crossroads

love, its been too long.

i know, i know. im such a bad boyfriend.

too many things have happened since i last wrote you. so many ups and downs. thankfully more ups than downs.

actually, you and i hadnt fought in a long time. that is until saturday. we've had two fights since then. both my fault.

what can i say? im just dumb, i guess.

love, around 7 months ago i was having a terrible time making a decision. the writing was all over the wall, and yet somehow, it took me a month to put on my glasses and read it.

why? who knows?

call it apprehension. call it caution. call it fear. call it what you will, i have it.

with the guidance of God, i made the right decision at that crossroads. God ordained it, i chose to accept, and our lives have been blessed ever since.

now, im at a new crossroads. i knew from the beginning that this was serious. i never would have gotten into this relationship had it not been so. i knew that the purpose of this courtship was to determine whether or not we are compatible for marriage together.

well, that determination was made a long time ago. i knew very early on that that would be our ultimate destination. i knew that one day i would look into those beautiful green and brown eyes of yours and ask you to marry me.

its the when that has always been in question.

it seems that you are thinking that the when is now. im not so sure about that.

im standing at that crossroads. and i dont know which way to turn.

i want to do what God wants me to do, but i want to make you happy.

and now, you're irritated with me because you think im afraid to commit.

am i afraid? yeah, a little. but there's nothing wrong with that. fear motivates us. it keeps us in check.

so, whats going to happen? im going to do a lot more prayer. and talk to some people to get their advice.

then, i'll make a decision.

and if God ordains it, then our lives will be blessed because of it.

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