sweet dreams

i had a really odd dream last night. a dream unlike any previous dreams that i have ever had. i dreamed that i was a woman. it was quite odd. i have forgotten most of it now, but here is what i remember:

i was driving an old hoopty car through some kind of shopping center. except there were gas stations there. and i knew that i was really low on gas, but i kept driving anyway. i ran out of gas not too long after i left the shopping center/gas station thing. i remember letting the car coast for as long as i possibly could before it completely stopped. it just happen to stop in this extremely dark tunnel, where there was absolutely no light whatsoever. i got out and started pushing the car. this tunnel was also on a hill, so i was having to push the car up the hill. being that i was a woman, i didnt push it very far. somehow i called a wrecker to come get me. i dont exactly remember that part, i just remember thinking that one was coming for me. then, i had to sit there and wait in this completely dark tunnel. and for some reason, i had a couch cushion with me. and these huge spiders kept trying to get me while i was waiting on the wrecker. maybe that was a part of another dream that i am getting confused with the dream about being a woman, but i just remember it this way. finally, the wrecker arrived. except that it wasnt like a normal wrecker. it almost looked like an 18-wheeler. i remember there being another woman there with me. a friend of mine maybe. and i remember the both of us watching the man work as he loaded my car up on to the wrecker. then, he almost ran it off the cliff trying to back out of the tunnel. i think my alarm went off right about this time. and i woke up.

i didnt remember it when i first woke up....it wasnt until i was in the shower until it all came back to me.

very odd.

earlier today i was thinking about old friends and how relationships change. and i was thinking about how your relationships with your friends go in cycles. you go from being really good friends and spending a *lot* of time together to still being friends but not really spending time together to actually not being friends and wondering what happened. and if you are lucky, you end up being friends again.

i think what started it was an email that i got from melissa. we used to be so close. we used to email each other about ten times a day at the bare minimum. and now we go for days and days without writing and when we finally do it is usually only a couple of sentences long.

im not blaming her or anything. im as much at fault, if not more, than her. i know that we said that we were still going to be friends after we decided that we weren't going to be *together* anymore. but things just arent the same. and i miss the old days. i miss her.

i had lunch today with mandy. we spent most of the time talking about how relationships suck, and things are so much simpler when you are single. but yet again, they are also a lot lonelier than when you are in a relationship. then we traded stories of things that we really like about relationships. from having someone to touch, to falling asleep on the couch together, to just holding each other. and it basically, again, boiled down to just being wanted. it doesnt even really matter who it is. just the companionship of someone is enough. knowing that someone out in the world wants you and thinks about you and cant wait until the next time that they see you. thats the best part about a relationship. thats what i miss...

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footnote:

i again did not get to see michele yesterday. i have emailed her a couple of times about going to see her tonight, but i dont think that is going to happen either. she told me earlier that she had to take her grandmother to the funeral home because one of her friends died, and that she was going to church after that. we'll see...