apology

i promise that i will not mention anything about july 4th in this entry. dont get me wrong, i love this country, but one can only hear so much about that stuff.

anyway.

i would have bet everything on it. i never would have thought that she would have showed up at bible study after the fight we had last week.

sure enough though, when i got there, she was there. and she looked great, of course. so, i basically avoided talking to her for a long time.

then, while we were worshiping, God told me to go apologize to her. i fought with Him about it for a while. i didnt want to do it. i was right, she was wrong. why did i need to apologize?

i did finally tap her on the shoulder and tell her to come outside with me.

i just said that i was sorry for the things that i had said and that i was asking for her forgiveness. i think i shocked her. she definitely wasnt expecting to hear that from me. nor was i expecting to say it.

it didnt change the way i feel about being in a relationship right now, but i do feel a huge burden lifted off of my chest.

we're still not talking on the phone or via email, but thats okay. i dont feel the pressure to call her all the time any more. i feel like i can just do whatever i need to do and not worry about her.

thats probably a sign of my immaturity, but thats okay too. at least i recognize that i am not mature enough to handle a relationship right now. instead of rushing into one like so many other people my age, and younger, do and then end up divorced within a few years, if that long.

besides, she's not the only apple that catches the eye of the chadster. i may have a couple of things working on the back burner.

anyway.

highlights from the rest of the weekend:

hitting golf balls, miniature doberman, bumming money, the green mile, 15 people at my house, asleep at 1:30, awake at 6:00, at work at 7:00, at work until 2:00, washed test, bible study, a string on my keys, am 1260, new zao cd, getting better at teaching, becoming an official employee of the church, and getting my first paycheck, swimming at nicoles, loose diving board, naked statue, pet squirrel, good company

wrestling comes on tonight. oh what joy i find in such a silly program.

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