i have problems making decisions. i understand this about me and i deal with it. it was very tough for me to make a decision as to whether to go out with meaghan or not. i finally did decide to go, and prayed to God on the ride over to help me and keep me safe. we decided to meet at the H2 since it was kind of a central point and she said that some other people were supposed to be there. i got there and she and steve, the head maintenance guy, were the only people there. steve was working on some electrical stuff. meaghan called her sister to let her know that she was leaving. she asked me if i wanted to go over to this house down the street where her sister was. i just knew that this was going to be some drug house and i was going to get busted and my dad was going to rip my head off and feed it to me for lunch. sorry, the mind wanders. anyway, i told her that i would go. we get over to the house and her sister dereth and this girl named bree were there. dereth is the girl that puked up fake blood at the house. i knew that meaghan's sister was working there and i knew that this girl was the one that puked blood, but i didnt know that the two were one in the same. what's really weird is that i was all flirty with her too. oops. well, anyway, she gave me a hug when i got there. so we sat there and watched friends for a little while until lucia showed up. it was her house, and i knew that i knew her from somewhere. actually, that was the first thing she said to me was that i looked familiar. there just arent too many people named lucia in the world, but i couldnt figure it out. finally after about ten minutes, i realized that she was in my music appreciation class a while back. i knew i would figure it out. go me or something. so we left, and there were no drugs. at least i didnt see any. we drove to pf changs. well, first we went and got our tickets for fear that the movie would sell out. i decided that i wanted to see bringing out the dead with nicholas cage and she said that she wanted to see it too. i didnt even try to find a parking spot up close. i just parked and we walked a mile to the ticket booth. then we drove across the summit to pf changs. parking sucks at the summit. we had to park all the way in eastaboga, but it was okay. so we get inside and the lady in line in front of us was told that it would an hour and 45 minutes until they got a table. since there were only two of us and we wanted to sit in the smoking section, we got a table right away. i guess that was the one positive thing to her smoking. its not like she's a chain smoker though. i think she smoked 4 cigarettes all night. one at lucia's house, one after we ate, one on the walk to the theater, and one on the walk back. anyway, the food rocked as usual. i love that place. after dinner, we went to barnes and noble to get some coffee. i dont know why i keep subjecting myself to coffee that tastes like crap, but i do. anyway, i just got a cappuccino this time. it was okay. the weird thing was that she kept running into people that she knew from middle school. it was odd. anyway, then we finally walked to the theater. for some reason, we decided just to leave the truck where it was and walk to the theater. the movie was one of those crazy movies where there is like a lot of crazy junk going on and it doesnt really have a plot. it was cool though. pretty decent for a nicholas cage movie. after the movie, we walked *all* the way back to the truck in the freezing cold. okay, maybe it wasnt freezing, but it was cold. meaghan was so tired. she looked tired at the very beginning of the night, and it only got progressively worse. it probably didnt help that i was playing with her hair as we were driving. anyway, we finally made it back to the house so she could use the phone. steve was still there, but so was nikki and brandon and bridget. they were drinking and telling stories about drinking. we left after she used the phone. after some awesome driving skills backing down the alley, i drove her back across the street to her car. we kissed for a little while before i let her go. i walked her to the door and waited while her car warmed up. we kissed a couple of more times and then i left. i told her to page me when she got home so that i would know that she made it okay. about 30 minutes after i got home, my pager went off. it was her. she said that her sister was on the phone when she got there and thats why she didnt page me. i thought that she had probably just forgotten. i fell asleep on the couch until vance yelled at me enough and i got tired of hearing it before i went to bed.
now, i dont know where i stand with her. i dont think she wants to be in a relationship, and i definitely dont. i am enjoying the heck out of being single again. i also dont know where i stand with melissa. i did get to talk to her some this week, so that was cool. i think that amber has let her feelings for me go, because she found out that meaghan and i were going out and she has been talking to this guy, phillip for a while. i did finally get to talk to rebecca this week too. i talked to her very briefly on thursday night. she had just gotten in from a sports illustrated photo shoot in mississippi, and she was about to go back. heather called her on the other line while we were talking and something was wrong. she let me go rather quickly and told me that she would call me when she got back into town. its cool that she isnt going to be in town tonight though so that she and meaghan wont be at the party tonight. ummmm, i am sure that there was some more junk that i wanted to say, but i have forgotten. plus, my hands are hurting from typing all of this out. im sure i will think of it later and maybe come back and add to this...
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