Weddings American Style Pt. I
If you are planning a wedding in the US, it would be fairly easy right? After all, weddings around the world today are heavily flavored with Western traditions. Not so! What was supposed to be the most exciting time proved most challenging. For me, I found lacking, the resources and friends’ support that I would have back home. I also had to learn pieces of custom and traditions and met with blank looks when I tried to explain what I wanted.
Here are some of the things you need to know if you are planning a wedding in America.
Your role
The bride, is the main organizer together with her bridesmaid(s), unlike many other cultures where parents still are the central planners. While American brides try to avoid misunderstanding by consulting family, the final decision lies in her hand. Initially, I loved the idea (no mom to insist on a bright red dress or mother in-law to insist on some embarrassing tradition) but as we got deeper into our wedding plans, it got overwhelming and exhausting.
Your fiancé may not know the finer and more delicate traditions because these are things that brides ought to know! And being foreign, you may not have a clue! A suggestion is, ask your mother in-law, or sister in-law to be. If you have a great relationship she could take the role of your mom for the planning stage and would surely love to help.
Wedding Consultant
These are people whom you employ to do all your planning and arrange the avenue of your approval etc. Nice isn’t it? However, they can be costly, as they are recognized professionals. Think carefully about this. Does your schedule and budget warrant hiring a Bridal Consultant?
Bridal Registry
This is a kind or wish list the couple makes of what they need in their household like dinnerware, cookware and then puts this list up in a store like Target or Sears or even online. Guests will be informed of this list, decide what they can buy you, and cross it off the list once they do.
A nifty idea but I still prefer the ‘Ang Pow’. Be informed that in many cases it isn’t proper to request a gift of cash although this is becoming popular among American couples, treat this with care. As an inter-racial couple, people should be more willing to make exceptions. Ken & myself, thankfully have understanding families, so we opted for the ‘Ang Pow’; that also spiced up our wedding with the differing customs.
The Dress
Most American Bridal shops do not rent their gowns. You will find that you may have to buy. Dress prices can be anything from $300 and up. If you don’t want to waste so much money on the dress, look to auctions like E-bay or visit a second hand shop. I know some of us cringe at the thought of second hand things especially a wedding dress but these are the little sacrifices you have to make to fit your budget.
If you buy it new, try not to bring your fiancé to scope out the dress. Fiancé’s aren’t supposed to see your dress until you walk down the aisle! We didn’t know about this and Ken was literally ‘chased’ out of the shop when I tried my dress. Men are a rarity in a Bridal Shop. This can be quite tricky as you may not have a driving license, may not know the roads and worst of all, you won’t have your girlfriends to drool over the dresses. Again, the suggestion is to bring your mother-in-law or sister in-law to be.
Bridesmaids & Groomsmen
This is tough. Surely, when you were younger you had talked about this to your closest girlfriends but now, quite likely they are not with you! You could offer them a ticket but how many of us can afford plane tickets on top of wedding expenses?
Your best alternative, choose someone from your fiancé’s family. It’s great if you have your own family living close but think of your fiancé’s nieces, sisters or sister-in-law. If you go to church how about a girlfriend there whom you are already building a close relationship to? Be wise in choosing who you ask. Bridesmaids are expected to buy their own dresses and shoes of your choice so choose someone you are close to and won’t mind spending some money to share your happiness. Remember, you do not have your childhood friends who love and cherish you enough not to count the cost.
For their help, it is customary to give bridesmaids and groomsmen a gift. Maybe you can give them an authentic gift from your native land. Note; it is customary to have the same number of groomsmen, as there are bridesmaids.
Wedding Colors
Wedding colors are colors that are your theme, reflected in your bridesmaid’s dresses, flowers, cake, invitations, favor and any decorations you have. Usually this is of personal taste. Why not choose something that would reflect your identity or your homeland. We chose yellow with dashes of red so we didn’t upset the Chinese side of the family.
Attire for Bridesmaids and Groomsmen
The Bridesmaids’ dress is the choice of the Bride. Usually, all bridesmaids wear the same dress but today as brides become more sensitive, they will pick a color and leave the dress design up to the bridesmaid. Since bridesmaids and groomsmen are expected to pay for their own attire, why not make it a little less painful on their pockets by choosing a traditional dress or attire. This way, not only do they participate in your happy occasion but also gain a dress they won’t normally get.
An American bride also helps her mother and mother-in-law to-be choose a dress that compliments the chosen colors. This is so neat when you take pictures. Everyone blends in and makes a beautiful picture, not fighting each other in garish colors. Usually, the bridal gown, bridesmaids’ dresses, groom’s, best man’s and fathers’ attire are ordered from the same bridal shop to ensure uniformity.
Next week, we talk about invitations, superstitious traditions, pictures and portraits and bridal showers. Stay with us!
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