unworthy

'whats going on inside of me?
i despise my own behavior.

- d.c. talk, in the light

love, i failed you yesterday. no excuses, im just weak.

im sorry.

not only did i fell you, but i failed God as well. i am not worthy of your love or His mercy.

believe me when i say that i am really trying.

yesterday i forgot to mention that i will be preaching my first sermon in front of a congregation this sunday night.

im excited and nervous at the same time. i just have to realize that God will provide me with the words that He wants me to say.

i already have the outline. God showed it to me during my quiet time a while back. its going to be coming from Colossians 1:10-12.

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."

i wish that you could be here with me to experience this. i want to share this excitement and joy with you. i want you to be here to tell me to not be nervous and that God is in control. during the service, i want to look out over the crowd and make eye contact with you and realize just how awesome God really is.

i know that you are probably praying for me, but i wish that you could know exactly what you were praying for.

nobody understands why i am doing this. they all think that i need to go out and date people so that i know what i am looking for in a mate.

well, love, i dont trust my judgment. if i decide what i need, then i will probably be wrong. but, if i allow God to decide what i need and depend on Him to show you to me, then, and only then, will it be perfect.

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