i hate irresponsibility...especially when it comes to parenting. i have obvious reasons for that. when i see irresponsible parents, it really upsets me. it upsets me that the kids have to go through that with their parents. when it involves someone that i know, it really pisses me off. michele's ex-husband is a very irresponsible parent in my opinion. of course, i only get her side of the story. so, it might be exaggerated just a bit. it's just that he is a daddy when it is convenient for him. if he has something that he would rather be doing at the moment, such as going out with high school girls, then chase and michele are the last thing on his mind.
it upsets me even more when it affects me. just like tonight, i am supposed to be over there right now, but he just happened to stop by to spend time with chase. so, guess who is stuck at home. yep, thats me. here on the internet, waiting on wrestling to come on. wrestling that i was supposed to watch with her. while he is playing with chase like i should be doing.
grrrr. oh this really upsets me.
on a side note, i went to see michele last thursday, before christmas, to give her the necklace that i bought for her, and to give chase his little scoobie doo that i bought for him. i had seen chase maybe twice before that, but he instantly took to me, as most kids do. michele has told me many times before that he doesnt like new people. she said that he doesnt even like some of her family, and wont even let them touch him. within just a few minutes, he was crawling all over me, and letting me pick him up. it was awesome. he is awesome. i had the best time. after he went to bed, michele and i sat on the couch and watched the end of wrestling. well, i watched it. she fell asleep, on my shoulder. it was a very good night. michele seemed to like her necklace, although i think it is too long. and of course, chase loved his little scoobie doo. actually, i think he loved the tissue paper in the gift bag even more than the actual toy itself.
i decided that night, for sure, that i want to go ahead and make that step with michele. i want to become a bigger part of her life, and his too. the only problem is that michele has now decided that she doesnt need to rush into things and she doesnt want to get serious right now. apparantly she actually listened to something i had said to the same regard and she has decided to be patient. she knows that i want to take that step now. or at least i think she knows. i think she knows, but she feels that part of the reason why i have decided that is that i might loose her otherwise. and maybe that is true, but i dont think so. i think i finally realized that she could make me happy, and that her having a kid is not really that big of a deal. or maybe i really just dont want to loose what we already had, and so i am willing to sacrifice what i really want for the hopes of saving the relationship. who knows? i just know that i am happy when i am around her. and i am also happy when i am around him.
michele took the day off from work today so that she could take chase to the doctor. poor guy is having problems with his ears, and on top of that, he has pink eye. actually, i may have picked up the pink eye from him. the verdict is still out on that one. both of my eyes were red today, but when i finally forced myself to put drops in them, it helped a little. they are both still hurting a little, but not as much as this morning. anyway, back to the point. she brought him by the office today, before she took him to the doctor. she called me and told me that she was there, and that he was with her if i wanted to come by. when i got over there, a couple of other people were there, and he was trying to be shy and stay attached to michele's leg. when i got there, he instantly recognized who i was and started laughing. then, he walked right past the other two people there and came right up to me and held his arms up for me to pick him up. it was so cute. michele still cant believe that he likes me that much, but its not really a shock to me. i am totally loving it though.
i was really looking forward to getting to see him, and her tonight, but it doesnt look like that is going to happen. maybe tomorrow. hopefully.....if her stupid ex-husband doesnt decide that its time to be a daddy again.
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footnote:
contrary to what you might have thought from the christmas eve entry, i had a good christmas. it was quite different this year. daddy had an attitude at the beginning of the morning, but he calmed down. there was no one person opening a present while everyone else watched. it was an everyone opening presents at the same time kind of thing. weird, but good. vance bought me these awesome boots, and we both got new stereo systems that rock. and of course, i made vance work for his present. i love christmas...