i actually went to sleep last night at a decent hour. i went home from school last night and started playing my guitar. i actually played myself to sleep. fell asleep wearing my clothes and everything. it was quite nice. and as a direct result of the good nights sleep, i woke up on time for the first time in a long time.
on a side note, i am having this weird twitching in my right knee when i bend it.
its funny how peoples lives and emotions can change in a matter of days. heck, in a matter of minutes. it was less than a week ago that i was overcome with feelings of loneliness. now, i am worried that i might hurt one person's feelings if i spend time with another person. i gave melissa my pager number yesterday. last night, while i was sitting in ethics class, i got paged. voicemail. i couldnt wait to get home. as i was walking out of school i said to myself, "i hope its not jamie." is that wrong of me to think that? its not like i didnt love her. i still do love her. i just know that we cant be together. i used to think that we were soul mates and now i know that we cant be together. it wasnt melissa. it was jamie. she basically said something like this:
since tomorrow is 09/09/99 and we may be wiped off the face of the planet, i
just wanted to tell you that i love you. i know that i am wasting love, but i guess i fell hard and its going
to take me some time to get over it. i dont know. bye.
wasting my love. wow. i didnt realize i was a waste. she has a weird way of showing her love you know. i havent heard from her in a month, and i just happen to park behind her one night at school and she calls me and tells me that she is wasting her love on me. whatever. its a nice thought, but where was it months ago when i would call and call and she wouldnt even talk to me.
when i started writing this, i wasnt even planning on going off on jamie. i was planning on talking about how a week ago i was lonely, and now i am having trouble deciding between two different women. brandy called me yesterday at work. men and women communicate in completely different manners. during our conversation, brandy told me that somebody at her work was trying to pick up some shifts so i let her have my friday night shift. now, i know that i was supposed to ask her out because of this. but i didnt. i dont know if i will or not. we will see.
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footnote:
09/09/99 came and nothing happened. my prediction, the same thing will happen on 01/01/00.