The End of The World..., Orange Crush, Turn You Inside Out, Losing My Religion, etc.) but their songs now are so mellow! And the lyrics! They are atrocious, meaning nothing or leaving you wishing they did. In their classic songs like It's The End of The World... the lyrics were sharp and witty. Not anymore. It's like two different bands, it really is. Maybe hardcore fans of the band will still cling to the garbage they are now releasing, but even that is an unsure bet.

Credence Clearwater Revival: Looking Out My Backdoor

Not only is CCR a minimalist band, they are the very antithesis of progressive rock. The arrangement in this song (and many of their others) are so incredibly sparse, bland, and cliched as to be beyond belief. The lyrics are sad, just sad. I guess if Fogarty was high at the time he wrote them he could be partially excused, but only partially. Yes, they are that bad. Indeed, it seems to be written from the viewpoint of a man high on drugs. Thinking about the song that way is the only way to get any sense at all out of the song. Now, I am no CCR fan, but they do have a few decent songs. This one is so far from being decent that you'd swear it was released in 1994. The lack of instrumentation is just appalling. To say the guitar is restrained is something of an understatement. There is no bass to speak of, the drumming is cliched, as is the ending of the song (if that's what you wanna call it). And you can't use the year that this came out as an excuse for it's poor arrangement. This was a time when Jimi Hendrix was playing the best guitar that anyone had ever heard (and we haven't heard any better since), Pete Townsend was crafting concept albums, and early prog bands like King Crimson and ELP were displaying talent on their instruments that would make the members of CCR cringe and shy away in utter disbelief. Unfortunately, this song still manages to crack classic radio playlists, much to my chagrin.