i get down, and He lifts me up. i get down, and He lifts me up.
what an incredible weekend.
words can not express the weekend that i had. at least, i dont know the words to properly express just how great it was.
this was the weekend of that retreat that i got a chance to teach at.
i'll be honest with you. it didnt start out all that great.
due to some circumstances beyond my control, and with a huge push from a certain someone, jamie decided to go along on the trip at the last minute.
i say that because the last thing that i needed was a distraction this weekend. and as good a person as she is, to me, shes a distraction.
i also saw her mother for the first time since she and i broke up. that was odd. she gave me a hug. i hugged back.
i sat next to her on the bus, partly because i felt obligated to. i spent most of the time talking to the kids around me, so that eliminated the necessity for a long talk with her that might lead to the dreaded topic of "us".
after a long hot bus trip with a driver who didnt quite get the automatic clutch, and im positive that she has never heard the phrase, 'feathering the brakes', we made it. we got there a lot later than we had anticipated due to some horrendous traffic. we had just enough time to take our stuff to the cabins before it was time for supper. let me just say now that the food for the weekend was incredible. i ate so much food that i am surprised that i didnt gain about 15 pounds over the weekend. they made a mistake in making it an all-you-can-eat thing. they lost their money on a few of us.
anyway, i sat with some of the kids at supper while all of the rest of the people that i knew sat at the same table together. got to know the kid that everyone picks on over supper. he's 21, he's diabetic, he has Turrets syndrome, and he's starving for attention. plus, the boy can put away more food than humanly possible. every youth group has someone like him.
after supper, we had our first main worship service. the two guys in the praise band were incredible. they did a lot of praise choruses that i knew and some that i didnt and a few songs of their own. it was great. plus, the churches there were all pentacostal, so we had some active worship going on.
then, this guy named miguel came and preached. he preached an awesome sermon, just one problem. he talked about everything that we all had planned to talk about in our workshops.
during the service, i could just feel the spiritual warfare that was going on in the room. later, talking to vance and nicole and mike and the other leaders, they all felt it too.
after the service, satan really started working on nicole and i. we were really worried about what we were going to talk about in our workshops now that he had covered it all.
so, what do you do when satan attacks you? you start praising God and praying to Him.
so, we got most of the leaders together and did some group praying. we all were praying separately at first. then mike prayed some aloud and i prayed some after him. then, there was some praise music playing in the background and so we all started singing it at the same time. i dont remember which song it was, but it was perfect for the situation.
after that, vance started praying. and man did he pray. he prayed for about 15 minutes im sure. in the course of the prayer, God revealed to him that it wasnt the fact that we didnt have anything to teach in the workshops now. He showed vance that it was Him working through us in that we were going to reinforce and go into detail about what miguel talked about.
after it was over, i told vance that he was a prayer warrior. and he is. i wish that i could pray like he prays. but the thing is that its not really him praying. its the Holy Spirit praying for him. i know this because after it was over, he couldnt remember what he had prayed. sometimes when we dont know what to pray and we dont know what to say to God, the Holy Spirit takes over and prays for us.
isnt that awesome the way the Spirit intercedes for us like that. man, we really do serve an awesome God.
after it was over with, i felt completely recharged spiritually and i had a sense of complete peace. and you want to know what else. satan was nowhere to be found. with that many people praying that hard, he had nothing to do but give up.
then, we went and played some basketball with some of the kids for a while. of course, my team got killed, but thats nothing unusual. jamie and nicole sat on the sidelines and made fun of us the whole time. it was great.
at 11:30 that night, they had their small group time where they talked with their counselors about what they had experienced so far. vance, and i tried to take this time to prepare our lessons. oh yeah, did i mention that none of us had our lessons ready yet? well we didnt, and we had to start teaching them at 9:00 the next morning.
i tried several times to write out every word that i was going to teach, but nothing would really come to me. then God spoke to me and said, 'chad, if you write out every word, how am I going to be able to speak through your lesson?'
that was enough for me. God speaks and i listen man. i went straight to an outline form. not only that, but i wrote the outline in the way that i felt God calling me to do.
me and vance and mike and greg, one of the other counselors, all started talking. we talked about all kinds of things, mostly God and how awesome He is. one of the guys in gregs group got saved that night, so we talked about that for a while. i finished about half of the outline while we were talking. at about 2:30 that morning, i put all my stuff away and got ready for bed. i fell asleep for a few minutes while they were still talking. and if you know me, then you know that i snore extremely loudly while i am asleep. i cant help it, i have sleep apnea. and besides that, i warned all of them ahead of time. well, greg thought it would be real funny to wake me up and tell me to shut up.
so he did, and it was funny. except for the fact that i didnt go back to sleep the rest of the night. greg and vance fell asleep shortly thereafter and hence became sources of entertainment for mike and myself. mike and i had never really talked before this. i mean, yeah, we had talked before, but we had never actually sat down and had a long serious conversation before. we spent the rest of the night talking about God. we talked about everything under the sun, from how worthless we are without Him to how amazing it is that He actually uses terrible people like us to do His work. mike is an awesome guy, truly a man after God's own heart.
before we knew it, after talking and praising and laughing at vances snoring and greg's occasional singing, it was 5:30 in the morning and the sun had come up.
mike decided to sleep for about an hour before we had to be up for breakfast. i knew that if i went to sleep, it would have been awfully tough to get me up and that i still had to finish my outline. so i got dressed and went down to the lake to finish it. mind you, i only had about 20 minutes of sleep the whole night.
when i got to the lake, nicole was down there. she too was working on her lesson. she seemed to be struggling with it though. after talking for a few minutes and watching the beautiful sunrise, she went off by herself to do some praying and preparing for her lesson.
while she was gone, jamie and a few other people started showing up around and talking to me. even through all of those distractions, i finished the lesson and i knew it was from God and God alone.
nicole came back and said that she was ready. she said that she had to confess something to God before she could prepare the lesson, and when she did, God gave it all to her.
not long after we both had finished, it was time for breakfast. i sat with all of my friends at breakfast and ate way too much of that incredible food.
remember i had had virtually no sleep from the night before and then i ate a big meal. i was literally about to fall over from sleep deprivation. i kept saying over and over how tired i was, and finally nicole leaned over to me and said, 'dont keep claiming the tiredness, but claim that God is in control and He will provide.'
guess what. that works. do it next time you get in that situation. it works, i promise.
after breakfast, we had our quiet times. to me, that was incredible that mike actually scheduled quiet times into the agenda. i dont know how many retreats i have been on where this critical point was left off the schedule.
i read a chapter out of II Corinthians, where i had left off in my normal quiet time. then, i stood up and sang some praise songs quietly.
then, i started walking up to my area where my workshop was supposed to be held. i passed nicole along the way and we turned around and looked back at all the people still reading and worshiping. it was a beautiful site to see that many people sitting there quietly, in their own areas, reading and studying and praising God. satan must have been cringing at the sight. i love having victory over satan, and this weekend was a huge victory in a lot of different ways to a lot of different people.
anyway. then, we went to our workshop areas, and suddenly i wasnt nervous and i wasnt sleepy anymore.
so i taught the lesson to the first group. by the way, i saw this as teaching and not preaching. so i prepared as i would a lesson if i were a teacher, with a lot of points and a lot of different Scriptures to go along with those points.
some people were really attentive and took notes, and others didnt seem as interested. i pretty much went straight by the outline and didnt get too distracted. i spoke what God laid on my heart, and that was all that i could do.
i wont go into the actual message here because it took me over an hour to actually speak it. if you would like to know what it was about or if you want me to teach you the lesson, then just ask. you know how to find my email address, and i would love to share it with you.
then, with very little break in between, i taught the same lesson to a different group. i pretty much stayed with the exact same format. though, im sure that some of the examples werent the same and i used some things in the first one that i didnt use in the second one and vice versa. mike's wife, brandy sat in on the first one and mike sat in on the second one. i got positive comments from both of them about the message as well as a few positive comments from some of the kids.
after that we had about 6 hours of free time, and this is when satan started working on me the most. i went to the pool with vance and adam at first. then i went hiking with jamie and nicole, in the hopes of eventually making it to the horse stables to go horseback riding. well, we made it, but the stables were closed for some reason. so, we hiked back and stopped at this really cool little building designed for worship and prayer in the middle of the woods. when we got back, adam and vance wanted to go canoeing. so i went with them. by this time, i was getting really discouraged with the camp because of all the things being closed and such. remember that i was still going on virtually zero sleep. i even made the comment, 'this camp sucks.' what a lousy thing to say. what a terrible attitude.
after canoeing for a while, we went back to the girls cabin. jamie and i played frisbee and football for a while until the pool reopened. then, most of the camp went swimming and played "gator". so much fun except for the fact that jamie kind of dissed me and talked to this other guy for a long time.
all during free time, i kept thinking that my workshop wasnt very effective. i kept thinking that it was too structured, that it had too much data and not enough personalization. i felt like it hadnt touched anyone. satan was really working on me.
after swimming, we had some more awesome food at supper and then we went to the main worship service. again, the guys in the band were awesome, but by this time i was literally almost falling over. i caught myself several times nodding, especially during the beginning of miguel's sermon. everything that he didnt cover out of all of our lessons the first time, he covered in this one. it was awesome to see God working in the weekend through all four of us preaching the same thing.
during the alter call, a lot of people's hearts got broken. a lot of people got honest with God. and a lot of people started worshiping on a whole new level than before. many of them started worshiping through silence, which was one of the main points of my lesson. it was amazing to see that many people worshiping together in their own way, and i was right there with them. and worshiping God for who He is, and not what He does for us.
God showed me through those kids and their response to the alter call that my lesson truly had made an impact on their lives. He showed me that they truly had been listening and they learned. they learned how to go deeper still. and just as a confirmation of it all, one of the guys, brent, came up to me with tears in his eyes and he told me that while he was worshiping he remembered what i had said about silence being a key part of worship and he just stopped everything and became silent and allowed God to speak over him. he said that he couldnt explain the peace that came over him. i hugged him and told him to continue to allow God to work in his life and to continue to grow deeper in worship.
it was awesome, to see the effect of what i had just taught them being applied at that very moment. God really is an awesome God.
like i said, a lot of hearts got broken that night. one girl came up in front of the whole group and publicly gave up smoking. she took out her cigarettes and laid them on the altar.
after brent came up to me, vance came up and gave me on of the biggest hugs that i have ever received. then, i went to jamie, who had been crying profusely. i gave her a huge hug and we stayed that way for a long time. then, miguel came up to me and hugged me and told me that we serve an awesome God. i couldnt have agreed with him more.
i know that i am not doing justice to what happened that night in that little bity cabin in the middle of chelsea, alabama with what i am saying here. i just hope that you can get a glimpse of what it was really like. God truly was there with us that night and he was pleased with what went on.
after the service, we told the girls that we were going to have a bonfire. in actuality, it was just a plot to get them with water balloons. someone went into their cabin, which also served as the main worship area, and told them that it was time for the bonfire. when they all came outside, we just nailed them with water balloons. the really funny thing about it was that mike was the person behind the whole thing.
then, brandy drove some of the girls to the store and they bought eggs. guess what they did with the eggs. bingo. i stayed inside after the whole water balloon ambush. its a good thing too because i would have been covered with egg. we all just sat around and talked and played cards and took pictures of people sleeping. it was so much fun.
then, finally, at 12:30, they did their small group time. i, however, crashed after nearly 48 hours without sleep. i didnt wake up until around 7:45 the next morning.
more breakfast. another awesome quiet time, two ducks tried to attack me, but other than that it was cool. i actually used something in my workshop that day that i read in my quiet time.
then i did my last workshop. it was different than the first two. it was much more like a sermon and less like a lesson than the first two were.
when it was over i realized that i hadnt used a lot of the same examples as i did in the first two and i had left out some of the Scriptures that i had used as well.
i told them at the beginning that i almost felt that the lesson was unneccesary after all of the worship that had happened the night before. i told them i was going to teach it anyway, in the hopes that they might understand a little more about it. that they might go deeper still. and if one person got something out of the lesson, then it made it all worth it.
after the workshop, we got all of our stuff ready to leave, and then we ate our last meal at the camp. after lunch we just sat around and talked for a while until it was time to leave. vance and i taught them some of the songs that we know. they were laughing at us, it was cool.
i'll be honest with you, i didnt want to leave. i didnt want to go back to my life of getting up and going to work and school everyday. i have always longed to be doing God's work full time, and this weekend turned it into an aching in my soul.
which is something that i will talk about later.
the bus ride home was kind of tame. we had a new driver with much better bus-driving skills. i didnt sit with jamie this time. i sat in the back with some of the kids. jamie sat with nicole and across from vance and adam. i ended up walking up towards the front and sitting in a seat by myself and falling asleep.
after we got back to the church, no one wanted to leave. we were all just sitting around talking. jamie's mother was there when we got there, but i didnt speak to her this time. i did give jamie a hug good-bye though. she told me that she was going to go to wal-mart to buy a prayer journal, which is something else that i talked about it my workshop.
then, nicole's dad came and picked her up. shortly after she left, the ice cream man came and we all bought some ice cream. still, nobody wanted to leave. finally, after being back for about thirty minutes, i asked vance and adam if they were ready to go. they agreed and we started to leave. the kids didnt want us to leave. they were telling us how much they were going to miss us. we promised them that we would be back real soon to visit them. i have to make sure to stay good on that promise.
when we got home, my dad had cooked a ham for us. adam stayed for a while and ate with us. actually, he put butter on his bread instead of mayo on accident. yeah, we made fun of him pretty hard about that one.
we told my dad about the trip. then, i went and unpacked all of my stuff. adam left sometime during that process, im not sure when. and then, all of a sudden, it was time for church to start.
vance and i went to nicole's church to see a drama that their youth group was doing. it was about the columbine thing and very moving. i cried. vance cried.
poor vance kept falling asleep during the service. at one point, this lady was trying to come down our pew and i had to wake vance up so that she could walk by. it was funny.
it was a long service. it lasted about an hour and a half. on the way home, vance asked me if i would help him with some of his homework. i told him that i would.
when we got home, he told me that it would be a few minutes before he needed my help. so i went to go check my email. i was falling asleep trying to read it, so i just turned my computer off.
the last thing that i remember is sitting down on the couch with some milk and cookies. i guess i sort of crashed after that. thats cool though because ended up not needing my help after all.
whew, that was long. and i still have one more little thing to talk about.
well, actually, its a huge thing. here goes.
my dad is still friends with the preacher at my old church. they still play golf together fairly often. last week, my dad told me that he wanted me to call him. so, friday before i left i called him. he wasnt there, so i left a message on his machine and told him that i would be back late sunday afternoon.
when i got home on sunday, my dad was talking to him, and he handed me the phone. the conversation went something like this:
me: hello.
sounds like a great opportunity, huh? something, i've been waiting years for. yeah, i was really excited about it at first as well. after getting this aching in my soul to work for God i get this opportunity. what more can a guy ask?
him: hey boy, how are you doing?
me: oh im doing good.
him: did you have a good time on your retreat?
me: oh yes sir, it was incredible.
him: well thats good.
me: yes sir.
him: you know that we are without a youth minister right now. i know that you are pretty busy, but are you interested in either becoming the youth minister or interim youth minister.
me: uh...um....yeah, im interested in finding out more about it.
him: okay, when would be a good time to get together and talk with mr. xxxx (the head deacon) and myself.
me: i get off work at 4:00 on friday.
him: friday would not be a very good day.
me: what about saturday?
him: saturday is good. i will get back with you as to exactly what time.
me: okay then, thanks.
him: bye.
me: bye.
but then i started really thinking about it and talking about it and praying about it. first off, there are reasons that we left that church the first time. and not the least of which being the preachers daughter, who was the head of the sunday school department. lets just say that the wheel is turning, but the hampster has been dead for a long time. secondly, and probably the most importantly, is that i really dont have the time right now. i mean, seriously, as bad as i want to do this, i just dont have the time. i work...full time. i go to school....full time. i barely have the time to do the things that i do now at church. and if i cant devote myself to this fully, im not going to do it. im not going to do it half-heartedly. thirdly, im not sure that i am spiritually ready for this yet. i mean, yeah, teaching a lesson one weekend is one thing, but having at least two lessons a week indefinitely is something completely different. and i dont know how to plan a retreat, or how to setup a sermon series, or how to deal with an angry parent. the preacher is old enough to be my grandfather. how can i talk to him as a peer? and finally, i dont think that this is the church that i need to be at. when i went there the first time, the youth group was small and declining. by now, all the people that were in it have graduated and moved on. im not sure exactly how big the youth group is these days, but im sure that its awfully small. the church is dying. the old people are literally dying off and there is no middle aged people there to fill that gap. and the young people are leaving.
i havent made my decision yet, but im pretty sure what the answer is going to be.
it kills me to have to turn this down. it literally hurts my heart. i long for something, and then i get the opportunity to do it, and im probably going to have to turn it down.
nicole said that it was way to test to see if i truly trust God and his timing. mike prayed with me the other night, and he said something like, 'God i know that chad is called into the ministry, and he knows that he is called into the ministry, the question is when and where God. show him the time and place God.'
i told you that mike was awesome.
God, show me the time and place.