like pulling teeth

im such a horribly terrible and devious person.

posing as someone else on aol. i really ought to be ashamed of myself.

really chad, you shouldnt do that.

someone is going to be really shocked when their friend doesnt show up with a pizza in a few minutes to watch party of five.

im so bad.

anyway.

so i went to the doctor and got stoned.

well, i did.

i had my wisdom teeth pulled on friday and spent the rest of the weekend at home dozing in and out of consciousness under the influence of lortab.

quite an experience actually. i think i liked it way too much. remind me to never, ever do drugs.

not a lot else to talk about really. i mean, i truly did nothing this weekend.

one thing. i promise, only one.

i wrote kayla an email and told her about jamie and the things that had happened.

before i wrote the email i decided that jamie wasnt worth it. i decided that i wasnt going to put myself through all of that crap again even though part of me still loves her. i decided that i cant stand the thought of having my heart shattered again and then handed back to me on a platter.

there comes a time when you truly have to decide if a relationship is totally through and you never want to try to rekindle those flames again.

that time came, and my decision is made.

i gave kayla basically the short version of what i wrote in the last entry, plus what i just wrote about it being over.

i told her that i only had feelings for her.

she wrote me back.

all it said was something to the effect of:

call me when you get home from school tonight. talk to you later.

now im worried that i scared her off. im afraid that she is going to tell me that all our relationship ever was was a friendship thing and that i read way too deep into it. im afraid that she's never going to want to speak to me again.

or that could just be my paranoia.

we shall see.

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