i typed all of this out in an email to melissa today. its a lot to type. plus, i responded to the two previous emails that she had sent me. i say that to say that if it sounds weird in certain parts, thats why. im just not going to type this out again. sue me or shoot me or something. anyway, here it is.
it was freakin' cold in birmingham this weekend. lets run down a little summary of what chad did this weekend. friday night, me and a friend from work decided to go to some haunted houses. i missed the exit to get to jaycees, so we decided to go to sloss first. then, we couldnt find sloss and ended up in *ahem* the nicest part of birmingham, very low on gas. anyway, we finally made it. $2 to park. stood in line for about ten minutes and bought tickets. $11 each. would you like my gold tooth as well. dang money grabbers. anyway, after we got inside, we waited for an-hour-and-45-minutes. we watched the end of blade, which i had never seen, and most of a really freaky movie called, lord of illusions, or something like that. it had scott bakula in it. they give you these little passes that are different colors and they have a letter on them. we had orange Q. the first one they called after we got in was orange A. they went all the way through. take a long break somewhere around orange N. finally they start calling the letters again. orange P. yeah, we're next. five minutes later, orange R. excuse me, what happened to Q? oh, we already called Q. no you didnt. well, you can go with this group. fine. the guy at the beginning was all trying to hype it up like it was the greatest haunted house ever. 'if you turn around and go back, you will be numbers...blah, blah, blah. if you pee your pants, you will be numbers...blah, blah, blah. if you puke on yourself, you will be numbers...blah, blah, blah. anyway, he was a dick. pardon the french. so sloss sucks. dont go. there arent any monsters. just a couple of guys with chain saws and some guys that looked like members of gwar. there were two cool parts. at one point, you walk down these stairs and you walk through this really low door. well, i had to duck anyway, and i still hit my head. the room is completely black, no lights whatsoever, and lots and lots of smoke. i could barely breathe being so tall. it was kinda cool not knowing what to expect. but that was the problem, there wasnt anything. no people beside you trying to scare you or anything. there should have been people all up and down that scaring you. it was pretty long too. then the 3-D fright vision was cool. at the very end, you walk through this tunnel and it has 3-D paint all on the inside. the cool part is that its spinning. i felt like i was tripping acid. then you start walking and the walk way starts spinning too. that was cool. not scary, but cool. so we leave, mildly satisfied if that. i get lost again thanks to her directions. 'oh yeah, i know where i am going, take this exit here.' dooh. anyway, i am desperately low on gas and we finally end up getting gas, again in the nicest part of birmingham. i was scared. that was scarier than sloss. we finally made it to jaycees. $3 to park. the line is pretty long, but it moves fast. $6 to get in, each. not bad. of course there are the guys that run through the line with chain saws and such. plus there is this guy walking on stilts and he walked really well on them. actually, i saw him run in them a couple of times. he was wearing a robe thing too, so that was pretty cool. we get to the top of the stairs and i am reading the rules on the door. one of the rules says, 'dont flash cameras, flash the monsters.' so we go in and i ask the guide if we can flash them and he says, yeah, they love frontal shots. i didnt flash them though. jaycees was good. main reason, tons 'o monsters. thats what scares people, not fancy props. the only problem i have with jaycess, its a little short. i was in the very back again and we got separated (more on why in a sec.) from our group, so by the time i went through the rooms, the monsters had already done their skit. it was still pretty scary. as we are walking through, i hear my name being called in this demon-like voice. im like, 'what the heck, the monsters know my name.' i look up and its vance hanging from the ceiling. thats how we got separated. anyway, it was still cool. flash forward to saturday. i didnt get home until around 2:00 a.m. on saturday morning. i have to be in school at 8:00. gotta love that 5 hours of sleep. i get up and drag myself to school, thermos of coffee and all. i walk to class and the door is closed and the light is off. oh dang, we dont have school today. fall break or whatever. so, im at school, why not check my email. two hours later, i left the computer lab. i love the internet. i hit some golf balls with my dad that afternoon. i practiced my pitching. go me. i hate when i mess up. that night, vance asks me if i want to go to a halloween party. sure, it was at one of the youth at church's house, so it was cool. one catch, you have to dress up. i debate whether to go as qui-gon jinn or the hunting accident like i did last year. i went with qui-gon and im glad that i did. that costume rocks. well, it should since i paid $65 for it. so, we had a blast. vance has this scream mask that he bought at party city. it has a tube that runs under your shirt down into your pocket where there is a little bulb that you squeeze and the mask bleeds. its so cool, except when you accidentally drop blood on the carpet. ooops. anyway, i ate way too many sugar cookies there. i love those things, but only if they are soft. then we started making fun of professional wrestling for about an hour. it was so fun. flash forward to sunday night. me, vance, and vance's friend wes all go to jaycees to work. i wore my camo pants and a long sleeve black shirt with my hair back. we thought they opened at 7:00 and we were going to be late and loose the room that we signed up for so, we were running through the parking lot. anyway, it didnt open until 7:30. the make-up lady paints my face all black and junk and she keeps saying that she wants to do something with my hair. i really didnt want her to, but what can you say. you know what gene simmons hair looks like with his little thing on the top of his head. thats what she did with my hair. i took it out within five minutes. no thank you. so i wore it back. we were in the last room that was completely black except for the black light. we had this spray stuff in our hair that glowed under the black light. so it rocked. we scared the crap out of people. i had forgotten how much fun that was. little kids and black girls are the best. wes and this other guy were dressed up as freaky clowns. so it was vance and i in all black and glowing hair and chester and jester in the last room. we would chase people outside and follow them all the way out into the parking lot. wes chased this one boy outside all the way up by this tree where he just stopped and peed his pants. wes just left him there. once we chased them outside there was this guy with a chain saw that would chase them even more. one time there was this little black boy, he was probably four and me and wes chased him out. he was so scared that he was crying. we felt bad so we started telling him that we were just people and he was finally starting to calm down and gave us high-five's. they were about to leave, when out of nowhere comes the other freaky looking clown with the chain saw. he warped that kid for life. back to the black girls. there was this one group of three black girls and their boyfriends. they were so scared. right at the end, right before they went outside. vance and i got between them and just screamed our lungs out at them. btw, my voice is gone. buh-bye. anyway, we yelled for a good couple of minutes before they finally ran out. we chased them out and when we came back in, there was a huge poodle of pee on the floor. that is so funny. when you can scare the piss out of someone, you know you did a good job. we got down on the floor by it and acted like we were going to lick it and some girl took a picture. so funny. then i had to point it out to all the other people that got really scared that the last person that got really scared peed on the floor. actually showed it to them. so funny. mean, but funny. one time, there were these two guys that had been through it already with a video camera outside. they were apparantley doing a last minute mole day project for chemistry. so one guys comes up to me with a microphone and the other guy has a camera and he asks me what do i think about mole day. it didnt register at first what they were talking about so i just screamed at the camera and made my evil faces and even licked the camera. then i remembered what it was right as they started to walk off. they were like, 'yes, thats it!!! say it again, say it again. so i screamed it into the camera at the top of my lungs. they loved that. im sure that their teacher is going to love it too. so much fun. i kept asking all the pretty girls that were trying to hide behind their boyfriends for a kiss. didnt get any, btw. then one of the girls working there told me that it would be funnier if i asked the guys for a kiss. this big fat black guy actually kissed me, on my neck nonetheless. ooooh, i am going on and on, but its so awesome. i am going back to work tuesday and thursday and maybe friday and saturday and definitely next sunday. so much fun. woa, my fingers are tired from typing all of this.
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