beauty

im here, been here about 30 minutes now. sitting in a little one-person building that i have sat in many times before. we call them houses, but they are far from that. watching, waiting, listening. though its been nearly a year, it still looks basically the same. still sounds the same. still feels the same. i hear the familiar sounds all around me, and know that they are nothing, but have a hard time convincing myself of it. i try to stay quiet, but its hard. every movement, every whisper, every creak in this old chair sounds many times louder than it actually is. i look at this paper and then i stare back out of the small windows on either side of me. it takes my eyes a few seconds to adjust, and i wonder if i am missing anything.

i am disguised and hidden. hidden from this world and especially from the world from which i came. im in a world much different than my own. im in a world that most people dont even know exists, and if they do, then they choose not to explore it. not to be a part of it. not to live it. or is it that they would love to be a part of it, but they just dont have the time. or maybe they just dont take the time. either way, they are missing out on something great. this world is so beautiful and so pure. its virtually been untouched by the destructive hands of man. so much of it has been left in its natural state and that is what makes it so beautiful. even on a cold, rainy, dreary day like today, its beautiful. this is truly God's country. im sure that there are thousands of places such as this, but i am having the luxury of enjoying this one, right here, right now.

i look and i see her. too far to really see her with the naked eye, but my sight is magnified. i can see every inch of her sleek body. i can see her thin, beautiful face as she eats. she turns to look at me and her beauty becomes even more apparent than before. her long slender neck, her dark brown hair, her full chest and tiny waist all make her beautiful. i watch her briefly, knowing full well that i can never have her and admiring her just the same. then, as quickly as she appeared, she was gone, leaving me with only the image of her burned into my memory forever.

it will be dark soon and i wonder how i am going to leave this place. for although this place is of immense beauty during the daylight, it becomes a place of fear and danger under the cover of night. though i wonder what makes it so. does something really change when the sun finally departs for the evening and the moon takes its place in the sky? or is it that my perception of this place changes? or is it that at night my ability to see the things around me is greatly depreciated? therefore leading to my fears. perhaps it is a combination of all of the above. regardless, i will leave this place momentarily and retire for the night. i will, however, be back tomorrow, to enjoy a full day of the beauty that this place has to offer before leaving and going back to the world in which i spend the majority of my time. a world in which i wish many things were different. and a world in which, at times, i cant stand to be a part of...

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