ah, too much drama in chad's life once again. where to begin?
lets start with work. i am now on probation, or i am supposed to be anyway. i say supposed to be because she said that she was going to put it in writing that we talked and i would have to sign it. well, she never did that, im not reminding her. rich came into town a few days ago and complained to sherry about me. stupid fag. anyway, plus she said that i was on the internet way too much, which was true. so i took myself offline at work completely. this was on monday when we had our little talk and i have been online at work only once since then and that was to look up something work related. she said that i was on thirty days probation and that if i didnt straighten up by then, that i would be fired. she, of course, tried to turn it on to me to make it my decision. "you are young enough where if you arent happy with what you are doing, then you can just leave and find something else." yeah, yeah, whatever. bite me. "everyone here knows that you are incredibly bright, its just that you lack focus." i got two words for you. anyway, its not really been that bad. i wasnt as addicted as i thought i was. i do feel a bit out of touch, especially with melissa. i miss her so much. we havent really gotten to talk at night lately either because i have been going to work at jaycees, which brings me to another drama.
last night, i am working in the H2 again and we are taking a break....i go and work the crowd some, and then go back in the house. about 30 minutes later, one of the head guys, *cough* dickhead *cough*, comes up to me and tells me to follow him outside. "chad, we have asked you repeatedly to stay in scene and you were out in the crowd again. we just cant have that here. we are going to have to ask you to leave." what? im freaking volunteering my time here, we are on break, i go through the crowd for a few minutes and you are going to make me leave. suck my big fat dick. sorry for the vulgarity, but the more i think about it, the more i want to beat the &*#@ out of his stupid fat self. i told him that i didnt know that we couldnt leave the scene on a break and i apologized, didnt say i was sorry, just apologized. there were no freaking groups in the house. dickhead. ungh, that upsets me. speaking of the H2, i have absolutely no voice whatsoever. none. i thought it was gone the other night, but it is completely gone now. the things i will do to scare some little girls. oh and get lots of kisses. i have been deemed the kissing monster, by myself mostly, but you know how it is.
the name is regina
and so went my second page since i finally decided to put a battery back in it. the first was from nicole, she thought it would be cool to page me after she gave me the battery. anyway, i am guessing that i was supposed to call back or respond in some way. did i? ummmmm.......NO! screw her too. now i wonder if i had gotten paged during that whole time while i didnt have a battery. i know gina and jamie both would say that it was gina's idea to page me, but i dont buy that crap. i swear, she can go a month without trying to contact me at all, and then i see her somewhere and all of a sudden my pager goes off. i was also wondering the other day what jamie told gina about seeing me at the music hall. especially if she saw melissa. i hope she did. i hope she freaking reads this. you see what you are missing. you see what you could have had. psycho.
this entry is full of angst. i guess this is my way of releasing it or something like that. i wrote melissa an email a little while ago and i was telling her how i felt about a lot of things. all the stupid people in my life and junk. you see, im just too dang smart for my own good. and if you arent as smart as me, i kinda look down on you. i know, i know, thats a very conceited attitude, but i cant help it. if i know something, then i just expect you to know it too. anyway, so if you arent as smart as me, then i dont find it necessary to do what you tell me to do. this becomes a problem when most of the people that are above me arent as smart as me. screw it all. thats the way im feeling right now. thats what i am right now.
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