| im sorry |
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love, why am i such a screw up? why do i open my mouth and make things worse? i must be a glutton for punishment or something. that cant be true though because i hate this. i hate having your mother mad at me and i hate having you mad at me even worse. how can something that started out so well end up like this? all i wanted to do was bring you a little 'get-well' present and it ended up being this huge thing. it was going so well for a while. everyone was getting along. we were goofing around, playing with your dog, laughing...things were good. then, it got late, my feelings got hurt, and i lashed out at her. i said a lot of things that i shouldnt have said. i should have just let it go. i should have stopped it when i had the chance, when you asked me to. it should have never happened. if you only knew how i have felt these last two days. if you only knew. sure, i tried to hide it. i tried to convince myself and the rest of the world that i was fine. i did a pretty good job of it too. but inside, *inside*, the pain was there. and i try to call you all day long on sunday and cant get ahold of you. i hate that. i hate when she wont answer the phone. how hard is that. just pick up the phone. not that you would have wanted to talk to me anyway. you didnt when i finally did get ahold of you today. i wish there were some way for you to see what it does to me when i have to hear you cry. i wish that you could see what it does to my heart. later you told me that she said that she doesnt ever want to have anything to do with me or you again. what can you even say to that? thats the really hard part, knowing that i caused more problems between the two of you. thats the absolute last thing that i want to do. i made a serious mistake over something stupid. all i can do is apologize...and i've done that. to her, to you, and to God. i love you, jay. and we're going to make it. i can promise you that. God has made me sure of it. im trusting Him to get us through this. im trusting Him to show us the way. |
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