Lynette's Musings
I have been sooo sick these past 1-2 weeks I could hardly stand to be in front
of the computer. I am okay now. Meanwhile, my mom (bless her heart) managed to
ease part of that by sending me a most needed care package of Roti Canai and
Cakoi mmmm. Unfortunately, I can't stand the smell of cooking so, I have not
dared to do too much on that end. So we find ourselves wracking our brains every night
over that to eat in this tiny forsaken town! Right now I would do anything for
an Indian restaurant nearby, ooo how I envy you who live or who will be moving
into the larger cities!
Ok, enough griping. Since I've been sick, I couldn't do much writing and
researching but even in this state, I managed to come across an interesting
article on the web from a man who had (or still is?!) been involved with a
foreign woman. I think it would be pretty interesting to have some fresh input
from someone other than us. Till the next time, stay safe, stay healthy, God
Bless and I will try not to lose my guts to the toilet (gulp).
~Lynette Chandler~
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This
Issue's Feature
Let's face it. Not everyone is cut out for a intercultural relationship let
alone marrying one who's literally from another world, plucked from it and
dropped into your own. Agreeably, ALL marriages need to be worked on. However as
some of us have already found out, couples like us need just a tad more of
everything from patience to developing new taste buds.
There will be times when your wife will suddenly sob uncontrollably in the
middle of the night (and you have to go to work in 3 hours) telling you she misses her friends so dearly. There are days
your husband will feel he's insignificant because he has not found a job yet and
he wishes for his own back home. There are also times when your spouse talks
about everything "back home" with a distant look as if this, what you
have built together is not his or her home. There could also be times when your
spouse unwittingly takes potshots at everything American from politics to the
way stores are arranged. How do you deal with it? How do you control your own
feelings? You will feel helpless because you can't very well bring her friends
here or get him his job back. You will feel disappointment because to you THIS
is home, home is where you have both worked hard on and created. You will be
angry because he/she should be trying to fit in instead of spewing spite at
their adopted country. If anyone has a cure for both parties involved during
these times they'd be obscenely rich (too bad we don't have it).
But throughout all this, if you manage to pull through together, your
marriage will emerge much stronger and secure. Forget about the cliché that
'Love will pull you through'. Not that love is unimportant but you need more
than starry eyed love. You need diplomacy, tact, kindness, compassion, faith,
trust, team work, hope, patience and all the other small little things crucial
to any relationship.
In this article found on the web, written by Joe Larabell, he talks about his
experiences in an intercultural marriage and has come up with 10 'rules' one
should be aware of before tying the knot. It is also very relevant for one who
is already in a marriage and working on it. There are many truths within
Larabell's 'rules' particularly one that says "Don't assume anything."
one which we have always advocated. This article is just one in many opinions
and is not meant to replace professional counseling or advise, but merely food
for thought.
Enough about it, to read Sobering Advise by Joe Larabell, go to www.best.com/~larabell/cross.html
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