Mr. Ed's Revenge

Wilber had just finished eating dinner with his wife Carol and had told her that he was going to check on his horse in its stable. He arose to his feet and exited the house. Wilber then walked across to the stable in the ambient cerulean night. Bitter cold October air nipped at his skin as he walked. He removed the wooden plank from the door and slowly opened the entrance to the barn, the old rusty hinges creaked like a train halting to a stop as the white painted rotten timber door swung open. He entered and approached his horse.

“Wilber!” Mr. Ed sung out happily.

“Hiya Mr. Ed, how are you doing tonight?”

“Just dandy Wilber, and you?” replied the horse

“All right”

“Gee that’s great Wilber.”

“Let me light this up for ya.” Wilber said while lighting an oil lamp.

He then opened up Mr. Ed’s stable and placed the lantern in the corner of it. The burgundy-yellow flames danced in it like demons during a paranormal summoning. It cast an eerie glow around itself evenly. Wilber then shut the metallic doors of the stable and produced a flask from his pocket. He then downed a few swigs of whiskey sour.

“The hag wants me to quit drinking Ed.” Wilber said while slurping his alcohol saturated lips.

“You don’t say Wilber, you don’t say.” said Mr. Ed.

“I got a good business arrangement, might be designing some new buildings in the center of town.” Wilber said attempting at small talk with the horse.

“Say Wilber, I noticed one of the support beams in my stable looks a little flimsy. I was wondering, since you were the architect and all..”

“Want me take a look at it?” asked a slightly buzzed Wilber.

“Gee thanks would ya Wilber? Thanks.” replied the horse.

He leaned over the metal bars of the stable looked for the support beam.

“It’s over there a little..” said Mr. Ed tilting his head to the side pointing. “Just turn your head like... there you go!”

Then Mr. Ed bit into Wilber’s thick neck with is plaque-yellowed equine teeth and broke his esophagus. He then used his powerful brute neckline muscles to pull Wilber over the metal bars. Mr. Ed then started stomping on Wilber wildly and kicked him in the head numerous times. After he was sure he was dead he purposely knocked over the oil lamp with his hind legs, setting the barn ablaze. He grabbed the back collar of Wilber’s shirt by his teeth and trotted out of the burning shed into the woods.

After trotting into the cover of the forest, Mr. Ed let go of his grip on the architect’s collar. The horse dug a hole with his front hooves, and tossed the man’s body into it. He then covered it up with moist dirt, and packed it firmly with its hooves. The animal then disappeared deep into the forest....

Martha Willet, a local school bus driver for the town’s elementary school, was just eating dinner with her husband Bernie when the call for the barn fire came in. Bernie, a volunteer fireman, had to rush to the scene, abandoning the food Martha slaved over the hot stove to make. Bernie grabbed his fire gear and bolted out the door within seconds.

A few minutes after Martha was sure that Bernie had left, she heard the sound of hollow coconuts being tapped into each other. She then more properly discerned the noise and recognized it to be the sound of horse hooves on asphalt. The door bell then rang. Perplexed, she approached the side sliding door with caution.

“Who is it?” Martha asked vigilantly.

All Martha could see was a large shadow hovering onto her aged mahogany porch, whoever was there, was to the side of the door, beyond her sight.

“It’s me, Mr. Ed.” the horse replied.

“Who?” she asked puzzled.

She then saw a quick flash of brown before a swift and deadly distribution of horse hooves smashed through the glass sliding door and hit her in the face.

“Mr. Ed!!!!!” the horse screamed in a stallion-like voice.

He picked her up in his mouth by her stomach and slammed his head down violently, snapping her spine. He then dropped her, and rolled her into a storage closet next to the bathroom.

“I just hope Bernie don’t look in there tonight!!!!” Mr. Ed said followed by evil horsish giggling.

Mr. Ed proceeded to get a blanket of roughly the same color as the rug that was now littered with glass scraps. He tossed it over the glass and slid the screen over the door. He then trotted upstairs to Martha’s room. He put on one of her pink night gowns with a pink fluffy head piece and lied onto her bed and went to sleep. Bernie got in many hours later, because he went drinking with his firemen buddies after putting out the blaze. He strolled into his room in an alcohol-induced daze and plopped onto his bed not noticing the fact that his wife was four times bigger and had a big brown horsey tail.

At 6:15 Bernie’s alarm clock went off and he automatically slapped his hand onto the snooze button.

“Honey, get up, you gotta get ready for work.”

There was no response.

“Honey!” he said nudging the figure next to him.

“NEEEIIIIIGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Mr. Ed screamed as he bit into Bernie’s head, easily crushing his skull with his jaw.

The horse then got up and attired himself in Martha’s bus driving uniform. Knowing the way to the bus station, Mr. Ed just trotted of straight to it. He approached bus number 42 with such pride and satisfaction. He had been planning this day for a long time now, ever since little Tommy Hamperton threw a rock at him while he was trotting around town. Mr. Ed grabbed hold of the door handle of the bus with his teeth and pried the door open. He started the bus and followed the normal pick up route that he spent months secretly memorizing.

After picking up about half his load, Tommy Hamperton boarded the bus. He sat down near the front of the bus and whispered to his friend.

“Hey Jay, doesn’t Mrs. Willet have HORRIBLE breathe?”

“Yeah, hey, she looks a little different today.” Jay remarked.

“Mrs. Willet?” Tommy asked.

“Sit down and shut up Tommy!!!!!!” Yelled Mr. Ed in a deep horsey voice.

Mr. Ed continued about his pick up. He finally had the full load of children onboard. He turned onto to Elm street, home to Mackenzie Elementary. He put his right blinker on and slowed down to turn into the parking lot. Then, all of a sudden, he nailed the gas and blared past the school.

“Hey bus driver lady!” a young girl yelled out, “You past the school.”

“Shut up!!!” Mr. Ed neighed.

He brought the bus up to 60 mph. and pulled a sharp right onto Main St.. almost tipping the bus. It sent the bus out of control and the right end wheels ran over the curb and onto the sidewalk. Mr. Ed jerked the steering wheel and brought the bus back onto the road. He blew through a red light and brought the bus up to 70 mph. He then heard the sound of sirens.

“Crap, the cops!” yelled Mr. Ed.

A single police cruiser followed in pursuit of the bus.

“Calling all units, a yellow school bus is careening down Main St., it appears to be hijacked...” the policeman radioed.

Just as Mr. Ed was approaching some more stop lights, cop cars pulled out of side streets in front of him and slowed to try to cut him off. Mr. Ed swerved to the other side of the road and then straight into a supermarket parking lot, driving right over the curb. The police cars skidded and followed. He blew through the parking lot, smashing into a few cars on the sides, pushing them alongside the bus momentarily, making sparks. He drove behind the supermarket and drove over the curb onto a grass field. The police cars had caught up and were yelling at the horse to pull over and stop. Mr. Ed ignored them, it was too late for that. He kept driving through the field, the terrain started to get rockier and the vegetation scarcer. Eventually there was no longer a field, just sand. Cops shouted from clouds of sand alongside the bus over the loud speaker at the horse, pleading for him to stop. Mr. Ed then saw the cliff.

It then became apparent to the cops what Mr. Ed was doing. One brave policeman swerved his cruiser in front of the bus just before it reached the cliff. The bus’s momentum pushed the cruiser off the cliff and the bus went soaring into the air and plummeted into the rocks bellow. Once the bus and the cruiser had impact with the jagged rocks below, they both exploded. Mr. Ed had got his revenge.