awkward

so pardon me while i burst into flames
i've had enough of the world
and its peoples' mindless games

Pardon Me - Incubus

would you like some stitches with your ice cream?

and the fun with teeth continues.

im skipping class and the only thing that i can find to do to occupy an hour and a half is play a mindless game where you try to breed rabbits together and keep them from walking into an electric fence or get hit by a meteor shower.

and i paid almost $350 for this class.

well, i havent actually paid it yet, but the tuition is due monday. and i dont have it. i guess im going to have to borrow some money from my dad.

i hate that. i hate the fact that im 21 and still not totally independent.

and the internal battle rages on. should i move out or should i stay at home?

i go through periods where it feels like every single shred of my existence hates living in that house. i get fed up with the lectures and the constant game of 20 questions whenever i go somewhere, and i just cant take it anymore.

and so i make up my mind that im finally going to do it. i start looking at my finances and decide that i can afford it. i even go out and get some apartment guides and everything.

and then, inevitably, i wuss out of it and forget about it until the next time.

its not that bad really. i mean, i pay rent and all that, but not a lot. and i get my food cooked for me and the majority of my cleaning done for me. i dont even know why im talking about this. i havent been having these feelings lately and this is not at all what i set out to write about.

one day i'll move out. you watch and see. and then i will invite you all over and we'll have a big party.

or not.

anyway.

dont you love those really awkward conversations where neither party really knows what to say? or rather they know what they want to say, but they dont know how to say it in a manner so as not to offend the other party.

like when someone asks you how you feel about them. i love that, dont you?

so kayla and i had that talk. and basically, we both feel the same way about it. we are sort of seeing each other when she is in town, and we talk some when she is not. but we are not dating exclusively, mainly because she lives two hours away.

she said that she didnt want to feel like she was holding me back.

thats good because you know the chicks are lining up at my door as we speak. i have to fight them off with a stick. literally.

yeah, and microsoft isnt a monolopoly and bill didnt give it to monica and pamela's hooters are real and al gore invented the internet.

al's smart like that.

who am i kidding? i havent had a date in months.

speaking of that, just when i thought i was just a thought of the moment, guess who called me again.

now, im going to stop playing this guessing game if you keep getting it right all the time.

of course it was jamie.

she called me at work today to ask me if it would be okay if she came to bible study.

like i care if she goes or like i have some authority over giving bible study privaleges.

no, you cant go, you're a stupid ex-girlfriend.

thats what i should have said. but i didnt. i told her that i didnt care whether she went or not.

but i may not go this week. there is a show at the crush on saturday and i may go to that instead. it just depends on how i feel.

wouldnt that be funny though, if she went, at least partially to see me, and i didnt even show up.

i'll let you know.

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